The 2013 Milwaukee Brewers Infield was like those fucked up revolving doors at Clamp Tower that kept on malfunctioning and throwing people all over the lobby. Yes, I did just watch Gremlins 2 right before I wrote this. Even if I didn't, I probably would still have made that reference because that's the way my random mind works. The only player you could count on every day was Shortstop Jean Segura (143 games started). How many players played 1st base? At least 7. 2nd base saw 4 players try not to screw it up (Weeks - 92 games, Scooter - 56, Bianchi - 11 and Yuni B - 3) while 3rd base (Ramirez - 80 games, Yuni B - 43, Bianchi - 26, Gonzalez - 9 and Francisco - 4) was almost as big of a mess as 1st base was. Catcher was solid with Lucroy in there for 122 games and Maldonado covering the other 40. There wasn't a whole lot of consistency which had to have an impact on team defense, which isn't that good to begin with. Segura is a plus defender and I feel confident with both of our catchers on defense, but 1st, 2nd and 3rd were just downright awful. I don't often bring up defense when doing these write-ups because it is hard to quantify. Yeah I know they track errors, WAR (wins above replacement), UZR (ultimate zone rating) and fielding percentage, but sometimes the eye test is the best measurement to use. And from watching most of the games last year, I can tell you that they weren't very good defensively. But surely they made that up with their offense right? Not exactly, and don't call me Shirley. I'll probably touch on both below but I don't think I'm going to go into too much depth. It's already January 2014 and pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training next month. It's time to finish this shit and put an end to 2013 so we can move on.
Corey Hart #1, 1B
2013 Prediction: .265 Batting AVG, 18 HRs, 52 RBIs, 115 games played and a 1 way ticket out of town at the end of this season.
2013 Actual: N/A - Hart was rehabbing multiple knee injuries and better be the 1st Baseman in 2014 or else I'm beating up a Scarecrow. Who would've ever thought I'd be supporting Corey Hart?
God damn it. You see what you made me do Doug Melvin? You made me use the Lord's name in vain. That's because you didn't find a viable replacement for Corey Hart. You knew that he would miss the beginning of the season and probably knew he realistically wouldn't even play this season even before the 2nd knee surgery was announced as a necessary procedure that would end his season. Originally Hart had said he was going to be back by the end of April, which turned to the end of May, which turned to the end of June, which turned to possibly never returning to Milwaukee in a Brewers uniform. I never give Corey Hart enough credit but damn did we miss him big time. His replacements were statistically the worst 1st basemen in the Major Leagues. Not a one of them filled Hart's shoes (which are probably pretty big considering he is a goofy 6 foot 6 inches) and we ran through them like a poker playing dog runs through bones. The list of players used at 1st base in the 2013 season makes me cringe: Alex Gonzalez, Yuniesky Betancourt, Juan Francisco, Sean Halton, Blake Lalli, Martin Maldonado and Jonathon Lucroy. If you're too dumb to count, that's 7 of them. SEVEN. Like the seven deadly sins. What's in the box!?! WHAT'S IN THE FUCKIN' BOX!?!?! Not Corey Hart. He didn't set foot in the batter's box and instead sat back and collected like $10 million while rehabbing. I'm not saying that knee surgery isn't painful. I'm not saying that rehab is easy. I know it was a tough year for him. But I would gladly take $10 million dollars and have two surgically repaired knees. I could use some new knees and I'd be set for life. Some guys have all the luck...
Mat Gamel #24, 1B/DL 4 Life
2013 Prediction: Tough Luck Pal. Sadface...
2013 Actual: 8(
Corey Hart missed all of 2013 and got $10 million. Mat Gamel missed all of 2013 and got $500,000. That sounds like a lot of money, but I'd take my healthy(ish) knees and $30,000 a year job instead of the raw deal that One-T Mat is getting. Wait.. what? You mean what he made in one year would take me 16.67 years to make? And he only had to have one knee surgery and do nothing but learn how to walk again? Fuck it. I'd trade lives with Mat Gamel, chewing tobacco and all. I bet he gets tons of action. He's an athlete, even if he's barely played at all in the Major Leagues. Gamel miss most of 2012 due to a torn ACL so he wasn't going to be counted on much anyway and probably was more of a utility guy off the bench than anything else, but missing all of 2013 sealed his fate. His career with the Brewers is definitely over and I doubt he'll ever do anything at all in his life. I'm not just talking about baseball. He can't even learn how to spell his name right. How do you expect him to hold down a real job? Someone will probably still hire him to strike a baseball with a bat. He's too much "potential" and you just don't give up on top draft picks. I guess I wish him the best. I don't have enough malice in my soul to say otherwise, but if Julianne Gamel ever wants to ditch the loser and get with the boozer, I wish him all the evil in the World. Until that happens I don't give a hoot about what happens to this dude.
