Drunken Live Tweet - How to Tweet Your Dragon / The TweeTown

Over Thanksgiving weekend of 2011 AT&T U-Verse had a free preview of HBO, Cinemax, Starz and all of the other premium channels that aren't dirty. Well, some of them we got a preview of were dirty after dark, but that's not what you want to hear about. It was that Saturday night when I didn't  have anything else to do that I watched How to Train Your Dragon and The Town with my Mother. Yes, my life is sometimes that sad (no offense Mom). But thankfully I have booze and Twitter to help me get through my pathetic life. I decided to Live Tweet the dragon flick because I knew I could find issues in a kid's movie about puberty and sexuality, I mean taming dragons. And of course I was pretty ridiculous as always and unfiltered. So if you are a kid, have kids or are planning to have them someday, sat next to a kid on the bus once or have heard of a kid I beg you not to read this. 

Since nobody is reading this I can be a little saucy. Which condiment allows you to slide down the Godsplash faster - A1 Steak Sauce or Worcester Sauce? I like dijon mustard best because Dijon is the name of the thieving lackey in DuckTales: The Movie - Treasure of the Lost Lamp. I'm a mixer. I take all the available sauces and whip them together for a different combination every time. It was like a Monster Mix, only with sauces. 

OK folks, I'm done being saucy. You can continue reading now. This flick was actually quite good and that's what I heard about it. The story was decent and the animation was pretty good too. Made me want to own a dragon. Until that fucker lit my ass up like a Christmas Tree so the NBA JAM announcer could yell out, "HE'S ON FIRE!!" Don't read too much into the title. You can't tame dragons. You ain't no Viking from the 4th to 13th Century AD. You cannot train one. And it's not because there aren't any dragons it's because in the movie they never really teach you how to do it. Unless I totally missed that part in the movie because I was too busy drunken live tweeting. Oh well, read on to see how I felt about this movie. 

These dragons love to eat lambs. Haven't seen someone tear up lamb like that since me in college at Oakland Gyros. #HowToTrainYourDragon

So this kid wants to be big and fat like the rest of the Vikings? Listen pal, I'll switch with you. #HowToTrainYourDragon

This kid captured a dragon, but the dragon's retarded. I'm no animal rights activist, but retards need to be let go. #HowToTrainYourDragon

If dragons were real I'd kill all of them. Just like aliens, those fuckers don't belong here. #HowToTrainYourDragon

Listen kid - you can't talk a dragon to death (even if it is working on me). Stab that fucker in the heart. #HowToTrainYourDragon

It's just raw fish. Millions of weirdos eat that shit. It's called sushi. It's not the worst u can put in your mouth. #HowToTrainYourDragon

This kid used ball bearings to fix the injured dragon's tail. C'mon guys! It's all ball bearings these days! #HowToTrainYourDragon

To train these kids, they just let the dragons attack. That's like dropping your kid off at 21st and Locust. #HowToTrainYourDragon

They need to stop making computer animation so lifelike. This blonde chick is kind of giving me a boner. #HowToTrainYourDragon

This skinny blonde chick is kind of doing it for me. Sadly the dragon is too. Damn I need to get a girlfriend. #HowToTrainYourDragon

This kid's name is Hiccup. I have a cure for that. Hold your breath and I'll scare you. Works every time. #HowToTrainYourDragon

Yes!! Those dragons totally stole a dolphin out of the sea for a feast! You eat those smug bastards! #HowToTrainYourDragon

Just because the dragon is black doesn't mean you have to call him Night Fury. #ALittleRacist #HowToTrainYourDragon

Jonah Hill's voice is distracting in an animated movie. It's like hearing the voice inside my head. #HowToTrainYourDragon

Night Fury? Does he have a brother Nick who is leader of the Avengers? You know, the guy who shouts a lot? #HowToTrainYourDragon

When the big dragon hit the ground, an explosion went off. Good thing Hiccup Luke Skywalker'd it inside the dragon. #HowToTrainYourDragon

I'm just waiting for Astrid to say "and I thought they smelt bad......................on the outside. " #HowToTrainYourDragon

So the Vikings ended up living in harmony with the dragons? I call bullshit. War doesn't get resolved that easy. #HowToTrainYourDragon

Movies need to stop lying to kids. Life is hard. There is no peace. War is hell. Get used to it pal. #HowToTrainYourDragon

The Town is another one of those movies that I heard was really good. It's also one of those movies that I own but I have never seen. I have lots of those. We decided to watch it that night and I thought it was pretty damn good. Ben Affleck was the bomb in this just like he was in Phantoms. Word bitch! Phantoms like a muh-fucker! I wasn't intending on Live Tweeting this movie because I didn't know anything about it. But I was still drunk so I decided to post a couple of observations. But you can't follow along with me and semi-understand the plot like you can in my other Live Tweet sessions because I didn't even know where I was going with any of this. This movie did make me want to have a recognizable accent like the Bostonians in this flick. I suppose I have a Midwest accent but it isn't too sexy. Hey wadda got dere missy? You lookin real fine dere dontcha know. Yep. You're turned on right now. I got real caught up in this flick and ended up having a good time with it. There's nothing wrong with bank heists, car chases and shoot outs. That kind of stuff will always be ok in my book. It's a good thing that I'm not a judge or member of any Law Enforcement Agency. Check out the couple of random things that I had to say about The Town.

