Even it Out - Day 8 (Thursday October 8th)

I had my first bad day during this challenge. No, I didn’t eat on an Even Day. I’m not going to screw that one up. But I was tempted. But what I did was probably just as bad. The day was Wednesday October 7. Since this was an odd day, I was allowed to consume food today. But I went overboard and instead of ending up on a desert island with a beautiful, desperate, sex-addicted supermodel (one can dream, right?), I ended up drowning. In an ocean of food. The morning didn’t start well. I woke up with the hunger and plenty of time. That is a very dangerous combination. Since I had been looking at them in my fridge for about a week, I cooked some Bratwurst. Brats for breakfast. Could I be any more Wisconsin? If that was the worst thing I did all day, I’m pretty sure that I could live with myself. But like a runaway locomotive, it just keeps picking up speed before it eventually derails off the tracks.

My Team (of 5 people) had scheduled a taco day potluck at work. It was originally planned for Tuesday October 6, but I coyly had them change it to Wednesday, claiming some kind of scheduling issue that I had later that afternoon. Of course I didn’t tell them the real reason why. Who would believe that I’m not eating on even days? What kind of psycho does something like that? I can’t reveal my secret (to anyone who doesn’t read this blog to keep it exclusive to the viewers) until I have some kind of evidence to support my experiment. So I ate the shit out of those tacos at work. And when I was done doing that, I ate some fully loaded nachos. It was disheartening how much lunch I consumed. I normally don't eat anything at work (unless there is free eats), so it was definitely a step in the wrong direction. But this was only strike 2 on the day, so I had at least one more before walking back to the dugout instead of towards first base. I wouldn't allow that, would I?

Things went from bad to worse when I got home. After moving a couple of things over to Mom's, the feast continued. She had all sorts of leftovers in the fridge and I couldn't contain myself. Spaghetti. Chili. Whatever the hell that was. Chips. Snacks. Yum yums. It didn't really matter what it was. I ate it like I was going to die tomorrow. And if I keep on eating like this, I might. Just because there is plenty of food available doesn't mean I should eat it all. There's always a grand feast out there in front of you. This challenge only works if I restrain myself on the odd days when I am allowed to eat. Otherwise there is no benefit to what I am doing. It doesn't matter that I don't eat on even days if I eat twice as much on odd days. That evens it out too much (and benefits no one at all). I have to find a better way manage this thing and not screw up on the odd days. That's my goal for the coming week. I better figure out a good way to do this while I'm trying to establish a routine. Or else what is the point of this experiment?

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Even it Out - Day 6 (Tuesday October 6th)

I picked the perfect month to do this. Boredom is the first step towards relapse (or so I've heard), so I've been keeping myself busy like a little bee. I guess it helps that I found out about a week ago that my lease is up, someone bought the house and I need to be out by the end of the month. Doesn't really give you a lot of time to sit around and think about being hungry when you have as much shit to move as I do. My free time has been spent packing, lifting and carrying. The rest, rage and repeat. I do this all morning long when I wake up and all night long when I get home. Even though I still have 24 days in which to complete this transition, I'm not leaving anything to the last minute. I know myself too well and I'm sick of doing that shit. I am basically tiring myself out, which is good because I don't have time to eat. While one would think that I wouldn't have any energy in which to do all this activity, it is actually the opposite. I feel great. In fact, I don't think I have ever felt better. I don't know if it is cutting down on my caloric intake or the increased amount of exercise. It could be that I'm eating less junk food and focusing on the essentials. It also could be because I am drinking more water on purpose to stay hydrated and feel full. But also my procedures at the Vein Clinic are through and my blood could possibly be flowing correctly now. Better blood flow equals more oxygen in the body equals better sleep equals better physical well being. Whatever the case may be, something is working. And I like it. 

Until I do my next weight in on Friday (which will be 1 week since I did my initial weigh in), I won't know if this has helped me lose any weight. While that is part of the idea of this whole thing, it's not the most important. It is more important how I feel. Even though I have only gone 3 total days without food, I can already tell that it is making an impact. When I do get to eat, I choose more wisely because I don't want to fill up on nonsense like junk food or wasted calories. So non beneficial things like ice cream or fast food don't make the cut. What's the point of eating that crap anyway except for the fact that it is incredibly delicious? It's a huge price to pay for how terrible you feel later. There is no nutrition there. And it is obvious that you don't need that stuff to survive. I'm not trying to preach or anything because I realize that I haven't done anything yet and still have yet to even scratch the surface of breaking bad habits. All I'm saying is that I get it. And I know what I must do in order to turn this ship around before it ends up at the bottom of the sea, Titanic-style. What? Too soon?

But slow down Mr. Reck. It's been what, like 6 days? You've been too busy to seriously sit down and let the hunger overtake you. It's like when Derek Zoolander was working in the coal mine for 1 day and said that he had the black lung. Talk to me after you've been working down there for 30 years. While I'm not waiting 30 years to find out the end result, I'll certainly wait at least 30 days until I prescribe this as the cure to my ills. I need to see what happens once I'm not so busy and boredom leads to stuffing my face with the closest available edibles. I don't see that coming any time soon though, as I have so little to do and so much time. Wait... scratch that. Reverse it. You know what I meant. I don't see there being a day in the near future when I am so bored that I can't think of anything other to do than to eat like a banshee. But let's cross that bridge when we get there. I don't have time to think about that now, so I'll see you all in a few more days. 