Rickie Weeks #23, 2B
2013 Prediction: .262 Batting AVG, .358 on base percentage, 23 HRs, 70 RBIs, 93 runs scored, 15 stolen bases and more love from me than even his own Mother is willing to offer.
2013 Actual:.209 Batting AVG, .306 OBP, 10 HRs, 24 RBIs, 40 runs scored, 7 stolen bases, 104 games played, 350 at bats and once again the lightning rod for criticism from Brewers Nation (but not from me. You're my boy Rickie!)
Oh Rickie. It's getting really hard to defend you if you don't meet me halfway. You're still my favorite current Brewers player and you will always hold a spot in my heart and on my back as one of the first jerseys I ever bought. (The first was a Jeff Cirillo #26 jersey from his 1994-1999 stint with the team.) He really seemed like he was going to avoid the early season slump that has dogged him in the past few years when he was batting .333 with 1 HR, 1 RBI and 5 runs scored after the first 6 games. "Rickie's back!" I shouted to anyone within the sounds of my voice, "I've been saying it! Ain't I been saying it!?!" But then he crashed. Hard. By the end of April he was batting .191 and people were once again calling for his head. He hit only .173 in the entire month of May and only had 1 HR and 1 RBI. FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH. That's pretty bad. Then again, everyone was pretty bad in the month of May which is how the team ended up going 6-22 and pretty much dooming their hopes at a winning season and the playoffs. The pitching was awful, the defense was asleep, the offense couldn't buy a clutch hit even if they had a million dollars and everything that could go wrong pretty much did. It wasn't Weeks' fault but he had to shoulder all of the blame. It isn't fair. But he took it like a man. You never heard him make excuses or criticize anyone. And then on August 8th he said goodbye to the 2013 season when he endured yet another injury that probably sealed his fate with the Milwaukee Brewers. This time it was a torn tendon in his left hamstring and his replacement, young prospect Scooter Gennett, played so well that the fans didn't miss Rickie. But I did. I love Rickie. I'm not ashamed to admit my love for another man. There's nothing wrong with that. I hope he comes back in 2014 and lights the world on fire and burns all of the haters. Not literally. Human flesh stinks when it is incinerated. I know that all too well...
Oh Rickie. It's getting really hard to defend you if you don't meet me halfway. You're still my favorite current Brewers player and you will always hold a spot in my heart and on my back as one of the first jerseys I ever bought. (The first was a Jeff Cirillo #26 jersey from his 1994-1999 stint with the team.) He really seemed like he was going to avoid the early season slump that has dogged him in the past few years when he was batting .333 with 1 HR, 1 RBI and 5 runs scored after the first 6 games. "Rickie's back!" I shouted to anyone within the sounds of my voice, "I've been saying it! Ain't I been saying it!?!" But then he crashed. Hard. By the end of April he was batting .191 and people were once again calling for his head. He hit only .173 in the entire month of May and only had 1 HR and 1 RBI. FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH. That's pretty bad. Then again, everyone was pretty bad in the month of May which is how the team ended up going 6-22 and pretty much dooming their hopes at a winning season and the playoffs. The pitching was awful, the defense was asleep, the offense couldn't buy a clutch hit even if they had a million dollars and everything that could go wrong pretty much did. It wasn't Weeks' fault but he had to shoulder all of the blame. It isn't fair. But he took it like a man. You never heard him make excuses or criticize anyone. And then on August 8th he said goodbye to the 2013 season when he endured yet another injury that probably sealed his fate with the Milwaukee Brewers. This time it was a torn tendon in his left hamstring and his replacement, young prospect Scooter Gennett, played so well that the fans didn't miss Rickie. But I did. I love Rickie. I'm not ashamed to admit my love for another man. There's nothing wrong with that. I hope he comes back in 2014 and lights the world on fire and burns all of the haters. Not literally. Human flesh stinks when it is incinerated. I know that all too well...
2013 Prediction: .281 Batting AVG, .327 OBP, 3 HRs, 41 RBIs, 22 stolen bases and yet another new kid that I'll have to yell at to get off my lawn.
2013 Actual: .294 Batting AVG, .315 OBP, 12 HRs, 49 RBIs, 44 stolen bases and the best kid to play for the Brewers since the one and only Kid (Robin Yount).