Skeletor sure knows what he is doing robbing this bank. It's too bad he never knew how to defeat He-Man. #TheTown

These accents are so thick I can't here "Whatcha Say" playing in the background of this bar. #TheTown

I'm very impressed with the track suit Affleck is rocking. Is that what bank robbers wear? I want to be a bank robber. #TheTown

So you hold up a bank girl, tail her at the laundrymat then take her out on a date? I never did that. Is that why I'm single? #TheTown

The trouble with live tweeting a movie like this is that there is no one holding a gun to my head forcing me to do it. #TheTown

Affleck looks old as shit in this flick. What happened to the kid from that fucking movie with Mork from Ork in it? #TheTown

Blake Lively looks like fucking hell in this flick. But I'd still do her anyway. What? I got low standards. #TheTown

I've been working at Miller Park for 10 years and there has never been a shootout on the service level. No fair. #TheTown

The most exciting thing I saw at Miller Park was Bernie Mac. When he was alive. Not as a ghost. Now that would've been sweet. #TheTown

They say Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms. This is true. However, he is the bomb in this flick as well. #TheTown

Well that's all for now. If you like these Movie Drunken Live Tweets then make sure to come back here for more of my internet adventures. I have at least 6 more commentaries to share with you and they're all really good. Have a nice day, and remember if you get drunk and watch a movie, you might as well Tweet about it!


 - pookon - 


www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 5 - San Francisco Giants / Cincinnati Reds

The San Francisco Giants are normally a pretty good team because of their pitching, but coming into this series they weren't exactly lighting the world on fire. They were a few games under .500 and their ace Tim Lincecum came into the game with a 5.74 ERA, a clear indication that the 2-time Cy Young winner was struggling big time. Now was the time to jump on the Giants and take them down Jack-style. They climbed the beanstalk and stole the hen that laid golden eggs but when they went back for the harp that played by itself they heard the familiar words, "Fie Fie Foe Fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!" It was then that the Brewers offense was discovered and squashed by the boot of the Giant's foot. I should have seen this one coming though because the Brewers always seem to do well against the premier pitchers. How many times have we seen them beat Lincecum, Johann Santana or knock around Roy Halladay and then struggle against a Bud Norris or some guy from AA making his major league debut? Too many times to count. 

After taking down Lincecum and then being dominated by Madison Bumgarner in game 2 we still did have a chance to win the series against Matt Cain of all people in game 3, but once again failed to win a series. They even tied it up in the 9th inning to take it to extras but lost in the 11th inning the moment Tim Dillard took the mound. Tim Dillard has lead a pretty incredible life so far. If you don't believe me, then check out his legend in my 2012 preview of the Brewers pitching staff. He has done some amazing things but pitching isn't one of them. The only reason that Tim Dillard continues to pitch is because of little Tommy Sampson, a cancer victim from Dillard's hometown of Sarasota, Florida. With his dying breath at the tragic age of 7, he told Dillard that his dream was to grow up and pitch in the Major Leagues, which was something that he sadly would never be able to realize. So even though Dillard is not the greatest pitcher he still goes out there every day and pitches for Tommy. He even wears the number 48 because Tommy died on the 8th of April. I'm a fan of Dillard the man but Dillard the pitcher needs to go away. His pitching is distracting him from continuing to grow his legend. The worst thing about this weekend was that it was Cinco de Mayo and my Birthday, so it put a little damper on the festivities. But I didn't let it ruin my good time because as a born-again Mexican I will celebrate despite adversity. And then I had a bunch of family and friends over for the game on Sunday which was my Birthday. So I still had a great time regardless. I hope the Brewers players are doing the same or else it's going to be a really long season for them.

Everyone is high on the Cincinnati Reds. I'm not. I'm high on something else. Settle down you NARC, I'm high on life. Among other things. Only pure things touch this heavenly body so hands off ladies. You don't get to touch me unless you have a clean soul. I have some incredibly high standards. That's probably why I've managed to stay single all these years. But I digress... The Cincinnati Reds were the sexy sleeper pick to win the division and I can see why. They have a pretty damn good offense and if their pitching remains consistent they have a chance to unseat St. Louis as the head of the table in the NL Central. It was no fluke when they won the division in 2010 but I expected them to get swept by Philadelphia that year because they were still a young team experience wise. Now it's a few years later so for their sake it is hopefully behind them. But I don't believe in the Reds because I don't believe in Dusty Baker to lead his team to victory. I was at the Monday night game and we didn't get in until the 2nd inning or so like usual. So we missed the only run the Brewers scored (a Ryan Braun solo homerun) and there was no energy the rest of the game. And that about sums up the season so far - lack of energy. Last year Tony Plush led the charge and Prince Fielder added the BeastMode. Where is the fire this year? I understand they've been losing since day 1 but you have to rally to come back from behind. This team is all nap and no rally. Tuesday's game showed promise but then they lost Wednesday's game. They don't even build on wins by carrying it over to the next day. I don't know what else to say here. But keep reading below to see what I said the day after the games in my cubicle.

Friday May 4 - Sunday May 6. Milwaukee Brewers vs San Francisco Giants at AT & T Park. Games 26-28 of 162. Game 1 started out on a good note with a 3-run 1st inning against Lincecum that snapped an 18-inning scoreless streak. The offense finally showed some life and some plate discipline and were able to take game 1. Fantastic. Then game 2 came crashing down literally when Alex Gonzalez slid into second and messed up his knee, leaving the game. We know now that like Gamel, it is a torn ACL and he is out for the season. An already lifeless offense lost 2 of their hottest players on this roadtrip and Carlos Gomez went on the DL and Ryan Braun has an achillies issue. This team is falling apart and they look lifeless. The offense is still a problem and everyone is hitting below their career averages. Now we have Travis Ishikawa and Caesar Izturis as everyday players? Dear God we need help. The Giants outplayed us but it wasn't hard. The Brewers are outplaying themselves. They came home limping after a 3-6 roadtrip and I just called out May 23rd as Judgement Day as to whether or not this is a lost season. Stay tuned. I don't like where this is going. Brewers 6, Giants 4. Giants 5, Brewers 2. Giants 4, Brewers 3.

