Eric Gagne called, he wants his goggles back...

I know that I promised that I'd lay off of Corey Hart for a little bit, but this was so ridiculous that I couldn't hold back my tongue (or fingers if I want to be literal). There has been nothing but excuses for Corey hart's performance in the past few years. He played well in the minors and in his first few years with the Brewers, but when things started going bad all the sudden some shit comes up to explain the reason behind his performance. The Journal Sentinel posted an article that attributed Hart's weak mentality to Daddy Issues. Apparently Corey Hart's Dad John started pushing his son ever since he was 3 years old to be the best at sports. So much to the point that Corey was afraid to let his Dad down and he played for his Dad, not for himself. He was always afraid of letting his Dad down and it even got to the point where Corey made his Mom drive a separate car to his games so that if he had a bad game, he could go home with Mom instead of Dad. His Dad forged his birth certificate when he was 3 years old so that he could join the 5-year old + baseball team. And his Dad criticized him every step of the way. His Dad never made it big in baseball so he wanted his son to do it.

"He was trying to toughen me up," said Corey. "I think he felt I'd go out and try to prove him wrong. As a young kid, it would wear you out. If I got in trouble, he would spank me hard. He would embarrass me in front of other people. Even in high school, if I did something wrong, he would pull me behind the dugout and yell at me. He was trying to push me to be better but you don't realize that at the time." I will say that this is fucked up. My parents pushed music on me hardcore because they were so into it. I was singing in choir since I've been able to talk, and I was always playing some kind of instrument. I never liked to play the trumpet, but my parents made me do it. And I never practiced and got better at it because I had no desire to do it. But have you ever heard me use this as an excuse? No. Because I'm not a whiny little bitch. I quit music for a couple of years, but I eventually found my way back into it. My parents didn't go to the extremes that John Hart did, so I'll give him a little bit on that. But grow the fuck up already. You're living your life, not your Dad's.

Our parents do have influence over who we are and who we become, but eventually you have to shake that off and be your own person. My parents are deeply religious and raised me in in the Catholic church. Do I believe in God? Yeah. Do I live my life according to the bible? Nope. Do I live in fear of going to Hell if I don't follow the commandments. Nope. Do I go to church every Sunday? Nope. Once I got to a certain age (like 18 when I moved out of the house) I made up my own mind and did what was right for me. For Corey Hart to blame his Dad for his mental instability is ludicrous. When the fans boo at me, it's like 40,000 John Harts in the stands judging me. Watching me, criticizing. Waiting to reprimand me and spank me for failing to advance the runner to 3rd on a groundout. I lost a ball in the sun, committed an error and we lost the game because of me. Thankfully Mom has the getaway car running so we can scoot out of here before Dad finds me. And spanks me. You're 28 fucking years old. Get over that shit already. Grow up and be a man.

And then this shit comes out the other day that Corey Hart needs to wear glasses because he is nearsighted. He admitted that last year he wasn't seeing the ball well and that things were a bit fuzzy. And that he probably fudged his vision test during his physical last year because he didn't want to admit he wasn't seeing clearly. Bob Uecker made a comment on this during the broadcast of the game today, and of course he had a humorous take on the subject. His line was something like this, "The ball was looking a little fuzzy to me too. Although you know I was looking at a tennis ball." Uecker can make any subject funny, and although I laughed at his joke, this really is no joking matter. Baseball depends so much on you being able to see a ball and decide in tenths of a second whether or not you should swing, then make the proper adjustments to make contact with it. Sure, you need athletic skills and timing in order to play, but some of the best hitters (like Ted Williams and Barry Bonds) relied on their insane vision to only swing at pitches that they knew they could hit, resulting in unprecedented batting averages. So you would think that a baseball player would want to see the ball correctly, right?!?!

So Corey Hart is now going to wear goggles, Eric Gagne-style. He says that it would be unacceptable to wear contacts. You got something against contacts punk? Then you got something against me. He probably already has a problem against me for calling him a bitch, so I guess this is just one more thing. But how come as soon as people start really getting on his back for being a shitty baseball player does it come out that he needs glasses? Because he has to make excuses. And before people get all uppity and tell me to lay off Hart, I would like to say that it's not just him. Everyone makes excuses. There's always someone to blame other than yourself. But when your job depends on something as crucial as you being able to see something, don't you think you should be able to see it well? Don't ya? The second that his eyes started to go, he should have done it then. But no. Now he can blame his Dad and his eyes for swinging at a pitch in the dirt low and outside.

God I hate that this fires me up so much that I have to come on here and go off about it. I tried so hard not to, but I had to work it out of my system before I had a total meltdown. So once again, I'm willing to give Corey Hart a pass on his Daddy issues and poor vision, just as long as he stops making excuses and starts playing up to his potential. If the goggles correct his vision and suddenly everything clicks, maybe I'll believe that it was his eyes that were giving him problems. But if it isn't, then I will most certainly rain down a chorus of boos on him from the right field bleachers. I will find out what his Dad looks like and get a mask that resembles him and then wear clothes just like him. I will dress up like John Hart and heckle the shit out of Corey Hart. I will berate him for the entire game and make him run off crying to his Mommy. Corey Hart has gone too far, and if I hear one more pathetic excuse as to why he has no plate discipline, I will burn my Corey Hart jersey. Just go out there and play and stop being such a bitch.

I feel the need to once again say that I want nothing more than to see Corey Hart perform well, because he is such an integral part to this offense. But I'm tired of all the bullshit that comes with him. Maybe I'm just jaded because I saw my first Brewers postseason game in 2008 and I am getting nervous that it'll be 26 years before I see another one. They have the pieces to make a return to October just as long as the offense picks up where it left off last year and the pitching staff is average. And players like Corey Hart, Rickie Weeks and Manny Parra live up to their potential. So in case you think that I pick on Hart too much, rest assured that I will stop now. I know I've said that before, but Corey just keeps fueling my fire with all of this garbage. So I'm making a New Year's resolution to only say positive things about Corey Hart from now on. And we'll just go ahead and saw how long that charade will last. But first Hart needs to actually do something positive. But my Mom always said that if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. If I listen to my Mom, then it might be a while before I say anything.

But maybe I am just as bad as John Hart by the way that I've just been unloading on Corey for his failures. Perhaps I can lighten up a bit. I should be more supportive of him instead of calling him names. But that's a whole 'nother can of worms, and since I'm not going out fishing today, there's no way that I can manage to open that one up right now. You can't open a can of worms then not use them. They'll go bad and you have no choice but to bury them in the ground. Screw that. I want to use my worms to catch big ass trouts. And hold them in front of my sister and chase her around because she is terrified of worms. Because that is what worms are for. Catching fish and scarring sisters. But why am I talking about worms and not Corey Hart? I don't know. I'm going to go get another beer while I ponder that question. But I certainly will not blame my Dad or my blurry vision for making me fail as a writer.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

The Brewers need Hart to win in 2010. Miles and miles of Hart...

That is the title that I stuck with because it not only describes the point that I am trying to make, but it also references one of my favorite movies of all time - The Replacements. Coach Jimmy McGinty makes this statement before halftime, and when Shane Falco sees this on TV, he decides to come back in the 2nd half and lead his team to victory. Other titles that I was toying with were "Redemption is spelled H-A-R-T", "Oh c'mon Pookon, have a Hart", "How can you mend a broken Hart?" or a million other titles that involve some sort of play on the word heart. I'm writing this to put an ending on the Corey Hart saga that has run rampant on this blog as of late. And unless he ends up doing something that really gets to the core of me and grinds my gears, the next time I will be talking about him is in my proposed "25 Brewers in 25 Days" segment that I will be writing in the days leading up to Opening Day. But for now (at the request of a few individuals) I will leave Hart alone.

