I dare you to try and name every member of the Bullpen in a given year. It's impossible, even for the most Rain Man-like person who can spout out random facts. (Did Rain Man do that? I haven't seen that movie in like 10 years. I only remember bits and pieces of it so excuse me if the reference isn't correct. Look, if you're going to call me out on some shit like that than I've led a pretty good life. I've done far worse and made some more egregious mistakes that I haven't been called out for. Why should this be any different? Lay off me pal, OK? I'm working really hard for free here man and I've got all these suits from corporate breathing down my neck and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I'm under a lot of pressure to meet some pretty ridiculous deadlines and my department is understaffed. We're doing the best we can. Is this little departure still within the parenthesis? Wow. Hard to believe that I was able to keep it going this long. Usually I quit long before this and abandon such a noteworthy quest. I guess I have changed a lot since I transitioned into my 30's. Sometimes I sit back and wonder if the Scott in his 20's would have been able to take on such a gargantuan task. He was sharper, right? He went to college. He knew how to cram for an exam and spent some time in the Library on a school night. But I have bested him in a duel to the death. He is no more. I am the Supreme Champion!) What just happened there? Weren't we talking about the 2014 Milwaukee Brewers Bullpen? I'm so confused.
Here are the 7 men (and Sage for no reason other than I think she's a Goddess) that will comprise the relief corps also known as the Bullpen: Wei-Chung Wang, Tyler Thornburg, Will Smith, Zach Duke, Brandon Kintzler, Francisco "KRod" Rodriguez and Jim Henderson. You should recognize some of those names while a few of them should be new to you. That's OK. The Bullpen has a high turnover rate during the season and from year to year because guys come and go from team to team, from the Minors to the Majors and from Bartending (John Axford) or a Garbage Man (Joe Winkelsas) to Major League Pitcher. I can guarantee you that the 7 names I've just given you will not be the same 7 names that are on this team at the end of the year. That's just how the game goes. But these 7 players carry so much weight on their shoulders and aren't given the leeway to allow any runs. If a Starting Pitcher gives up 3 runs over 6 innings it's considered a quality start. If a reliever gives up 1 run in an inning it's considered a failure. That hardly seems fair but there are pretty high standards for relief pitchers. With the exception of the Closer, you don't even notice them unless they completely explode/implode.
Here is a little something about each of these Relief Pitchers. I'll try to keep it brief (although I prefer boxer-briefs. But what about Sage? I find myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I started thinking well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? What, I thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest, are we not? I don't know where I was going with that...) Look, I don't have the time to write and you don't have the attention span to read in detail about all of them. So here it goes:
- Wei-Chung Wang: Acquired from the Pittsburgh Pirates in the Rule 5 draft. This 21-year-old pitcher from Taiwan has never pitched above the single-A level, so his jump to the Majors is a HUGE leap. But he really impressed in Spring Training and if he isn't kept on the Major League roster for the entire year, he has to be returned to Pittsburgh. The Brewers would love to keep this kid.
- Tyler Thornburg: Steve "Sparky" Fifer and Tim "The Franchise" Allen of the Sportsradio 1250 Brewers Postgame show have coined the term "Tyler Thornburging" a young pitcher for when they move a promising prospect between the Majors and the Minors and from the Starting Rotation to the Bullpen. Pick one and stay with it. He was outstanding as a Starter in 2013 (2-1 record with a 1.47 ERA in 7 starts) but will be in the Bullpen for 2014. He should be a Starter. If there's no room for him in the Starting 5, he should be in AAA.
- Will Smith: Not to be confused with the Actor/Rapper of the same name who starred in Men and Black, Independence Day and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. This one is white and a baseball player. He was acquired in the trade with Kansas City for Norichika Aoki. He's young (24) and he could eventually be a Starter, but for now his devastating slider will keep him in the big league bullpen.
- Zach Duke: You might remember Duke from the mid-2000s Pittsburgh Pirates. He was a part of the pitching staff (along with Ian Snell, Paul Maholm and current teammate Tom Gorzelanny) that was supposed to break the losing streak (the team had not finished above .500 since 1992, a streak that reached 20 years and would not be broken until 2013). He has found new life as a relief pitcher.
- Brandon Kintzler: Was the primary set-up man in 2013 and had a breakout season (3-3 with a 2.69 ERA in 71 games) and was a real nice comeback story because of injuries and coming from the Independent League.
- Francisco "KRod" Rodriguez: HE'S BACK!! For his 4th go-round with the Brewers. With the exception of 2012, he's been really really damn good and will serve as a back-up plan in case Jim Henderson falters as the Closer.
- Jim Henderson: Now that the Mustachioed Wonder (John Axford) is gone, the Bearded Wonder can now take his place as the Brewers Closer. It's his job until he's dead or we find someone better (that's a Starship Troopers reference for you non-movie nerds).
