"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 6

That's not me. That's Thomas Jefferson. Why would you think that was me? I'm not old, I don't have white hair and most importantly I wasn't President of the United States of America from 1801-1809. I guess I don't blame you for getting confused because you don't see ol' Tommy too often on American currency. He's on the $2 bill which is rarely even circulated in the United States and accounts for under 1% of all paper money annually produced. And he's also on the nickel which is worth $0.05 cents. How many people carry change around with them? You might have some random change to plug the parking meter or get a tasty snack from the vending machine but even then you probably use quarters. Since people rarely see Thomas Jefferson's face (with the exception of those people who frequently visit Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota) I often get confused with being him because that's the first name that comes to people's heads for some reason. Thomas Jefferson at least made a pretty big contribution to American History that he is at least on the tip of people's tongues when they see me and can't remember my name. You are forgiven. But like Thomas Jefferson I too was sitting in a chair today although I hardly doubt that I was doing something as important as signing the Declaration of Independence or approving the Louisiana Purchase. Nope. On Saturday I was farting around writing Friday's (Day 5) entry because I was too tired to write it on Friday night because I got home after midnight. And unlike Thomas Jefferson who wrote some of the most noteworthy papers in American History, I was Googling "sad kitty" and writing about animals pooping at the zoo. So as you can see now (if you weren't convinced before) that I am not Thomas Jefferson. That was just one of the images that I found when I searched for "sitting at a table" and decided to use it because of the uncanny resemblance that he bears to me. It's like looking in a mirror. Hot damn! Maybe I am Thomas Jefferson! What the hell have I been doing with my life?

That's not my girlfriend. That's Mila Kunis. But she will be my girlfriend someday. It was one of the images I found when I searched for "woman sitting at a table." The whole reason I've been single all these years is because I've been waiting for my time to swoop in and make her mine. Out of respect to my brother Timmy I didn't make a move at her while he was still alive. I remember once we were watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall and he looked over at me nonchalantly when she was on screen and said to me, "You know what? I'm going to date Mila Kunis. She's going to be my next girlfriend." He was single at the time and I believed him. Between the two of us he was most likely to land this stunning beauty because he had the looks and the talent. All that he had to do was get famous and popular and they would no doubt hang in the same social circles and it would be destiny. Well sadly it didn't work out that way but I have made it my goal in life to carry on Timmy's legacy. So all of you hot girls out there who are smothering me can you please back up off me? Yes, technically I'm single but in my heart I'm taken. So stop with all of the late night phone calls and suggestive pictures in my email inbox. I don't want to have to ask you twice. Things are getting ridiculous and sometimes a man just has to be left alone so that he can think. I can turn off the TV and movies but I can't stop these women from showing up at my doorstep so I can esquire them about town on a Saturday night. I can't take you out for a romantic evening if I am already emotionally invested in someone else. I appreciate feeling wanted but seriously girls, I belong to Mila. 

That's not me. That's a bear. And it's one of the images that I found while searching for "sitting at a table." Look I'm getting tired of the fat jokes and I know that I should shave my beard, but I'm not big and hairy enough that I should be getting confused with being a bear. OK so I like fish, eat a little honey now and then and I have been known to tell my friends that only they can prevent forest fires but let me clear this up once and for all - I AM NOT A BEAR!! And why would a bear sit at a table? Is he waiting for dinner? Um, I don't know if you know this but you are a bear. Scare the shit out of some city slickers in the park and steal their lunchables and pre-wrapped gas station sandwiches. And if you are lucky you might also get a 6-pack of PBR. I know that humans carry guns and tasers nowadays but you can't worry about stuff like that. Your tummy is rumbling pal and sitting around waiting for a corndog to magically appear in front of you is not taking advantage of your animal talents. And they wonder why the animal obesity rate is skyrocketing in America. Too many animals are sitting around just waiting for the food to come to them. And most times it does too. I know that if I saw a bear waiting patiently at a picnic table like this I would bring him a scrumptious breakfast with eggs, sausage, whole wheat toast, fruit cocktail and some parsley as garnish. With a tall cold glass of orange juice to drink and maybe a frosted danish for desert. Anyone (be it man or beast) that has such good manners deserves to be rewarded. And if I ever see a bear like this I will approach it with some boiled goose and potatoes au gratin. And the bear will proceed to eat boiled goose, potatoes au gratin and me. If that ever happens then it was nice knowing you everyone.

That's not my table. That's a table that you can plant things in. I'm only showing it because it is way cooler than the table that I was sitting at all day Saturday (no offense Mom). Basically nothing happened except that I sat at a table and worked on stuff. I got some things accomplished but it's your basic run of the mill stuff that I've been working on lately so it doesn't deserve as much mention as Thomas Jefferson, Mila Kunis or a bear sitting at a picnic table. I wish that I could say that my Saturday was as exciting as the rest of the days this week but it was pretty average. I slept in, made pancakes and speghettios for breakfast and read the newspaper. Then I went outside and shoveled snow. Then I pretty much sat at the table working on stuff until about 530pm. Then I had to leave to go pick up Jenny Reck because we were going to the Milwaukee Bucks game at 8pm. I won 2 free tickets to the Miller Lite Home Court Club which came complete with 3 free beers and all you can eat pizza, hot dogs, popcorn chicken, snacks and cookies. Yum yum. First we went to Major Goolsby's to hang with Freeway because he's always there. But seriously our friend Luxe works there and he's cool as shit. We got cheap drinks, free eats and drinks at the Bucks game, then the Bucks lost and we ended up back at Goolsby's for some post game drinks. That pretty much sums up 6pm until 1230am. And just like that my Saturday was over.

I did so much this week that my Saturday was just pretty normal except that I didn't watch TV. I probably would have spent the entire day watching some movies or something so I guess doing anything was better than doing nothing at all. So in essence I achieved my goal. But wait!!! There'a more!! There is still one more day and I have no idea what I am going to do with my time. I think that the important thing is that I do have time to do things with. It certainly is better than always feeling rushed and never having any time do anything. Plus tomorrow I can have one of those "what does it all mean" conversations with myself where I figure out why I decided to do this shit to begin with. I have some pretty good ideas because this week I was such an idea man I could have worked in the advertising department of a Fortune 500 company. I would have taken their already overflowing profits and driven them skyward! TO THE MOON ALICE!! The world would not be safe if I was able to take over an entire department filled with creative people with college degrees. And then I would be able to show them a thing or two because I am super smart these days because I have no distractions messing with my head. So take that America. There is nothing that you can do to stop me! Muh ha ha ha ha haw haw!!!