Monday May 7. Milwaukee Brewers vs Cincinnati Reds at Miller Park. Game 29 of 162. The Brewers wake up today looking up at 5 other teams in the NL Central. That's right folks - your Milwaukee Brewers are in last place. The worst part is that it could only get worse if they don't turn it around soon. The clocki is ticking and it's getting harder to deal with this as the days go by. So we already know that St. Louis has us beat in all aspects of the game. And now we look outmatched vs Cincinnati too. The worst part is that it doesn't look any better. I'm as die hard as it gets and I hold out hope until they are mathimatically eliminated, but when Brauny is your only offense and you score just the 1 run you're in for a whole heap of trouble. They just look like a team that is lost and searching for an identity. The problem is by the time they find it (even if they find it) they might be in too big of a hole to dig themselves out. I'm not ready for losing again. I'm not ready for failure. I'm not ready for this. Reds 6, Brewers 1.

Tuesday May 8. Milwaukee Brewers vs Cincinnati Reds at Miller Park. Game 30 of 162. This game was one of those that could be a turning point if followed up properly with another win or at leasta stretch where they go 7 for 10. If not then it was just a good game. But oh what a game it was. Brauny continues to hit and he's back above .300. Lucroy had a clutch 2-RBI single and is leading the team with a .313 batting average. Ramirez, although still in the low .200s, continues to drive in runs and his bases clearing triple sealed the deal. Arf! Arf! Arf! Nyjer Morgan looked like Tony Plush again with one of the best catches to rob a homerun that you'll probably see all year. And Travis Ishikawa showed why he is getting starts at 1st base. It's not his bat (0 for 4) it's his defense. I still would like to see Taylor Green start every day though. But the night wouldn't be complete without a shoutout to my new favorite player, if only for the opportunity it guves me to yell HAIL CAESAR!! I love it. Nice homerun. Enjoy it, because you probably won't hit another one for a month. Nice game. Brewers 8, Reds 3.

Wednesday May 9. Milwaukee Brewers vs Cincinnati Reds at Miller Park. Game 31 of 162. Remember what I said about yesterday's game? Well that's all a moot point now because they failed to win this one. It's certainly not from a lack of trying. Zinke (Zack Greinke) was outstanding, going 8 innings of shutout ball and striking out 11 hitters. Ryan Braun hit another homerun. The Brewers had bases loaded in the 9th inning. But they lost. When it's bad, it's pretty damn bad I guess. After watching the offense continue to be erratic you have to wonder if they can ever get it going. And what grinds my gears is that Greinke's performance today was probably his best of the season and we wasted it. We saw it right out there in broad daylight and we wasted it. That's what frustrates me the most. You have to win this game. I don't know what else to say. When the season is over and (heaven forbid) you don't make the playoffs, I will point at games like this as proof. But they do it to themselves. But we are the ones who get screwed over. Reds 2, Brewers 1.

5 games below .500. Gee, this is a lot of fun. Now is the time to turn it around with a very favorable schedule coming up with games against the Cubs, Mets and Astros. Each of those series are very winnable despite the Mets and Astros series being only 2 games a piece. You just hope to win the series against the Cubs and split the other two for a nice little 4-3 week. The time is now to make baby steps and gradually improve the record by winning more than they lose and you have to do it like going 1 over .500 because they haven't shown the ability to win 4 in a row or 5 out of 7 games. Baby steps. That's what we need. It's cliche as all hell but they have to take it one at a time and just win games. Screw tomorrow. Win today and figure it out later. Or else.


 - pookon -


www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Drunken Live Tweet - Ghostbusters - "Who Ya Gonna Tweet?"

Ghostbusters is my favorite movie of all time. I don't like to pick between all of the movies that I own, which is seriously in the thousands if you count burned DVDs. Nor do I want to pick between all of the movies that I have seen in my life because that number could be astronomical. But my top five favorite movies are (in no particular order) Ghostbusters, Baseketball, Beavis and Butthead Do America, Back to the Future and Almost Famous. But I can honestly say that Ghostbusters is #1 because I've loved it since I was a little kid and I still love it to this day. I've easily watched it hundreds of times and every single time it is just as entertaining, scary and hilarious as it was when I first watched it. Having grown up with the movie it made more sense as I got older as I realized that this really isn't a kids movie. There are so many jokes that went over my head and I still cover my eyes whenever the Terror Dogs are on the screen. The comic trio of Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis is unmatched in most movies and the supporting cast of Sigourney Weaver, Ernie Hudson and Rick Moranis are all given their chances to shine. To me it accomplishes a feat that only a handful of movies can achieve and that's a perfect blend of comedy, action, sci-fi, drama and horror and successfully blending them together. You may not be a fan of this flick but I challenge you to find another movie that is ale to do that. I'd say more about the movie but as you will see in a moment I already said a good amount of stuff about it the other night while I was drinking.