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Even it Out - Day 4 (Sunday October 4th)

As I am typing this, it is the most difficult part of my day during this challenge. I usually eat breakfast, but I have been known to skip "the most important meal of the day" simply because I don't have enough time in the morning. I am not a morning person. I will never be. Not here, not in an alternate dimension, timeline or realm. So if things aren't clicking for me in the morning, I have no problem sacrificing this meal for some extra sleep or me time. I don't eat lunch at work (unless we have free eats at work) so missing that meal is no big deal. But I always eat dinner. Even it comes at a late hour because of previous commitments or my 2nd job. It may be at 6pm, 7pm or 1030pm. But I always eat dinner. I don't mess around when it comes to that meal. That's what makes today so difficult. Even though there were plenty of distractions (a 2:10 Brewers start and coming home to the 2nd half of the Packers game), I can't help but be upset that I'm not allowed to eat my favorite meal of the day.

That is easily the biggest disappointment of the day. The Green Bay Packers won, so there is nothing to be sad about there. The Milwaukee Brewers lost, but in all honesty, it was just the final nail in coffin that was shut on April 6th (Opening Day) with a 10-0 loss to the Colorado Rockies which continued the pain from the last month of the 2014 season. I saw this one coming from a mile away. But I'm not used to missing dinner. I'll miss my favorite TV show. I'll miss my friends and family. But I don't miss dinner. That is what makes this so hard. On Friday night, I said that the 2nd day was the easiest. Well, then the 4th day is the worst. I'm hoping that in a few days, I will get used to this cycle. But for now, there is an adjustment period. I have to work through the mother of all first world problems until I get used to not eating every day. I feel like an asshole right now because I realize that there are people out there in the World that don't choose to not eat everyday. It just happens. It's a part of life. I'm doing this on purpose AND still complaining about it. When did I become that guy?

Well, I guess that is all . I successfully made it through another day of not eating with little to no desire to eat (although those peanuts that the kids in front of me had at the game looked incredibly delectable. You know how much I love those salty nuts! Ok, so that sounded #aLittleGay. Did I just hashtag something in my blog? Oh I'm so ashamed...). There's nothing else left for me to say now, so I'm going to go outside and walk around for a bit. I'm about 2,000 steps short of my 8,250 step goal. I haven't missed my daily step goal since August 17th, so I don't want to break the current streak that I'm on. Side note - I dreamnt of chicken wings last night I woke up drooling all over my pillow. This not eating thing is really starting to affect me. But at least I get to do something about it tomorrow. Hooray for odd days!

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Even it Out - Day 2 (Friday October 2nd)

Cat Stevens once said that "the first cut is the deepest". Well baby, I know. But the second day is the easiest. If you're like most people (aside from the homeless, the poor, people in 3rd World countries, etc.) then you probably eat every day. In fact, you probably eat 3 times a day plus snacks. We are just used to it. Coming from a middle-class family, I've always had food on the table and have been fortunate enough to not know what it is like to truly be starving. I've also worked every day since I was 16 years old, so I've always had enough money to afford the basics - food, water and shelter. A day without food is not going to kill me. In fact, it's a welcome relief to not eat anything. I wasn't hungry at any point during the day so I didn't even think about it. But today was different than most days, so it wasn't much of a challenge. On Friday October 2nd, I had a full schedule of activities that prevented the boredom from setting in. Like I previously mentioned, I don't usually eat because I am hungry. I'm really never hungry. I eat because I am bored. Today I wasn't bored.

I had my final procedure at the Vein Clinic and I got to see Nurse Sarah for one last time. I know it sounds weird, but I'm a little sad that my time there is over. I've been scanned, poked, injected and spent more time lying on the operating table than I care to admit. After all of that, you would think that I would be overjoyed to be done with all of this. But I've developed relationships with Dr Gariti, Nurse Sarah and the office staff. Hell, for the better part of the summer, I was there 4-6 times a month. And each time, I spent about 2 hours with these lovely people. We talked and we shared information. Almost like we were old friends getting together (except I was dressed in hospital gear and they were performing ultrasounds and sticking needles in my legs). I can't believe that I'm going to miss going there. But with the worst veins ever, there's reason to believe that I'll be back there some day.

I always scheduled these appointments for first thing in the morning so that I can still go to work. Since there procedures are of the outpatient variety, I can walk out and go about my daily life with nothing but minor soreness. Since I was out in Brookfield I went over to the house of my friend and (now former) landlord Carl to give him my last rent payment and to meet his new daughter Harper. I'll be moving at the end of the month, so life is about to get really interesting. I'm sure there will be more on that later. But I had to go to work. I got in around noon and I pretended to do things for 5 hours before leaving for other work at Miller Park at 5pm.

The Milwaukee Brewers hosted the Chicago Cubs in their 3rd to last game of the year and it wasn't even fair, as the playoff-bound Cubs defeated the Brewers 6-1. The only bright spot was a Khris Davis homerun. Work was hell but it always is on a Friday or Saturday night. I hate to openly bash my employers, but they have no idea how to run a successful business. It's a wonder I even have a job. Sometimes I wonder why I keep working there, but when it comes down to it, I love the people I work with and I really love being at the baseball game. Those 2 things overshadow all of the negatives that occur on any given night.