- pookon - 

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 5

Despite what my body will tell me in the morning, I'm still going to say that there is nothing wrong with eating nachos after midnight. I'm no mogwai so I don't have to worry about eating after midnight though I should be concerned a little bit because eating right before you sleep tends to put a little thickness in your midsection. But yesterday I wasn't worried about that. Hell I wasn't worried about anything because I had a chance to talk. And not just talk like "Hey how are you?" "Fine, how are you?"bullshit that is referred to as smalltalk. I hate smalltalk. If you really want to know how I'm doing come sit down with me for a few hours and we'll really talk about it. How I am cannot be summed up in one or two words. It takes time. Luckily these days I got plenty of time to go around and can have one of those conversations that leaves you feeling light as a feather because you let so much weight fall off of your shoulders. And it completely came out of nowhere too.

I was planning on just going home last night and sitting around by myself. I didn't have any plans because I don't have a social calendar that dictates my Friday nights. I was probably going to play guitar or something because I hadn't done it in a few days and that was one of my goals this week. Who knows what would have happened. And no one will ever know because something else happened. My good friend and former roommate "Hollywood" Fresno Chris called me up wanting to go out and grab a couple of beers and chat. It had been a long time since we hung out (we tried to figure it out and came to the conclusion that it was at least before Christmas) but I mostly blame myself for that. Unless I'm hanging out with Jenny Reck I hardly ever spend any time on the Eastside. That's such a huge change considering that I spent the best years of my life (ages 21-30) down there and never considered moving out into the 'Burbs with Tom Hanks and Corey Feldman. So we met up at Champions for a couple of High Lifes and talked for like 3 hours. I'm not going to get into the conversation details because that was between us but I will say that it was exactly what I needed. Writing about my thoughts and feelings is one thing but it's always nice to get some instantaneous feedback on them as well from a live person. You can't keep all of your thoughts and feelings bottled up inside for too long and I was glad that he called because writing this blog this week has made me realize that I have yet to process and deal with a lot of shit. In a week all about time it was very odd and very fitting that he called me to hang out. The timing of it was certainly in line with what has been going on lately. It's weird how things happen sometimes.

With nothing left to offer about my Friday night I want to add a few things I forget to mention about Thursday night's driving adventure. When I was at the Slinger House there was a regular at the other end of the bar who was partied out like Phil in Wayne's World. He couldn't have looked more like him. His eyes had dark circles around them and his hair was frayed. It was something like 7:30pm and he looked like he had been there since the bar had opened. He didn't talk to anyone and he just sat there on his bar stool trying to sit upright. I wanted to be like, "Ok - This guy needs coffee and crullers, stat!" then take him with me and put him in the back seat of my car. Jenny would then magically appear and give him a crumpled up dixie cup and say, "If you're going to spew, spew into this." I would then give Jenny a no-honk guarantee. I've run into a lot of people in my life but I have never met Phil from Wayne's World's doppelganger. If that was all I got from yesterday's adventure I would have been satisfied with it. But as you read I took so much more out of it. But I forgot to mention Phil. I take a week away from movies and I forget all about them. And I forget the two movies that have shaped the relationship between Jenny and I. She's the Garth to my Wayne. And while all of you might find this story funny she's the only one who will find it hilarious. I met Phil! And if I go back there sometime and visit him at his job at the Auto Repair Shop he's gonna be like hey do you remember that night at the Slinger House when the Bearded Townie played all of that angry music and the bartender gave him money to put on something with less screaming? And I'll be like Phil, I was there. Have you gone mental? Hello!

Another thing that I forgot to mention was that I drove past a baseball field that I used to go watch my older brother James play on. Two of my favorite things to do during those days were going to see Timmy play shows and watching James play softball. I don't know why it was so entertaining but it seemed so much more personal because I had someone to root for or be entertained by. I would have gone to every game or every show if I could have and I did my best to make it to every one. These are two of the things missing most from my life now seeing that Timmy is gone and James lives in South Carolina. Even though I can't get either of those things back I'm thankful that I appreciated them while they were around and made sure to take every opportunity to enjoy it. You never really think that someday things will change and all of this would be gone, but something always told me that I needed to be there. I don't listen to myself a whole lot because I'm a liar but every now and then I spit out some truth and rock my world years later. I don't know what more to say about this because it is what it is. I guess that times were pretty good back then and I feel like even if I try really hard I will never be able to have things be as sweet as it was back in the day. But ain't that the truth. But not really even. I call it the nostalgia effect. And my best example is this. I love Miller Park. Hell of a stadium and one of the best out of all the ones that I've been to. But I still long for the days of County Stadium because I grew up there going to games with James and our Dad as part of the Coca-Cola Kids Club. But County Stadium was a dump and desperately needed to be replaced. If I could go there now I bet it wouldn't be nearly as cool as it exists in my memory. I like it more for the memories and not as much for what is was. We always look at the past with such high regards because we don't think the future will be as good. I don't know what the point of that all was so I'll move on.

He played for a lot of different softball teams and so may various locations all around the place but I remember this place vividly. I have no idea where it is except that it is near Holy Hill. I remember this field well because that summer I was hanging out with this girl and I brought her along there with me. We got there early so we hung out in the bar and she ordered an Irish coffee. I thought this to be a little weird but so was she. In fact she was so different than any other girl I've ever known that I didn't make a move. I was scared for some reason I guess. That or I was young or stupid or some shit. Whatever the case may be I screwed that one up big time. I hate to be cliche but she's the one that got away. I hate myself for messing that up but I suppose everything happens for a reason, right? Because everything is happening so great right now because of it. Hell of a time I'm having being single and alone, living with my Mother. Real winner we got on our hands here folks. I suppose I could try to make up for it and some shit but I'm too busy being bitter and dwelling in misery. I think I like being sad. It always gives me a reason to bitch and complain. And I hate happiness and happy people. They drive me crazy. Sad kitten don't care. Sad kitten don't give a shit.