Is there any other Brewers player who had a better year than Jean Segura? One could argue that Carlos Gomez had a better year, but I can almost guarantee you that that argument would end in a Mexican Standoff. If you are familiar with that concept then you know that it doesn't end well for all 3 of the people involved. I might actually say that Segura had the better year because with Gomez you at least saw it coming. I'll get into that when I profile him, but Jean Segura was a relative unknown to Brewers fans when he came over in the Zack Greinke trade. In 2012 he hit .258 with 0 homeruns and 14 RBIs in 45 games. That made it impossible to forecast his 2013 numbers. I erred on the side of caution and kind of shortchanged him a little bit. He did explode in Dominican Winter Ball in the offseason and hit .324 with 2 homeruns and 21 RBIs in 35 games. Those are some pretty good stats but how do you project 162 games based off of that and his Rookie Season? You can't. I don't think anybody thought he would be this good, which is why I'm not upset with being wrong about him. His numbers don't even tell the whole story. He stole a team-high 44 bases and almost led the National League (Eric Young Jr. had 48) but was plagued with some minor injuries at the end of the year that made him fall short. But it was his defense that really sold me. He's got one hell of an arm and his range and speed was far better than the "experts" said he would be. They profiled him as a 2nd baseman because he couldn't hack it at SS.
If he hadn't have gotten so many at bats in 2012, I have no doubt he would have been in serious contention for Rookie of the Year in 2013 (that honor went to Jose Fernandez, starting pitcher for the Miami Marlins who went 12-6 with a 2.19 ERA in 172.2 innings pitched with 187 strikeouts. The top offensive player was Yasiel Puig who batted .313 with 19 HRs and 42 RBIs) but I'm sure that he is just fine with making the All-Star team and playing in 146 games and leading the team in batting average. Not too bad for a 23-year old. It was exciting to watch him play. Young people just have so much life and spirit because they World has yet to beat them down. I die I little bit as a sports fan every time I see an overpaid athlete taking a day off and not giving it 100%, but when I see a young player go balls to the walls that life is restored. There is hope for you yet young Padawan. Soon you will learn the true powers of the Force. I have no doubt now that 2013 was for real and that he can repeat it again in the future. I like watching Jean Segura. Not in the shower or anything. Don't be weird. I look forward to seeing more of him. Fully clothed. Pervert.
Is there any other Brewers player who had a better year than Jean Segura? One could argue that Carlos Gomez had a better year, but I can almost guarantee you that that argument would end in a Mexican Standoff. If you are familiar with that concept then you know that it doesn't end well for all 3 of the people involved. I might actually say that Segura had the better year because with Gomez you at least saw it coming. I'll get into that when I profile him, but Jean Segura was a relative unknown to Brewers fans when he came over in the Zack Greinke trade. In 2012 he hit .258 with 0 homeruns and 14 RBIs in 45 games. That made it impossible to forecast his 2013 numbers. I erred on the side of caution and kind of shortchanged him a little bit. He did explode in Dominican Winter Ball in the offseason and hit .324 with 2 homeruns and 21 RBIs in 35 games. Those are some pretty good stats but how do you project 162 games based off of that and his Rookie Season? You can't. I don't think anybody thought he would be this good, which is why I'm not upset with being wrong about him. His numbers don't even tell the whole story. He stole a team-high 44 bases and almost led the National League (Eric Young Jr. had 48) but was plagued with some minor injuries at the end of the year that made him fall short. But it was his defense that really sold me. He's got one hell of an arm and his range and speed was far better than the "experts" said he would be. They profiled him as a 2nd baseman because he couldn't hack it at SS.
If he hadn't have gotten so many at bats in 2012, I have no doubt he would have been in serious contention for Rookie of the Year in 2013 (that honor went to Jose Fernandez, starting pitcher for the Miami Marlins who went 12-6 with a 2.19 ERA in 172.2 innings pitched with 187 strikeouts. The top offensive player was Yasiel Puig who batted .313 with 19 HRs and 42 RBIs) but I'm sure that he is just fine with making the All-Star team and playing in 146 games and leading the team in batting average. Not too bad for a 23-year old. It was exciting to watch him play. Young people just have so much life and spirit because they World has yet to beat them down. I die I little bit as a sports fan every time I see an overpaid athlete taking a day off and not giving it 100%, but when I see a young player go balls to the walls that life is restored. There is hope for you yet young Padawan. Soon you will learn the true powers of the Force. I have no doubt now that 2013 was for real and that he can repeat it again in the future. I like watching Jean Segura. Not in the shower or anything. Don't be weird. I look forward to seeing more of him. Fully clothed. Pervert.
Aramis Ramirez #16, 3B
2013 Prediction: .289 Batting AVG, .351 OBP, 25 HRs, 98 RBIs and another slow start just like me in the 40 yard dash.
2013 Actual: .283 Batting AVG, .370 OBP, 12 HRs, 49 RBIs, 92 games played, 304 at bats and a year filled with injury and regrets. Just like me after a night at the dive bar strip club.
