Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Drunken Movie Reviews - Rubber

You ever see one of those movies that makes you say, "What the Fuck?" Rubber is one of those movies. When I heard about this movie I knew that I had to watch it because it sounded so ridiculously awesome. I needed to see it to believe it. How was it? Much better than I could ever imagine. It's the best killer tire movie I've ever seen. Well that doesn't really do it justice because it's the only killer tire movie I've ever seen. But there really is no way to review this movie without spoiling it or confusing the shit out of you. While I would like you to listen to my drunken review below, I would encourage you to watch the movie first. Even I don't understand this flick and I watched it sober. My format for this blog segment is to watch the movie while sober and review it while drunk. With Rubber I should have done it the other way around. This movie makes no sense while sober so I'm hoping that drinking would allow me to suspend all logic that a tire could kill people and revel in how amazingly ridiculous it is. Am I glad that I stayed true to form? I guess. I have to maintain some integrity as an artist. But if I ever sit down to watch Rubber again I will definitely have a bottle of whiskey at my disposal to help me get centered to fully appreciate the awesomeness that this movie surely is. I implore you to do the same. But if you don't want to listen to me (heed my warnings fool, or else you may end up on the side of the road with bloody tire tracks on your corpse) go ahead and listen to this drunken movie commentary right now. Just don't say I didn't warn you...



Right click and Save As to download a copy of Drunken Movie Reviews - Rubberhttp://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dmr-rubber.mp3

I don't know if I have any more movies in my collection that are as fucked up as Rubber. But I will continue to look for these kind of flicks that no one ever hears about in an effort to give you the best drunken movie reviews possible. Of all of my efforts in the Pookon Empire over the past few years this has to be without a doubt one of my favorite ventures. I get to watch an obscure movie, get drunk and talk about it. How is that not the greatest thing ever? If you enjoy this segment then make sure you check back here on Pookon's Ill Blog as I'm sure to have a new review up every month at the minimum. In the meantime make sure you check out all of the other random shit I have here and I promise you some wholesome entertainment. Well, except for the wholesome part. I'm definitely NSFW here and you better make sure to hide this from your kids. Just like porn. Then I guess they are going to find it anyway. Nice parenting pal! It's not your fault though. Kids today with their Zimas, hula hoops and Pac Man video games have attention spans that can only be measured in nanoseconds. Since they can't stop moving they are sure to make it here eventually. Sorry about that. But if this is the worst thing that they find on the internet then your kid will be alright in life. You're welcome.

 - pookon -

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Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 17 - Finding A Balance

When I started this podcast in October of 2012 I didn't really know how long it would last or if it would help me out at all. Now it's April and I'm running out of things to talk about. But that good thing is that I've figured out a lot of things along the way and that I've been able to talk out some of my problems even though no one is listening. I don't you guys don't give a fuck about me or this podcast but I couldn't care less because this is helping me. I've spent the last 5 months of my life as a recluse trying to figure out my purpose in life and a reason to keep on living and while I can't say I've figured it out yet, I can tell you that I've learned a lot of really good things about myself. I've figured out 2 secrets to life so far (slow down and don't be a fucking idiot) and now I've figured out the 3rd - find a balance. While these things sound real basic on the surface they become really complex once I try to figure out a way to incorporate them into my life. This episode finds me trying to figure out the 3rd secret to life while also trying to figure out a way to make up for some lost time. I started this podcast because I needed to get my life back together but while I have been in solitude I have let some of my friendships slip away. There is no doubt in my mind that I could pick these up again and it would be all good again but like everything in life, it's going to take some work. Am I willing to work on that when I'm so busy with everything else? I don't know. Maybe some people are just better off alone. Or maybe I should just try and find a good balance, which is what this episode is all about. Click to listen below.



Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 17 - Finding A Balance: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-17.mp3

Now that I'm back working at Miller Park for the Summer I don't have a lot of time to do just about anything anymore. I know that I can find a way to balance it all but to be quite honest with you, I don't really want to. If I have the option of sitting at home alone or hanging out with people, I'll choose sitting at home alone 99 out of 100 times. I'm just a loner I guess. Plus I'm so swamped with all of these projects on this blog, my website or any of the other things I'm trying to do that I feel like I'm not doing my due diligence if I am ignoring them. After all I am writing the story of my life and leaving behind my legacy. But if I lose all of my friends and family then who will care to read it when I am gone? That's why I have to find a balance. And like everything that I've been talking about over the course of the past 5 months, this is something that is easier said then done. But nothing worth having comes free, so I suppose I'll have to work on this thing too. Like I don't have enough shit to do. Sigh...

 - pookon -

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Monday, April 01, 2013

25 Brewers in 25 Days - 2013 - The Bullpen

If you were to ask anyone what the biggest problem with the 2012 Brewers was, the majority of people would answer with the bullpen. Even people who didn't follow the Brewers knew about all of the blown saves because no one in town would shut up about it. They had every reason to voice their complaints because it was that bad. The weird part about it was that it was basically the same bullpen from 2011 that was lights out. Sometimes things just can't be explained, like how I've managed to stay single all these years. Oh wait there is a perfectly good reason for that - I'm a rotund unattractive asshole who doesn't have any redeeming qualities. Except for my coy sense of humor that is, which is as enticing to women as the amount of money in my bank account. But at least we can identify the problem with both things (myself and the Brewers bullpen). And while I continue to pack on the pounds, alienate myself from legal available women and continue my consecutive streak of loneliness (going on 32 years strong!) the Brewers bullpen did the opposite and actually tried to improve their situation. The only players who were guaranteed a job were Jim Henderson (who emerged as the setup man) and John Axford, who despite some ups and downs, has established himself as the best closer on this team. But 2 players cannot fill out a bullpen, so who else is waiting on the other side of the dugout phone? I'll play the role of bullpen coach Lee Tunnell and introduce you to the revamped bullpen that will hopefully not suck as much as the 2012 version did. 

But before I do that it is necessary to note that the following players are merely going to start the season on April 1st with the Brewers. If there is one thing that I've learned about Major League bullpens it is this - there's a revolving door out there and the 7 to 8 guys out there will probably change a lot during the course of the season and it is almost guaranteed that the bullpen on September 29th (the final day of the regular season) will look nothing like this due to injury or poor performance. It is almost certain that several of these players will either be sent down to the Minor Leagues, traded or released by the team at some point during the season. There's a reason why a bullpen turns over so much from year to year and that's because there are very few reliable arms out there. Those that are good (which are typically your closer) are locked into multi-year contracts and the rest of the players are guys that you hope catch some lightning in a bottle and have a career year for you. When it works out (like KRod and Axford in 2011) you can have an amazing year (96 wins) and when it doesn't (KRod and Axford in 2012) you can have an ok year (83 wins) and you bang your head against the wall every time Manny Parra or Kameron Loe come in to pitch. So it goes with the bullpen. Hey - it's all one big crapshoot anyhoo. BING!

Failing to put together an effective bullpen and using them correctly is what gets Managers and GMs fired. Starting pitchers that go 6 innings every 5 days have time to work things out and can rebound after giving up a few runs in the first inning. An offensive player can go 1 for 4 with 3 strikeouts if that 1 hit is a big 3-run homerun that wins the game. Relief pitchers basically have to be perfect because everything they do matters so much more in the later part of the game. If you give up the lead in the 2nd no big deal, there's still plenty of game left. But when you give up the lead in the 7th or 8th inning then there's a lot of pressure on the offense and from the fans to get it back. And fans also tend to crucify they relief pitchers. Ask fans over the last few years who their least favorite Brewers players were and I guarantee you the list would include some of these players: Kameron Loe, Manny Parra, Francisco Rodriguez, LaTroy Hawkins, Carlos Villanueva, Seth McClung, Claudio Vargas, Derrick Turnbow, Jose Veras and the biggest lightning rod on the team John Axford. The closer, above all players, gets the most heat because blowing the game in the 9th is the worst possible thing you can do. It sucks all of the wind out of the game and causes people to get up and leave. That's no way to treat your fanbase who pays good money to see you play but it happens. Hopefully this rebuilt bullpen will limit that from happening and be better than the 2012 bullpen. That's really all I ask.