I love to watch movies. I love to drink alcohol. I love to Tweet. When you combine all of those things the result is a drunken movie commentary in 140 character bursts strung together by #Ghostbusters. I normally don't like to mix Twitter and this blog (much like I don't mix business with pleasure) even though I have a widget on the right that showcases my Tweets. That's because I'm pretty ridiculous on there and often talk without a filter. I don't give a shit who I offend because it's my story, my thoughts, my ideas and my sense of humor. If you don't like then don't follow me. So I'm going to make that ring true on here as well. If you are easily offended then don't read anything I tweeted while I was watching Ghostbusters. But if you do want to know what I think about the movie while I'm wasted then read on. Like I said, I've watched this movie hundreds of times but I don't think I ever watched it like this. 

I'm violating my no-nightmare policy by watching #Ghostbusters at 1am. But I'm counteracting it with booze and a #LiveTweet session.

I bet you I first watched #Ghostbusters on video when I was 6. It has been my favorite movie ever since. Scares the shit outta me though.

In a bit of library revenge, the Dewey Decimal System gets back at the Librarian for not teaching it to the public. #Ghostbusters

I like that we get Dr. Venkman first because it establishes the comedy in this flick. Keeps you on your toes. #Ghostbusters

Ray and Egon are all about science. Peter is all about the pussy. That's what kind of scientist I'd like to be. #Ghostbusters

Ray Stantz is my hero. He has so much heart and childlike wonder. I hope I grow up to be just like him. #Ghostbusters

The first thing Venkman does is fuck with Egon. What an asshole. But he's their asshole. Everyone has one. #Ghostbusters

When I was a kid I didn't understand menstruating. Hell I don't get it now. So many jokes in this flick were over my head. #Ghostbusters

Symmetrical book stacking. No human being could stack books like this. True. As a kid I tried. Couldn't get that high. #Ghostbusters

Listen! Do you smell something? Ray has his senses mixed up cause he's so excited. He's such a little kid. #Ghostbusters

I used to collect things in those bubble containers from the .25 cent vending machines, but never ectoplasmic residue. #Ghostbusters

When Ray yells "get her!" + she goes "ahhhh!" and they run, I used to run out of the room + around the dining room table. #Ghostbusters

Get her. That was your whole plan. Get her. If that was my plan I'd already be married by now. #Ghostbusters

Dean Yager looks like Mr. Rogers. It's not a beautiful day in their neighborhood when they get kicked out of university. #Ghostbusters

When they lose their jobs they drink cheap booze. See? Those guys are just like us. #Ghostbusters

They drink Hiram Walker booze. He started Candian Club in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. I've been there. Nice place. #Ghostbusters

At Canadian Club distillery, @AaronSpiering convinced me Hiram Walker was George Walker, one of Milwaukee's founding fathers. #Ghostbusters

The firehouse is inadequate for their needs but at least the pole still works. That convinced Ray. Awesome. #Ghostbusters

Say what you want about Sigourney but with Dana Barrett and Ellen Ripley, she ruled the 80's. #Ghostbusters

When I was a kid I called the #Ghostbusters at 555-2368, not realizing that 555 numbers are made up for movies. 

I wish that my eggs would cook themselves on my counter. Would save me the trouble. But I don't want monsters in my fridge. #Ghostbusters

As a kid I used to play the top 2 keys on the piano to ward off ghosts. They hate that. I liked to torture them. #Ghostbusters

That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there. What a crime! Boy, do I know that feeling. #Ghostbusters

I'm not getting any readings. Are you sure you're using that thing correctly? That's what she said!!! #Ghostbusters

I loved the Ectomobile. When I got my license I promised that I would have one. Dreams don't come true pal. #Ghostbusters

As a kid I didn't know what a cosmonaut was but I assumed it was someone trained to fight a giant cockroach. #Ghostbusters

The #Ghostbusters had it right. You're supposed to shoot at the help, not mingle with them. 

Slimer is a ghost I can relate too. All that bastard wants to do is eat. He's not bothering anyone. #Ghostbusters

When I worked at the Pfister I finally realized a lifelong dream by doing the "and the flowers are still standing" bit. #Ghostbusters

Is Egon a Jew? I don't know if I was ever clear on that. Is he allowed to bust ghosts on the Sabbath? #Ghostbusters

Everybody appreciates a good montage set to a catchy song. Especially one that sounds like a Huey Lewis classic. #Ghostbusters

I never got why the female ghost is trying to blow Ray. She just wants to get with someone famous. What a slut. #Ghostbusters

Enter the token black guy. I love Winston because he's just a guy trying to do a job. He doesn't give a shit. #Ghostbusters

I didn't know Michael Bay played with Dana Barrett in the orchestra. Must be before he started blowing shit up. #Ghostbusters

When I was in New York City I went to the firehouse they used for #Ghostbusters HQ. It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. 