But I got nachos last night. And when you have nachos you don't care about anything else. I wish I lived in a world where I had nachos all of the time but I don't think I could live in that world. Something tells me that my body would fail after a few weeks of unlimited nachos. All those nachos is too much for anyone to handle, even for a born-again Mexican like me. Now if I was a real Mexican I might be able to work around it but sadly there is no reset button in life where I could have been raised as Rico Barrientos, the little hombre de hielo from the Mexican town of Huejutla de Reyes. My new goal in life is to vigorously train my body to accept nachos as a form of sustenance. It might take me a while and I may take my body to the edge and back in order to do it but this is something I want damn it! And we may have just found our next "7 in 7" entry. Eat nothing but nachos for a week and see if I'm still alive. I'm willing to try it if you stand by with the number to 911 and a portable defibrillator. At this point does it really even matter? Giving up something or taking on something is nice and all but will it will change your life? 

And so another day comes to a close on the no TV/movies portion of "7 in 7" and I don't know what to think about it yet. I don't think I have come to any kind of conclusion yet but at least I still have a few days to figure that out. God may have rested on the 7th day but on Sunday I will be in deep thought and reflection as I try to figure out what all of this means and why I should keep on doing it. But that of course is another topic for another day and I'm just using words as filler because I forgot to include the official "7 in 7" picture in today's post. I could say anything I want down here because you're no longer reading. Admit it, I lost you at nachos and you went out to the store and fired up the crock pot to warm up some melted nacho cheese. And make sure that you invite me over because I haven't had nachos in like 15 hours and I'm already starting to get the shakes. Hmm.... Not quite enough text down here. I would hate to be a zoo worker. I wonder how much they get paid to clean up elephant and rhino shit. You'd have to pay me the big bucks for sure. Especially if they asked me to clean up after the monkeys. You know that they throw their own poop right? I better be getting more than minimal wage if I'm dodging monkey poop like Neo in the Matrix. There may be no spoon but there definitely is something all over your khaki zoo worker shirt pal. He's the One. Yeah the one who cleans up monkey shit. Go clean out the giraffe habitat Mr. Anderson. My name is NEO... No, your name is guy I pay to clean up the shit that I don't want to. Where we're going we don't need roads. Well Doc Brown you may not need roads where you are going, but you will need this shovel and the hefty hefty cinch sack to clean up after the black bears. When this baby hits 88 miles per hour you're going to see some serious shit. Why? Does the DeLorean poop? I know that everyone poops but I thought that 1980's sports cars retrofitted to be time machines were exempt. Ok I've wasted enough of your time today. Go out and make a change. Or don't. Do what you want. Just make sure that it involves nachos. Nachos rule.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 4

 Tea Leaf Green - Taught to be Proud Tea Leaf Green - I've Been Seeking Tea Leaf Green - Flippin' The Bird

I've provided a few tracks from the Tea Leaf Green album Taught to Be Proud that I was listening to during today's journey. There's something about their music that really resonated with me tonight and really set the tone for what transpired during the evening. I really hope that you listen to them as you read this to put yourself in my state of mind as I was living this adventure. It's the closest that you can get to being along for the ride.

I thought that I was out of ideas and that I would be back to wasting my time watching TV because you can't write without having something to write about. But that isn't the case. The world is full of ideas and sometimes you just have to go out and find them. Yesterday I made a passing mention that maybe today I would just go for a drive and see where the road takes me. When I left work today I turned left out of the parking lot instead of turning right. Armed with moderate knowledge of Wisconsin geography and a very good sense of direction I let my heart be my compass and just went. I didn't have a time frame nor did I have a destination. When I hit a fork in the road I let my hands decide which way to turn the wheel. There was no way to get lost because I had no idea where I was going. It was really liberating and gave me a feeling of pure joy and adventure. You always hear people say that the possibilities are endless and I'll use that phrase as well but I really mean it. It was like a choose your own adventure book only you don't have to follow the directions on the bottom of the page. You could just randomly flip to any random page in the book and go there. This adventure doesn't make sense to some people and it's not meant to. My Mom asked me what I did tonight. I told her that I drove. She said to where? I said nowhere. She didn't understand the concept of driving without a destination. You can't explain it to someone who doesn't get it but in this blog I'm going to try.

When life doesn't present you with excitement and adventure (a Jedi craves not these things) you have to venture outside of your comfort zone and find it yourself. Back when Timmy was in high school and I was in my first years of college we used to drive around Southeastern Wisconsin listening to music. The whole point was to listen to an entire CD and take it on the road and create a new experience. One particular time that sticks out was back when 102.9 was Lazer 103 they used to sponsor a Rock Stage at Summerfest. They used to broadcast the headliner's show live on the air for free and one night we went out driving because Tantric was playing. We headed west and I remember passing by St. John's Military Academy in Delafield. I had heard about the place but this was the first time I ever knew exactly where it was. That was summer so we had the windows down and I also remember stopping at a Burger King drivethru for dinner and we ate in the parking lot of a park and ride while we had the doors open on the car and cranked the music. For us at the time it was something to do for relatively cheap (that was back in 2002 when gas was like $1.40 a gallon) since Timmy didn't have a job and I was making minimum wage. It certainly was cheaper than paying to get into Summerfest if you believe that. It is one of those memories that stick out because everything about it was perfect. Come to think of it now it was so much better than going to the concert for sure.