There's the afternoon buffet "B" Squad at a top notch Strip Club and then there's the women that I throw my hard earned dollars at. Nothing but the dive bar strippers with extreme daddy issues for me. But what does that have to do with Aramis Ramirez? They were both broken last year. But with Ramirez I wasn't there to sweep up the pieces and offer them a better life. No more dumpster diving child. I have instant mashed potatoes and dinosaur shaped chicken tenders! That's why I'm a winner. You hear that ladies? Time to step up to the plate and show the Iceman some love! OK, with that plate analogy it's time to get back to the baseball. In 2012 Ramirez showed that he is definitely worth $12 million a year and still has what it takes to be a great cleanup bat in the heart of the lineup. But a knee injury slowed him down in Spring Training and it continued to bother him throughout the year as he played the fewest games since 2009 (he averaged 139 games per year since 2001 with the last time playing under 100 games being in 2000, which was his 3rd year in the league). He's getting old by baseball standards (turning 36 this year) but as long as he stays healthy, I have no doubt that he is a solid bat that any team would be fortunate to have. There's no doubt in anyone's mind that the Brewers missed him big time in 2013 and they were constantly searching for (and failing at) finding his replacement.
This year showed us how important it was to have a big bat in the middle of the lineup to drive in runs. Carlos Gomez and Jonathon Lucroy did an admirable job and I will give them all the credit in the World for having career years, but they aren't your prototypical cleanup hitters. It's harder than it seems. I wouldn't know. When I was in Little League and Softball I hit near the bottom the order because I wasn't much of an athlete. I didn't even love baseball that much back then. I'd give anything to go back to those days when I was relatively in shape and I could move around without sweating. But I was never an RBI machine and I doubt I drove in more than a handful of runs. I was no Aramis Ramirez. The offense was outstanding in 2012 and they didn't really miss a beat after losing Prince Fielder. Ramirez filled those shoes so well and it took an injury-filled year for us to realize how important he was to this team. It's no surprise they only won 74 games. Braun was out for most of the season too, but of course I will get to that soon enough when I move on to the Outfield. Now that we've seen firsthand how important Rami is to this team, what will happen as he turns 37 (37!?!) in 2014? Time will tell on that one my friends.
Jonathan Lucroy #20, C
2013 Prediction: .305 Batting AVG, 17 HRs, 75 RBIs, 125 Games Caught and the most important factor in the success of the inexperienced starting pitching staff. He's also going to win the award for unsung hero or most underrated player on the team.
2013 Actual: .280 Batting AVG, 18 HRs, 82 RBIs, 122 Games Caught, 9 Games at 1st base and the best damn pitch caller this team has ever had. And while Norichika Aoki won the Unsung Hero Award, Lucroy did win the Good Guy Award for his work in the community.
I was pretty spot on with Lucroy in 2013. Excuse me while I pat myself on the back for a few moments. Good. Now that I got that out of my system we can talk about how great this man is. The pitching staff was average (16th out of 30 teams with a team ERA of 3.84) but it could have been worse considering how bad they were in April and May. Lucroy was key in the pitching staff turn around in the last few months as well as being the big bat in the lineup that the Brewers sorely missed due to Ramirez's injury and Braun's suspension. The Brewers have Lucroy signed through 2016 on a $11 million dollar contract, which is an absolute steal considering Brian McCann signed a 5 year $85 million dollar contract with the Yankees and Buster Posey signed a 9 year $167 million dollar contract extension with the Giants. Are you fucking kidding me? Now those guys are good. I will give you that. And I know I'm an extreme homer when I say this, but I would take Lucroy over both of those guys. He's going to get the job done. He isn't flashy, just solid. He will give you far more bang for your buck than anyone else on the planet, living or dead. I don't know why I said that. Since when do dead guys play baseball? Well in Field of Dreams they did. So there. I went to the Field of Dreams in Dyersville, Iowa once while on a roadtrip to Kansas City. It was pretty fucking sweet. Definitely one of the highlights in the baseball phase of my life.
He only got better as the season went on. In April he hit .235. May he hit .273. In June he hit .296. July was his best month as he hit .333 with 7 HR and 15 RBIs. He fell back a bit to .313 in August and crashed in September with a .226 average. It happens. When you look at his full body of work you can see that he is the most steady and productive player on the team in terms of offense, defense and team leadership. Plus he is absolutely amazing every Tuesday morning during the season on Chuck & Wickett on Sportsradio 1250 WSSP. He's refreshingly honest and seems like the kind of guy that you would want to kick back with and drink a couple of beers. I do hope that it happens someday. As a Season Ticket Holder with a 20-game pack, I got to choose to attend an autograph session in 2014 with Jean Segura, Carlos Gomez or Jonathan Lucroy. I chose Lucroy. Why? Because he is underrated. I appreciate the shit out of him. He will never make an All-Star Team but he will always be an All-Star in my book. I realize now how gay that sounds. But I'm OK with it. There's nothing wrong with being gay. Gay also means carefree, chipper, gleeful, joyous, sparkling, frolicsome, jocund, merry, playful and rollicking. So you could say I'm gay for Lucroy. How's that for an endorsement?