I wish that I had a Twinkie 35 feet long and weighing approximately 600 pounds. I would destroy that shit. #Ghostbusters

I would never move into a building with stone monsters on the roof in fear of them coming alive and attacking me. #Ghostbusters

I don't get why Dana doesn't fight back against the Terror Dogs. She took down an Alien Queen but can't handle a pooch? #Ghostbusters

I modeled my Canadian accent after Louis Tully in this flick. Someday I'm gonna move up there and try it out. #Ghostbusters

Ok, who brought the dog? is a line I say when I'm nervous and something happens that I can't explain. #Ghostbusters

I'm 31 years old and still I have to look away because I'm terrified of the monster dogs in this flick. #Ghostbusters

Are you the key master? Hell yeah I am. And I got the key to unlock that pussy. Wait... what? #Ghostbusters

I want you inside me. Sounds like you got at least 2 people in there already. Might be a bit crowded. What a slut. #Ghostbusters

There is no @Pookondotcom, only Zuul. This whole time you have been following a Mesopotamian and Sumerian demigod. #Ghostbusters

f I hooked up my brain and the scan showed a terror dog, I might just have to end my life. That's no way to live. #Ghostbusters

If ghosts ever came back and the dead rose from the grave like the #Rapture said, I might just strap on a Proton Pack. #Ghostbusters

Walter Peck is a dick. Why does that tree hugging hippie give a fuck about the environment? We're trying to save the world. #Ghostbusters

Tree huggers can go to hell. By shutting off the protection grid he caused more problems than stopping them. #Ghostbusters

A ghost cab driver can't be any worse than that foreign bastard who drove me to Central Park when I was in NYC. #Ghostbusters

You know how I know Slimer is gay? He couldn't wait to get a hotdog in his mouth. Keep that in containment. #Ghostbusters

These guys are too smart for jail. The thugs in here would kick their asses for being different. #Ghostbusters

Did you ever notice that Carl Winslow was the jail guard? That guy made a career playing a cop. #Ghostbusters #DieHard #FamilyMatters

The Gatekeeper is waiting for the Keymaster. And she is also waiting for sex. I have never wanted to be a Keymaster so bad. #Ghostbusters

The walls of the 53rd precinct were bleeding. How do you explain that? Is that the menstruation thing? #Ghostbusters

Cats and Dogs living together is mass hysteria? Coach Bombay and Kevin Spacey get along fine. I don't see it. #Ghostbusters

Venkman said he's gonna get Peck a fruit basket. That's like giving him a tea bag. #Ghostbusters

Earthquakes can't stop the #Ghostbusters. Shit. Nothing can stop them. Those bastards are resilient as a motherfucker. 

I don't take the stairs up one floor at work. If I had to climb 22 with that gear I'd quit. I could never be one of the #Ghostbusters. 

Where do these stairs go? They go up. Ask a stupid question and you get a stupid answer retard. #Ghostbusters

I don't think I could handle turning into a dog. Dogs have to poop outside. It's cold outside in the winter. Fuck that. #Ghostbusters

Gozer looks too much like David Bowie. Aside from his package in #Labyrinth I can't stand to look at him. #Ghostbusters #aLittleGay

Ray says "Aim for the flat top!" A few years ago the hair stylist messed up and gave me a flat top. I looked like Drew Carey. #Ghostbusters

Choose the form of the destructor. Does she mean Charleston Chews? Does anybody eat that shit? #Ghostbusters

It just popped in there... That's what she said!! Ha ha! It never gets old. #Ghostbusters

I like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man because he (like Donald Duck) share my philosophy - pants optional. #Ghostbusters

I'm just glad they didn't make him anatomically correct. Because no one wants to see a marshmallow dong swinging around. #Ghostbusters

Nobody steps on a church in my town! Don't worry, if it's a Christian church it will rise from the dead like Jesus. #Ghostbusters

James and I used to cross the streams when we peed together as kids. We called it sword fighting. It didn't end the world. #Ghostbusters

Winston says the job isn't worth $11,500 a year. Even in 1984 money that sounds like slave wages. #Ghostbusters #ALittleRacist

If I knew that crossing the streams with another dude would defeat evil then I would have been doing that shit years ago. #Ghostbusters

Walter Peck always gets his ass handed to him, whether it be marshmallow juice or Holly McClane's fist. #Ghostbusters #DieHard

I'm not a fan of getting messy and shit like that. So I know I'd be pissed if I was covered in Marshmallow Man splooge. #Ghostbusters

For being a dog she sure turned out alright. And so did that little guy. Nothing wrong with that. #Ghostbusters #aLittleGay

You love this town Winston? This town doesn't love you. You're just the token black guy who plays 4th fiddle. #Ghostbusters #ALittleRacist

I love a happy ending. That's why I go to Chinese Massage Parlors. It's better if things are all finalized. #Ghostbusters #gross

I used to run out of the room when Slimer rushes the screen at the end. Don't judge me. I didn't want to get slimed. #Ghostbusters

I've seen this movie so many times I've lost count. But obviously I can keep watching it over and over and over... #Ghostbusters

I used to tell my friends I would grow up to be a dinosaur. That didn't pan out, but there's still time to be one of the #Ghostbusters

Every time I watch this I'm reminded of why it's my favorite movie. So amazing in so many ways. Both then and now. #Ghostbusters

See that wasn't that such a chore now, was it? That's one in the box, ready to go. We be fast and they be slow! Actually I've done a few drunken live Tweet movie commentaries now. I can't remember all of them, but I know for sure that I did The Goonies, E.T. The Extraterrestrial, Zookeeper, Face Off, Jurassic Park III and Dinosaur among others. I'm pretty sure that I have done more but I can't find them. Someday I will put them on here like I did for this movie but I really just wanted to get this one up because this is how I spent the first few hours of my 31st Birthday. I didn't even start watching the movie until 1am. I got drunk in a hurry because I was doing shots of Goldschlager and watching Ghostbusters seemed like the right thing to do. And boy was it ever. Sometimes I wonder why I am still single and why I don't have any friends, but then I look back through my Twitter feed and totally understand. Who would be able to put up with me? I'd change, but where's the fun in that? Besides, can you imagine what I would be like it I was restrained and had to clean up my act? That's nonsense. I don't want any part of that.


