At the beginning of November, I weighed 358 pounds. I'm happy to say that by the end of this month, I'm down to 350 pounds. That's pretty incredible to me considering that this month contains my favorite eating day of the year - Thanksgiving. I was actually able to control myself for the most part and I only fixed up one plate of food (albeit an oval plate) and didn't take any leftovers home. That's a first for me because I usually overdo it and end up in a food coma that keeps me in that state longer than Elaine Esposito. By the time I wake up, I only feel regret and stomach pains. But this year was different. This time around I was conscious of my decisions and didn't go overboard like the men unable to occupy a lifeboat on the ill fated voyage of the Titanic. What? Too soon? It's never too soon. Especially to make important life decisions that people aren't fully supportive of or ready to understand. Well this is my struggle, not theirs. They need to do what they need to do and I need to do what I need to do.
Gravy for days. That is a World that I want to live in. Of course one may argue that since I live in America and come from a middle class family, I already live in a World where that is a reality. At any given moment, I can go to the nearest convenience store and purchase enough gravy to keep me satisfied until the next time I can go out and get more gravy. While one may call this "living the dream", I call this being caught in an endless loop to which there is no escape. I can have whatever I want whenever I want. How do you say no to that? How do you stop yourself from taking advantage of this situation? If I turn my back on everything I've ever known, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to myself. That is why I have to keep this experiment going in order to retrain myself into a different way of thinking and a complete lifestyle change. This isn't going to be easy and this change isn't going to happen overnight. This is about erasing 34 years of learned behavior and completely starting over. This sort of thing has already proved to be quite difficult and I don't see it getting any easier. But nothing worth having isn't worth working for. I've been working for some time now and I'll be damned if I'm going to let myself fail now.
2 months down in this experiment and everything seems to be going OK. While this is certainly not ideal and I don't expect you to understand it, I need to do what works for me. And this works. Whether you agree with it or not, this is undeniably working. I don't intend to stick to this plan forever, but I'm at least going to keep this gravy train going for another month. So that's my plan. And for time being, I'm sticking to it. It's up to you if you want to come along for the ride.
- pookon -
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