Burke Badenhop #31, RP
2013 Prediction: 3-2 record, 3.86 ERA, 60.1 innings pitched, 41 strikeouts and saddled with the first name of Burke. Seriously, whose parents name their child Burke?

Trading for Burke Badenhop went way under the radar this offseason. It happened in early December and no one really seemed to make a big deal about it. I think it's a huge deal because Badenhop comes from the Tampa Bay Rays who have shown time and time again that they can put together an incredible pitching staff. Sure, he wasn't drafted by them but he had his best year pitching with them. There's just something about Tampa that screams pitching. It might be The Trop (Tropicana Field where they play) but I wouldn't know because I haven't been there. I've been to Tampa Bay before and someday plan on returning but I'd rather go back in time and hang out at Blanche Devereaux's house in Miami with all of the other Golden Girls Dorothy Zbornak, Rose Nylund and Sophia Petrillo. God rest all of their souls (except for Betty White who is still kicking ass at age 91). Those old bitties keep me laughing well into the night on the Hallmark Channel marathons. Thank you for being a friend. Remember when they used to be alive? Why am I talking about some fictional grannies who lived in Miami instead of a pitcher who lives in Milwaukee? Because I don't really have anything else to say about Burke Badenhop. He's going to be a solid reliever much in the style of Kameron Loe. I know that might cause people to grab torches and pitchforks and try to run him out of town as well but hold on a second here - I'm just making the comparison that he too is a tall (6'5") pitcher who's specialty is getting a ground ball when you need to turn a double play. Like Loe before him, it will be up to Manager Ron Roenicke to use him correctly and not overwork him to ensure success. I'm sure that when all is said and done Badenhop will have a good season but there's probably going to be some bumps along the way. So buckle up Brewers fans. 

Michael Gonzalez #51, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-3 record, 4.25 ERA, 39 innings pitched, 40 strikeouts and unwilling to be called by any other name than the one written on his birth certificate.

Michael Gonzalez has put together a pretty good career thus far and seemed like a no brainer addition to a bullpen that didn't have a left handed pitcher and that struggled big time last year. He'll be 35 years old in May so he definitely qualifies as a veteran player who has been around the league (having pitched for Pittsburgh, Atlanta, Baltimore, Texas and Washington) which should be a great fit for this team. But something doesn't seem right. I hate to judge someone on Spring Training but he didn't look very good. His numbers were decent (4.82 ERA in 10 games) but there was something about him that thew up a red flag. He allowed a lot of base hits (12) hit a guy and walked 3. All of his runs were earned. Spring Training stats really don't mean shit, especially for a veteran pitcher. This guy has been around the block and he knows how to get ready for the regular season so take all of these stats with a grain of salt. But for some reason I can't shake off the feeling that he is going to be awful. I just can't trust a guy who insists on going by Michael instead of Mike. Seriously, he got on the local media because they were calling him Mike and even threw it out to Brewers PR guy Mike Vassallo to correct people when they were saying it wrong. How much sand does he have in his vagina to be uncomfortable with Mike, Mikey, Big Mike or Dirty Mike and the Boys? Who gives a shit? Michael sounds too formal and is my father's name. I would never call him Michael. I call him Dad or Pops. Nobody should be called Michael and not be accepting of a nickname. That's bullshit. So I'm going to state on record that I'm not on his side and that he's going to have a bad year because he's not willing to be flexible with his name. That says a lot about who he is as a person and I don't have to like it. So I'm not going to play by the rules like everyone else and call you Michael. Screw that. I'll spend the entire season calling you every other variation of that name until you crack and accept it. You'll break before I do. I promise you that. You're not even half as obnoxious as I am and that is a fact. Deal with it pal.

Tom Gorzelanny #32, RP
2013 Prediction: 4-2 record, 79 innings pitched, 2 starts, 67 strikeouts and the best half human/half alien hybrid since Lt. Ellen Ripley in Alien Resurrection.

What a weird looking dude. I don't know why that is the first thing I can say about Tom Gorzelanny but I can't get past that. He kind of looks like a human/alien hybrid which must have been the result of an alien probing his mom with his dick instead of the standard medical instruments. I think I just explained why he never knew his father and why he insisted as a child that his Dad was light years away. Look I don't know shit about him except that he was born in Evergreen Park, Illinois and he has played for 3 other teams and I remember him from his days with the Pittsburgh Pirates. He was part of a promising starting rotation that included Zach Duke, Ian Snell and Paul Maholm. While that didn't pan out for Pittsburgh despite the fact that he had a career year, he has found a new life as a relief pitcher over the past 2 seasons with the Washington Nationals. The Brewers signed him to a 2 year contract to be a left handed reliever but I wouldn't be surprised to see him get some starts at some point this year if Peralta or Fiers struggles. While I would much rather see Narveson start (which he would because he is option #1) Gorzelanny will get the second chance to stabilize a rotation that will no doubt be in peril. But with all due respect, if our season has got to the point where Gorz is starting then we might as well let young guys like Tyler Thornburg or Hiram Burgos come up and start and get some experience for the future. But if all works according to plan then he'll be a solid member of this bullpen and we'll be just fine. We just have to hope that he doesn't develop a disdain for the human race and rig up a crude telephone using a speak and spell, circular saw blade, umbrella lined with aluminum foil and other household objects to call home to his family so they can come and take over our Planet. Don't forget that you are half human Tom. Think about your Mother before you allow all of humanity to be decimated from above. Think about the children and all the woodland creatures Tom. Don't be a jerk. 

Alfredo Figaro #45, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-2 record, 3.51 ERA, 68 innings pitched, 50 strikeouts and so much more than a cheesy sauce that you put over pasta for a delicious meal.

Alfredo isn't a name, it's a sauce. It's kind of like Ranch Wilder in Angels in the Outfield. You can't fire me! I have a contract!! I'M RANCH WILDER!!!! Easy Ranch, less is more. Even though Mr. Wilder is an asshole who ended George Knox's career I have to disagree with Wally because more ranch is better than less ranch. Ranch goes good with everything which is why I always have a bottle in my fridge and a backup in the pantry just in case. Running out of ranch is like running out of money in your bank account. In both scenarios you're screwed. Granted if you run out of ranch you won't be thrown out on the streets and forced to Bum it for the rest of your life, but you will be sad. Either way you are screwed. But I like Alfredo sauce and I like this Dave Chapelle looking mother fucker. I say all the time that you can't rely on Spring Training stats, but that's what earned him a spot on the this Opening Day Roster. He only has 31.2 innings of experience in the Major Leagues (with the Detroit Tigers in 2009 and 2010) with an ERA of 6.54 and was pitching in Japan when GM Doug Melvin decided to take a chance on him. There was a bit of a snag because he technically was still under contract with the Orix Buffaloes, but he came into Spring Training and turned enough heads with his performance (2.40 ERA, 15 innings in 11 games and 11 strikeouts) to warrant this spot in their eyes. And even so he only made it because the Brewers decided to carry 13 pitchers because Kyle Lohse only had 1 Spring start and none of the Brewers starters made it past the 5th inning in Spring. Melvin and Roenicke must know that the bullpen is going to be asked to cover a lot of innings early on and opted for a short bench. All that I know is that if he pitches anywhere close to how he did down in Arizona then Melvin is going to have a real find here. Oh yeah, and I also know that Alfredo is damn good on some noodles and gets even better when you mix in some chicken. Shit. Now I'm getting hungry. Time to go eat and keep getting fatter. Just another day in the life...