So now you get the basic understanding of where this idea came from and why it means a lot to me. I didn't intend for this week to be so Timmy-centric but I guess nearly every thought or memory that I have includes or is about him. He was such a huge part of my life so I suppose that's why it has taken me so long to deal with this. I never got music or concerts like he did. I didn't see the point in listening to music as the primary focus instead of something that is on in the background. I think that I'm starting to get it. Tonight I drove around listening to one of Timmy's favorite bands Tea Leaf Green (which I'm hoping you are playing right now as you read this) and I got it. Music is such an expressive form of art and it has the ability to move you if you are in the position to let it influence your mind and heart. Driving around by myself through dark back roads having no direction allowed me to soak in every word, melody and solo riff. It was perfect. I don't know how to explain it because you can't fully explain a feeling but I felt like Timmy was right there with me along for the ride. I felt free and liberated in a way I hadn't felt in a long time and for a few hours the sadness went away. Of course it always comes back but for a little while I was given the opportunity to momentarily let go of everything that was weighing me down and just live life with no troubles and worries. Someday I hope to find a way to live like that without having to take a 3 hour drive through the countryside. I mean shit, gas is like $3.50 a gallon nowadays and I wasted over 1/4 of a tank tonight achieving my goal.

Wasting gas? No. It's only a waste if you got nothing out of it. I gained a whole lot tonight so let me start telling you about my adventure. I work in Bayside so I started heading North and found myself in the village of Thiensville and more importantly the Thiensville Park and Dam. I had never been over here before and I am fascinated by dams and other man made structures that attempt to corral and control nature. I walked around down by the dam and faced towards the West and I was able to grab one final picture of the night sky before it was totally dark. Since I was down by the river I decided to throw some rocks into it. That is one of my favorite things to do in the world because it reminds me of being a kid and how everything was so simple and you could take pleasure in the most basic tasks. Whenever I need to center myself I throw rocks in water or I go to the airport and watch airplanes take off and land. That is something that totally fascinates me because I'm one that believes that man wasn't meant to fly because we weren't given wings. But man decided to do it anyway and figured it out. The mystery of flight is incredible and watching powerful jets zoom overhead leaving the ground for the skies just makes me feel so small. It's kind of humbling in a way but it also leaves the possibility that we can achieve the impossible. I could sit and throw rocks for hours much like I could watch planes take off and land. It's just one of those things that works for me.

Living in the city I don't get to just sit around and look up at the stars at night. There's too much city light blocking the view. But from my park bench at the Thiensville Dam I could see the constellation Orion, Jupiter and Uranus. It made me pause because I realized that the stars are always there but why I am not? I haven't sat around and just stared at the universe since Afterglow in July. Sure a lot of that has to do with city dwelling but as I found out tonight all that I have to do is take a little drive and there they are. Right there where they have always been waiting for me to find them. I've always been really big into astronomy and that was such a big bonding subject between me, Timmy and our Dad. I used to know the names of so many stars and constellations but somewhere along the way I forgot about them and started focusing on more "important" things like finances and worrying what other people think about you. None of that stuff is important to me. What is important is knowing who you are and how you fit into the universe. Everyone plays a role and none of us are small and insignificant. We are all interdependent on each other and when a piece is missing the machine never works the same way again. You are a part of it whether or not you like and it is in your best interest to make sure you know your role and work smoothly.

It's not always easy to find our place in this world. Trust me. Oh you don't trust me? Well then trust Michael W. Smith. He's been looking for a reason and roaming through the night to find his place in this world. There's not a lot to lean and he needs Your light to help him find his place in this world. If there are millions down in their knees. Among the many can you still hear him? Hear him asking where does he belong? Is there a vision that he can call his own? Show him that he's looking for a reason, roaming through the nights to find his place in this world. If that doesn't move you than nothing will. In 2004 when I worked at Alpine Valley I had the pleasure of sitting backstage at a Michael W. Smith concert during this song and I can assure you that the audience was right there with him trying to all find their place. And just in case you think that I am making fun of him, God or his music, I will let you know that I was right there with all of them singing along. I grew up on Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith and if I had to take that or the crap they pass as music these days I'll take Christian Rock every single time.

Somehow I found myself in the town of Slinger which is about 30 miles from where I started from when I left the work parking lot. I just kind of kept driving until I decided to stop and that place ended up being the Slinger House in "downtown." It was a nice little corner pub and I mingled with some townies and they bought me a couple of shots. I sat and listened to their stories about how it is okay to have a sleep over with your Stepmom's niece because she isn't related to you and that they were in Milwaukee once, on 27th and National, and they will never go back again because it freaked them out. It sure is nice to mingle with these laid back country folk, isn't it? The bartender was really nice and she cooked me up a mean chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon and a side of waffle fries. I know she did it extra special for me because you always need to impress the bigshot out of towners who might want to bring their business up here on a more regular basis if you treat them right. That or she was just really good to me because she thought I was hot. Can it be both? I was there for about an hour and it was really good to just go and do something different in a place where you've never done it before.

The whole time that I was out driving I kept on saying that I was going wherever God was taking me, but I never meant for him to take me to Holy Hill. When I left Slinger I put in a new Tea Leaf Green CD and I started heading South back towards Milwaukee. I realized that I was near Hubertus and that this Basilica of the National Shrine of Mary, Help of Christians was nearby. I know that the signs in the area surrounding the Holy site state that it is open from 5am-5pm and that the grounds are regularly policed by security and sheriffs, but I just had to go anyway. I was on a mission from God. I asked God to lead me where I should go and he brought me here. I was fully prepared to play the religion card if they had tried to stop me but I wasn't there long enough for the fuzz to interfere with my plans. So I stuck around long enough to get a few pictures and then I started Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.