And now I'm going to leave you with a little 80's awesome/awful - Ray Parker Jr's "Ghostbusters" music video. You think that I was offensive and random? Get a load of this!

 - pookon - 


www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 4 - St. Louis Cardinals / San Diego Padres

The St. Louis Cardinals. They may have lost Tony LaRussa and Albert Pujols but I haven't lost the hate that I have for them. Lance Lynn? Lance Berkman? Lance Bass? Lance Armstrong? Lance Burton? Lance Henriksen? Lance Crouther? (Dat's Pootie Tang! Baby, I'm going to sine your pitty on the runny kine! Cole me down on the panny sty. Sa da tay!) Why do they have so many Lances on their team? And aside from Pootie Tang, I can't stand anyone them. How do the Cardinals gather a team a players that no one else either wants or has never heard of and put together a successful team? It's absolute lunacy. And the fact that they did it right in our face last year en route to yet another World Series Championship makes me sick. So when the Brewers made their first road trip down to St. Louis I tried to get as far away from Busch Stadium as possible. In fact, I even went to Michigan (albeit Upper Michigan) to get another state away from the chaos that was soon to unfold. And how did I know this series was going to be bullshit? Because Yovani Gallardo was starting Game 1. Nothing against him, and in fact he's my 2nd favorite player (behind Rickie Weeks) because he is a Mexican like me. Of course he's real Mexican while I am born-again, but that doesn't help him against St. Louis. In his career he's like 1-9 with a 7+ ERA versus the Cardinals, outrageously worse than against any other opponent. The Cardinals went nuts and scored 8 runs in the 3rd inning and the rest of the series was just downhill from there. I normally like to watch every inning of every game so that I have a good grip on the team but I was glad to have missed these ones. There was nothing redeeming about the start to this roadtrip and it looks like we're gonna be chasing the Cardinals all season long as they are the front runners to win the NL Central. God help us all.

The Brewers salvaged a game in the series and left town for San Diego without getting swept, which seemed to give them a little momentum against one of the worst teams in the National League. Surely they should take 2 out of 3, right? Surely you must be joking. No I'm not, and don't call me Shirley. It's hard to sweep any team no matter how bad they are. And it's even harder to be the visiting team and sweep the home team at their own ballpark because of all major sports, homefield advantage means the most in baseball. Just look at Petco Park. It is probably the biggest ballpark in all of baseball and a team like the Brewers who are built for Miller Park, a smallish field with controlled conditions thanks to the roof, will be swinging for the fences trying to hit homeruns out here. And out here is where homeruns go to die. Unless your name is Ryan Braun. He crushed the BeJesus out of not one, not two, but THREE homeruns, becoming the first player in the history of Petco Park (the home of the Padres since 2004) to do that. The Brewers scored more runs in Game 1 of this series (8) than they did for the entire 3-game series in St. Louis (7). Hell of a way to start out the series. But apparently they used it all up in Game 1 and failed to score in the next 2 games, getting shut out in Game 2 and 3 and losing in embarrassing fashion to the Padres. This was really rough and tough to stomach because I was technically losing sleep over it. Since San Diego is on the West Coast, the games don't start until like 9pm Central Time so by the time they are over it is well after midnight. And while I stay up that late anyway, it still didn't make it right that I was sitting there watching the offense completely fall apart and phone it in. That was inexcusable. I don't really have anything else to say about this series except for what I wrote the day after the games which you can read below.

Friday April 27 - Sunday April 29. Milwaukee Brewers vs St. Louis Cardinals at Busch Stadium. Games 20-22 of 162. I had the good fortune of not being able to watch/listen to these games. This is a departure from usual as I watch every game or follow along (and would not have turned off the 13-1 game in the 3rd inning no matter how ugly it was.) But sometimes life is more important than Brewers baseball, and I was up in paradise Raging for Timmy. Up there the Brewers don't matter. But now I'm back home and have to face the stat line and box scores. After 6 games vs. St. Louis we have a 2-4 record against them and look completely outmatched in all ways. The worst of which is pitching. Their offense pounds us like a ____________ (insert your favorite punch line here) and the worst of which is Yovani Gallardo, who now holds a 1-10, 8.00+ ERA against them in his career. Now there's a chance (law of averages) that he's due to turn it around, but if I was Roenicke I would plan my rotation so he wouldn't face them. That's baseball suicide. But to sum it up - just a real sour series. Cardinals 13, Brewers 1. Cardinals 7, Brewers 3. Brewers 3, Cardinals 2.

Monday April 30. Milwaukee Brewers vs San Diego Padres at Petco Park. Game 23 of 162. I'm getting old man. Either that or I just don't really care anymore. I couldn't make it through the whole game last night. I watched it, but I was in and out. Maybe I raged too hard this weekend. Maybe I don't make the Brewers a priority in my life anymore. Who knows man. I feel the same way that I felt all of last season (until the last week of September) - indifferent. This is me shrugging my shoulders and saying "ehh." Brauny hit 3 homeruns and they beat a bad Padres team but who really cares. The offense and pitching outside of that is stagnant and they need to amp it up to get me to give a hoot. My life is just a big ball of nothing. So there's just a lack of excitement in all I do. Hell of a way to start my last week of 30. I need to change my life and fast. This crap is getting tired and the Brewers need to follow the same model. But I have to live life and work for minimum wage. They play a game and make millions. They shouldn't suck. Brewers 8, Padres 3.