Brandon Kintzler #53, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-1 record, 3.75 ERA, 45.2 innings pitched, 42 strikeouts and back on track after he went balls to the walls and the wheels fell off.

Kintzler has had a rough go at it. Kind of reminds me of my inability to charm the panties off of the ladies. Some things are just difficult and you just hope that you keep on getting chances. Kintzler has the advantage on me because he is still just a young man at 28 years of age. He's got plenty of time to figure it out. I'm so shit out of luck that I might as well turn gay and try my way with guys. After spending most of 2011 on the DL and undergoing season ending surgery, in 2012 he was sent all the way down to Class-A with the Brevard County Manatees and worked his way through the AA Hunstville Stars and the AAA Nashville Sounds before becoming a September call-up with the Brewers at the end of the year. He pitched so well in the Minors (2.87 ERA in 45 games) and Majors (3.78 ERA in 14 games) in 2012 that he was one of the few relievers (along with Jim Henderson and John Axford) that were invited back for the 2013 bullpen. That having been said he still had to earn a spot and a decent Spring (4.91 ERA in 14.2 innings) allowed him to make the Opening Day Roster for the 2nd time in his career (he also made the 2011 one). I'm hoping that he can do better than I do with the ladies but let's not kid ourselves here - of course he will. At least he can pitch. I can't even talk to them. Call it lack of self esteem or unwillingness to leave my house but I'm constantly walking backwards. At least he's taking baby steps to get his Major League career on track. Good for you Brandon. You're doing things that I never had the courage to do. If you succeed then I succeed. That's what I keep on telling myself. It's just one of the many lies that I say to myself on a daily basis.

Jim Henderson #29, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-4 record, 4.62 ERA, 65 innings pitched, 70 strikeouts, 4 for 8 in save opportunities and the nicest man from our neighbor to the North despite being just a guy.

Jim Henderson is just a guy, so everyone who got all excited about him last season needs to calm the fuck down. Sure he's a handsome Canadian guy with a beard, but he's still just a guy. There's a reason why he spent 10 years in the Minor Leagues before making finally getting a call-up to a Brewers team desperate for relief pitchers and exploring every available options. Seriously I thought at some time last year they would have a scout over at the speed pitch in the right field of the Loge Level and he would start pulling fans from there to work an inning or two. The bullpen was a mess and Henderson was decent with a 3.52 ERA even though he went 3 for 7 in save opportunities. He's no closer and the fact that he is the backup plan to John Axford is scary. At least KRod had 294 career saves as proof that he has been there before. Henderson doesn't have shit except for the classic Canadian charm and accent. While those things may help you in life they don't mean anything on the baseball field so he better step up his game a lot in 2013 because the Brewers are counting on him to be the primary set-up man to closer John Axford. In order to bridge the gap he has to be damn near perfect and that's probably expecting too much for this journeyman pitcher. I have no idea what he is capable of because his stats last year are too small of a sample size. And then he was barely around in Spring Training because he was training with Team Canada for the World Baseball Classic where he got shelled by opposing hitters. So who really knows what his 2013 season is going to be like. But even though I'm admittedly negative about Jim Henderson I still would jump at the opportunity to spend a weekend up in Canada ice fishing, hunting moose, drinking maple syrup and LeBatt Blue, calling people hosers, saying aboot and eh, playing hockey or whatever Canadians do up there. I don't know. I've only been to Canada once and I spent the weekend gambling, hitting on 19 years olds at the bar (you only have to be 19 to legally drink there but that still didn't make it right to hit on girls nearly 10 years younger than me), smoking Cuban Cigars, drinking Canadian Club whiskey, ordering pizzas with "your bacon", seeing what strippers will do for $1 American and all sorts of nonsense that should have got me deported back to my country. That was one of the greatest weekends of my life so even though I'm not a big fan of Jim Henderson the pitcher, I love Jim Henderson the guy. How can you not love a Canadian? After all, Canada has given us Rick Moranis, John Candy, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey and Michael J. Fox among many others. What's not to love aboot Canada?

John Axford #49, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-5 record, 4.15 ERA, 70.1 innings pitched, 86 strikeouts, 33 for 40 in save opportunities and wishing he would have signed that multi-year deal for big time millions when the Brewers offered it to him.

Is there a more hated player in Milwaukee than John Axford? I don't like to use the word hate because it's a rather strong word, but I had to get the point across. A lot of players are going to struggle through parts of the season but I doubt that any of them will take as much heat as Axford does. That's the life of being a closer in baseball. If he blows the save in the 9th or extra innings then that's the last sour taste a Brewers fan has as they are leaving the ballpark or turning off the TV/Radio. And then they get all over Twitter, sports talk radio and blogs and talk about how he needs to be cut or traded or some other nonsense. But let's face it guys - John Axford is the closer and will remain the closer all season long due to a lack of other options. But I promise you that no one feels worse about a blown save than he does. I have had the great opportunity to meet Axford at the Brewers On Deck event at the Delta Airlines Center in January of this year. He was on my team for a Family Feud style game show and I chatted with him before and after the show. He seemed like one of the nicest and most genuine athletes that I have ever met and I would go so far to say that he was of of the best people I have ever met. He just has a sort of energy and charisma that makes him seem so down to Earth and if you ever follow him on Twitter than you will no doubt know about his sense of humor and willingness to interact with the fans even after a tough night on the mound. I wish I was friends with John and I will figure out a way for us to hang out again even if I need to go above and beyond to do it. But even though I think we should get an apartment together and have our lives filmed for a reality television show, I can't help but be worried about him as the closer. Which John Axford will we get this year? The one who saved like 43 in a row in 2011 or the one that blew a league leading 9 saves in 2012? I'm guessing it's going to be right in the middle of that but he will still make people nervous when he takes the hill. That's the real reality here. I wish I had more confidence because I don't want to be like everyone else in Milwaukee complaining about him but he really hasn't given us much of a reason not to. But here's hoping that he figures out a way to turn it around so that he's not just another flash in the pan (what does that even mean?) like Derrick Turnbow.

Being a relief pitcher in the Major Leagues is probably the most difficult and thankless job in baseball with pinch hitting coming in at a close second. The bullpen is rebuilt from last year but who knows how many of these players will finish out the season with the team? I'm sure these guys will come and go and if they aren't effective, GM Doug Melvin will try to find someone who is. I wish I could say that these are the guys who are going to get it done this year and erase the bad memories of 2012 but I've watched too much baseball in my life to lie to myself. I don't have a whole lot of faith in these players but I hope that they all prove me wrong. If they don't then we're in for a really long season that will feel even longer come September. I don't ever want to see my team in last place or not even close to competing for a Wild Card in the final month but there's a possibility that it could happen. Or we could be right in the thick of it. That's the thing with this bullpen in 2013. As individuals they have all had great success for various teams in their recent careers, but can they all get on the same page and do it all at once for this team? They better. There's a whole lot riding on them for me personally (for my $$ bets that I put on them in Las Vegas) and also for the franchise (who needs to draw near 3 million fans to keep the payroll at this level) and the bullpen always has the final say in the results. Let's hope it's a good word. Because my Mom always told me if you don't have anything good to say then don't say anything at all. I never listened to my Mother.