On the way back home I shut off my GPS on my phone and instead decided to play it like an old maritime Sea Captain and use the moon for navigation. Like the Sun it rises in the East and sets in the West, so I knew as long as I headed towards the moon I would be heading back to the place I called home. I also needed to get back South so once I found a highway that had it's assigned number followed by South I went along my merry way. I know that it wasn't the most practical and quickest way to get home but that wasn't the point. It sounds corny but it was never about the destination, it was all about the journey. And as you read today I did everything from throwing rocks to mingling with townies to saying a prayer in the presence of the Holy Mother Mary. And the biggest thing that I realized is that it is amazing what you can do when time doesn't matter because you have so much of it. I reallocated my time so that I could do random things like this and I am better off because of it. I didn't worry about getting somewhere in the quickest time possible like all of the other drivers riding my bumper and passing me at the first opportunity because to me time was irrelevant. I didn't have to be anywhere and I didn't have to do anything. I could just enjoy what happened and wasn't disappointed by anything because there was no promise of greatness in the end. I think that I've found a new way to live and it was so easy to do. All that you have to do is change your perspective and attitude. It's like I've been saying the whole time man - don't try to change the world. That's impossible. Change yourself and the world changes around you. I can see that now. I can understand how that is possible. And all it took is for me to turn off the TV. Imagine what I could do if I harnessed this potential and actually did something with it. It's scary to think what I could accomplish. But that is another topic for another day. I have a feeling we have only started to scratch the surface on what is most likely a game changer for me. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me tomorrow.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 3

Yesterday I challenged myself to go out in the world and find something beautiful. Since 1 day isn't enough time to go out and find a special lady to be in my life I looked to the next best thing - the sea. Well actually the lake. I said the sea because I look to the sea and reflections in the waves spark my memory. Some happy, some sad. I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had. Those of course are some lyrics from the song "Come Sail Away" by Styx. I know I've cried during a lot of songs over the past year but when I saw Styx at Summerfest last year (July 2011) I looked up towards the heavens and cried differently during this song. That's because Styx was one of Timmy's favorite bands and that was the first concert I had been to since Timmy died. That night the lyrics hit me really hard but in the end I was left with a very positive message, "But we'll try best that we can to carry on." That's all that we can really do. I know that Yoda would say do or do not, there is no try. That wise old Muppet is usually right and I'd follow him into battle on Kashyyyk during the Clone Wars for sure. Who wouldn't want to fight alongside Wookies? Just hearing them do their battle cry would be worth the risk of death. But seriously, I'm trying man. In the end I hope I can look back and realize that I did instead of tried but right now I can't promise anything. I'm trying to carry on. Rage for Timmy.

During work today I took a lunch break and went over to Doctor's Park in Fox Point. I used to go there a lot when I was younger because my Grandparent's lived pretty close by. We used to have a family reunion type picnic every summer growing up but it's been so long since I had been there. As I walked around the park some memories started to come back to me and I remember playing baseball and having water balloon fights with my cousins. But I still had no idea how to get down to the water. I walked around for a bit but time was running out since I only had a half hour break. But even though the minutes were ticking away against me I decided that I still had enough time to sit down on a park bench and take a picture of the lake through the trees. And even though I was supposed to start heading back to work I sat there and just stared. I don't go by the lake enough. We here in Wisconsin are so fortunate to have one of the Great Lakes (Michigan in this case) border our state but I for one don't appreciate it. Say what you want about the area around Bradford Beach and Summerfest but I like the Northern Milwaukee part of it like it is here in this park. Granted it was February but there was no one else around and I just sat there by myself and just soaked it all in. It was a very beautiful moment and even though it lasted just that long, it was the most worthwhile moment of my entire day. 

I don't know how I feel about that because that means the rest of my day was shit in comparison that sitting on a bench looking at the lake was the best part of it. Or I could be positive and say this was so beautiful and simplistic that nothing could compare and that this was the highlight of my day. Taking in a beautiful moment should be a good thing and should always be celebrated. In fact I'm going to take a few minutes every day to stop and appreciate life. I can't always promise to get a scenic nature picture but I will promise to enjoy life if even for a moment. Some days it is tough to enjoy the time outside of that moment but there is no reason not to. It doesn't matter if I have a less than exciting job. It doesn't matter if I don't have a social life. It doesn't matter if I don't have someone to love. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!! - The Rock. It don't matter if you're black or white - Michael Jackson. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning is winning - The Fast and the Furious. It doesn't matter how slowly you go - so long as you do not stop - Confucius. Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn't matter which color does the hating. It's just plain wrong - Muhammad Ali. It doesn't matter that I just spent a half hour looking for those quotes on the internet. I still consider that to be something productive where as sitting motionless in from of the TV wouldn't have produced the same results. I'm eager to hear your argument that what I'm doing is just as unproductive as watching TV or movies. Surfing the internet and presenting your findings would seem like a waste of time to a lot of people, but that's how wonderful this little experiment of mine really is.

I'm not going to tell you to turn off your TV. I'm not going to tell you to put a couple bullets in in and dump it in the woods killer style. All that I'm asking you to do is what works for you. If you want to follow in my footsteps then take something that you don't like about yourself, come up with a plan to fix it, then stick to the plan. You've already read about mine so make up your own. Or don't. Do whatever you want just be happy with your life. At the end of the day you are the one who has to live with yourself. Unless you have roommates. Then they have to live with you too. So for your sake, for your roommate's sake please just live your life in the best way possible. I know that it has only been a few days but I can promise you that I am a much more pleasant person to be around because I don't have any pent up feelings or stifled creativity. I need an outlet or else I'm just an asshole to everyone and if this blog serves as that outlet then we're all better off because of it. And since there is no shortage of ideas brewing in my head I should have enough material to keep everyone around me safe as long as I stick to it. So if you like what I am writing here and you like me better when I am positive encourage me to keep going because before I was a walking ball of hate. I don't want to be that way but like all changes it's so hard to go through them on your own. I need support. I need love. I need ice cream. I need a warm blanket at night. I need to smile. But most of all I need a reason to smile.

And speaking of smiling I heard Jewel's "You Were Meant for Me" on the radio this morning on the way to work. Remember yesterday when I said that I love a girl who can sing? I remember first hearing it in 1996 and instantly fell in love. I'm not ashamed to admit it's one of my favorite songs of all time and I love the video just as much. In the summer of 1997 I used to watch VH1's Top 10 Countdown every day just to see this video. I remember the music from that summer well because it also brought me songs like the Spice Girls' "Wannabe" and Savage Garden's "I Want You." And who could forget Paula Cole's "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" But none of those songs or artists stuck with me like Jewel and I'll also admit that I own all of her albums and poetry books. I think it's pretty evident at this point that singers really do it for me and if they can play guitar well then that's what I like to call the jackpot baby. So as far as I'm concerned we've got a winner here.