2013 Prediction: .252 Batting AVG, 9 HRs, 32 RBIs, 37 Games Caught and a crouching little ball of love behind the plate that you can't help but fall for.
2013 Actual: .169 Batting AVG, 4 HR, 22 RBIs, 47 Games Catching and the sexiest little number behind the plate since Mila Kunis sat down for dinner.
I love the Mighty Martin. I don't normally profess my love for dudes (not that there's anything wrong with that) but I can't help but shout out how much I love Martín Benjamín Maldonado Valdés so loud that his family in Puerto Rico will question what he's doing in Milwaukee. And why he isn't doing it with a nice young lady instead. Fortunately for his family, this love is a one-way street. There's nothing wrong with being gay - unless you're not gay, and then there's something horribly wrong with it. That's when it's the worst thing you can be is gay - when you're not gay. Then it's all just a misunderstanding. But enough of me trying to weasel my way out of these quasi-gay comments. Not happening pal. Everyone knows the truth. And that truth is that Maldonado is nothing more than a backup catcher. He just doesn't have the offense to play every day. He does a fine job defensively and is better than Lucroy in that department and I really like the way he calls a game, especially with Wily Peralta on the mound. He became his personal catcher and I know I'm not the only one who credits him with Peralta's turnaround in the 2nd half of the season. He actually caught more games than I thought he would because Lucroy ended up starting 9 games at 1st which left Maldonado as the default catcher. I'm ok with Maldonado starting 40-50 games but he has to get that batting average above .200. If he can do that then the catching position is in real good shape for the next 4 years with both Lucroy and Maldonado under team control. That's one of the real strengths of this team.
Alex Gonzalez #11, IF
2013 Prediction: .248 Batting AVG, 9 HRs, 42 RBIs and a smooth transition to being a backup and well liked by everyone in a Brewers uniform except for me because he stole my number.
2013 Actual: .177 Batting AVG, 1 HR, 8 RBIs in 41 games (113 at bats) and the latest Brewers player to be Suppan'd. Should've never stolen my number pal.
In 2012 Alex Gonzalez was signed to be the starting shortstop and saw his season cut short because of a torn ACL. If he didn't get injured and the Brewers didn't have such a bad year, would we still have traded Zack Greinke for Jean Segura? You never know, but I'm happy with the end result. When the Brewers brought him back in 2013 I was all for it as long as he would be a backup infielder. You can always use depth on the team and a veteran presence off of the bench. He had played nothing but shortstop for his entire career, but for some reason the Brewers decided that he could be one of their 1st basemen. He was pretty awful both on offense and defense. I can barely even remember him being on this team last year because his impact was so minimal. As you can see from his statistics above, he brought next to nothing from the team which is why they had no problem releasing him on June 3rd after suffering a 6-22 month of May. Sometimes you just have to cut the dead weight and count your losses. Besides, there was no reason keeping a 37-year old shortstop when it was obvious you weren't going to compete this year. That roster spot is better occupied by a young guy from the Minors who actually has some potential and a future with this team, which is exactly what they did. The Brewers did the right thing by cutting this bastard who stole my #11. If they wouldn't have cut him I would have, except I do my cutting with a knife and my sharp wit.
Yuniesky Betancourt #3, IF
2013 Prediction: N/A (signed too late for me to bother with a prediction)
2013 Actual: .212 Batting AVG, .240 OBP, 13 HRs, 46 RBIs and leaving Brewers fans hoping there isn't a Yuni B Trilogy with a 3rd Season of him on this team.
The way Yuni B stormed onto the scene in April you would have sworn he was the second coming of Jesus Christ by the way he raptured the shit out of opposing pitcher's baseballs. Those things were gone! Like get up, get up, get the fuck outta here! His April was a miracle as he hit .280 with 6 homeruns and 21 RBIs. The Two-Fisted Slobber even told me that he made water into wine and made the crippled Mat Gamel walk. But like the comet Biederman in Deep Impact, he came crashing down to Earth in May and the rest of the season was as dismal as the American East Coast at the end of that flick. The Brewers signed him real late in Spring Training and it looked like Doug Melvin made a brilliant move in bringing this dude back. But that move became a nightmare later in the season when he was taking playing time away from younger players who actually have a future on this team. I wasn't the only one who wondered in July and August why Yuni B was still on this team. You already cut Alex Gonzalez. Why not send Yuni B to wherever Alex Gonzalez is so that these two shortstops turned 1st basemen could sit down in the park and have a lovely picnic? I'm sure that they would have plenty to talk about. I'll be honest when I got a little excited when Yuni B was crushing the ball in April but I was left scratching my head (and my ass - buttscratcher!) for the other 5 months. Yeah there were a lot of injuries and you needed to put 8 position players on the field every day to play a game, but why did Yuni B have to be one of them?