Coming back home after the game was business as usual. I would normally grab something for dinner (on a normal day, I eat breakfast, skip lunch and then eat dinner around 7pm) but since I didn't get home until around 1030, dinner would be late. But on this day, dinner didn't show up because it was an even day. So I had a couple of drinks, worked on the website, watched Twister and The Goonies and then I went to bed. And by went to bed, I mean passed out. I didn't eat a single thing today although I did consume some calories. I got a coffee at the bank (when I withdrew my rent money), had a coffee at Carl's house (when I was handing over my rent money) and then had a coffee after filling up with gas at Speedway (which had nothing to do with the rent money). My alcoholic drinks did contain calories since the whiskey was mixed with whatever, but I doubt that I even got close to 1,000 calories on the day. Seeing as I walked about 20,00 steps and burned 2,846 calories (according to my phone), I would say that today was a good day. Ice Cube style. 

I kept myself occupied enough to not think about eating food. But today was not a typical day in my life. How will I occupy myself on the even days over the next couple of weeks to keep this train rolling? I have no idea. Something tells me that I will figure it out, as October is shaping up to be anything but a typical month in my life (with the move and having no set permanent location to live over the next few months). I'm guessing that I won't have time to think about it, which is going to make this experiment a piece of cake. Mmmmmm. Cake. Damn it. Now I went and made myself hungry.

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Even it Out - October 2015 Challenge

I've been going through some minor medical issues over the past couple of months. Long story short, I have the worst veins that my doctor has ever seen (based on my age and sex). While this is certainly correctable through laser surgery and sclerotherapy treatments (where they inject a solution into my legs that closes off/repairs my broken veins), it still got me thinking. I don't want to bore you with the medical details and shit. If you really want to know what I've been dealing with, talk to Doctor James Gariti of the Vein Clinics of America Brookfield location. (Quick side note - I highly recommend them if you have vein problems. The staff is incredibly helpful and friendly and they have made me feel at ease about this whole thing. I was worried about this mess, but I got through it. I've never broken anything and never had any kind of surgery. This was my first real medical issue. But hopefully everything is fixed with me now and I won't have to worry about this anymore).

I haven't really talked about it a whole lot unless you're really close with me. No offense, but people didn't need to know and I didn't want to make you worry. I wasn't dying and this issue was easily able to be fixed. But it did get me thinking. One of the reasons I had to go and get these procedures done is because of the possibility of blood clots due to vein and circulation problems. Blood clots can lead to heart attacks and strokes. And that's nothing to mess around with. Even though I'm not in the greatest shape, I'm way too young to be worrying about something like that. So if I could do something to fix it it, it was the right choice to make regardless of how much money it cost me. You can't put a price on a life. I'm not ready to die even if it costs me every dollar I have and every dollar I could possibly borrow from any bank or any government that will lend me money. That's where this month's experiment comes into play.

Followers of this blog should know that I sometimes do weekly or monthly entries when I get bored. Over the course of the last couple of years, I have done experiments like Go Bananas, The Write Month, Pickle the Day, The Drive to Stay Alive and It's in my Head. This recent health scare got me thinking that I need to try something different. Its no secret that I'm overweight and it affects every single aspect of my life. From mobility, to confidence, to sleeping and even just being alive - I can't live life like any of you normal people. I'm just different. It wasn't always like this and it doesn't always have to be. But I've fallen into a cycle that is too hard to break. Exercise isn't the problem. I don't spend hours at the gym and I'm certainly not ready to run a marathon. But I stay active enough despite my desk job. Ever since I got my new phone in February, I noticed that it keeps track of my steps. So I set a daily goal and I stick to it no matter what it takes. I've even started to raise that goal and push myself on a daily basis. I could certainly do a lot more, but it is a step in the right direction. Which leads us me to this monthly challenge.

I have a problem with food. I love it more than anything else in this entire world. I'd give up just about anything before I give up my favorite foods. I love all of the bad ones. Pizza. French fries. Mashed potatoes. Dry cereal. Gummy bears. Toast. Mac and cheese. Anything with sour cream (especially tacos and and nachos). Salty foods are a staple of my diet. Salt for days is my motto. I can't eat healthy. I can't say no to snacks. I certainly can't say no to free eats even when I'm not hungry. I'll eat until I'm tummy sick and still I'll try and eat some more. Moderation is not a word in my vocabulary, even though it is one of the keys to life. I've tried and failed a thousand times at regulating my diet. I can't do it. I hate to admit defeat and capitulate to my bad habits. But there is is a way around this. Or at least I hope that there is.

When it comes to doing something, I'm all or nothing. I love to gamble, but I can stay away from the casino. What I set foot inside the Casino, I lose control. Before I know it, I'm visiting the ATM for the second time and losing money that I can't afford to spend. But for the most part, I can keep myself out of the casino. In my eyes, that's what separates me from being a true addict. I can live without it, but it totally overtakes my life in the moment. So I decided to take the same approach with food. And that is where the Even it Out idea came to fruition.

I'm all or nothing. Once I get one bite of food, I want to eat everything that's within arm's reach. I want I want I want I want. I need I need I need I need. And I won't be satisfied until there is nothing left. But if I don't take that first step (put that first morsel of food in my mouth), I can control myself. It's easier for me to not eat it all then it is to eat only what I need to survive. Once I start eating, I don't stop even if my body tells me that it's had enough. I love food. And I'm going to show that food a night out on the town. I will wine and dine that food with the corporate credit account. But then I'll charge it to the Underhills. That is where this plan makes so much sense. Time to stop burying the lead - 

For the month of October I'm only going to eat on odd days. 