Now that the salary fiasco is over, I have had some time to reflect on the situation. I don't know why I was really upset to begin with. I was probably just drunk, and when I get drunk I like to rant about whatever is bothering me. That day it must have been Corey Hart and it just kind of steamrolled from there. Who cares if he is making more money? It's not like it's my money that he's taking. Well in a way it kind of is, because I go to games and buy merchandise, but I will do that regardless of who is on the team. It's not like I'm going to stop doing those things just because Hart squandered a couple extra thousand away from the team. I'll always be a Brewers fan; I just gotta realize that this kind of thing is going to happen and that I need to deal with it.

So I'm giving Corey Hart a clean slate. He came into Spring Training 20 pounds lighter and in better shape. He realizes that he angered some fans with his on and off the field antics, so hopefully he will do his best to make amends for those. I personally do not see how he can overvalue himself based on his play the last 2 seasons, but I guess it's better for him to be positive and to believe in himself instead of thinking the opposite. And we all know how fragile Milwaukee Brewers players are mentally (Derrick Turnbow, JJ Hardy and Manny Parra to name a few) so we don't need one more headcase feeling like he was given the shaft. But does Corey Hart really think he is the shit or was he just taking advantage of a flawed system?

The arbitration process is tricky. I've tried to explain it in the past, but I'm sure that I missed some points or gotten a few things wrong. I'm not as smart or as knowledgeable as I claim to be. But through arbitration, players can never make less than what they did the previous year, so even if you have the worst season in baseball history, you will make more money next year (unless your team sends you to the minors or cuts you of course.) The arbitration panel chooses one or the other and there is no compromise, so there is no right answer. The just have to choose the one that is the least wrong. And they also take into account what happened with other players with similar major league service time who were also up for arbitration.

Corey Hart ($3.25 million) 2009 stats : 115 games, .260 AVG, .335 OBP, 12 HRs, 48 RBIs ($4.8 million in 2010)

Jeff Francoeur, Outfielder, New York Mets ($3.4 million) 2009 stats : 157 games, .280 AVG, .309 OBP, 15 HRs, 76 RBIs ($5 million in 2010)

Josh Willingham, Outfielder, Washington Nationals ($2.95 million) 2009 stats : 133 games, .260 AVG, .367 OBP, 24 HR, 61 RBIs ($4.6 million in 2010)

Jeremy Hermida, Outfielder, Florida Marlins ($2.25 million) 2009 stats : 129 games, .259 AVG, .348, 13 HRs, 47 RBIs ($3.35 million in 2010)

As you can see from the (boring and cumbersome) statistics, Corey Hart had a very comparable year to the other 3 players, and thus receives a comparable salary. So then it looks like I just have a problem with it, and by modern day baseball standards you can make $4.8 million dollars by being a mediocre baseball player. If that is the going rate for mediocrity, then I say let's roll with it. At this point there is nothing that we can do about it, so I am no longer going to linger on this topic. But Hart's performance the past 2 seasons and the fact that he received a pay increase does raise the bar for 2010. I'll take whatever he can contribute, but to be quite honest with you, I expect no less than .285 AVG, .340 OBP, 20 HRs, 75 RBIS and 20 stolen bases. Anything less than that will be a disappointment because Corey has put up numbers like that in the past and he is fully capable of doing it again.

The Corey Hart bashing was pretty fun. I will admit that. But every Spring brings about a new sense of hope and optimism. Look at the standings - right now all 30 Major League teams are tied for 1st place. And while certain teams on paper have better teams than others and no one expects the Washington Nationals or Baltimore Orioles to go to the World Series, every team has a shot right now. And for the Milwaukee Brewers to have a shot at bringing the championship home, Corey Hart needs to have a good year. Even though I've said some hateful things about him, realize that I may just be overly critical because I care that much. I live and die with every out 162 days of the year. It's a crazy emotional roller coaster that I ride in the summer, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

With Prince Fielder reaching free agency, the window is closing fast on winning just about anything in the postseason. So it's going to take a miracle season from a lot of players (the entire pitching staff, Hart, Rickie Weeks, Alcides Escobar, Carlos Gomez and the catcher's position to name a few) to get there. But that is another story for another day, one that will certainly be mentioned quite often during "25 Brewers in 25 Days."

So Corey, you're off the hook - for now. Screw this one up and we'll have to "sit down and have a Hart to Hart talk." Let's hope these expectations don't cast a shadow over him and we're left with "A total eclipse of the Hart." Regardless of the criticism he's received, "My Hart will go on." And Corey's wife will probably side with him because she's gonna "Listen to her Hart." I'm sure that his intentions are good and he's trying to provide for his family; some say he has a "Hart of Gold." But just give it to me "Straight from the Hart" Corey, because you're "Tearin' up my Hart" with your poor play. So "Don't phunk with my Hart" because so far you've been a "Hartbreaker." Do it again and I'll bury you in a "Hart-shaped box."

But even .38 Special said that "the Hart needs a second chance", so I'll give him another one. But now's it's time for him to live up to his potential and be the player that he was in 2007 and the one that was voted onto the 2008 All-Star team. We're counting on him big time in 2010, so I hope he doesn't break my "Achy Breaky Hart." Ok, so that one was especially bad. Sorry about that, but I couldn't resist throwing in a Billy Ray Cyrus reference.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookon.com@gmail.com

Pookcast: Episode 9 - Fat Teen Wolf

Part 1 of this episode sees me stammering over the events of today's WSoBP VI Satellite tournament up in Green Bay. It was about 7:30 pm at night, and I was already wasted. I went outside by my car to record this, and it was cold and snowy outside. I didn't care, so I just rambled on about about a range of topics from beer pong to the Brewers. It was my return to the Pookcast for the first time in over 6 weeks. It seems like on that night I finally had something to talk about.

Part 1

I was about to sign off and end this episode, because for I ran out of stuff to talk about. But then the booze grabbed a hold of me and a rant came spewing out. There's a million things that I could talk about, but for some reason that night I went off about wanting to be cast in Teen Wolf 3 : Fat Teen Wolf. There's not much more that I could add that I didn't already say in the video, so watch it and be amazed or stunned by my ramblings.

Part 2

I will continue to plead with you to help me in getting Teen Wolf 3: Fat Teen Wolf made. If we all call the heads of the movie studios and write letters, there's no way that they can avoid this forever. In the age of unnecessary sequels and remakes, someone has to put up some cash to make a 3rd Teen Wolf movie starring me. I can't promise to deliver the greatest movie known to man, but I can certainly promise that it will be as good if not better than half of the shit that comes out in the theaters these days. I know that we can do it, we just all have to work together for the greater good.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

For me, it's always Fat Tuesday

Cause that's what kind of happens when you are fat. And no, I am not the dude wearing purple in this picture. It was one of the first pictures (besides woman flashing their titties) that I found when I did a Google Image search for Fat Tuesday. I see no reason to celebrate excess and why we get so excited about it. America is too fat to have holidays that celebrate eating and partying. But Mardis Gras has been celebrated for hundreds of years, so it's ok then, right? Wrong. We already have Thanksgiving (which probably came first and is more American) so why do we need this French shit still? Cause we love to eat and we love to party. USA! USA! USA!

I've reached critical mass. Literally. I can still walk around without needing a rascal and I don't need to be hoisted out of bed by a crane. And when I go to the beach they don't yell out "thar she blows!" and start hurling harpoons at me. But I'm pretty damn close. The problem is that I eat too much and don't exercise. I've always been a big person (as opposed to the "little people" celebrities in Hollywood always thank when accepting awards) but lately I'm spiraling out of control. I feel like I have an eating disorder because I keep on eating all the time when I'm not hungry. I've tried going on Hunger Strikes before, but those usually don't go well because whenever they end, I binge on all sorts of horrible stuff. And erase any progress I've made. I really don't even like comparing it to an eating disorder because I feel like I could just stop at anytime. I'm not addicted to food right? But then why can't I stop eating crap even though I know that it is bad for me?