Taylor Green #5, IF
2013 Prediction: .235 Batting AVG, 2 HRs, 12 RBIs, very limited playing time and most likely sent down to AAA when Corey Hart returns but will once again bounce back and forth between the Minors and Majors, screwing up his game and ruining his career.
2013 Actual: N/A (Green missed the entire 2013 season due to hip surgery).
Taylor Green was the backup to the backup at 1st base and like Hart and Gamel, missed the entire 2013 season. This former 2007 Milwaukee Brewers Minor League Player of the Year was not even able to play his last game in a Brewers uniform. That's why prospects are just that until they pan out. Some of them have all the promise in the World but never really get the chance to put it all together. He had some pretty damn good Minor League numbers (career .289 hitter with 78 HRs and 431 RBIs over 7 seasons) but never got a chance in the Majors due to injury or lack of performance. I wanted the Brewers to Go Green but this former top prospect is probably just going to get recycled on another team. The thing that sucks about it is that he plays a position of need for the Brewers as a 3rd baseman. When Ramirez was on the DL, they didn't have a viable option and just hodgepodged it together like they did at 1st base. Umm.. Doug Melvin? That's not what good teams do. Ding ding ding! What does that make the 2013 Milwaukee Brewers? Say it with me folks - a bad team. I'm not saying that Green could replace the power numbers we sorely missed when he was injured, but Green could have at least provided some consistency. When I showed up to the ballpark every day I never knew who would be playing 1st or 3rd. I doubt the players did either. That doesn't help in any way, shape or form. Oh well. Best of luck in the future pal.
Bobby Crosby #2, IF
2013 Prediction: .229 Batting AVG, 5 HRs, 30 RBIs and a decent comeback despite not being as impressive as comeback players before him.
2013 Actual: N/A with the 2013 Milwaukee Brewers
Remember in Spring Training when I thought Bobby Crosby would make the team? Well who's the idiot now? And who the fuck is Bobby Crosby? Is he the son of that White Christmas singing motherfucker Bing Crosby? Is he brothers with that field goal missing motherfucker Mason Crosby? Did he steal the identity of David Crosby so that he could tour with Stephen Stills, Graham Nash and Neil Young? In the 1800s did he dress up like a woman and write over 8,000 hymns and gospel songs under the pseudonym of Fanny Crosby? Possibly. I'm not Private Detective so I don't have the resources to look that sort of thing up. Besides, I've already spent way more time talking about him than I should have because he didn't even make the Brewers roster in 2013. So you know what? To hell with him! For all I know he might even be Star Trek: The Next Generation's Denise Crosby. I don't know! The resemblance is uncanny!
Donnie Murphy #21, IF
2013 Prediction: N/A. I only profiled him so I could shout out DONNIE MURPHY!!
2013 Actual: N/A with the 2013 Milwaukee Brewers
I still don't care about Donnie Murphy because he didn't make the 2013 Roster out of Spring Training and he fell off of my radar. He did end up signing with the Chicago Cubs and made it to the Majors at some point during the season. He did hit 11 Home Runs for them and wasn't the worst player on that team. But I still don't care. I still don't care if Donnie Murphy is the long lost brother from another mother of Eddie Murphy. I still don't care that he still holds the record for longest Jenga game ever played. I still don't care that he invented 3 new flavors of chewing gum. I still don't care that in the offseason he manages a Senior Care Center in Boca Raton, FL. I still don't care that as a boy he had a pet rock named Charles that he carried with him for an entire summer. I still don't care that he only has 95% vision in his left eye. I still don't care that he co-wrote TLC's 2000 hit song "No Scrubs". I still don't care that he prefers khakis instead of jeans. I still don't care that he can name over 200 species of aquatic life. And I definitely still don't care about Donnie Murphy. And I never will.