My goal is that I will reduce my calorie intake in half because on the even days, I will not eat at all. Since I will continue with my exercise plan, I hope that this will lead to weight loss. Everyone knows that the key to weight loss is expending more calories than you take in. If I'm exercising everyday and only eating every other day, I shouldn't have a problem losing weight. I have no idea if this is healthy or even if this will work. But that's the best part about it. It's an experiment. I'm doing a trial run to see if this sort of thing works for me. So I'm going to give it 31 days. As of October 1st, I weighed 369 pounds. The only way to tell if this experiment was a success is to weigh myself on November 1st and compare the results. So until then, there's not really much I can do to know if this is the right thing for me. 

But in order to keep this blog interesting, I've decided to write an entry every other day (on the even days) and talk about what I did that day instead of eating. Because when I get bored, I eat. Something else needs to take that place if I don't allow myself to eat. So let's see what happens folks. I have no idea where this is going to go. But that's the beauty of this. That's why you do experiments. You keep doing tests until eventually one of them works. You can't fault a guy for trying. So check in every other day here at the blog for an update on where this thing is going. If there's ever anything I have learned from my life it's this - there's no way to tell what's coming next. And that's what makes waking up to a brand new day so incredibly exciting. I'm sure that this, like everything else in life, will all even out in the end.

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

It's in My Head #21 - In the Land of the Blind...

... I'd rather be dead than be one of them. I've been wearing glasses since like 5th grade. When I was in High School, I wanted to stop looking like a dorky little nerd and asked my parents for contacts. I've been wearing them ever since. I hardly ever wear my glasses in public and sometimes go through excruciating pain to not have spectacles adorn my face. I don't know what it is. I don't think that I look all that bad in glasses and at age 34, I certainly don't care what other people think about me or fear for them calling me names anymore. But still I wear my contacts even when my eyes feel like they are on fire. I guess I just long to be "normal" and appear that I have perfect vision like everyone else. But the other day my eyes were bloodshot red and tearing up from whatever particles adhered themselves to those thin plastic lenses. I could barely see and I was struggling to make sense of the World around me. I didn't have my contact case or my glasses with me, so I just had to tough it out. I had to drive home from work, and half an eye on each side was better than no contacts at all. (Note - I'm nearsighted, so I can't see objects clearly in the distance, which means I cannot drive without corrective lenses). It was then that I realized that there is no way in hell I could ever live without the use of my eyes. I hate to say it, but I think I'd rather be dead than to be blind.

If I absolutely had to choose between blindness and death, I honestly can't say that I would choose death. Who wants to die? But seriously right now think about living the rest of your life without the ability to see. To never see a sunset/sunrise. To not be able freely navigate in your World. To not be able to watch a movie. To not gaze longingly into the eyes of that person you love. To not notice non-verbal communicative signals that a person is giving off. To not see colors. Or shapes. Or anything at all. I am a very visual person. I appreciate my other senses, but vision is the one that I would least want to lose. I admire blind people more than I can ever convey. To live with that disability would be the worst. How do they even leave the house? The World is crazy messed up place. Crossing the street with your sight is hard enough. How do you manage without it? How do you purchase groceries? Or use the internet? How do you live a "normal" life? I'm not kidding when I say that when I wake up every morning and open my eyes that I am thankful to see my bedroom (or whatever room that I pass out in). Most people take this for granted. I think about this every day. Because I can't imagine what it would be like to not be able to see the World around you.

I get a taste of this every now and then when my eyes decide to be assholes and partially rob me of my vision. But even then it is a slight irritation or blurriness. My eyes look like they do in the picture on the right and everyone at work thinks I am just high as shit. So I play it off. I ask people for snacks and I act aloof and distant. I'd rather be known as the work stoner than to be the one with eye problems. That's messed up. I would rather admit to using drugs than to admit there was something preventing me from having perfect vision. I don't even know what causes these problems. I wear contacts like a normal person and I take them out at night. But still my eyes hurt. Then I go 24-48 hours without wearing contacts and my eyes still hurt. There is no end to this vicious cycle. Without corrective surgery, I will never have the vision that I crave. I want to wake up and be able to clearly see my alarm clock. I want to drive or look at a computer without plastic lenses in or hovering over my eyes. I want to be "normal". There is a solution to my problem. I can get LASIK eye surgery to fix my eyes. But there currently is no cure for blindness. So while I'm sitting here complaining about this First World Problem, there are people out there who would give up so many things to have my blurry vision. 

I guess it is hard to walk to walk a mile in the shoes of the blind. I think that if I take off my glasses (or take out my contacts) and try to navigate the World, it is the same thing. It isn't. Not even close. The truth is that I will never know what it is like to be blind unless it actually happens to me. I don't want that to happen. I pray that doesn't happen to me. I couldn't handle it. I'm not strong enough. I would give up. I would refuse to carry on. I would sit there and do nothing until I withered away and died. I do not wish to be blind. So I have an incredible amount of respect for someone that is. In my head I wouldn't want to know what it is to lack vision. How about you? In your mind, could you walk among the blind as one of them?