Check out my 10th video, which covers The Bullpen for the 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, recorded by The London Bridge in Lake Havasu City, AZ. I apologize if you can't hear me at times. It was really windy and I didn't think about how that would affect the audio. I mean c'mon! I was at THE London Bridge! I couldn't concern myself with petty things like audible audio:
I was in Phoenix from Wednesday 3/12 - Saturday 3/15. Then I drove to Las Vegas and was there from Sunday 3/16 to Monday 3/17. On Tuesday 3/18 I was due to fly back home to Wisconsin, but my flight didn't leave until 11:35pm. It was only a 5 hour drive from Vegas to Phoenix, so I decided to stop by Lake Havasu City to try out the beer at Barley Brothers Brewery and to see the London Bridge. It was built in 1831 and spanned the River Thames in London, England until it was dismantled in 1967. Robert McCulloch, the founder of Lake Havasu City, bought the bridge and had the bricks numbered, shipped to his new town and reassembled (completed in 1971) so that it could serve as a tourist attraction. And it worked, as evident by the fact that I went out of my way to stop and see it.
It is incredibly hard to predict stats for bullpen pitchers. My stat predictions are based on a full Major League season, which means there's a whole lot of leeway. You don't know if they will be on the roster for the entire year (Wang), sent down to the Minors (Smith, Thornburg), released (Duke), traded (KRod) or removed from the Closer role (Henderson). And I didn't even mention injuries or the possibility of one or more of them (Thornburg, Duke or Smith) starting games because the Rotation suffered cataclysmic injuries. All of those factors will determine their stats on the year. I do my best, but this is the area where I make the worst predictions. So take everything here with a grain of salt.
It is incredibly hard to predict stats for bullpen pitchers. My stat predictions are based on a full Major League season, which means there's a whole lot of leeway. You don't know if they will be on the roster for the entire year (Wang), sent down to the Minors (Smith, Thornburg), released (Duke), traded (KRod) or removed from the Closer role (Henderson). And I didn't even mention injuries or the possibility of one or more of them (Thornburg, Duke or Smith) starting games because the Rotation suffered cataclysmic injuries. All of those factors will determine their stats on the year. I do my best, but this is the area where I make the worst predictions. So take everything here with a grain of salt.
Wei-Chung Wang #51 - 2-4 record, 3.75 ERA, 45 innings pitched, 40 srtikeouts, made in Taiwan and kept on the Major League roster for the entire year, allowing the Brewers to keep him long-term.
Tyler Thornburg #30 - 4-4 record, 3.84 ERA, 110 innings pitched, 7 starts, 78 strikeouts and once again Tyler Thornburg'd between the bullpen, starting rotation and AAA Nashville.
Will Smith #13 - 2-3 record, 3.04 ERA, 41 innings pitched, 50 strikeouts and not able to escape Miami or the Wild Wild West by Gettin Jiggy wit It in the Summertime because Parents Just Don't Understand and Girls Ain't Nothing but Trouble. But seriously. He's not that Will Smith.
Zach Duke #59 - 1-4 record, 4.65 ERA, 55 innings pitched, 24 strikeouts and the first one cut or sent down to the minors to make room for Tom Gorzelanny. So why did I even bother prorating his stats out to a full season? Because I don't have a girlfriend. That's why.
Brandon Kintzler #53 - 3-1 record, 3.11 ERA, 68 innings pitched, 47 strikeouts, 25 holds and a champion of the movement to make Holds an officially recognized stat by Major League Baseball.
Francisco "KRod" Rodriguez #57 - 2-3 record, 2.85 ERA, 64 innings pitched, 69 strikeouts, 13 for 15 in Save Opportunities and welcomed back for a 5th time despite the possibility of being traded mid-season yet again. So business as usual. Some things never change.
Jim Henderson #29 - 3-3 record, 3.48 ERA, 58 innings pitched, 67 strikeouts, 20 for 24 in save opportunities and the pride of the entire Canadian Nation despite having to share closer duties with KRod. They're just proud one of their native sons is playing in the big leagues. The Canadians have low standards. Does that make me Canadian?
What's better than one Sage? Two Sages of course! Right now I'm faced with a conundrum. If faced with two Sages, would I just try to tackle them by myself? Have the good kind of Threesome (as opposed to the Devil's Threesome)? Or would I clone myself so that each one of me could enjoy each one of her? It's a tough choice. One should not engage in too much excess, so keeping both to myself would be selfish. If I cloned myself then I could share the wealth. And we all know that sharing is caring. Sage should be treated with the kindest, most gentile care because she is an Angel. I would treat Sage #1 with love and respect. Who could I count on to take care of Sage #2? My clone of course! Who better to trust than yourself? Plus it would really freak everyone out if Scott #1 and Sage #1 went out on a double date with Scott #2 and Sage #2. But heaven forbid Scott #1 gets drunk and confused and puts the moves on Sage #2 and pisses off Scott #2 who tries to get even with Scott #1 by sleeping with Sage #1. What a brawl that would be. Scott #1 vs. Scott #2 in an epic battle to the death where the winner gets Sage #1 and Sage #2. Or Scott #1 and Scott #2 could just shake hands and realize that we're prone to make mistakes, especially when we're drunk. The main thing is that two Scotts are better than one Scott and two Sages are definitely better than one Sage. Am I right or am I right?
- pookon -
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