 - pookon -

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Thursday, March 28, 2013

25 Brewers in 25 Days - 2013 - The Starting Rotation

What a difference a week makes. I posted the article about the Outfield on March 19 and this article was supposed to be posted on March 24 so that the Bullpen article could be posted on March 29 in time for Opening Day on April 1st. But today isn't March 24. I am posting this article on March 28 because I was in Las Vegas from March 22-26 for a friend's wedding and didn't have enough time to write it before I skipped out of town for a few days of drinking, gambling, ogling dancing girls and strippers, being overly obnoxious (#victory) and basically having one of the more random weekends in recent memory. But what does that have to do with the Brewers Starting Rotation? A lot actually.  You see, if I had posted this article when I intended your starting 5 would have been Gallardo, Estrada, Narveson, Peralta and Fiers with Mark Rogers in the bullpen as the long reliever. While I was certainly ready to roll with that rotation because I have a lot of faith in our "young" arms despite what their Spring Training stats showed, all of this changed when I woke up and started drinking on the morning of Monday March 25 - the Brewers had gone and did what everyone said they would and signed Kyle Lohse, even though I've been against it for the entire offseason. I'll get into him (clothes on without insertion, this is a family website) in just a minute, but even I have to admit that this move improves our team and gives us a better shot at competing for a playoff spot.

As you are well aware of, the Milwaukee Brewers have done a really good job at producing offensive players from a draft and develop standpoint. Guys like Braun, Weeks, Hart, Lucroy and Schafer have already impacted the team or will be a huge part of the team moving forward. But the pitching has always been years behind. For awhile it seemed like Yovani Gallardo was going to be their one shining example that they could indeed draft pitching. One pitcher an example does not make. When they were planning on going with Mike Fiers, Mark Rogers and Wily Peralta in the mix for the starting 5 that would give them a rotation of mostly homegrown pitchers with the exception of Chris Narveson (St. Louis Cardinals) and Marco Estrada (Washington Nationals). While this doesn't really matter (because I'd rather have the best 5 pitchers out there regardless of which team drafted them) it would have proven that we were able to draft well. But who cares about that, right? All we care about is winning. And while we certainly could have won with a couple of unproven rookies (it has been done before) the more I think about it, the better I feel with the way that this has shaken out in the past few days. 

Fiers, Peralta and Rogers all did well last year when they were given the opportunity to prove themselves at the Major League level which is why GM Doug Melvin went into Spring Training with these guys penciled in instead of filling out the rotation via free agency or trades. And even though Spring Training stats don't mean jack shit in my book those pitchers certainly could have helped themselves out by pitching well in the 6 weeks down in Arizona if they wanted to make the Opening Day Roster. But the fact remains that they didn't, so Melvin had to do something about it because the offense and the bullpen is good enough to compete for a playoff spot. Although I do have my reservations (despite not being a Native American) about Kyle Lohse I can't help but agree with the signing - it had to be done. I do have the same fears about giving a 3-year contract to a 34-year old pitcher (and an ex-Cardinal at that) but it allows you to mix and match the best available starters while also maintaining some flexibility for the future. Mike Fiers may start the season in the bullpen or Wily Peralta might be in AAA and I won't be happy about either of them, but I'm just going to have to deal with it. I'm not the GM of the Milwaukee Brewers, and even though I have some ideas about what I would do if I had the job, I don't envy Doug Melvin at all. He's got a lot of difficult decisions to make and even though I would certainly welcome his salary so I could pull myself out of debt, it can't be an easy job. Although I would give anything to have a sweet flavor savor mustache like that. But I've wasted enough of your and my time with these first few paragraphs. It's time to ditch these puny finger-food hors d'oeuvres and get right on into the main course.

Yovani Gallardo #49, SP
2013 Prediction: 19-10 record, 3.36 ERA, 33 starts, 212 innings pitched, 203 strikeouts, .214 batting average, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs and a one sided (because of the restraining order) bestest of best friendships where I wish he would give me a new nickname and we could have sleepovers.

For the first time in years I actually have something new to say about Yovani Gallardo. I've made it perfectly clear that he is my favorite pitcher of all time and the reason I have decided to convert to Mexican. If people can become a born-again Christian, I can become a born-again Mexican. If you think about it, it makes just as much sense. But that is something that I have addressed in the past. You came here for some new shit so I will deliver. A large package. In the rear. Like I said at the beginning of this article, a lot can change in a week. Had I written this a week earlier, I would not have had this really cool (at least to me) story. I was in Las Vegas last weekend and on Saturday night I was in Downtown playing slots at this little hole-in-the-wall casino called La Bayou that just happens to be my favorite gambling joint in all of Las Vegas. I was wearing a Brewers jersey like always and one of the casino workers approached me and asked if I was from Milwaukee. Before I get in the details of this story I do have to point out that this is how I remember it. I had a 24oz Jungle Juice slushie made with Everclear (with a extra shot of Everclear) and got so hammered I can hardly remember the night.  But here is what I can recall.

This guy named 'Nacho' approached me and told me he was good friends with Gallardo and that he went to grade school and high school with him. He told me all about his family and about how down to Earth he really is and about how he took care of everyone. And even though he's a big league pitcher with millions of dollars he's more comfortable at a backyard barbecue with friends and family. He's 100% committed to the Brewers because they have been loyal to him every step of the way and he appreciates that. He was pitching well enough to be selected as a member of the 2011 NL All-Star Team in Arizona (he ultimately wouldn't be) but he was planning on boycotting it because of Arizona legislation that had to do with racial profiling of citizens having to provide documentation. So he stands up for what he believes in and is humble in all regards. I had already figured this because I can judge character pretty well (which is one of the reasons I have a problem with Ryan Braun) and this guy 'Nacho' pretty much reaffirmed why I love Gallardo so much. I'm sure there was more to this story but I was such a drunken asshole that I couldn't really pay attention. Story of my life man. Gallardo is only 27 years old and therefor entering the prime of his career. Seeing as he has already proven himself by winning 17 (2011) and 16 (2012) games and has had over 200 strikeouts in the last 4 years in 185 or more innings, he is only going to get better. That's scary,  so expect to see a drop in ERA (he has a career ERA of 3.63) and increase in efficiency of innings pitched in the next few years. He'll never be considered an "Ace" like Felix Hernandez or Justin Verlander, but he is definitely a #1 and in the 2nd tier of top pitchers. And if the Milwaukee Brewers want to have any success in 2013 they need Gallardo to be spectacular.

Kyle Lohse #26, SP
2013 Prediction: 15-8 record, 3.54 ERA, 32 starts, 203 innings pitched, 140 strikeouts and nowhere near as bad as Suppan but not as good as he was last year. 

Kyle Lohse is not Jeff Suppan. He is not Randy Wolf. He is not Braden Looper. So we got that out of the way at the beginning so everyone can just calm the fuck down. But that having been said there are still a lot of red flags here. Why didn't anyone else sign him before the Brewers did at the end of Spring Training despite his 16-3 record with a 2.86 ERA, which was among the best in 2012? Teams should have been knocking down his door for a pitcher of that caliber  But here are those red flags - he's 34 years old, has a career ERA of 4.45, would cost a 1st round draft pick, his agent is Scott Boras and he was a student of St. Louis pitching coach Dave Duncan who has been known to make miracles happen. I guess none of that bothered GM Doug Melvin (although this sticky situation has Owner Mark Attanasio's fingers all up in it) because he signed him to a 3 year deal worth $33 million. While I am 100% behind this signing because let's face it - we're better with Lohse than without him, it does worry me about the future. About how good he will be at age 35 and 36 and since some of his salary from this year was deferred to 2016, 2017 and 2018, the fact that we will still be paying him after he has left this team. But the future is what you make of it and it hasn't happened yet as Doc Brown would remind you. So there is no sense worrying about what will happen unless you take care of what is happening today. If Lohse is the final little push that it takes to get back to the playoffs then it is a win in my book as long as Attanasio maintains financial flexibility to add pieces at the trade deadline. So we are going to sink or swim with this contract but for the time being I'm going to think positively. And why not? There is always a renewed sense of optimism at the beginning of the season when you think that your team has a chance to win the World Series. You've probably noticed that I tend to be optimistic with my stat predictions on this site. That's because I'm not a negative nancy when it comes to the Brewers. When you start doing that shit you take all of the fun out of it. And since baseball is such a big part of my life I'd prefer to have fun with it. And fuck anyone else who says otherwise.