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

It's in My Head #20 - I'm Done Making Plans

Don't let the picture fool you - I intend this to be a positive article. I know the RMS Titanic sunk on her maiden voyage from Southampton, UK to New York City, NY. Everyone knows that. And we can talk about it in an open forum. It isn't too soon. All of those people on board would have been dead by now anyway. The ship plunged to the depths of the North Atlantic in the early morning of April 15, 1912. I know that wasn't Thomas Andrews' plan when he designed this "unsinkable" ship. This was the largest ship at the time and the disaster become more legendary than the ship itself. Everyone knows the story. If you don't check out one of the million documentaries or books about it or see the James Cameron movie. Do the latter for Kate Winslett's exposed totties alone. Seriously, she's got a real nice set. I just googled it. I would provide a picture for proof, but this is a family site (yeah right). Still, I don't think that I've ever posted naked pictures on this blog. I've come close before, but I stopped short of showing full on nudity or nipples. So I'll let you do the work on this one (trust me, it's not hard. Finding naked women on the internet is easier than finding sand at the beach). 

But back to the real reason why I started writing this article today. This is why it's in my head. I'm done making plans because God and the world doesn't really care about my plans. While one may find that to be troubling, causing them to fall into a pit of despair over this matter, I've chosen to take a different path here. I'm taking the glass is half full approach. I used to say when life gives you lemons, you say "fuck the lemons and bail." But instead I'm going to take those lemons and make the best fucking lemonade you've ever tasted in your sweet little life. And this is why - sometimes you just gotta be creative and just go with it. I'm not saying don't plan vacations, don't pay your bills or don't plan out your retirement. Do those kinds of things. But what I am saying is don't get all frazzled and out of sorts when something comes up that interferes with those carefully laid out plans. Some of the best moments of my life were completely unexpected. I don't normally plan out my adventures, they just happen. If you keep yourself flexible and figure out a way to rise and fall with the ever flowing tide, you're going to experience one helluva ride. 

And that's life at its absolute greatest. It's in a moment that you never saw coming which ends up being one of the greatest moments of your life. So what I'm telling you today is to not live life according to the plan. Because plans change. The world doesn't have a plan for you or for me. Your future isn't written yet. Doc Brown told me that. It's up to you to figure it out as you go along and never let change interfere with you living your life. I'll tell you that my life as it is today isn't what I expected it to be. There's a lot of good, but there's also a lot of bad. But at the end of the day, there's one very important thing - I'm still alive to live another adventure. And every single day that I wake up alive, I have the chance to live one more adventure. These adventures are never according to plan. What good adventure is? None of them. Screw the plans. Go with the changes and don't live your life according to plan. That's what's in my head today. What plan used to be in your head that has now been changed?
 

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: April 13 - A Stone's Throw Away

I'm supposed to exercise more. Everyone is. Ask just about anyone around you if they get enough exercise and I'm sure they would admit that they don't. With the exceptions, I think our society (and country) is headed in that direction. While that isn't what I'm trying to get into here (and I don't want to be preachy or tell you how to live your life) I had to mention it because it ties into today's pickle. I'm trying to be more active and take 10,000 steps per day and be actively moving for at least an hour per day. While this sounds pretty easy, it's a lot more difficult for me because of my desk job and sedentary lifestyle. That's why I glad that my new phone (Samsung Note 4) comes quipped with this S Health app. It keeps track of my steps per day and also of how active I am (complete with notifications for when I'm not being active). So what does this have to do with today's pickle? Glad you asked.

I don't eat a lunch at work. While I realize that's not the healthiest thing, I'm just not hungry. I don't think that I should eat when I'm not hungry. So I decided to do something productive with 30 minutes of each workday Mon-Fri. I've been doing this for the last 6 months every day that it isn't raining like a banshee or cold as balls. It's getting increasingly easier to spend a half hour outside as it gets closer to Summer, so I've been really looking forward to this time out from work. Since I only have a half hour to work with, I don't venture too far from the office. I started walking around the perimeter of the "campus" but that soon got old. Then I started walking around the neighborhood. I'm still exploring where I can go over this limited time, but on April 13 I found something I never new existed. Here was this pond (probably man made) just a stone's throw away from where I toil away on a computer all day. I wandered around a bit before I found this spot, so I only had a few minutes to sit on the hill under the tree and look out at the pond and take this picture. But those few minutes were all that I needed to understand that this moment was unlike any in my recent life. This moment calmed me down and centered me. All other moments were complete chaos. So I guess I have a new spot. And it's just a stone's throw away from where I spend a good chunk of my time Monday through Friday.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
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The Write Time and the Write Place - A River Runs Through It

I think it is evident by now that I love water. I love to be in it and I love to be near it. I don't know what it is exactly, but it gives me a very calming feeling and it centers me. When I'm having a difficult time with life, I either head to the airport to watch the planes take off and land or I go to the nearest body of water. Luckily for me, there are plenty of nearby lakes and rivers here in Wisconsin. But what about when I'm not at home? That's when it becomes difficult to find a place of solace. It's not that there aren't bodies of water outside of the state of Wisconsin. I'm sure that there are plenty of them. It's just that I don't really know where they are, so it takes some extra effort to find them and get there. I knew that a river runs through the back of my brother James' property in Columbia and I had been there many times before. But when I woke up on the morning that we were to leave and head back home, I felt like I had to head down there and see it again.

Much like I had ranted and raved about those Randoms having Lake Murray in their backyard, I couldn't help but be jealous of my brother for having this in his backyard. I don't know if he ever goes down there, but I certainly took advantage of it this morning. From his backyard it was difficult to get down to the river due to the slope of the bank, but I was able to walk down a little ways and "trespass" into the neighbor's yards to find the safest route to the water. So on this morning I hung out by the Rawls Creek and took in the beauty that nature was presenting to me. I wish I could put my feelings into words, but anything that I type will pale in comparison to what was washing over me at the place and time. How do you describe something like this? I guess this is one of the reasons why you are able to use pictures where words simply won't do it justice. So I'm just going to bow out and let these pictures do the talking for the moment. How can you not love a place like this?