Juan Francisco #21, 1B/3B
2013 Prediction: N/A
2013 Actual: .221 Batting AVG, 13 HRs, 32 RBIs, 71 starts, 240 at bats, 95 strikeouts
They call him "Fat Juan". I can relate. They could call me "Fat Scott" but no one has done that since grade school. Kids can be so mean. But I don't need you to bring that one back just yet. I already have enough nicknames. I don't need one more. Especially one that refers to my girth. Francisco (ooh! That's fun to say!) isn't really that fat by normal people standards - at 6'2" and 240 pounds he's hardly tipping the scale on being fat camp eligible. But on an athlete's body that's critically obese. I hate to mention it because I can't watch baseball without sweating, but he's too big to be an effective infielder. Sure he can hit some homers and drive in some runs, but is that worth his lack of range, awful glove and high strikeout total? His career batting average is .243 and his on base percentage is .300. His 18 total homeruns between Atlanta and Milwaukee were a career high. He is only 26 years old, which is still relatively young by baseball standards, but he's running out of time. We already have enough guys with low batting averages and poor on base percentages. But GM Doug Melvin loves power guys who strike out a lot. Rickie Weeks, Russell Branyan and Bill Hall come to mind. In a home stadium like Miller Park, you can really rack up the power numbers, but Francisco still doesn't do enough for what is supposed to be a power position, whether he is at 1st or 3rd. I applaud Mr. Melvin for trying something when Hart, Gamel and Taylor Green went down (your 1-3 on the depth charts at 1st base). I'll give him credit for removing Yuni B. and Alex Gonzalez from 1st base when Yuni B. fell back to Earth and Gonzalez proved that he wasn't a 1st baseman. Melvin didn't give up anything for Fat Juan (Minor League lefty Tom Keeling, who you will likely never hear from again) so it was worth the gamble. But not all bets pay off. I'm not ready to cut him because he won't be making a lot of money next year (in the neighborhood of $1.5 million) and he is still a viable option off of the bench. Do I want him to start? No. Are there any better options? No. Am I going to be upset if he is our starting 1st baseman next year? Yes. Is there anything I can do about it? No. God damn it. Foiled again! You played me like a fiddle. Touche Mr. Melvin. Touche.
2013 Prediction: N/A. Looks like I forgot that he was even on this team.
2013 Actual: .237 Batting AVG, 1 HR, 25 RBIs, 100 games played, 236 at bats, played 2B, SS, 3B and even 3 games in leftfield and I still kind of forgot that he was on this team.
Every team needs a Jeff Bianchi. But not literally. There aren't 32 of him. That would be weird. Imagine his Mother giving birth to 32-uplets (or whatever the hell you would call it if that was humanly possible). Or it could be like the movie Multiplicity. Imagine how insanely retarded those last few would be if they were a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a... well you get the point. It would be a hell of a lot worse than "Hey Steve!" A National League team needs a guy off the bench who can play multiple positions and jump in at a moments notice and pitch in (or pinch in. As in hit. Get it?) He's not going to be the best player on the team but he doesn't have to be. He will never be a starter but he will also never command a large salary. Where can you go wrong by having a utility infielder on a NL team? Sure I would like to see him have a higher batting average and perform better as a pinch hitter, but I would also like to settle down with a pretty girl and have some babies. We can't always get what we want. But in the meantime we can have Jeff Bianchi. But he isn't a pretty girl and we can't have babies. So I'm still cold and lonely, shaking naked in the fetal. Don't ask.
2013 Prediction: N/A
2013 Actual: .324 Batting AVG, .356 OBP, 6 HRs, 21 RBIs, 29 runs scored in 69 games, 213 at bats and cool as shit because we share a childhood nickname.
When I met Scooter Gennett at the Milwaukee Brewers On Deck event in January 2013 I told him that my childhood nickname was also Scooter. Of course mine had a more obvious reason. Since I was blessed with the name of Scott, there really is no way to shorten that for people so it kind of got elongated. My Pops used to call me Scooter but I grew out of it. He was born Ryan Joseph Gennett, but "has gone by 'Scooter' since he was a young kid watching the show Muppet Babies... first used the nickname as an 'alias' to a police officer when his mother brought him to the station for a scare because he would not put on his seat belt." (Brewers.com player profile). His nickname origin is much cooler than mine. I'm also known as the Iceman. The origin of that nickname is from when I worked at UWM and filled the ice machine. Real obvious pal. But it stuck. And even though a lot of my friends have come to know that my real name is Scott, even some of my closest friends like Aaron and Joey Kanz still call me Iceman. Even though the origin story isn't that cool like Steve Rogers/Captain America or Peter Parker/Spiderman, it's the name that I'm stuck with. And I'm proud of it.
So where were we? Oh yeah, Scooter Gennett. Based upon the fan reaction, Scooter is the real deal at 2nd base and Rickie Weeks can suck a dick. Well, they weren't that crass but you get the point. It was a really small sample size (174 at bats against right handed pitchers and 39 at bats against lefties) but people were ready to put him on their shoulders and proclaim him the next big thing. He performed well. I'll give him that. But let's pump the brakes a little bit. Slow that Big Rig down before you hurt someone. You are hauling some pretty precious cargo back there. So far I like what I have seen from this kid. I'm willing to give him a chance next year. But still I want him to platoon with Rickie Weeks. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Money-wise he is the future. He's going to be making the Major League minimum for the next few years while Rickie is getting $10 million next year. If you can dump that salary you do it in a heartbeat, because I promise you that Scooter will hit better than .209. All day. But he lacks Week's power and RBI possibility. He's probably a tick better defensively and probably has the same speed, but he lacks the veteran experience and clubhouse leadership that Rickie provides. I'm not against Scooter Gennett. Don't get me wrong. But I'm just not ready to hand over the reins to him just yet.