One of the things that Lohse can bring to this team is veteran leadership and some form of stability. Even though guys like Rickie Weeks and Ryan Braun are close to turning 30, they still could stand to learn something from a guy that's been around a little longer. And not only that but he comes from the St. Louis Cardinals, an organization that has a winning attitude. It hurts me to say it but you don't exactly associate the Milwaukee Brewers with winning. Sure they did have some success in the early 80's and this run from 2007 - now has been really nice, but what about the other 30 years of this franchise? Losing. I'll happily welcome an outside voice to help this team break out of the funk. And if he mentors Peralta, Fiers, Estrada and even Gallardo then he's done a great job. This is a pitching staff chock full of potential and if they realize it then it is going to be one hell of a year. I'm not asking Lohse to go 16-3 with a sub 3 ERA again. That's ridiculous to ask him to repeat that. But I am going to expect more out of him than the other pitchers on this team because he has shown that he can do it. And if you do it once you can do it again, despite if people say it was a fluke. I'm a believer that anything can happen which is weird because I don't believe the same thing for myself. I don't believe in myself but I do believe in Harvey Dent. And in some weird way I also believe in Kyle Lohse despite all of the red flags. At first I was upset because I didn't want to see the Brewers make another mistake but I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens with this one. Fingers crossed that this multi-year contract is finally the one that works out in our favor. Please please please let it work out. I don't know if I can suffer another heartbreak. My body isn't suited for things like that and physical activity.

Marco Estrada #41, SP
2013 Prediction: 9-13 record, 4.05 ERA, 30 starts, 165 innings pitched, 170 strikeouts and even if I was his bank I still wouldn't give him enough credit no matter how much equity he has gained through smart investments and an improved portfolio.

I never give Marco Estrada any credit and that's one thing that isn't going to change. Why? Because I'm a surly bastard who is set in his ways and I'm not changing shit. Roenicke and Melvin can throw out all the stats they want to support why Estrada belongs in the starting rotation (blah blah strikeouts to walk ratio blah blah, blah blah number of wins aren't a proper indicator of a pitcher's success blah blah) but I'm not buying it. Sure, those comments certainly do hold water but I'll give you the only thing that really matters here - Estrada is only in the starting rotation due to lack of other options. All of the other kids are either too inexperienced or injured so he gets a spot by default. Now it's up to him to prove that he deserves it. I'm willing to give him a chance at that. Everyone deserves a chance to do something just once in their life. I want a chance to prove to a woman that I can clean myself up and be a respectable husband and I won't be a worthless piece of shit for the rest of my life. If I get that chance then Estrada can have his. All that I ask is that he cut down on his number of pitches and try to pitch into the 6th or 7th innings and stop taxing the bullpen. Strikeouts are great and he racked up a lot of them last year (143 in 138 innings) but the stat that you can't look up is that he was often around 100 pitches in the 5th inning. That's a problem which directly contributed to him only winning 5 games despite making 23 starts. If he can figure out a way to be more efficient then I'm game with giving him some credit. Yeah, and if I can figure out a way to drop a couple hundred pounds then the ladies will give me some credit for being a decent guy. Like I said, some things never change. I wouldn't count on either of things happening in 2013. Estrada will continue to throw a ton of pitches, strikeout a lot of batters and win less than 10 games. And I'll continue to be a sad old bastard who sits at home alone on a Saturday night. But you never know. Stranger things have happened...

Chris Narveson #38, SP
2013 Prediction: 4-5 record, 4.45 ERA, 15 starts mostly in the last few months, a difficult adjustment to the bullpen but still the scurviest scallywag on the team.

Chris Narveson is a big question mark. Well actually he is a homo sapien if you want to be a dick about it. He's going to be in the starting rotation because of past success and also because he's the only one who throws with his left arm. But the reason why he is labeled as a question mark is because of a shoulder injury that limited him to only 2 starts and 9 innings in 2012. While he appears to be fully healed it's going to be hard to expect 160 - 180 innings out of him this year and the chances are high that he will get shut down at some point. But while he is out there on the mound he will give you some quality innings and provide a different look than any of the other pitchers in the starting 5. As I've pointed out in the past, he's pretty good for your number 5 starter and will win 10-12 games with a reasonable ERA. He's nothing special but he will get the job done. He's had some success in the past few seasons and if he is fully healed from his shoulder surgery then there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to pitch well this year. Another thing about Chris is that he is wicked smart so I'm 100% percent behind him when he says he's good to go. What does intelligence have to do with anything? Because only a dumbass would risk the rest of their career by pitching hurt. At 31 years old (hey just like me!) he still has plenty of years left in the Major Leagues so you would think that he wouldn't return to pitching if everything wasn't ok in that arm. He above all people should understand the long term effects of injury if not treated properly. Or I could be completely wrong. He could be smart enough to know that players comes and go and you only have a small window to make that money and you can't get paid if you aren't pitching. I'm sure he's in the realm of 80-90% healed where it shouldn't be a problem but if he came back too early and gets hurt again this year I'm going to be pissed. He's one of the few experienced starters we have and I am really counting on him to provide some stability out on the mound. Or he could bail and live a life at sea and devote himself to piracy. Who knows. I guess we'll see what he chooses. He better chose wisely or else walk the plank. YEEEEEEEEARRRRRRGGGGGHHH! 

Update 3/30/13: Manager Ron Roenicke revealed his plans for the starting rotation and it did NOT include Chris Narveson, who will begin the season in the bullpen. This came as a surprise to me because he is the only lefty starter and we already have two lefties (Gorzelanny and Gonzalez) in the bullpen. Although they say he is completely healthy, you have to wonder if they think otherwise and are just being careful with him at the beginning of the season to limit his innings. There are a lot of off days at the beginning of the season to accommodate rain-outs and the #5 starter often gets skipped. I'm sure they are just easing him into it. I'd expect to see him still get a good amount of starts this season because a team rarely goes through a season using only 5 pitchers in their starting rotation.

Wily Peralta #60, SP
2013 Prediction: 12-8 record, 3.53 ERA, 30 starts, 150 innings pitched, 145 strikeouts and the key that unlocks the starting rotation and also to... A NEW CAR!!!