I am technically walking distance away from the nearest body of water, as I could get to the Menomonee River on foot if I had the time. But it really isn't that close. I would have to plan it out and make an afternoon out of it. I can't just walk out into my backyard and collect my thoughts when I need to get centered. That's one of the more difficult things in my life. How do I find that river in my mind when I need to center myself? Maybe that's why I'm so lost all the time and my mind wanders to some pretty dark places. The dripping faucet in my bathroom is not the same as a babbling brook. A full sink full of dishes is not a pond (although in some Milwaukee neighborhoods, I can see how someone could confuse the two). There has to be something else there that centers me and allows me to reboot whenever times get hard to deal with and the nearest body of water is not accessible. I've seriously considered trying meditation. That might be the best option, as it can allow me to calm myself when I need it the most. You know what, that's going to be my next adventure. The next time that I need to center myself and a body of water is too far away, I'm going to try that. Can't hurt, right?

 - pookon -

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The Write Time and the Write Place - Just Around the Riverbend

We got down to the Carolinas on Friday night. Saturday was the Biltmore Estate and Sunday was hanging out in Columbia at some Random's house. My plan for today (Monday) was to go to the Atlantic Ocean (somewhere around Folly Beach) but the weather forecast made that a bad idea. I would go to the ocean all day, every day. To me it doesn't matter how hot or cold it was or even if it was pouring rain. I live so far away from the ocean that I'm lucky to get there once every other year. I was just in Oregon in February, so I really wanted to visit both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans in the same year. While that still may happen (I've got 8 months left in the year but not a whole lot of time or money, especially because I'll be in San Francisco in July), I was very disappointed that we couldn't do it today. The two things that hindered this was that Folly Beach is a two hour drive away (so then also a two hour drive back) and the forecast was calling for mid 50s and more than 50% chance of rain. So I was overruled by the rest of the gang. What we ended up doing instead wasn't the same as going to the ocean, but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

When we were looking for something to do, I started Googling "things to do in Columbia, SC." When all else fails, turn to the internet I guess. One of the things that I found was the Columbia Canal and Riverfront Park. This is where the Broad River and the Saluda River come together to form the Congaree River. This is right on the edge of downtown, and as you can see in these pictures, it really is a beautiful nature space among the concrete jungle of the city. We started out by walking over this pedestrian bridge across the river and canal. I took so many wonderful pictures that I kind of want to print out and frame to hang on my walls. Aside from that they had some placards that told about the history of the river and canal, as well as some of the old buildings in that area (such as the Columbia Penitentiary), which continued the history lesson from Saturday. I was learning all sorts of things on this trip and I was eager to continue that. Gaining knowledge is always a good thing because it does allow you to appreciate the World around you. To understand what had to happen by the hands of God or the hands of Man and what went into designing and constructing of these things makes them so much more remarkable. I'm not a God nor am I an engineer or a structural architect. I don't have the power, vision or intelligence to be on that level. So I have mad respect for anyone who is able to do something like this. 

But the best part about this was just being outside, with my family and doing something different than my normal day-to-day activities. It was a Monday, so I was supposed to be at work. But not today. Today I was having an adventure. Plus this helped me stay in line with my new goal that I set after getting my new phone. This phone keeps track of every step you take and I set a daily goal of 10,000 steps. I know that sounds like a lot, but it really isn't difficult if you just get outside and move around. I established a new step record at the Biltmore Estate on Saturday (of 17,323) and today I almost achieved my goal but I fell just short at 9,690 steps. Even so, this was more exercise than I normally get. It's a good thing to go out into the World and be active. Not only do you burn calories and hopefully extend your life, but you also get to experience more things and enjoy a grand adventure. I'm a writer and a storyteller. In order to be able to share more stories with you, I need to live them first. That's why I take advantage of these opportunities and get out there and do something. It may not always work out according to plan, but in the end it's always one hell of a ride.

We walked around the river for a few hours. There wasn't really a lot to see or do but it ended up being just what I needed. Sometimes less is more. Sometimes it is better to not have a plan or an agenda and just go with the flow. Sometimes what you didn't expect to find is waiting just around the riverbend. That's why you have to be flexible and keep an open mind (and  a good attitude) when things don't work out according to your plan. Because if you haven't already experienced this first hand, let me tell you here - the World doesn't care about your plan. The World has been here before you were born and the World will continue when you are gone. I'm not saying that you shouldn't make plans. All I'm saying is that you have to be open to new ideas and develop a way to quickly deal with change. Because change is going to happen whether or not you want it to. You have to change with it. And then, when you least expect it, that change works out for the better. It's just takes a little while for you to realize it.

 - pookon - 

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The Write Time and the Write Place - Some Lucky Folks Get This Every Night

It is natural to be envious of someone else who has something that you do not have. I would like to say that I am above or beyond that, but I am human just like every single one of you reading this post right now. I live in the outer regions of Milwaukee and I could walk to the "suburbs" if I really wanted to. But I am surrounded by concrete, buildings, stores, gas stations, man made green spaces and other city objects. Here in Wisconsin I do have the ability to easily venture into an area that is "untouched" by human hands that maintains a true and natural beauty. Every now and then I try and escape into nature and go camping for a weekend or take a moment to walk out in the park. But even when I do allow myself to take that chance, it only lasts for a moment, a few hours or a few days. It certainly doesn't repeat itself on a daily basis. That is why I was so incredibly jealous (and very upset that I would have to leave this place and go back to my real life) when I spent some time at a Random's house when I was in South Carolina.