Jewel - Music - More Music Videos

I took a little break from writing to play some guitar. I must have jammed for a good 45 minutes if not an hour. I didn't really learn any new songs today but my main focus is just to memorize the chords and lyrics of a couple of songs and go from there. Some of the songs I'm getting really good at are Puddle of Mudd's "Blurry", The Wallflowers' "One Headlight" and Tom Petty's "Walls". The Tom Petty song is really important to me because Timmy and I played it at Afterglow a few years ago. One of the best times I ever had doing music with him was outside of our cabin on the picnic table. It was just the two of us and it was midweek in the evening time. The sun was just setting and the lake was very calm and soothing. I pulled up the chords for Timmy so that he could learn the song for the campfire that night. After playing the chords as they were displayed on the internet he told me that they were wrong and he promptly figured them out without listening to the song. He could remember how the song went from memory and could piece it together. He had such an ear for music and was able to pick up any song and play it after hearing it just once or twice. I don't think I could ever get to that level but as long as I am able to play the songs that I used to hear him play I at least get to be a part of it again. And I don't even have to be that good at them anyway. Timmy had a great saying about playing guitar - fake it 'till you make it.

I saw a kite up in the tree at the park today and I got sad. Who knows how long that kite has been up there? I hope it hasn't been alone up there since the summer time. It's snagged on the tree branches and I don't think that even the strongest gust of wind will blow it off. This kite may never fly again. While that sounds like one hell of a terrible way to spend the rest of existence think about it this way. If the kite holds on and waits for Spring it will soon be surround with life as the tree starts growing leaves again. And that's kind of how I feel. Many times I'm alone in the cold clinging to a perch dangling on the edge of nothingness and then before I know it I'm surrounded by the ever growing love of my family and friends. Winter is cold and dark but you have to go through the absence of warmth and light to fully appreciate the Spring and Summer. People who live in tropic climates might disagree with me when they say that they would rather have the weather be great all year round. And I'm all for that if it works for you. But for me I love counting down the days until Opening Day and the baseball season. I love counting down the days until Afterglow. I love the shit out of summer. And if not for the Winter I don't think I would love it as much. We need change. Change makes you realize when things are different. Change helps you to appreciate what was, what is now and what it will be. Change is good. And so far these last 3 days have been exactly what I needed to get myself right again. And to think I came up with all of that just by looking at a fucking kite in a tree. I wonder what I'm going to think about tomorrow. I'm probably going to think about girls. I always think about girls. Can't get them off my mind. And there goes all the respectability that I earned by being all deep and philosophical. They see right through my ruse. Damn it.

Tomorrow is another day and also the midpoint of this "7 in 7" adventure. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my time tomorrow but I do know that I want to do something out of the ordinary. I kind of feel like going for a drive tomorrow night only I don't really have anywhere to go. That never used to bother me much but nowadays gas is so expensive that it kind of seems wasteful to drive with no direction. That used to fly back in the day before everything went to hell. So I guess I'm just going to leave it open and let it happen. I could do everything or I could do nothing. It's like Ian Malcolm said in Jurassic Park - life finds a way. Life will not be contained. Life breaks free. Life expands to new territories and crashes through barriers. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously. Life finds a way. And like I've been saying this whole time you just gotta let go of all the bullshit and allow life to happen. I'm starting to realize what is and what isn't important to me and acting upon it. This has opened up a brand new chapter in my life and who knows where I could go from here. I could go 4 more days then never breach this subject again. I could run away with it and become mega famous and get paid to blog. I could alienate everyone I know by being crazy as a hoot owl. And that's just the thing man. I'm sailing off into uncharted waters with this idea. It's like nothing that I've ever tried before and I can really take it as far an I'm willing to go. One thing for sure is that I won't run out of ideas or things to talk about because that's all I really got going for me. I'm poor, unattractive and I live with my Mom. My ideas are the sexiest thing about me. And if you keep on reading about them I'll keep on giving them to you. And you know you like it. Come back tomorrow for some more.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 2

You ever just hang with The Darkness? And no, I'm not talking about the British rock group that shot to fame in 2003 thanks to their insanely popular song "I Believe in a Thing Called Love." Although I have been listening to their music a lot lately and look forward to a new album that's supposed to drop sometime this year, but that's not the Darkness that I was referring to. Last night I experienced something that I haven't been privy to in a very long time - darkness as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. When I was younger I used to have difficulty falling asleep so much to the point that I would lay in bed for sometimes hours trying to take that trip into dreamland. And the problem to me seemed that it was too quiet and too dark and I was left alone with my thoughts. For me this was a bad thing because when I'm alone and bored my brain starts cranking out ideas of how to entertain myself. That's good if you're trying to write a paper or commentary on social events but it didn't help me fall asleep. So then I started putting on white noise like a fan but then I got used to that as well. That's when I decided to put on a movie to put me to sleep. And what happened? It worked of course, and ever since then I've put on a movie to help me get to sleep at night.

The only qualification for a sleep movie had to be one that I've seen like 100 times, which led to many repeated viewings of Baseketball, Office Space and Back to the Future. I'm pretty sure that I wore out my VHS copies of those movies. Yes you read that correctly. I had all of those on VHS. If it was a movie that I've never seen I would sit awake and watch it intrigued about what would happen next. If I knew the movie line for line ideally I could act it out in my sleep, and the faint sound of dialogue and the glow of the TV was enough to rock me to sleep at night. I don't think that I necessarily need the TV to put me to sleep. It's not like I'm some late night TV junkie that needs his fix in order to feel right. It's just that I got so used to it that it became a habit and just 2nd nature. Part of the going to bed ritual involved setting the sleep timer so that the menu for The Replacements doesn't sit on the screen all night long and burn an imprint into my TV. I don't think that there is anything wrong with this behavior and it is nothing that I'm embarrassed about. But why then did I have such a problem hanging out alone in the darkness last night wishing that I had my TV to tell me that everything was going to be OK in the morning? I think that's the very definition of a problem when you go without something for one day and you already miss it.