Tuesday May 1. Milwaukee Brewers vs San Diego Padres at Petco Park in San Diego. Game 24 of 162. With as bad as the starting pitching has been this year, you hate to mishandle a great start. Marcum should be commended for his 7 inning, 0 run performance. But that is going to be expected out of him because he is a great road pitcher at the ultimate road ballpark (Petco) against a bad offense. But what people will remember from this game is that Mat Gamel hurt his knee and left the game (results as of today are unknown) and K-Rod once again blew a game and gave up some runs. Since we don't know about Gamel I'll save it for another day. So K-Rod. He was supposed to be one of the bright spots of 2012 because we have him all year instead of half like in 2o11. But so far he is 0-3 with a 6.57 ERA. That is unacceptable. I understand he's gonna have some off games here and there, but while we are struggling to score runs and win games this early in the season, the late game blunders are magnified. That's a game that should have been a win, but lest we forget we scored 0 RUNS! Can't win that way. Padres 2, Brewers 0.

Wednesday May 2. Milwaukee Brewers vs San Diego Padres at Petco Park. Game 25 of 162. Soup pitched great! That echoed through my head all game. JEFF FREAKIN' SUPPAN. The same man who was tarred and feathered and run out of town by the villagers holding torches and pitchforks. How did he throw 5 scoreless innings against us? GD it man. But that's not the worst part about the past few days. Mat Gamel is out for the season with a torn ACL which further decimates the already anemic offense. And then Brauny doesn't finish the game. And we get shut out for the 2nd consecutive day. 0 runs. Goodness. It's like we're in hell. Oh no, it's the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers season but I can't imagine hell being much worse. Nothing is going right now but at least we're still hanging around .500. That could all change when we play the San Francisco Giants. If we can't beat Jeff Suppan and the Padres, how are we supposed to beat Lincecum, Bumgarner and Cain of the Giants? A 2-4 roadtrip could turn sickening real fast. Padres 5, Brewers 0.

Son of bitch. Shit. Well that was fun, right? I was on the verge of vomiting up my delicious dinner after Jeff Suppan held us scoreless but I was somehow able to keep it down. I consider it a minor miracle because Suppan has been the bane of every Brewers fan's existence since mid-2007. It's a subject for another day, but Suppan owes all of us some money because he basically stole from us by not even living up to 25% of that contract. So when we couldn't even score against a 37-year old washed-up pile of garbage it kind of signaled the end of days. And while a lost Brewers season isn't nearly as bad as Armageddon, to die hard fans like me this shit is life. I live, breathe, think, love, eat, drink and talk Brewers baseball. I'm consumed with it. So I'm going to keep doing it if the season goes in the tank. But my audience keeps dwindling as more and more people join the "done club." It's still early May so there is time to turn it around, but they have to at least show some kind of life and promise to keep the fans interested. Right now there is no West Bend Silver Lining outside of trading away Greinke and K-Rod and restocking the farm season for the future. While it certainly isn't to that point right now, it definitely is heading there if the Brewers don't do a full on U-turn. But the clock is ticking and the minutes are disappearing but the uhh... minute. Damn. Wish I could have come up with something better than that. I should stop writing in the morning when I am sober. No one wants to read something that makes sense. They come here for the extreme and nonsensical randomness. They come here for drunken dribble and tomfoolery. Or I could be wrong. Maybe people don't even come here at all. Who knows. But I do know that the Brewers finish the roadtrip in San Francisco and the results better be good or else I'm about to lose a little more faith. Just kidding folks. I'm the kind of fan who holds out until they are mathematically eliminated. But I've also become a realist. Trying to balance them is what keeps me alive.

 - Pookon -

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What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 3 - Colorado Rockies / Houston Astros

The homestand was off to a very promising start with a series win over the LA Dodgers and good times where ahead with the Colorado Rockies. Or so I thought. I thought that we were one of those upper level teams and if that is the  case we should be beating up on those lower than us, like the Rockies. That wasn't the case this series so I might have to rethink my predictions for this team. But the evaluation period doesn't begin until mid-May so the Brewers still have some time to recover from this early slump. This series was weird for me, much like this time of the year is. April 20, 2011 was the last time I saw my brother Timmy alive and he came over to watch Mr. Deeds with me.  In keeping with tradition I took off work that night and watched Mr. Deeds with my sister Jenny. I didn't watch the Friday night game but I did hear about Norichika Aoki's inside the park homerun. I don't know what that little Japanese guy needs to do to get more playing time, but the time is now Mr. Roenicke. I was at Saturday's game but I don't really remember it thanks to an event known as Brodey's Brewer Funday Extravaganza (or BBFE for the lay person) which is an annual tailgate/beer pong event with 100 of my closest friends. Basically we all get hammered drunk (but not as much as we did in the past because we're all getting old) and go up to Bernie's Terrace to cause some mischief. Certain members of our gang have gotten kicked out before and some people pass out but it's always a great time. Who could work when something like that is going on? As for Sunday's game I watched the entire thing because I was working and my sections were slow, so I was able to get a good idea about how we stacked up against these Rockies and the results were not good. The Brewers just weren't yet clicking on all cylinders and looked outmatched, especially when it came to their offense (aside from Saturday's game when they broke out for 9 runs) which once again struggled to score runs. All in all the Brewers lost the series 1-2 and I know they must have been thankful the Houston Astros were in town.