There are 3 players that are the biggest keys for success in 2013. The most obvious one is Ryan Braun. If he gets suspended for even 50 games we're screwed because the offense will suffer big time without him. The other obvious one is John Axford. If he is in 2011 form then we'll be alright. But if he is in 2012 form then there's going to be a huge problem. The 3rd key to the puzzle is Wily Peralta. His Minor League stats don't exactly jump off of the paper (33-35, 3.99 ERA with 589 strikeouts in 620 innings) but I can assure you that he is better than he looks on paper. Oh you assure me? Even though this doesn't involve me dressing up as Little Bo Peep I will figure out a way to convince you of how important he is. But for right now all I can do is ask you to watch him pitch. There's something called the "eye test" in baseball where the only way to make a proper judgement is by seeing it with your own eyes instead of listening to other people's opinions or looking at a stat sheet. Peralta is that kind of guy suited for an eye test. I personally believe that he has better natural talent and skill than Yovani Gallardo as evident by his 4 pitches and ability to throw in the upper 90's. Where they differ is that Gallardo has excellent control over his pitches and fantastic mental makeup. Gallardo has faltered a bit in his career (most notably against the St. Louis Cardinals) but he has proven time and time again (Opening Day every year, NLDS Game 1 in 2008, NLDS Games 1 and 5 in 2011) that he is a big time pitcher. But this isn't about Gallardo. Peralta can be a #1 or #2 type pitcher if he gets his command worked out (he walks far too many batters) and avoids losing control when shit gets real. If you are thinking Manny Parra right now then you're not alone. While I don't think Peralta is as fucked up in the head as Parra (who admitted that problem on several occasions) it's hard not to make a comparison. Peralta has all the tools to be a top pitcher and the only way to make it happen is to pitch in the big leagues.

I am very excited to see what Peralta can do with a whole season with the Brewers. Although it was just 5 starts last year and 29 innings, he went 2-1 with a 2.48 ERA and 23 strikeouts. That's a small sample size but it shows that he can put it together when he needs to. He's got the highest amount of potential of all the starters on the Brewers and if they are going to have any success this year than Wily Peralta is going to have a say in that. He's a fun pitcher to watch because when he is on he straight-up baffles hitters with the velocity and movement on his pitches. It's always entertaining to watch the opposition look goofy at the plate swinging and coming up way empty. Peralta has the ability to do that and I wish that I had better news for you but if he doesn't do this on a consistent basis, we are going to be in trouble. Peralta (along with Braun and Axford) is the difference in us winning 82 or 92 games. One of those sits at home watching the playoffs and the other gets to play in them. Which one would you rather be? So no pressure Wily, but we're counting on you to have a big ass year. I know I speak for every single Brewers fan when I say I would rather watch the Brewers play in October than watch another team (duh) and guys like Peralta can determine that. All that I ask is that you watch this kid and get behind him. Stand up and cheer. Clap your ass off. Give him some support and love. He's worth it. And if everything works out as I think it can, Wily Peralta is going to give you one hell of a year and many reasons to love the shit out of him.

Mike Fiers #64, SP
2013 Prediction: 10-13 record, 4.21 ERA, 145 innings pitched 131 strikeouts and a hybrid of last year now that teams have figured him out but he'll still have some good gas mileage as the #5 starter.

Fiers is an interesting case because on one hand he had a fantastic season. But on the other hand he struggled big time in September as a result of fatigue and almost lost his rotation spot for this year because of it. His Spring Training this year mirrored the same path. He started off really well and then fell apart near the end. While fatigue can't be blamed this time around the questions remain - can Mike Fiers be an effective starter in the Major Leagues? Right now he is lined up to be the #5 starter which can help take some of the pressure off of him because his only job is to keep the team in the game. As long as he has around 10 wins and a mid 4 ERA at the end of the season, we can all view that as a success. Of course we would like to see him do better than that. Who doesn't want better? My Mom wants me to get a better job so I can afford to pay a woman to marry me so I can give her some grandchildren. Because the only way a woman would ever marry me is if I was rich and my Mom knows this. Let's no kid ourselves here pal. There's ugly and then there is Scott Reck. I'm in my own category. I don't know know what to think about my future just like I don't know what to think about Mike Fiers. I was behind him 100% last year when he came out of nowhere (seriously, when they called him up I was like who? Mike Fiers? I never heard of this guy and I spend a good amount of time getting educated on the future of the Brewers organization) and was one of the best pitchers in baseball for a couple of months. Can he repeat that now that teams have a decent scouting report on him? He doesn't throw hard and tops out around 91 MPH which means that he relies upon location and deception to get hitters out. So far that has worked out for him, but can he continue it? For some reason I think that he can even though I have nothing to back that up. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. If your #5 starter has 10-12 wins with a 4 ERA that means starters 1-4 are doing better and that my friends is a recipe for success. Forget about that green bean casserole that your mother makes. Although that does make for a nice side dish to pass at a potluck dinner it won't help the 2013 Milwaukee Brewers make the playoffs. But Mike Fiers can.

Mark Rogers #37, SP
2013 Prediction: n/a. Unfortunately I think his days as a member of the Brewers are over because if he doesn't have his velocity, what does he have? Hopefully a smokin' hot wife...

The whole theme of this post is the difference that a week makes. A week ago we knew that there was something wrong with Mark Rogers but we figured that he would start the season in the bullpen to try and figure out why he had an awful Spring Training (4 starts, 9 innings pitched, 7.00 ERA and an alarming decrease of velocity and control). Because he is out of Minor League Options (he was drafted in 2004) he either had to make the Major League team or be exposed to waivers where another team could claim him. Since the Brewers have invested so much time and money not only in the draft and developing process but also in surgery and rehab, they were going to keep holding on to him as long as possible. He still could be a really good pitcher. He showed signs of that last year when he went 3-1 with a 3.92 ERA in 7 starts with 41 strikeouts in 39 innings. But he is going to opening the 2013 season on the Disabled List until they figure out what is wrong with him. I like everything that I've seen from Rogers when he is healthy but that's been the biggest problem in his career. At this point I don't really have any faith that he can turn it around and help this team out. Sorry. But there just comes a time where you have to be able to pitch to be able to prove your worth. The starting rotation is already 6 deep and the starting pitching at AAA Nashville (Tyler Thornburg, Hiram Burgos and Johnny Hellweg) look ready to take the mound if a spot start is needed. There may not be a spot for Rogers if he ever figures it out. It's a real shame though because after all the injuries and surgeries he's been though I was really rooting for this guy to succeed. I hope he gets healthy and comes back to pitch for the Brewers but if not, then life goes on and I hope for his sake he has plans for life after baseball.

The starting pitching on this team will make or break us. Of course you can probably say that about most teams but it is especially true here because it's the only variable. For the most part you know what you're going to get out of the offense and the bullpen so these dudes will be the difference makers. A lot of things need to go right for this starting rotation. Yovani Gallardo needs to take the next step in his career and dominate. Kyle Lohse needs to be more like he was last year and not like he has been for his whole career. Marco Estrada needs to go deeper into games. Wily Peralta needs to learn how to control his pitches. Mike Fiers needs to be like 1st half Fiers and not 2nd half Fiers. Chris Narveson needs to be healthy. And I'm sure at some point we might even see Tyler Thornburg or Hiram Burgos make an appearance on this team and both of them need to be as good as they have been heralded. And Mark Rogers needs to get back on the field. That's a lot of things that need to happen and I'm sorry to say that all of them need to happen if we want to come close to winning 90 games and flirt with the playoffs again. I wish I could say that it would be easy, but if you look at 2008 (CC Sabathia, Ben Sheets and Dave Bush) and 2011 (Yovani Gallardo, Zack Greinke and Randy Wolf) it is the pitching that carried us to the playoffs. Will the names I mentioned above go down in Brewers lore as the ones who carried us to the playoffs in 2013 or will this just be another year (like in 2009, 2010 and 2012) where the offense is outstanding but is ultimately wasted? We'll know in about a month after each pitcher makes 4-5 starts and shakes off the early season rust and makes adjustments. Until then cut these guys some slack and buckle up. This has the potential to be one wicked season.