This night was a total surprise to me and even though I'm pretty good at improvisation, I couldn't help but act a a little lost while hanging at a stranger's house. I guess they weren't really strangers because they were friends with my brother James and his wife Melissa, but these people were so Southern that I felt like Yankees like us weren't allowed to set foot on this hallowed ground. But (SPOILER ALERT), the North won the war. Sure, the South may rise again, but not on my watch M'nfer. No offense of course to the ones who are true Southerners who still believe. But it's not going to happen pal. But we can still be friends, right? I hope so, because I really like hanging out down here. To be honest, I've been spreading lies just now. Tim and Kristy did unleash some real Southern hospitality upon us and they graciously welcomed us into their home. After I settled in and checked my inhibitions at the door, I was able to enjoy the good company, good food and great surroundings that this night gave us. 

Even though it sounds like I am being a real son of a bitch for making fun of our hosts and rehashing facts from the Civil War, I really did enjoy my evening here. After all, I got free eats, dinner and a show AND I got to hang out with my entire family. What more can you want in life? This was magical and I didn't even have to deceive you in any way. But I still wish that I was in a position to have this in my backyard. I don't even have a backyard (it belongs to my neighbors downstairs - I just rent this place).  So I appreciated every moment of being here. I did not take this for granted. I understood that I was given an opportunity to experience a different way of living, if even for a brief amount of time. I'm not there. I doubt that I will ever be. But I feel like if I keep on trying, I might be able to get close. There are a lot of lakes in Wisconsin. If I am fortunate to grow old and be able to retire, I'd like to get a cabin on the lake. I would love to wake up every morning with this kind of view in my backyard. I would love to sit out on the dock and just stare out into the nature surrounding me. To play guitar and be inspired by the earth, wind and water. To sit back and listen to the sounds that present themselves on a daily basis. To just be and let it all happen. I'm not there. I don't know if I will ever be. But I do know, that for a few hours on a Sunday night in South Carolina, I got a glimpse of what it could be like. And it was amazing.

 - pookon -

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The Write Time and the Write Place - The Biltmore Estate

The whole point of this trip was to spend time with James and Melissa. If that was the bare minimum, then we achieved our goal. But even though I'm one lazy ass bastard, I do more than the bare minimum when it comes to having adventures. I like to go balls to the walls until the wheels fall off. But I can't let the wheels fall because then the car stops driving. What happens then? The adventure is over. It should never come to that, so on this trip we added a few more things to the checklist. We did things like rage, try out some new shit and also anything that my Mom wanted to do. After all, she was the one bankrolling this little endeavor. So when the boss gives orders, you say yes. Fortunately for me (although I didn't know it at the time of selection), the boss wanted to check out The Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina.

I didn't really know anything about the mansion that George Vanderbilt uhh... built, prior to driving into the grounds. This was half on purpose and half on accident. When I heard that this was the plan, I stopped my inquisitive nature and decided to play the cards when they fell into my hands. This would allow me to live in the moment and react to every little thing that was happening around me. If I would have paid attention to history, television, my education in life and most importantly my mother, I would have known that the Biltmore Estate is like the largest privately owned house/land in the United States if not the World. I don't have my fact checkers on the payroll right now so I can't really look that up, but it really was something that I had to see with my own eyes before I believed just how incredibly ridiculous this place was.

Almost everything that I learned about this joint, I learned from a dog. While I know that sounds impossible, you just wouldn't understand it unless you took the kids version of the audio tour. They have an optional audio tour and it comes in two versions - one for adults and one for kids. I listened to the adults version for just a few minutes to know that I chose poorly. Luckily I was only on the first stop of the tour, so I went back and got the kid's version. I made the right decision. Not only did Cedric, the Vanderbilt's St. Bernard, give me a good history lesson, but he also kept me thoroughly entertained the entire time. I can't remember what he sounded like (he spoke perfect English), but in my head he sounded like Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams). We weren't supposed to take pictures inside the house, but I had to take a picture of the indoor swimming pool. Cedric told me to try out the acoustics of this room, so I sang in an opera voice. When people around me looked at me weird, I told them that the dog made me do it. Like that made it acceptable. But this isn't anything out of the ordinary for me. Everything I do causes people to stare at me.

I'd tell you more about this house, the grounds, the gardens and the winery, but what is the point in doing that? There's plenty of other things out there that can do that. You can read up on it on the internet, watch a documentary, watch Richie Rich or best of all, you can go there yourself. And if you do, make sure to get the kid's version of the audio tour. You'll thank me later. I'm not a big fan of dogs, but I kind of wish that Cedric was still alive so that we could hang out. I feel like we would have a great time telling stories to each other in the Lando Calrissian voice. We'd be best of pals and we'd always be in cahoots, using each other to get food, women and fireworks. We'd be the perfect team and no one could stop us. Of course this is all just speculation from listening to him talk for 90 minutes, but a lot can be gained in a short amount of time. So while I'm off finding out how to recreate the DNA of a deceased dog from 1902 so that we can start a unique partnership/small business/microbrewery/law firm/doggy day care/sweet shop/crime scene investigation lab/modeling agency, I encourage you to make plans to visit beautiful Asheville, NC to visit the Biltmore Estate.