Sometimes I do feel helpless, especially when I stand in front of the fridge at 3am when I should be sleeping. I know it's a terrible idea to eat, but I do it anyway. My weight is of big concern to me. It always has been. You probably never really hear me talk about it though because I don't mention it. It's not like I can hide being fat because even when you wear track pants and size 3XL shirts, you can still see that a person is large. In order to deal with it I developed a sense of humor early in life. I learned that people only really like the fat guy is if he is funny. I have a long list of comedians to thank for that including John Candy, Chris Farley and more recently Jonah Hill (whom I often get compared to). It's easy to hide your self-loathing and depression behind a fake smile and a joke. If people think that you are joking then they don't feel sorry for you and try to reach out and help. Kermit said that it's not easy being green, and I say it's not easy being fat. But the difference between me and Kermit (besides the fact that he needs a hand up his ass to be able to talk) is that he can't change being green, but I can change being fat.

I'm always going to be a bigger person no matter what I do. This is in no disrespect to my family, but we're built bigger than the average person. We even have a playful nickname to go along with our heavyness. We call it the "Kurutz Curse". And we try to do whatever we can to avoid being another victim. But thanks to Nana Meals (which I hate to knock because we can no longer have them) and my inactive lifestyle, I have become the very thing that I have tried to avoid. And although sometimes I feel like there's no point to improve my life because I don't plan on living past 50, I still have time to change. I'm only 28, which seems awfully close to 30. But 30 is the new 25. That means I've still got plenty of time to turn this robust ship around.

But I don't have too much time left. I believe that my weight is the source of a lot of my issues having to do with confidence and self esteem. And I have to get over that if I plan on living life. Take for instance the fact that I've never had a girlfriend. Kinda sad for a 28 year old to admit that, right? I've had plenty of girls that I've hung out with and loved, but although we hung out exclusively for months or a year at times, we never really took it to the next level cause I was always scared. And not scared of ghosts or anything, but scared of being loved I guess. I never understood (and to this day I still don't understand) why people like me. It's kind of hard for me to grasp the concept of it when I don't really like myself. So then it's easy for me to rationalize that I can't enter a romantic relationship with that doubt in mind.

This kind of thing didn't used to bother me cause I stay busy enough with family and friends (plus hobbies like this blog and pookon.com) that I'm used to doing things. And those times when I'm alone (like right now) I'm working on stuff like this that keeps my mind off of it. But it's times like when I hang out with people my age that makes me realize that perhaps I am missing out on a part of life that most people get to experience - dating, falling in love and getting married. I think about this often because I am 28 years old, and most of my friends are either married or engaged. Being the weird single guy in the group of couples is extremely awkward, which is why I usually just hang out by myself and eat and drink. And I think about things like this without taking action.

Which leads us to today. Today (as I've mentioned) is Fat Tuesday, the day before the Christian Season of Lent begins. I was raised Catholic/Christian, and although I don't go to church nearly as often as my Mom wished that I did, my upbringing in the Faith has shaped who I am as a person, and I will always be thankful for that. In Lent, it is customary to give up something and make a sacrifice for the weeks leading up to Easter. When I was a kid I used to give up candy or soda, but I don't remember ever doing it for the duration of Lent. I wanted to give up drinking this year (because I probably do it too much) but I decided against it because it's something that I really like to do. My Mom would certainly say then that that is definitely the reason why I should give it up. I am in no way addicted to alcohol (but they do say the first sign is not admitting it or some shit like that but I know I could go without drinking as I have done in the past) but it is a part of who I am. But what I will do is to make a conscious effort to limit when and how much I drink. Like for instance - don't get wasted on a Wednesday night when I have to be in at work at 9am the next morning. But enough about alcohol, because that is a whole 'nother story.

Coming up with a New Year's Resolution (which always gets broken) and a Lenten Promise (which doesn't last for the entire season) are the 2 times a year when I at least make an effort to change. The only problem is that it usually doesn't get past the inception stage. No action is taken upon this, and frankly I'm getting tired of my shit. I hate being who I am (besides my sense of humor and a few other personality traits I've developed over the years) and I feel like I could change that If I could figure out a way to change that. My biggest problem is motivation, and often I feel like I am all alone with this problem. That's probably because I never tell anyone about this shit. I have countless journals full of feelings and the greatest blog entry I've never posted with a list of 50 things that are true about me to prove it. That shit cuts just a little too deep for me to share with you because it is the God honest truth. No bullshit. But that's beside the point. Man I need to stop whining like I need to finish this entry. I just lack to motivation to do anything about it.

I am a member of a gym (Anytime Fitness) but I rarely go because I am embarrassed to be the fat guy at the gym. It sounds stupid because you would think that although it is hideous to watch me sweating all over the place and bouncin' around, I'm at least trying not to be fat, right? I should get some credit for the effort, right? It's then that I realize that this is all in my head and I have more issues than tissues. So if I have the time to sit around and bitch about my sorry excuse for a life, then I should have the time to do something about it. Instead of giving up something for Lent I instead will make a promise to myself to go to the gym to work out at least 3 times a week starting tonight. The hardest part is just getting there, because once I'm inside I actually enjoy working out and the satisfaction I get from it. But it's so incredibly hard to drag my fat ass off of the couch to go there. But once again, at least I am trying something.

So now this the part when I reflect over the past hour that I have spent thinking about this. And surprisingly I wasn't drunk when I wrote this debacle on here, which is a departure from the usual. I guess that it means that it is something that I really care about and want to make a conscious effort to work on, but I'm going to have to say that I need your help. Mom always said don't use the word hate because it is such a strong word but I hate asking for help. I like to think that I am independent enough to do this kind of thing on my own but obviously not, because I have gotten progressively worse the last few years. I originally came up with this title last year around Mardi Gras because it seemed like a funny way to bring up a serious topic. And it took me a whole year to actually write these thoughts down.

Looking back on it (although right now I refuse to read what I have written) this entry isn't very funny. In fact it is pretty damn serious. That sucks. I'm not known for being serious. And if you are the select few to read this don't worry about the 1st things that come to mind like suicidal thoughts and depression and stuff like that. But trust me, it's not that serious. I can't see me getting to that extreme. Which is why I struggled about writing this down, and why I am struggling with actually posting this then sending you the link. I don't think that it's that big of an issue but I'll let you be the judge of that I guess. I don't really know where to go from here. So I guess I'll just let you process this information and we'll go from there.

I guess the reason I am doing this is that I don't want to die and I just want to be happy like everyone else. But I know that everyone is not happy. I guess I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror every day and not be repulsed by what I see, inside and out. And unless I do something about it I'm just going to pass through life unfilled, no matter how it looks like from the outside. But I bet some of you already saw this thing coming. You don't have to have a crystal ball to tell you all or most of the things that I just said. I'm going to go ahead and stop typing before I burden you with all of the other crap that I feel is bothering me. Nobody wants to open up that Pantera's Box. Cause all you'd get is the Cowboys from Hell. It's always good to end on a joke... Helps to alleviate some of the seriousness that went on here. But should I really be doing that?


- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookon.com@gmail.com

Hart Attack : Meet the $4.8 Million Dolar Man

Somewhere Corey Hart is leaping for joy. Somehow Hart and his agent were able to convince the panel of judges that he was worth $4.8 million dollars for next season. I am demanding a transcript from that hearing because I need to know what were the deciding factors that bumped his pay raise from the $4.15 million the Brewers were offering versus the $4.8 million he was demanding. I've already laid out all of the numbers in a previous post and stated my claims, but there has to be some kind of information that I overlooked that shows why he derserved such a big raise in salary. My theory is that they looked at comparable players of his service time and stats and made the ruling based on that. I don't have any of that at my disposal, but I'm guessing that information will surely be presented by Tom Haudricourt or Adam McCalvy later on today. I don't have the time to write up an article right now about how angry I am about this, but be sure that I will rant like a pissed off teenager as soon as I get home from work this afternoon. The only thing I have to say right now (because I don't want to get too upset before work because work makes me mad enough) is that he better keep his God damn mouth shut this year and not complain about shit. He's making damn near $5 million dollars and he sure as hell better play like he is. I don't want to see him striking out on 3 straight pitches, playing shoddy defense and carrying a batting average of .260. I'm definitly ready to eat my words as soon as the real Corey Hart shows up to the 2010 season. I've said all along that I am a fan of his and want him to do well, but now he has run out of excuses. Prince Fielder was upset about his contract situation in the 2008 season, but he went out and played hard anyway. This resulted in a two year $18 million dollar contract, and with his finances secure, Fielder went out and had one of the greatest offensive seasons in Brewers history. Now there is no way I can compare Hart to Fielder because they are different players, but I'm hoping that Hart can also put the past behind him and play with the satisfaction that his family is taken care of and all he has to do is worry about baseball.

Stay tuned to The Journal Sentinel Brewers Blog and Tom Haudricourt's Twitter page for updates throughout the day. And make sure you check back here for my response later this evening. I don't know if it will be as angry as the Corey Hart is a Bitch article (cause I probably won't be as drunk when I write this one) because I have to admit defeat. I still believe that I am right, but in this case my opinion doesn't matter. I'm going to have to go ahead and live with the fact that Corey Hart found a way to dupe the arbitration panel into believing that he was as good as he thinks he is. And more power to him I guess. If he's able to spin his terrible performance in the last year and a half into a positive, then he should be able to do an 180 on the field as well, right? He sure as shit better do it, or else this blog will be filled with Corey Hart stories for the entire summer as I constantly rain down the criticism on him for the remainder of the season. Time to go cool down and let this news sink in. More to come later. I guess I just have to live in a world where we celebrate failure and mediocrity with praise and pay increases. God help us all.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Today is Judgment day for Corey Hart

Sometime later today, Corey Hart himself will walk into the belly of the beast and attend his arbitration hearing. I can't believe that he wants to be there while the team rips him apart, but to each their own. At the very least, he will get a $900,000 raise and know every single tiny area that he needs to improve on to have a better year. And at the best he makes like $1.55 million more than last year and gets to do a little dance and shove it in Gord Ash's face that his value is as high as he thought it was. Either way he'll probably be grinning like an idiot. I just hope that I am right so that I can remove the bag from his head on my calendar so that for the remaining 17 days in February, he has to stare into my eyes and face the fact that I was right. I still have a very strong feeling that the arbitration panel will side with the Brewers, mostly because comparable players on the free agent market are making far less than $4.8 million on a 1 year deal. That shouldn't really factor into their decision, because they really are supposed to be comparing him against other players with similar experience and playing time, but you know that thought is gonna creep up in there. Whether or not he wins or loses his arbitration hearing, I will still cheer for him to do well, but I would rather do so with the satisfaction of knowing that I was right. Call it selfishness or a man's refusal to admit their mistakes, but everyone always thinks they are right and do not like to admit when they are not. I'm stubborn enough to stick to my guns, and shall Corey Hart prevail, I will probably still say that he isn't deserving and that he is overpaid. But I guess that we have to wait until tomorrow (Friday) to hear the arbitration panel's final decision.

Word may leak out today (Thursday) so stay tuned to the following sources for all of your Brewers updates : The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Brewers Blog - Tom Haudricourt does an excellent job of getting you all the Brewers news in a timely matter. Once he knows it, you'll know it. I also suggest that you check out his Twitter page, since he usually post a short blurb on there before he takes the time to type out an article. That is the quickest way to stay up to the minute on all things Brewers. While I'm on the subject of Twitter, make sure you also check out Adam McCalvy's Twitter page. He's the "official" beat writer of the Milwaukee Brewers, as he posts the majority of the articles on Brewers.com. Once he says it, it is no longer speculation, it is indeed fact. Those are a few ways to keep on top of this whole situation, and I'll be back on here some time tomorrow night to once again run my mouth and offer my opinion.

So even though this case has cast a shadow on an otherwise great offseason, at least we're talking Brewers baseball. And in the cold and snow filled Wisconsin winter, there's no better thing to talk about. Not even the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, the Sports Illustrated football flip phone or the History of the Stanley Cup : 100 Years of Glory could get me this excited for March (and more importantly April) to hurry up and get here already so I can have 8 baseball filled months of happiness. It's unfortunate that Doug Melvin has to go to his 1st arbitration hearing as GM of the Brewers and that Corey Hart and his agent couldn't settle, but that's the business of baseball. And let's just hope and pray that the outcome doesn't affect his play on the field, because like I've pointed out in the past, some of our success this year does hinge on #1 playing like he is the one who is #1 on the field and #1 in our Harts.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

No Love in February for Corey Hart

Days after I wrote the Corey Hart is a Bitch entry, I attended the Brewers On-Deck event at the Midwest Airlines Center in downtown Milwaukee on January 31st. And do you know who I saw when I first entered the convention floor? None other than Corey Hart; my arch nemesis. There was an area set up where players posed for pictures with the fans, and Corey was standing there looking all tall and goofy. I waited in the line for a few minutes, then stepped up and got this picture taken with him. Little did he know that days before I had called him a bitch and blasted his antics all over the internet, and the article has been seen by hundreds. He also didn’t know that as I stood next to him, I made this angry face. My cousin Kevin was next in line for a picture, by he declined to pose next to him. When the worker asked him to step up (trying to keep the line moving as fast as possible) he said, “Nah, I’d rather not” then walked away. Corey didn’t hear this, but I did. And I loved it. While I was in line, I tried to work up the courage to small talk with Corey, something along the lines of, “Hey Corey (shakes his hand) it’s so nice to meet you. Thanks for coming out today, and best of luck this season.” Corey then would say some kind of half-assed awkward thank you, then I would pat him on the back, lean in close and whisper, “Oh yeah, and you’re a bitch.” Then I would walk away with my head held high. I didn’t do what I had promised to do, mostly because I am a Brewers fan above all other things. As much as Corey Hart is upsetting me at this moment, he still is a player on my team and I need him to do well in order for the Brewers to have a shot this year.

I think there’s been a little confusion over my purpose of that article. I know it is titled Corey Hart is a Bitch and I said in all caps FUCK COREY HART, but in reality there’s probably no one in this city who wants Corey Hart to rebound and have a career year more than I do. Our pitching is going to be average at best, so in order to return to the playoffs we need the offense to knock the cover off of the ball like gangbusters and consistently put up 5+ runs a night. Our top 5 lineup rivals any team in baseball in my opinion, with Rickie Weeks leading off, Corey Hart batting 2nd, Ryan Braun hitting 3rd, Prince Fielder cleaning up and Casey McGehee batting 5th. 6-9 are a little suspect, with youngsters like Carlos Gomez and Alcides Escobar, old guys like Greg Zaun and the pitcher’s spot filling out the bottom of the order. Corey Hart is crucial to this lineup, and ideally I’d bat him 2nd if I was Ken Macha in order to give him the biggest shot at success. Corey Hart is not a .260 hitter, there is no way he should ever hit less than 20 home runs and have fewer than 75 RBIs. He’s too good to suck. He just needs to swing at the right pitches, use his speed as a weapon and keep his own style of hitting. I know he was criticized by the coaches for not taking a lot of walks (36 in 2007 and 27 in 2008) so in 2009 he tried to be more patient at the plate (from the suggestion of the coaches) and it forked (43 walks in a shortened season). While his walk totals went up, everything else decreased because he was watching too many pitches and swinging at the bad ones. His strike out totals increased because the opposing pitchers made adjustments knowing that he was trying to be more patient at the plate. If only Corey would have also made the adjustments mid-season, maybe I wouldn’t be calling him a bitch this year. Corey has publicly voiced his opinions over his displeasure with the coaching staff altering his approach, and although I don’t usually agree with players doing that, in the end the players are the ones standing up at the plate with the bat in their hands. And they are the ones that have to control their ability to get on base and be productive. So if something doesn’t work and doesn’t feel right for Corey, he needs to go ahead and do what does feel right. And I’m all for that. Look at Ryan Braun. He doesn't take a lot of walks (57 in 2009), but last year he had an on base percentage of .386 thanks to 203 hits on the year with a .320 batting average. Compare that to Prince Fielder, who had more walks (a franchise high 110 in 2009) with a .299 average and 177 hits, resulting in a monstrous .412 on base percentage. As you can see, there are other ways than patience at the plate to be productive and help out your team. Corey Hart had 109 hits with a .339 on base percentage. Pales in comparison to the big bioys on the team, don't it? That's why the 2007 version of Corey Hart showing up in 2009 would be an amazing boost for the Brewers, and behind Rickie Weeks (who I believe is the key and the catalyst to the Brewers offense) is the second most important piece of the offense puzzle.