The Houston Astros are in full-on rebuilding mode as they prepare to move to the AL West in 2013 to "even" out the divisions. When they do that all 6 divisions in MLB will have 5 teams and therefor should be more even than they are now with the NL Central having 6 teams and the AL West only having 4. Not that it really matters though because the Astros finished in last place in 2011 with a 56-106 record. Aside from Carlos Lee I don't think I could name a single player on the roster from memory. So anything short of a series win is unacceptable. I would say I would accept nothing except a sweep but that's a tall order, even against a bad team. The Brewers ended up winning the series but there were so many flaws exposed throughout the 3 games. The bullpen is a glaring problem could ultimately be the fatal flaw that dooms this team if the offense doesn't sink the ship first. J8. Damn it! You sunk my Battleship! How did they turn that shit into a movie where Qui-Gon Jinn and that bitch who got her ass beat by Chris Brown fight aliens? What does that have to do with cleverly positioning your cruisers, submarines and air craft carriers in grid of letters and numbers? That just goes to show you that after Transformers became popular, everything went to hell. What's next? Connect Four? Operation? Mouse Trap? Or my all-time favorite game turned movie - Jenga. If they ever end up making that one then I'm quitting movies for good. I have better things to do with my life, like not talk about the Houston Astros because they suck balls. And now take time out of your busy day to read about the team you couldn't care less about even if you lived deep in the heart of Texas.

Friday April 20 - Sunday April 22. Milwaukee Brewers vs Colorado Rockies at Miller Park. Games 14-16 of 162. Let's face it. Aside from a 9 run outburst on Saturday, the offense is struggling mightily right now. And don't even say the F-word. The offensive problems are not because we're missing the big guy at cleanup. I'm sick of that excuse. Instead point the finger at Rickie, Nyjer and Aramis. 3 of the 4 guys at the top of the order are batting in the .100s. Since no one is on base in front of or behind Brauny, he's not getting anything to hit, leading to his poor numbers. Since the top half is struggling we're wasting good starts by the bottom half as Hart, Lucroy and Gonzalez have started off well. Time for the big boys to stop screwing around. We're better than this. Rockies 4, Brewers 3. Brewers 9, Rockies 4. Rockies 4, Brewers 1.

Monday April 23. Milwaukee Brewers vs Houston Astros at Miller Park. Game 17 of 162. We are supposed to beat bad teams like Houston. If we don't, we're not a very good team. So I'm not much for celebrating the victory. That's like a parent celebrating the fact that they take care of their kids or a man saying that he's never been to jail. Raise your expectations pal. But even though it's early and I don't judge the team until mid-May there are still some concerns, mostly with the bullpen. Veras, K-Rod and Ax all have high ERAs and can't pitch every day. Someone needs to step up their game. And speaking of that, the crowds at Miller Park have been light and quiet. They need to get off their butts and get loud. Cheer for your team people. Get hyped! Brewers 6, Astros 5.

Tuesday April 24. Milwaukee Brewers vs Houston Astros at Miller Park. Game 18 of 162. I'll be honest with you. I didn't really pay attention to this game. Oh it was on the TV at the restaurant I was at, but I was too busy talking with my family to pay close attention. But what it looked like from what I saw, Wolf finally pitched well and the bullpen once again tried to blow the game. Up 8-2 in the 8th inning you shouldn't have to burn K-Rod and Axford. The Loes, Parras, Dillards, McClendons and Veras' need to get it done. They have been awful so far. But the offense is hitting homeruns and got ones from Weeks, Hart, Ishikawa and Gomez tonight. So much for missing P. Fielder's power. This was one of those games where the offense bailed out the pitching. Brewers 9, Astros 6.

Wednesday April 25. Milwaukee Brewers vs Houston Astros at Miller Park. Game 19 of 162. Today's game wasn't televised but I still followed along at home. I was off of work but busy raging for Timmy. This was a very winable game but Veras and McClendon gave up runs late in the ballgame that cemented the loss. There it is again - the bullpen. Yikes. Fix that S now before it is too late. But you can't get too mad. Brewers won 2 of 3 and the offense showed a lot of life by putting up a total of 20 runs in 3 games. They hit 8 homeruns in the series which is good if it doesn't put them back into the "feast or famine" or "live and die by the longball" trends that has plauged them in the Doug Melvin era. So far I don't know what to think of the 2012 season. We're only 3 weeks in. This upcoming road trip could really tell me something. Astros 7, Brewers 5.

And thus ends the homestand at 5-4, which is very disappointed considering that the time was ripe to make up some ground in the NL Central against the front-running St. Louis Cardinals. But if you have been paying attention to anything that I've been saying over the past few months is that I don't really freak out over things that are out of my control and that my life had gained new perspective. Sure I love the Brewers and it is my favorite hobby outside of the Pookon Empire, but at the root it is still just a game and games are supposed to be fun. While it isn't fun to lose I still am getting some enjoyment out of this but who knows how long it will last. I guess I should just put more of my energy into finding the future ex Mrs. Reck because once she marries me she will certainly divorce me within a year. No one is capable of putting up with my shenanigans on a day to day basis without throwing in the towel and calling it quits. That's how I've managed to stay single all these years. But I won't have time to worry about that anymore because we've got a pretty gnarly roadtrip ahead of us as the Brewers head to St. Louis, San Diego and San Francisco for a pretty wicked 9-game jaunt away from Miller Park. When the Brewers go West it rarely turns out well for them and with the current offensive and pitching struggles this season could get really ugly real fast. And trust me, I know ugly. I look at it in the mirror every day.


 - pookon - 


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