So last night was my 1st night in seemingly forever that I went to bed surrounded by darkness and silence. And even though I miss hearing the 80's synth score from Fletch as I think about which one of his personas I'm going to be tonight (is it a Gordon Liddy night or a Dr. Rosenpenis kind of night?) I kind of liked it. I don't sit around and think very often without some kind of distraction like music, TV or the internet taking me away from reality. That's because reality sucks. You know what I thought about last night? How much I miss my brother and how unfair it is that he's gone. And how much my life has changed in the past year. I remember holding my hand a few inches from my face and not being able to make it out clearly. And that pretty much sums up my life right now. I can't really see too far ahead of where I am right now because I'm shrouded in darkness. Everything in my life tends to shift towards the negative side because what's the point of being happy and having fun adventures if my best friend isn't here to share them with me. But sitting there alone for a while got me thinking yet again. And this goes back to what I was saying yesterday. It's not about what you don't have it's what you do have. My cat Coach Gordon Bombay sleeps on or near me at night and he loves the shit out of me. And all the time I think about Jenny Reck and the fun things that we say and do. And cousin Kevin and I are planning out the summer and seeing what kind of Brewers roadtrip we can go on. There's some good out there in my head as long as I push the bad thoughts away. But first I guess I have to give them the opportunity to get in there so that I can deal with them and process that information. It's time to face it head on and stop running away from my feelings and emotions. If I keep doing that I'll be running for the rest of my life.

Not watching TV is easy if you have other things to do. But it is also almost impossible to avoid. Yesterday after work I went and got my hair cut. Today after work I went to play trivia at a bar. At both places there were TVs on. I will admit that I did look at them but I didn't stare longingly at them and get trapped in their glare like I do when I catch the eyes of a beautiful Serbian girl. And I think that is the whole point of this - I dig foreign chicks. No, that's not the point of this. TV isn't evil and it isn't a problem as long as you don't allow it to overtake your life. If it's on in the background while you do other things then you can go about your life being creative and putting your talents to good use. Staring at a TV program is not productive in any way, even if people claim that they learned something new and fascinating from something on the Cooking Network or the Science Channel. That's all good and all but it doesn't mean a god damn thing unless you use that knowledge in a productive manor. If TV influences you to take up baking and you start playing with recipes then good. If an astronomy show piques your interest and you grab a telescope and go out to the country to look at some of the most wonderful things our universe has to offer then go at it. Basically all I'm saying that there is a world of difference in watching someone else do things and live their lives versus you going out and doing it on your own. Be a participant. Do something. Don't be like me sitting there watching other people live. Live your life.

All this is really interesting because while sitting around writing this I'm doing just what I don't want to do - talking about shit instead of doing it. But I'm one that needs to get all this stuff out of my head before I can move on and actually do it. And the easiest way to do that is to write about it so I have a permanent copy to reference at a later date. I don't know exactly where I was going with this because I got lost in the eyes of that girl up there. I spent a lot of time looking for her on the internet. If I spent that much time looking for a real girl I probably wouldn't be wasting my time on the internet. But that's just the thing man. There's so much beauty in this world but I don't take the time to find it or appreciate it. Tomorrow I'm going to actually take a lunch break and I'm going to go out and find some beauty. Even though it is winter here in Wisconsin I know I can go out and find something beautiful. It's always out there waiting for you but you just have to shut out all of the distractions and open up your eyes and let it in. And in the end that's what this week is all about. Shut out the distractions and allow myself to be free and to be able to express myself in the best way I can. I'm not trying to be profound or introduce something new to you or me. Really I'm just trying to be myself. Did you know that I was an English major and a Journalism major before I graduated with a degree in Communications? I wanted to be a writer, and I feel like lately I have been denying myself of letting that happen. I only hope that once this experiment ends I keep doing the thing that I love. And that's what makes me happy.

I love music. I live music. I need music. I can go without TV for a long time but I wouldn't last 10 minutes without music. Even if I don't have something on I'm whistling, humming or singing to myself. And I have a new appreciation for music because right now that's the only thing that I have besides my writing. When was the last time you just sat and closed your eyes and listened music? I'm listening to Paramore right now and I can honestly tell you that at 12:40am tonight it doesn't get any better than this. If a girl has a good voice I could listen to her forever. I love the sound of a woman singing and within the last year Haley Williams has really done it for me. Say what you want pal but it kills me. Nothing is hotter than a singer with a good voice. I would tell you who comes in a very close second right now but I'm not going to tell you that one. I can't reveal everything about me. People love a good mystery and if I give away the ending, who's going to keep reading the book?

You can give me shit all you want. I don't care. All that I know is that I feel better than I have in a long time. Probably the best I've felt during L.A.T. (Life After Timmy which will most likely be the turning point in my life when all is said and done.) Maybe it's the haircut. Maybe's it's because I'm writing again. Maybe it's because I'm starting to get out some of my pent up emotions. Maybe it's because I was bored last night and went to sleep and got 8 hours of sleep for the first time in forever. Maybe it's because I was sick for the entire month of January and basically gave up drinking and now I'm seeing the world so much clearer than I ever have. It could be any of those reasons. It could be none of them. But I think I am finally seeing the path towards accepting myself for who I am and not being so upset about it. I can't love life and love other people until I love myself and I could be on the slow and uphill path towards that goal. Who knows man. All that I know is that I have plenty of time to figure it out. I have all of that time back that I used to waste so who knows what I can do with it. It's scary to think of what I can do if I apply myself.

2 days and we have this. Bet you never saw that coming. How am I going to be after a whole week? Who knows man, but I certainly am glad that you are coming along for the ride. Life is crazy and it throws a lot of things at you. Reach out and grab the good and duck out of the way from the bad. Just do something. That's all I ask. And if you chose not to then fine. I'm living my life, you're living yours. If you are happy then I'm all for it. I just know that I'm not so I have to do something about it. Life is too short to be miserable especially when there is so much joy in this world. And with all this new found free time I'm going to go find it.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 1

I was so sucked in by the magical glowing box that I'm surprised that my roommate didn't start calling me Carol Anne. One time in this creepy little girl voice I said, "They're here..." and that was when I knew I had enough. TV is a total waste of time. There is nothing redeeming about the box and it really serves no purpose. I'll admit that I'm a victim of it as will most every other American citizen. It's our way of life and a huge part of our culture. Honestly if it wasn't for sporting events (well really just the Milwaukee Bucks and the Milwaukee Brewers) I wouldn't need TV at all because to me that's the only thing out there worth watching. I can't even begin to comprehend how many hours of my life I have lost to this device, so I'm going to see what happens when I take a week away from the boob tube.