So why did I say Corey Hart is a Bitch? I don’t know, probably because I was hammered drunk the night I wrote that article. I was puking for 3 hours the next morning, and even threw up at the bus stop outside of Bayshore Mall. Yikes. And although the truth often does come out when you are wasted, I really do like Corey Hart. When I get drunk I like to fight people, but I don’t fight with my fists, I fight with my words. And that night I went on a giant rant that is my sometimes outlandish variation on Corey Hart’s situation. I’m not going to apologize for writing the article, because it is the way that I feel about the situation. But I don’t want people coming out and blasting me for not being a Brewers fan just because I am upset with a player’s performance. If you know me, I’m the biggest fan, and I have the hardware (2 Brewers tattoos and over 30 jerseys) to prove it. Add that to the fact that I watch/listen to every game and I have worked over 50 games a year at Miller Park for the last 9 years, so I know what I’m talking about. I don’t think I should have to boast about my devotion to the team in order to prove my point, but it does help if I throw it out there. Let’s just say that if you plan to discuss/debate Brewers with me, you better do your homework and be prepared to talk for hours at a time.

But I have a feeling that February will not be Corey Hart’s month. After getting lambasted on opinionated fan’s blogs (like this one), publicly criticized on sports talk radio and bashed by the fans, he has to go up against the arbitration panel later this month. And I have the feeling that given his performance over the past 2 seasons, the arbitration panel will side with the team and not with Corey Hart. I hope that he sends his agent and doesn’t show up in person, because that would be one of the hardest things to sit through. Basically the team presents a presentation on why you suck and why you don’t deserve a hefty raise, then they present evidence to support their claims. It’s not quite as serious as appearing in court on a murder charge, but it is awfully similar. The team is trying to make you look bad in every way, shape and form in order to prove their point, and you to sit there and hear what they really think about you. That’s got to be really damaging to your self-esteem. I know that I would not be able to handle that kind of raw criticism. Then after they blast you for however long it takes, you have to present information on why they are wrong and talk yourself up to prove you deserve more money than they are offering. I’m sure that everyone has been in a situation when they have had to defend themselves against critics, and it’s not that easy to do, nor is it enjoyable. Do too much and it sounds like you are bragging and you have a giant ego. Do too little and it sounds like you are unsure of yourself and lack confidence in your abilities. I do like Corey Hart’s attitude going into this though, because he has publicly stated that whatever the team says it’s their opinion, and that he won’t let it bother him because it really is just a business. And the team has to sometimes separate business and personal feelings. For a smaller market team like the Brewers, a million dollars is a lot of money. They have to do the best with the limited resources they have in order to be competitive. And he knows that no matter whose side the arbitration panel chooses, he will still receive more money than he did last year. That is a positive outlook on the situation because no matter what, he will come out ahead. And Corey has also stated in the past that he is out to prove the doubters wrong. And I’m all for that. Whatever it is that gives him the competitive drive to be better and try harder, I say go for it. I have no problem capitulating to Corey when he gives me a big fat “I told you so” middle finger at the end of the year when his stats prove that he was indeed worth $4.8 million dollars. Because the better that he does, the better the team does. And in the end, it’s not the performance of an individual player that matters (just look at Fielder’s MVP worthy year that went for naught as we missed the playoffs), it is how the team as a whole finishes.

Even though I will still cheer for him to have a better season than last year, I still have a feeling that February just isn’t going to be Corey’s month. I have a Brewers calendar at my desk at work, and ironically February features Corey Hart. And while I am venting about Corey Hart and going off on wild rants, I have to look him in the eyes for the 8 hours a day I sit at my desk. So that is why I put a paper bag over his head. It does 2 things for me – makes it so I don’t have to look at him and so that he can hide his shame behind that bag. It’s kind of humorous if you ask me, and I wonder if any of my co-workers will feel the same way. Most of the people at work (with the exception of a select few like Mike Wilhelm) just kind of agree with me because I am seen as the Brewers expert in the office. That or they just agree with me because they don’t care and don’t feel like hearing me go off all day whenever something (cough… Jeff Suppan…cough) bugs me. That’s why I listen to Steve “Sparky” Fifer on AM1250 WSSP. If there is anyone who is more critical and passionate about the Brewers (and so badly wants them to succeed and win a World Series) more than I do, it’s him. So don’t misconstrue these rants as hatred, it’s frustration more than anything else. I was 1 year old in 1982, floating as high as the clouds in 2008 and don’t want to be dead the next time the Brewers reach the postseason. I take this shit a little too seriously, and get so emotionally involved with the Brewers that sometimes something like Corey Hart’s situation pushes me over the edge and cause me to erupt. And whether or not you agree with me, at least you should be able to laugh at the picture of Corey Hart with a bag over his head. That shit is classic. As classic as the whoopee cushion or Uncle Mike’s knee slappers.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Corey Hart is a Bitch

Let me start out by saying that I've always liked Corey Hart. Alcohol has made me forget a lot of things, but I'm 99% sure that I'm right on this one. Corey Hart's first at bat with the Milwaukee Brewers happened late in the 2004 season. He came in as pinch hitter, and hit a foul ball that clanked off of the .300 Club (now the Metavante Club) in the 3rd deck. It was just barely foul, and would have been a booming home run if he could have kept it fair. He ended up striking out, but got a standing ovation from the crowd in his only at bat of that year. At that point, the fans were so excited about these youngsters who were on the verge of taking over this team. In 2005 he only played in 21 games and hit .193. In 2006 he was splitting time in right field with Geoff Jenkins, and he only played in 87 games but hit .283 with 9 HRs and 33 RBI. 2007 was his breakout season, and as the everyday right fielder he played in 140 games and hit .295 with 24 HRs, 81 RBIs and 24 stolen bases. He also played some good defense and had only 3 errors. He was also clocked as the fastest Brewers player in Spring Training, and I wore my sunglasses at night, screamed out "I Hart you Corey" from the right field bleachers and I often would say that Corey Hart ran like a gazelle. That is a compliment, as gazelles are some of the most graceful and fastest creatures on the planet. In 2008, he had a terrific first half on the season, and he was a candidate for the 2008 All-Star Game Final Vote, which he would end up winning. I was extremely supportive of him, and even installed a widget on this blog so that people could come here to cast their vote. I remember yelling out, "#1 on the field, #1 in your Harts!!" at the game, which became one of my signature cheers. I own a Corey Hart jersey, and counted myself as one of his biggest supporters. Then why would I say that he is a bitch? If you remember the 2nd half of the 2008 season onward, then you need not ask. But read on anyway.