Sean Halton #11, 1B
2013 Prediction: N/A
2013 Actual: .238 AVG, .291 OBP, 4 HRs, 17 RBIs, 101 at bats, 42 games played and the best Sean on the Brewers since Sean Berry.
Why are there like 9 ways to spell Sean? That should not even be one of them. That is pronounced Seen. It should be Shawn or Shaun. Hell I'd even accept Shonn. For the African American folks who have to put a Le, Je or De in front of white people's names we can add DeShawn and LeSean. Hell there's even a Chone. What the fuck does it even matter anyway. Spell it however you want because I won't have to worry about it anymore. Without everybody and their Mother the Disabled List (I swear I saw someone's Mother on there. Whose Mother was that again? Wasn't Valeria Weeks on the 15-day DL with a strained hamstring?) he wouldn't have been on the team this year. But he was a true first baseman. He wasn't a shortstop/3rd baseman/catcher/alien/babysitter/Zoltar Machine/recovering sex addict/substitute chemistry teacher/non-profit lawyer/human rights activist/deep sea diver/Muppet performer/cherry picker/disabled Vietnam War Veteran/People's Court Judge/stay at home Mom without the kids/factory worker/seeing eye dog/scratch off lottery ticket winner/random fan who brought his glove to the game that they used at 1st base this year. He is a real 1st baseman. You have to give him credit for that. And give Doug Melvin/Ron Roenicke credit for playing him at 1st base, even if he only got 19 starts there. He didn't do all that bad. Sure, he didn't impress as much as a Scooter Gennett or a Khris Davis and his numbers are way below that of a prototypical 1st baseman, but he was better than the other options (Yuni B, Fat Juan Francisco, Lucroy, Maldonado or Random Player who was told to grab a glove and man the position that day). Will he be on the 2014 team? Probably not. If they have as many injuries in 2014 as we did 2013, will we see him then? Probably. No offense to Sean Halton or his Asian girlfriend Mei Fong, but I hope he spends the entire 2014 season with the AAA Nashville Sounds. It's for the greater good.
2013 Prediction: N/A
2013 Actual: .125 AVG, 0 HR, 2 RBI in 24 at bats and just as quickly forgotten as what I had for lunch yesterday.
Who? Was Blake Lallipop even on the team this year? Lollipop lollipop, oh lolli lollipop. Lollipop! POP! Bah doom boom boom. I like the idea of Blake Lalli more than I actually like him. No offense of course. What he brought to the team was an emergency catcher. This gave Manager Ron Roenicke the freedom to use both Lucroy and Maldonado in the same game or use Lucroy as a pinch hitter. The reason why it is beneficial is because once a player comes in the game as a pinch hitter, he can not be used again in that game. So if Lucroy is used as a pinch hitter in the 6th and Maldonado gets injured and has to come out of the game in the 7th, Lucroy couldn't come in as catcher. This kind of scenario has never played out in my recent memory, but it gave Roenicke some flexibility. Only having 2 catchers on the roster never hindered Roenicke's decisions before, but it is always nice to have a Plan B with experience in case you needed to throw someone new behind in the plate in an emergency. Is it worth wasting a roster spot on a 3rd catcher? Not really. But it was nice to have one just in case. I went to High School with Justin Case.
Peas and Rice man. I can't believe that I wrote this much. No wonder it takes me the entire offseason to work on this write-up. Why can't I just be like every other Brewers blogger and be more timely and stick the basics when it comes to evaluating the players? That's because I am different. You can go anywhere for player analysis. But you didn't go anywhere. You came here for the best god damn randomness you will ever find on the internet when it comes to the Milwaukee Brewers. Who else tells it like this? I dare you to answer that question. Just try and I will hold a gun to your head. Wait... what? When did I get a gun? And when did I become so violent? My Mother would be ashamed. She already is ashamed of me. It comes with the territory. I was never ever going to be the son that she wanted. I should have known that from an early age but I didn't realize it until a later age. When did this stop being a recap of the 2013 Milwaukee Brewers Infield and start being a recap about my life? I should have seen that coming. It's never about them. It has always been about me. That's what makes it so special. That is the personal touch that I provide on this blog. You can't get that anywhere else. Feel free to go out and try. I promise you will be back. They always come back. Right back where I want them. It's all part of my Master Plan. Muh hah hah hah ha ha ha ha. That's maniacal laughter in text form. Yes I realize it doesn't have nearly the effect as the audible version. Using your imagination asshole. And also make sure you check back soon for the write-ups on the Oufield, the Starting Pitching and the Bullpen. Good lord. I still have so much work to do and Pitchers and Catchers report to Arizona in 35 days. Wow.
- pookon -
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