This whole idea stemmed out of three things that have been been on my mind lately. The first thing is my side venture which I like to call the Pookon Empire which consists of this here blog, Pookon.com, TimReck.com and The Reck Room Page on Facebook as well as any other miscellaneous project that falls underneath that umbrella. I always intended to use this blog to share random ideas and to be able to free write in a way that my website doesn't allow me. I don't care if people come here to read it, but I still try to make it entertaining in case they do choose to spend a few minutes here with me. But it feels like the only things I have posted here in a year's time are the Milwaukee Brewers "25 in 25" entries and updates from the World Series of Beer Pong VII. While those entries I did are some of the best things I've ever worked on, they just aren't enough because I have so many ideas swimming in my head. I consider myself to be a very creative person as well as an award-winning writer, and 37 (I'm 37!?!) blog entries just don't cut it seeing as the possibilities are endless. So this week I'm going to instead focus on writing instead of watching marathons of Storage Wars or Full House.

This kind of goes hand-in-hand with #1 so I figure that I'll call it #1.5. I'm seriously at least 6 months behind on my work over at Pookon.com. Right now I'm trying to finish up Afterglow 2011 and I really should considering that as of today (February 6th) we'll be back up there again in 165 days. That may seem like a lot but Opening Day for the Milwaukee Brewers is in 60 days. I work at Miller Park, so from April until October I'm working two jobs and upwards of 60 hours a week plus all the time I commit to watching every single game home and away. It's a huge commitment in my life but I wouldn't have it any other way. That having been said it still does take up the majority of my free time in the summer and the rest is spent hanging out and doing summer things here in Wisconsin. The bottom line is that I don't do a whole lot of writing in the summer because I'm so busy doing other things. So in a vicious cycle I keep on taking pictures that I want to post and comment on for my website but I'm backlogged still working on things from last year. So instead of watching TV I should be doing that instead.

The 2nd thing is something that has become very important to me since my brother Timmy died. If you didn't know much about him you probably at least knew that he was a musician and played guitar, drums, piano and pretty much anything with strings or keys. He was a very talented musician and person and the same blood that moved him to be great in life also flows through my veins. We get our talents from our parents who are both  very good singers and musicians. They pushed us to play instruments and sing in choir since we could talk but I kind of dropped music to work more on my writing after High School. Timmy honed his talents and decided to make music his life. I've been playing guitar off and on for about 8 years now but I was never any good. My musical talent lies in my voice. Timmy played guitar and I sang. That was the dynamic we had in our band June's Blanket. He also played in our Afterglow campfire group The Uncle Greg Band. I figured that as long as I had Timmy I didn't really need to play guitar. But I don't have Timmy anymore. Not physically at least. As he lay in the hospital kept "alive" by machines I promised him that I would learn to play guitar well enough to play around the campfire on vacation. I never intended to be the next Eddie Van Halen, Jimi Hendrix or Tim Reck. That was never important to me. I just wanted to be able to play in front of family and friends. So instead of wasting my time watching people on TV do things I am going to do things instead. Like being a rockstar and jamming out the hits of REO Speedwagon.

The last reason why I wanted to do this is to start a new kind of experiment that requires me to make some kind of change for a week so that I alter my lifestyle and live outside of my comfort zone if only for 7 short days. I call it "7 in 7" and it might feature 7 things in 7 days or 1 thing for a whole week. The common theme is that I will have to write an article about it every day describing my experiences. I have a whole list of ideas that range from "Going Bananas" (eating nothing but bananas for 7 days or until I go crazy, whichever one comes first) to every day donating $15 to a charity or a charitable cause and explain why I picked it and also why it is important. Too often we go through the motions. Wake up, go to work. Punch in, punch out. Go home make dinner. Watch some TV and go to bed. That's no way to live. We need to constantly challenge ourselves in a matter that stimulates our brains. This will be different for everyone but for me this means creating something out of nothing, and the best way that I know how to do that is to use my words. So for the next 7 days I'm not going to watch TV or movies. I understand that I can't avoid it like if it is on at a bar or I'm over at someone's house and they have it on. I'm not going to tell them to turn it off. This is my fight. There's no reason to involve other people. I am just pledging to not purposely watch TV or movies while I attempt to catch up on things like my website and guitar playing, which are the two things troubling me most like you read before. 

The whole not watching TV thing will be fine because most of what is on there is garbage but what's going to be hard is not watching movies. I honestly watch at least 1 movie per day and sometimes on the weekends it's not uncommon for me to watch 4 or 5 in a day. Why just about a week ago I watched 50/50, 500 Days of Summer, 10 Things I Hate About You, Inception and then Rise of the Planet of the Apes. All in a row no less. Now I sometimes manage to work on something like the website or some other shit while the movie plays in the background but I can't help like sit and watch Inception for the 4th time and still sit there wondering just what the hell is going on. I suppose that I just need a break and go back to what used to give me so much joy before I sat and stared at a glowing idol.

I have no doubt in my mind that I will be able to complete this task. Giving up a week of anything (besides breathing and drinking water) isn't very hard. It's just 7 days. In the grand scheme of life that's such a minuscule segment of time that it really doesn't matter. But I can make it matter by writing something profound or learning a new song or technique on the guitar. Then the absence of something that I really didn't need in the first place is now filled with something else that I learned in the meantime. After all we shouldn't really worry about what we don't have. You will worry for the rest of your life because it is impossible to have everything. Instead we should try to focus on and be thankful for the things that we do have. And in the 12 + hours that I've been awake today without the TV, I have written an article for this blog that will hopefully allow me to share some of my insight with the world. You can't change the world. That's ridiculous. But you can change yourself and the entire world changes around you. Try it sometime.

Now that this article is done. I have to go try and find something to fill my time. I wonder what's on TV?

 - Pookon -

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com