Corey Hart completely fell apart after the All-Star break. I don't have the split stats to back it up, but in 2008 in 157 games he finished with a line of .268, 21 HRs, 91 RBIs and 23 stolen bases. You're probably saying that's not that bad, right? Consider that he had 109 strike outs and an on base percentage of .300, and you start to scrap the surface of how bad he really was. Anyone who watched the Brewers in 2008 saw that Corey Hart put up one of the biggest piece of shit half seasons the MLB has ever seen. I remember in the final game of the 2008 season, when the Brewers were at home against the Cubs and needed a win to advance to the playoffs. It was in the 7th inning, Ray Durham led off with a double, then Ryan Braun grounded out to 3rd, with Durham advancing to 3rd on the play. Prince Fielder was intentionally walked, then JJ Hardy walked on 4 straight pitches. Corey Hart stepped up to the plate in a career defining at bat; one that would cement his place in Brewers lore as they were trailing 1-0 at the time. Remember that Sean Marshall of the Cubs just threw 8 straight balls (4 intentional to Prince Fielder and 4 non intentional to JJ Hardy)? COREY HART SWUNG AT AND MISSED 3 STRAIGHT SLIDERS LOW AND AWAY AND STRUCK OUT SWINGING WITH THE BASES LOADED IN ONE OF THE WORST AT BATS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. I have never been more upset in my entire life at someone who wasn't a murderer or a child rapist. I don't like to boo my own players, but on that day I booed the shit out of Corey Hart as he walked back to the dugout. If it wasn't for Craig "Clutch" Counsell (C3) who drew a walk tying the game at 1, Corey Hart may have been blamed for the loss. As everyone knows, with the game tied at 1-1, Ryan Braun hit a home run in the 8th inning that still gives me chills, and thanks to CC Sabathia's complete game, the Brewers won the Wild Card and made the playoffs for the first time in 26 years. The rest is history.

But why is Corey Hart a bitch you ask? Aside from his poor play in the 2nd half of 2008, his 2009 season was far worse. He played in only 115 games and had a batting average of .260, with 12 home runs and 48 RBIs. Naysayers will point out that he missed nearly 1 1/2 months due to emergency appendectomy surgery in August, which came at a time when he was just heating up at the plate. That's no excuse, as he already was having a dismal season where he couldn't do anything right. He ended up finishing the 2009 season with an on base percentage of .335, which was better than last year, but not nearly good enough for someone of his speed and baserunning skills. So all of that is in the past, but when thing has to be mentioned before I go into my rant about how I no longer "Hart" Corey. If you don't understand the arbitration process, let me breka it down for you right quick. A team owns the rights to a player for something like 6 years once they get to the majors, and for the first 2 or 3 years they are in the majors, the team controls their salary and they most likely make the major league minimum. After that, the player is allowed to file for an amount they feel that they are worth, and the team counters with the amount that they think that player is worth. In an ideal situation, both sides meet at the midpoint of the 2 figures, and that results in the players salary for that year. If they cannot compromise, it goes before an arbitration panel of 3 judges who decide on one or the other, and that is the amount that that player makes in a year. I know this is boring an technical stuff, but so is a lot of things in baseball. In 2008 Corey Hart filed for a salary of $3.8 million in his 1st year of arbitration, while the Brewers offered $2.7 million. On the night before going before the panel of arbitration judges, they settled on salary of $3.25 million. Corey Hart goes on to have a disappointing 2009 season, as I have previously pointed out.

Fast forward to 2010. Thank you for bearing with me, as I found it necessary to present the evidence before I make my claim that Corey Hart is a bitch. I already presented Hart's 2009 statistics (.260, 12 HR, 48 RBI, .335 OBP), and for the 2010 season he filed for a salary of $4.8 million, a RAISE of $1 million from the previous year in which he sucked balls at the plate and missed time due to injury. Think about it for a second. If you missed time at work, sucked at your job then asked your boss for A MILLION DOLLAR RAISE at your job, how do you think your boss would react?!? They would probably show you the door and hire someone who was younger, cheaper and could do a more efficient job than you could. Corey Hart is a mother fucker for thinking that he deserves more money after a season in which he let down over 3 million fans who came to see him play at Miller Park. Some people might blame the system and the fact that MLB does not have a salary cap, which leads to some players making ridiculous amounts of money. I blame the players, because they are simply abusing and taking advantage of the system in place that governs the salaries of the players. But then I must also blame the system too. I don't want to go into that today, but without a salary cap, teams like the Milwaukee Brewers will never be able to win a World Series if teams like the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox and Philadelphia Phillies can spend as much money as the want to buy a championship. So where was I? Oh yeah, Corey Hart is a bitch if he thinks that he is worth $4.8 million dollars. If you ask me, I don't think that he is worth $4.80. I'd rather have Frank "The Tank" Cattalonatto in right field, if nothing more than to hear The Outfield's "Your Love" every time that he steps up to the plate. I used to "Hart" Corey, but now I find myself feeling deep hate and disdain for him. I can't believe that he is asking for more money after the horrendous season that he had. Doug Melvin has a clean track record of settling with players on a salary for the upcoming season, and has yet to go before the arbitration panel. Corey Hart may change that in 2010, because he's being a stubborn bitch who thinks that he is better than he actually is. I know that he has a family small children, and is trying to make enough for his future, but what can you buy for $4.8 million that you can't buy for $4.15 million (which is the amount that the Brewers have offered him for 2010)? I only make $28,000 a year, which seems like a lot to you kids (Brian, Stacy and Kevin) but it is pocket change compared to Hart's $4+ million he will make this year. And to be quite honest with you, he doesn't deserve that. Not at all. Given his decline in the last few years, I wish we could give him less money, but unfortunately the arbitration process doesn't work that way. So he will end up making a ton of money, and unless he hopefully rebounds in 2010, he will enrage the fans once again. Corey Hart is no stranger to enraging the fans. In September of 2008 the Brewers had just completed a 3-7 homestand and were slipping from the Wildcard lead. Corey Hart's poor play in the second half helped contribute to this, and the fans would often boo him when he showed a complete lack of discipline at the plate. The Brewers were going on the road to play Philadelphia and he had this to say about the people who pay his salary. "Actually, it felt more like a home game than playing in Miller Park," said Hart, who has no home runs and two RBI this month. "We didn't hear the boos that we sometimes hear at home. That's the way it goes. Everybody's expecting (the team) to win. I guess they have a reason to be frustrated because we haven't been winning. "It's not a lack of hustle or effort. A guy makes an error, a guy strikes out and you hear your home town booing you. It makes you ready to get out of there and go somewhere else for awhile. I think we're all looser here." So Hart would rather be somewhere else than Miller Park. So go there. What's stopping you ya bum? He's been the fodder of trade rumors for some time now, and the only reason that we haven't traded him is that there is no viable younger and less expensive talent in the minors to replace him. Or at least none of those outfielders are major league ready yet. But as soon as they are I want Corey Hart out of town and headed to the next place that wants to deal with his shit.