 - pookon -

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Tuesday, March 19, 2013

25 Brewers in 25 Days - 2013 - The Outfield

Outfield is the biggest strength for the Milwaukee Brewers and it trickles down to the Minor Leagues. When you consider that you have one of the Top 5 Players in MLB and annual MVP Candidate in Ryan Braun, a true 5-Tool player who took a huge step last year in Carlos Gomez, a Japanese import who successfully transitioned his offense (3x Batting Champion and 7x All-Star) and defense (6x Gold Glove) to the MLB in Norichika Aoki and one of the most promising Outfielders in the Brewers Minor League system with defensive skills that may be even better than Gomez' in Logan Schaffer, the outfield is set. And not only that, but it's going to be good. Damn good.  While these 4 guys will definitely bring a good share of the offense to this team I'd would be irresponsible of me not to mention their speed and defense. This will be without a doubt, one of the fastest outfields in all of the Majors. 

It's an atrocity that Ryan Braun has yet to win a Gold Glove and I can promise you that Carlos Gomez will win one this year if his bat keeps him in the lineup. I told you last year that Aoki would be that good and Mat Gamel's injury which moved Hart to 1st base ended up being a blessing in disguise. Aoki is the leadoff hitter we've been searching for and it allowed Rickie Weeks to move into a more productive spot in the batting order. Then you add Schaffer in the mix, who can play all 3 outfield positions with superior defense and you have a winning recipe. Just like that homemade Strawberry Rhubarb Pie I made for the County Fair. These fuckers are so fast you would think they would be felons running for the police. Carlos Gomez and Norichika Aoki may be on the Top 10 Most Wanted Lists in their respective countries but here in America they can claim Diplomatic Immunity. This pleases me because we'd be in big trouble if either of these guys got deported during the season. And speaking of trouble we have Brauny, who can't seem to stay out of it. As for Schaffer? Little Schaff-ski is as straight edged as they get so you don't have to worry about this kid ending up on the wrong side of the tracks. That's enough intro. Let's get down and dirty like these player's pants, which will get that way as a result of all the bases they will steal. Not because of accidental fecal deposit.

Ryan Braun #8, LF
2013 Prediction: .324 avg, .389 OBP, 38 HRs, 107 RBIs, 31 stolen bases and a lifetime ban from winning the NL MVP again even though his numbers say otherwise. You brought this on yourself pal.

I'm going to state this for the record in case you are one of the few people left in the World who are not aware of it - I'm not a fan of Ryan Braun. Never have been. I have many issues with the guy whose nickname of Shadows takes on a new meaning these days but I'll spare you for the most part. Basically if he didn't wear a Milwaukee Brewers jersey I would be booing him as loud or even louder than the MLB fans who do so at visiting ballparks. But I will always cheer for him and defend him because he is our guy, and the face of the franchise at that. He chose to stick around here for what is likely his entire baseball career so I might as well get used to him even if I don't like it. I will say that I have no problem with him as a baseball player because his stats are off the chart. And so are his accomplishments - 2007 NL Rookie of the Year, 2011 NL MVP, 5x All-Star, 5x Silver Slugger and 9th member of the 40 (Homeruns) / 30 (Stolen Bases) Club last season. I'm sick and tired of the whole failed drug test thing and the connection with the clinic in Miami this offseason because everyone asks me my opinion about it because I'm "The Brewers Guy." If you want to get me worked up ask me what I think about Brauny after a few cocktails and I'll voice my displeasure about how he constantly drags my team's name through the mud but when I'm sober I'm going to point to the facts. And those facts are that even though he failed a drug test because of high testosterone, he challenged the chain of custody and avoided a 50-game suspension. As for his connection with the Biogenesis Clinic in Miami? So far his name is just on a piece of paper. That's it. That is my comment. But the real issue here is that the Milwaukee Brewers would be screwed without Ryan Braun so I have to hope that he is telling the truth and doesn't get caught for doing anything illegal. I wish I could say that our season doesn't hinge on one player but no one can deny the difference of the lineup with and without him. 

But enough of the past. This article is about the future and it looks pretty bright as long as he is a part of it. In my years watching baseball I can say without a doubt that Ryan Braun is the best player I've ever seen in a Brewers uniform. Let it be known that I was born in 1981 and I didn't really become a big sports/baseball fan until the late 90's. Even though I grew up watching Paul Molitor and Robin Yount, I was too young or too interested in Star Wars and other nerd things to remember first hand how great they were. So I apologize if I have pissed off any fans of Harvey's Wallbangers and the teams of the 80's. If Ryan Braun stays healthy and stays out of trouble then he will surpass any former player and will own every single offensive record in Milwaukee Brewers history. If not for the whole PED controversy he would have easily won the MVP in 2012 because he put up better numbers than his 2011 season when he actually did win it. He pretty much put up a career year in 2012, but then again he puts up a career year every year. Can he do it again? I want to say no. But why say no when it feels so good to say yes? Hey, I’ll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher’s ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn’t you rather to take his word for it? No, what I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher’s ass… No, wait.... It’s gotta be your bull. We have derailed. Moving on...

Carlos Gomez #27, CF
2013 Prediction: .270 avg, .313 OBP, 21 HRs, 60 RBIs, 42 stolen bases, a Gold Glove and the most animated player that isn't a cartoon.

Is there a more exciting and more frustrating person to watch than Carlos Gomez? Brewers fans have watched him struggle to perform offensively which led to him being in a platoon or as a defensive replacement. And then the 2012 season he proved that he could get on base enough to utilize his speed and it paid off big time. He had a career year (.260 avg, .305 obp, 19 HRs, 51 RBIs and 37 {I'M 37!?!} stolen bases) and carried it over into Spring Training this year which put a good chuck of change in his pocket. He signed a 3-year contract extension for $24 million which will keep him with the Brewers through the 2016 season. Most importantly it keeps him around through his prime years of 28-30, which means that he's only going to get better. Theoretically of course, because he has to keep himself in the lineup by staying healthy and getting on base. This has been a problem for Gomez and for a different reason than you think. My favorite thing about Gomez is also what holds him back - his energy. He is one of the most upbeat, bouncy, fun loving people you will ever see in a uniform. He always goes 110% and never quits. There's a reason I call him Go-go-Gomez. Why is this a problem?  He tries to do too much which is how he broke his collarbone a few seasons ago by diving for a ball most centerfielders would have let drop for a base hit. He caught it by the way. And he likes to swing at everything, not content to talk a walk. He's like a little kid that needs to be put on Ritalin. He always wants to be active and patience is not one of his qualities. But he's got a surprising amount of power as shown by his 19 homeruns last year. So I'm all for him swinging at will as long as he is hitting above .250. Anything below that is unacceptable because his greatest strength is once he reaches base. This guy can flat out fly around the bases and is a nightmare for a pitcher and catcher. If he gets on first he's going to wind up at second whether or not you like it. But if you are a Brewers fan you are going to really like Carlos Gomez this year if he keeps taking steps in the right direction. It's good to know that he's finally putting all of his tools together in one shed while he's with our team and I for one am ecstatic that he'll be around for a couple more years.

Norichika Aoki #7, RF
2013 Prediction: .302 avg, .360 OBP, 8 HRs, 48 RBIs, 35 stolen bases and returns the favor by dropping the bomb on Americans who don't think that he can play our version of baseball.