Wow. Can't believe that I ranted that long on Corey Hart. That just goes to show you how passionate I am about my team. I know I wanted to say it for a long time, but FUCK COREY HART. There. It has been said now. I haven't been this upset since 4th and 26. And there's not many times that I hate a player on my team as much as I hate a player on the Chicago Cubs. Corey might as well put on the traitor jersey and play on the North side, and catch fly balls up against the gay shrubbery on the brick walls. Fuck Corey Hart and fuck him for thinking that he is worth a God Damn cent. He is being a bitch right now and I will no longer support him unless he proves that he has learned plate discipline and takes a fucking walk when the pitcher pitches him low and outside. I've backed Corey Hart since Day 1, and will continue to do so if he proves to me that he was who I thought he was. And if he isn't, then I will stop at nothing to get someone to play right field who can live up to the hype. It's starting to look like Doug Melvin will have to go to his 1st arbitration hearing as GM of the Brewers because Corey Hart fails to realize how much of a bitch he really is. His unwillingness to see how much he sucked and compromise at a fair salary of $4.4 million is upsetting. I'm tired of his bitchy antics and will focus my attention elsewhere. Even though it is the offseason, I got Brewers on the brain. Not a day goes by that I'm not thinking about my team, and if you ever want to have an educational discussion about the Boys in Blue, let me know. But just makes sure that you bring the knowledge if you want to discuss the Crew, because I've had enough of the uninformed fuckers who call into AM 1250 WSSP. No one (besides Tim and Sparky) have any idea what they are talking about. You know how to reach me; rant over. Let's go Brewers, and keep on Turnin' Up the Heat!

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Onions make Hotdogs tasty

(from the Lost Archives - date unknown, probably spring 2009)


(from the Current Archives - Wednesday, November 18, 2009)

As you can see from the entry of the Lost Archives, there is nothing there. This must have been one of those ideas that I came up with and never expounded on it. I was probably drunk one night, and in my inebriated state, ate some hot dogs with onions and came up with this genius observation. But let's break this thing down a little bit. First off, hot dogs are already tasty. I know that might change depending on who you talk to, but I think that the majority if Americans would answer yes to the question, "Are hotdogs tasty?" So already the dog alone makes it tasty. Then you add a bun into the mix. To be honest with you, I don't think this changes anything. Unless you have flavored bread or one with some awesome seasoning, bread just tastes like nothing. I figure the hotdog bun to just be a container in which to hold all the awesomeness, which we will get into in a moment. For me, a hotdog needs to have ketchup. That is the bare minimum amount of condiments that I must put on my dog before consuming it. Of course I like to have more, because who doesn't? If someone were to give you the choice between having 1 (for the sake of argument, we'll use widgets) widget or having 5 widgets, you'd choose 5 widgets, right? No? Oh yeah, you'd probably not put widgets on your hotdog because widgets are an economic term used to describe an unnamed or hypothetical manufactured article. A widget is also a small mechanical device, as a knob or switch, especially one whose name is not known or cannot be recalled; a gadget. What kind of savage psycho puts that shit on a hotdog?

I'll tell you in my ideal world what I would put on my hotdog - everything in the picture to the left. But I wouldn't call it a Chicago Dog for 2 reasons - I hate Chicago and because I improve upon this design. I add ketchup and sauerkraut to make it a true Milwaukee Dog. If I wanted to be quite honest with you, then I would say that I stole the idea from Mad Dog Jake's up in Boulder Junction and that it is actually called a Mad Dog. I've been going to Boulder Junction (a small town even further North and West than Eagle River) since I was a little kid. When I joined Boy Scouts, I was excited to find out that our week long Summer Camp was at nearby Jag Lake. And I also heard that at some point doing the week we'd take the 5 mile hike into Boulder Junction. That probably doesn't seen very exciting to you, but unless you are one of the adults at summer camp, you aren't allowed to have soda or candy at camp. While this seems trivial now, think about how horrifying that is as a kid or a teenager. When we went into Boulder Junction, we could gorge ourselves silly, as long as we were able to make the walk back. So it became a challenge of finding that fine line between being extremely satisfied and being overly stuffed. I always made sure to stop at Mad Dog Jake's with Mike Bates and grab a Mad Dog and some ice cream. And although I haven't been back there since (something like 10 years now) it will always be the best hot dog I've ever had in my entire life. And also one of my best memories of all time.

(from the even more Current Archives 1/21/2010)

I don't know what makes up a hotdog. I could Google it and see some sick shit, but for once (if anyone follows my blog or website) I'm refraining from looking up information because I don't want to know it instead of my usual not doing it because I am lazy. I love hotdogs so much that I straight up refuse to compromise my love for them. Two of my favorite meals involve hotdogs - SuperMac (which is macaroni and cheese with hotdogs and extra cheeses) and Ghettio (spaghettios with hotdogs). And then of course is the tie between hotdogs and sporting events, mainly baseball. I love grilling out and tailgaiting, and hotdogs make me think of summer. If you live in Wisconsin or have ever visited here, you know how much we look forward to our summers because winter sucks balls. So I'm going to go on the record by saying that I love hotdogs, onions do make them tasty and this summer I will go back to Boulder Junction for a Mad Dog at Mad Dog Jake's. Fire up the grill, open up a cold one, grab out the condiments and eat the shit out of a hotdog. Trust me, it will remind you of the better days to come and help get you through the cold winter. Stay warm my friends.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast - Episode 8: WSoBP V Wrap-Up

One of my main goals at the WSoBP was to get the guys together and recap each days events. But since we all did so poorly each day, I had to wait for the right moment to approach them about joining me for a taping of the Pookcast. That moment occurred the morning after Day 3 of the tournament, when we goofed around Vegas-style instead of playing beer pong. To be quite honest with you, I'm sure that all of us would've traded in our day of fun for a playoff berth and a shot at $50,000. But we did have tons of fun, and it was the only reason why I enjoyed my time out in Las Vegas. We sat down and goofed around, and I had to split the video into 3 parts because it was so long. We could talk for hours about our beer pong adventures, but hopefully this video gives you a taste of what it is like to be out there with us. If we decide to go back for WSoBP VI (the jury is still out on that one, and it will be for quite a while) we hope that you will join us and finally get to experience this beer pong event for yourself. Enjoy the Pookcast, and once again thank you for checking out all of the sites in the Pookon Empire. Your faithfulness will not go unrewarded. As soon as I can figure out how to reward you that is. Later dudes!

Part 1



Part 2



Part 3




- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5 : Brief Wrap-up

I'm at the airport right now, and my flight back to Wisconsin boards in about a half hour. I'm tired beyond belief, and my tummy is still doing flips after eating a double In-N-Out Burger with Animal Fries this morning. There's so much that I would like to write about, but the majority of it was touched upon in an episode of the Pookcast that I filmed with Kanz, Brodey and Casey this morning. I will post that either tonight or sometime tomorrow, so I don't want to spoil the details of that before it is available here on this blog. After I post it, I will write something up in case I missed some details. And of course, pictures and captions will eventually be posted on pookon.com once I finish Afterglow 2009 and all of the other pictures from last year that I didn't get around to completing yet. So stay tuned for that shit.

The main reason that I wanted to post something on here was just to tell everyone that I am still alive and made it through another year in Las Vegas. Just barely though. I'm coming home without a lot of money, and will have to spend money once I get home to fix things I broke while I was out here. And I sucked balls at beer pong, so it will take a lot of reflection and convincing myself that I had a good time out here and that I should go back next year. There's not much more that I can do at this time, as I am starting to fall asleep at the airport bar. I guarantee that I will pass out on the airplane back home, and once I get home I'll probably crash hard. The good news is that I don't have to work tomorrow, so after sleeping this weekend off, I will have some time to post things if I feel like it. Can't promise anything. I'm just lucky to be alive still.

So that does it for now. Be back with more later if I successfully wake up tomorrow morning. As my cousin Tommy says, "I hope so." I hope so too Tommy. I hope so too.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5 - Day 2

It's about 4am on Monday January 4th. Day 2 of WSoBP 5 ended about 9 hours ago or something. Sorry for the delay in getting something on here, but if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, then you already know that Day 2 (and this year's WSoBP in general) has not been very kind to me. Call it lack of practice, lack of focus and energy, increased competition or whatever other excuses I can pull out to blame for our performance, but we didn't do well. At all. There was not even one game that stands out where I could honestly say that we played up to our capacity and dominated someone. It looks like we finished 288 out of 468 teams, by far my worst showing ever. 5-7 with a -5 cup differential. The most we ever won by was 4 cups, and the most we lost by was 6 cups. And it's not like our opponents did that well either (although 6 of the 12 teams we faced did make Day 3) since most of the games were pretty close. So that's the day in a nutshell. If I want to be depressing about it I can keep going on with statistics and sad stories. But I'll spare us both and try to pick out a few good things that happened today.

Brodey and Casey were scheduled to play one of the hired girls teams (X-Burlesque One, from the show in the Flamingo) on the featured table, but the chicks didn't show up. They got the win, and Kanz and I played them in a game we dubbed the Milwaukee Classic. In the end, Kanz and I ended up winning, but it wasn't about the end result. This was just an old school game of Milwaukee Beer Pong between old friends, and it couldn't have been anymore fun. We busted out old shots like Salmon-style goofy shots including the Zeus, fade away jumpers and no look quick shots. This match certainly wiped the bad taste out my mouth from all the losing. If only the other games could have been like this, then this trip would have been so much more fun. I guess that's why we play beer pong back home, so that the games can be just about a bunch of friends having fun instead of intense competition with strangers trying to win prize money. Then during his last match of the day, I coerced Brodey into taking his pants off. I know that that sounds pretty gay, but for those of you who haven't been around Milwaukee Beer Pong, somewhere during any beer pong event, Brodey and Balkman eventually play a game in their boxers. Brodey is a ridiculously skinny guy, so seeing him without baggy clothes is a little jarring. But it is also hilarious at the same time. The distraction worked really well, but as Brodey put it, Milwaukee brought plenty of defense but not enough offense to WSoBP 5.

So that's a little of how today played out. I plan on filming an episode of the Pookcast tomorrow morning when Kanzy-pants wakes up. I want to get him on there and talk beer pong. And hopefully tomorrow we will focus more on the positives instead of the negatives as we do a retrospective of our careers rather than a WSoBP wrap-up that includes our failures. Maybe I'll be able to get Casey and Brodey too, so you'll have a true insight into our storied beer pong history. Whatever the case may be, I want to thank you once again for taking the time to check out this site. Sorry that I don't have a lot of good news for ya, but that's the way it goes sometimes I guess. Take care of yourselves, have a nice day, and continue to check back for more updates. Even though I won't be playing in Day 3, I'm still in Vegas. Which means that there will be no shortage of situations and drama that I can and will get myself involved in. Later dudes.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast - Episode 7: World Series of Beer Pong Day 1

I went back to my room after the events of Day 1 played itself out, and had a little time to reflect on the fact that N-Ice Kanz finished at 3-3. It's not great, but it's ok. If we make a run tomorrow we still can make the playoffs on Day 3. But we need to at least go 5-1 with a high cup margin or go 6-0 to guarantee a spot in the final bracket. So things are looking OK but not great. I vented a little and let my sillies out during this Pookcast, although you might think that I was too serious about the game of beer pong. Like it or not, beer pong is a sport and not just a recreational activity. Or at least for aging veterans like me. I've been there since the birth of the sport, and until now I've watched my baby develop into the behemoth it has become. This year may be my last, but if I get the feeling next year I may be back. That's the beauty of this game; you may give up on beer pong but beer pong will never give up on you. So I'll keep playing until I lose the love for the game. That has yet to happen, so stick with me for a few more games while I figure this shit out. Once again, thanks for visiting Pookon's Ill Blog, Pookon.com and all of the other sites in the Pookon Empire. Take care of yourself my friend.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookon.com@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5

So I’ve been up since about 5:30 am, since my flight was at 7:15am this morning. I was up until about 3:30am watching Full House and drinking, well knowing that I had to be up early for my flight. I wanted to bed because I wanted to be well rested for the 5^th World Series of Beer Pong, but I’d much rather laugh along with the laugh track when Uncle Jessie says, “Have mercy.”, Stephanie says, “How rude.” and Michelle says, “You got it dude!” Apparently watching a show that I grew up with that I have seen a million times was more important than sleep. If I had to do it all over again, I’d totally stay up idolizing Uncle Joey’s sweet ass mullet. I’m pretty sure that I slept on the plane, but you might want to ask the 2 hot 21 year olds that sat next to me. They probably noticed that I was sleeping instead of listening to them gush about this being their first time to Las Vegas and that they were going to put all their pictures up on MySpace. Who the hell uses that site anymore anyway? Well, except for the Back Alley Burners. We need that shit to promote out burn worthy material. But these chicks should have been hopping on the Facebook train by now. Even church ladies rock the Facebook for their social bible reading connections. Fucking kids have to get with the now.

When I landed in Vegas, it was something like 9am, and I had so much time and so little to do. I started out by getting a free lift to the Flamingo, courtesy of the Mark Travel Corporation (my employer) who owns Showtime Tours, who do all sorts of shit in Vegas including roundtrip airport transfers. I couldn’t check into the hotel yet, so I hung out with Billy, Duncan, Skinny and the rest of the Bpong Staff while they set shit up. Sooner rather than later, my stomach was grumbling for food and my head was aching for some booze to get me in the Vegas mindset. I met up with some friends at O’Shea’s (a small Irish casino next to the Flamingo that has beer pong going 24/7) but didn’t really feel like playing beer pong. I think that’s the feeling of this trip so far – I love being out here and seeing these people, but I don’t really care to play. Hopefully that will change tomorrow when the tournament starts or else I’m in trouble. But I have a feeling that once I step up to the table in a competitive atmosphere, I will kick it into high gear and win some games. I figure we need a 9-3 record to guarantee a playoff spot, since obviously last year’s 8-4 record isn’t good enough to make the playoffs. More on that tomorrow though when the tournament starts going.

So I decided to walk around and check some shit, mainly the newest addition to Las Vegas – the City Center by MGM. This site has been under construction for the last few years, and now it is finally close to being finished. I wanted to see it because at my job we build hotel packages, and we had to create and maintain new codes and profiles for the two new properties Aria and Vdara. I thought that they were done really well, and that the architecture was fantastic. It is mostly done with glass windows, and resembles something that you would see in downtown Chicago or New York City, and not side by side next to themed hotels like New York New York and the Bellagio. My favorite part is how everything was colored in Earthy tones, which made the inside feel like a rainforest. There was a waterfall outside lightly cascading down a rock face, which made it sound like wind blowing through the rainforest. Not that I would know what that would sound like though. My white ass has never been to the jungles of the Congo. I didn’t hang out with gorillas and shoot at them with diamond powered lasers. I ended up winning some money there ($80 at one time, most of which I sadly put back into the machine) then went to the Walgreens to buy cigars and energy drinks to make Shrek’s Piss tomorrow morning. I stopped to buy a 40 of Mickey’s, and proceeded to drink that while watching the Bellagio fountains. Then I did some gambling at Wild Bill’s Saloon and Casino, lost some money, but got some “free drinks” out of it. So now Joey Kanz is here and we are in the hotel room. We are about to check in for the WSoBP tournament then grab a bite to eat at the greatest restaurant in the world – In-N-Out Burger. We also plan on hitting up Main Street Station’s microbrewery tonight, and for at least a little well, despite the reason we are out here, beer pong will be the last thing on my mind. I’m here to have fun, and I can’t really have fun if I’m stressed out about this shit. So tomorrow morning I will wake up and start drinking, then see where all this takes me. I don’t really have a good internet connection, so the best way to follow the happenings of the tournament is to check out my twitter page at www.twitter.com/pookondotcom. They are all shorts blobs of shit, but I try to be informative and funny in 140 characters, so it’s worth checking out.

Maybe I’ll try to type some more later, but chances are you won’t hear from me until tomorrow. And that is a good thing, because that means that I was having too much fun tonight to bother to update shit. So thanks for reading, and stay tuned to semi-live coverage from the 5^th World Series of Beer Pong.