I hate to be that asshole who rubs it in but let's face it, I am that guy. I called it when it comes to Norichika Aoki. Not that there were any doubters or anything. I was clamoring for him to start every day since his first day on this continent last season. Most people didn't know much about him or even understood the posting process of obtaining a player from the Japanese League. It seemed like kind of a reach to give several million dollars to a unknown commodity. But even though GM Doug Melvin admitted that he doesn't scout players in Japan he took a chance with Aoki because of the possible suspension of Braun. That obviously didn't happen and Aoki started the season on the bench. Gamel's injury moved Hart to first and Aoki into the starting lineup and the rest is history. Aoki should have been in the conversation for Rookie of the Year despite being 30 years old and 11 years in the pros with the Yakult Swallows. But that was last year. Aoki proved that he could hit for average, get on bases, steal some bases and play great defense. He also showed an usual amount of power despite his swinging style and small body type. He's cemented his place at the top of the lineup and in right field and I see him building upon it this year. He'll get more at bats because he'll be in those positions starting on Opening Day and it is my understanding that he adjusted quite nicely to the American style of baseball. He isn't scared of anything. He's not afraid of Godzilla, chupacabras, the Hodag, Sasquatch or even gas station sushi. Aoki is a 3rd level Samurai, can disappear in a cloud of smoke and has mastered the art of the Kamakaze Krush (known in the USA as the Suicide Squeeze). Aoki is another player that you can't help but like. He just does everything the right way and does everything well. There is not one complaint that I have about him and at $2 million a year he's an absolute steal. He's got an option for 2014 that is right around the same amount so you better start turning Japanese Milwaukee. I'll leave you with the following words: 則近青木、いまいましいな野球息子再生! あなたにたくさんの愛と小道具との同胞。 第二次世界大戦についての2申し訳ありません。 クールなアフレコが、右か。 なます。 また、それは私に赤ん坊のSAKI、ええ! Please copy and paste that into Google Translate to get a really funny translation that is a little off from what I originally typed, but made that much more hilarious by the differences in language. You can thank me later. どういたしまして.


Logan Schaffer #22, OF
2013 Prediction: .273 avg, 2 HRs, 28 RBIs, fan-fucking-tastic defense and the best Logan since Wolverine.

Logan Schaffer has impressed at every level of the minor leagues and keeps on turning heads with every single game he plays. At 26 years old he's hardly a kid anymore and it is his time to bring his talents to the Major Leagues for an extended period of time. He was a September call-up in 2011 and 2012 and has a .308 batting average in 26 at bats. I know that's a small sample size but when you also consider his .316 average during Spring Training from 2009-2013 in 117 at bats the future is definitely looking brighter for this young man. I'll throw one last stat line at you just to future prove my point that this guy is ready for the Major Leagues - in 401 games (1567 at bats) he has a batting average of .294, an OBP of .354, 254 runs scored and the most important stat which is a .989 fielding percentage. He only has 24 homeruns and 170 RBIs in his Minor League career so he probably doesn't profile as an everyday starter but he is the perfect 4th outfielder. He can play every outfield position but if you want to take full advantage of his skills you want to put him out in Centerfield. I would go so far to say that he might even be a better defender than Carlos Gomez. He's that good. With Braun locked up for life, Gomez through 2016 and Aoki through 2014 if they exercise his option (which they should), Schaffer will see limited time in the outfield over the next few years. But seeing as how he is left handed and extremely versatile. he should still get a start or 2 every week. In a right-handed heavy lineup he will be counted on to provide some balance and be able to get on base for the sluggers to drive him in. He has nothing left to prove in the Minor Leagues and is the perfect backup outfielder. I'm just surprised that it took him this long to be put in this role. Get used to watching Logan Schaffer because he's going to be around here for a long time. The only question is if he can succeed by getting limited playing time and pinch hitting. A lot of younger players struggle in that role. But he seems to have the moxy to throw down and not take shit from anybody. That's what I like to see in a kid just breaking out in the big leagues. He's going to be alright.

Khristopher Davis #57, LF
2013 Prediction: n/a. I'm not even going to bother because even if by chance he does make the team, he's going to be way out of his element so much that Walter Sobchak will constantly remind him of it.

Writing this blog during Spring Training is tough. I've already had to make a correction because Bobby Crosby has been released. I had predicted him to make the Opening Day Roster as a utility infielder. On the opposite side of the coin, Kris Davis was nowhere on my radar when Spring Training started. You don't want to put a lot of stock into anything that isn't a dirty magazine but it is really hard to ignore what Davis has done this Spring (as of 3/19/13) - 37 at bats, .351 batting avg, .400 OBP, 5 Hrs and 13 RBIs. He has gotten the opportunity to play every day since Ryan Braun has been playing with Team USA in the World Baseball Classic and he is certainly taking advantage of it. He has a pretty good chance of making the Opening Day Roster because as it stands right now the bench is left handed and without power. I guess they didn't pay the bills and it got shut off (yuk yuk yuk). Davis could be a good power bat off of the bench but there are too really big problems with that - he is only a left fielder and younger players (he is 25) typically struggle as pinch hitters. He is a defensive liability and would only pinch hit or get a start once every 3 weeks when Brauny takes a day off. Is that worth a roster spot instead of Taylor Green (left handed bat, can play 1st, 2nd and 3rd), Donnie Murphy (right handed bat, can play SS, 2nd and 3rd) or Blake Lalli (left handed bat, decent power, could play 1B or C and allow Maldonado or Lucroy to pinch hit while still retaining a backup catcher)? I don't know. The key to a National League roster (especially the bench spots) is flexibility because the pitcher's spot, double switches and late inning defensive replacements offer plenty of challenges for a Manager. When he only has a one-trick pony on the bench that really ties his hands down and doesn't really help anyone. Besides, all of the starters have incredible power so you don't really need any on the bench. Even though you'd like to see a player get rewarded for having a good Spring, I just don't see it happening. But I've been wrong my whole life so fuck it. What the hell do I know anyway?

The Outfield is a strength, and not just because of their popular one-hit wonder song "Your Love". I don't want to lose your love... TONIGHT!! I love that the Brewers used this song for Frank Catalanotto (which led me to Google Image search camel toe and realize I'm a lonely sick bastard) and Mark Kotsay when they came in to pinch it. The crowd would really get into it and sing along. Aside from that, Braun, Gomez, Aoki and Schaffer are going to be so ridiculously good you'd swear that you were playing a video game. They are all going to put up numbers so sick that even a double dose of NyQuil couldn't shut them down. So much for that shit being the The Nightime, Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, Stuffyhead, Fever, So-You-Can-Rest Medicine. It has no effect on the Brewers' Outfielders. That makes me happy. And also relieved because there's one less thing to worry about come Opening Day. 

Worry about the Starting Rotation. Worry about the rebuilt Bullpen. Worry about who is going to play 1st base until Hart comes back. Worry about your inability to satisfy your significant other sexually. Worry about what you would really do if we made contact with aliens. Worry about what you are going to do with your DVD collection now that Bluray is all the rage. Worry about your mismatched socks and your impending arrest by the Fashion Police. Worry about your high carb diet and how to lose those pounds to get ready for bikini season. Worry about that creepy guy who keeps following you home from work and peers into your windows in the late hours of the night. Worry that Stephenie Meyer will write another Twilight novel and you will have to suffer through another lifeless movie adaptation featuring shirtless men and sparkly vampires. Worry that you will never be in a position to not worry and be happy. Worry about plenty of things in this in this world but don't worry about the Brewers Outfield. They're going to be just fine. And probably finer than that young piece of ass you glanced at but then felt weird about it because you questioned whether or not she was over 18. Well she is. She is 22 by the way. I know because I checked her ID just to make sure. She's got a baby face but all the other parts are looking all grown up. Ok, now I'm really weirding myself out. I'm almost 32 years old now and I shouldn't be lusting over girls almost half my age. No wonder I'm still single. At least my single lifestyle allows me all the time in the World to watch Brewers games. So at least something good can come of this.

 - pookon -