 - pookon -

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The Write Time and the Write Place - Detroit Airport

I tried writing this entry while we were in the Detroit airport during a 2 hour layover, but apparently everything I wrote over the last hour just decided to delete itself (technology can be a real bitch sometimes). So let me try and figure out what I said so that I can share that with you. I'm a little upset at this son of a bitch right now. I had written 4 paragraphs of content and then when I tried to post it, it magically disappeared. I am currently operating on this new tablet and we're still trying to become friends. So I apologize if I'm a little rude and crass. Now I'm not saying that what I wrote before was gold, but I was proud of the nonsense that I came up with. The whole point of this was to write something that wasn't structured. To write something random during my adventure. I'm on my way to see my brother James and his wife Melissa in South Carolina. But we're also going to be spending some time in the North one as well.

This trip is kind of a big deal. I've been down to visit them almost every year that they have lived there (5 or 6 years now) but this one is different. This time my mom and my sister Jenny Reck will be joining me. So we're getting the band back together. We don't get to hang out as a family much anymore except for holidays and when someone dies. But this will also test the patience of everyone in the surrounding area because Jenny Reck and I come with some baggage. And not the kind of baggage that we carried on the plane. I'm talking about the baggage that follows you around like a little monster. This monster has a name. His name is Nonsense. And he never leaves the sides of the #HotMess and the #Spectacle. That's right bitches,  we're trending. So if you can't deal with the nonsense, don't even bother paying attention to anything I do. Now that we got that shit out in the open, we can move on.

I'm trying to be more random, so feel free to call me that. Yes, I understand that name already belongs to a Milwaukee bum chilling out on a park bench back in like 2004, but he's either dead or he has transfered to a city that isn't cold as balls. Seriously, why would bums ever be homeless in a cold weather city? I understand that your options are as limited as your finances, but whatever happened to stowing away in a box car or a cargo ship with nothing but the clothes on your back, some baked beans, fingerless gloves and a stick & bindle? Do bums still do that? If they don't, then that's one of the many things that they are doing wrong. If I hear that they are no longer warming up next to a burning barrel, then I've lost my faith in the modern day bums. If that is true, I'm going to start teaching classes for homeless people. Free of charge of course. Homeless people don't pay for shit. Maybe I can write it off on my taxes because I'm doing a service to the community. That way we all benefit. Hooray for profit and hooray for me!

I hate to make comparisons to something that you can't see, but the other post (the one that got deleted) was so much better. It's not even fair how much this fails to live up to that. But so it goes. That's life. Shit happens. Sometimes you create something beautiful and sometimes it is what it is. Only I know the difference, but you move on. And speaking of moving, I gotta get going because the Carolinas are calling my name. The adventure is just beginning my friends. And I couldn't have asked for two more worthy traveling companions. Here's to making memories. Cheers folks. 

- pookon -

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Who's A Rock Star?

I am. That's right. There's no other way to say it than by stating the obvious. And while I do that, I also need to reference Josie and The Pussycats. I've been watching this movie a lot lately and I'm not ashamed to admit that it's one of my guilty pleasures. I have an unhealthy obsession with pop music, women who sing and play guitar and Rachel Leigh Cook. All of these things come together in Josie and The Pussycats. And it is glorious. I love this movie more than any man should. But what does that have to do with anything right now? It's because I am a rock star. When I think about that statement I think about two things - this clip from the movie and something that writer/director Kevin Smith once said. This clip (at the bottom of the page) speaks for itself. You need to only watch this to know where I got this from. It's a very simple message but it is so true. If you say something and convince yourself that it is a reality, it becomes real. Just like "Do. Or do not. There is no try." or "Don't think you are - know you are." Yeah, they're movie quotes but they are so incredibly true. There's a reason people have been saying them long after the films were released and they have become legendary. But how much do you actually believe in them and practice them in your daily life?

Kevin Smith talks (a lot). I know that is pretty ironic from a guy who is known as Silent Bob. But the man is a genius. I could go on and on about how much I admire and subscribe to his philosophies, but he has said so many things that I have taken to heart. One of the things that he talks about is when he was thinking about going to film school to become a filmmaker. He told his sister that he wanted to be a filmmaker. She said be a filmmaker. He said that's why he was going to school, to be a filmmaker. She said no, don't want to be it, don't try to be it, don't work to be it; simply be it. It's very simple really. Don't set goals for the future that you are working towards. Tell yourself from Day 1 that you are that thing that you want to be, and you will become that thing because you have been it from the start. If this doesn't make sense, then you just don't get it. I'll try and make this crystal clear - If I don't say that I am currently a Rock Star, then I will never be one. That's just one of the many things that I have learned from him. That and chasing whimsies...

I played guitar last night. In a bar. With other people around. Now before you start thinking that I had an audience chanting my name, I will tell you to slow down. I'm not there yet. My friend Heather handed me her guitar as she was putting it away after her gig. So I started playing a few songs. And it may have been the wine going to my head (I got a free glass of wine from a gay guy. Don't ask) but I actually sounded good. Real good. Better than I have ever sounded before. I have been playing a lot more lately, but I still don't play as much as I would like to. I don't even practice as much as an amateur should. But I felt like a true musician. I felt like I belonged up on stage or in a circle of friends providing the entertainment. I was never this guy before. I was also the supporting member of a band getting by on my good looks and marginal talent. OK, so I didn't have the good looks part down, but one can dream right? But the whole point of this is that I took a giant step forward last night and another step towards my ultimate goal as a singer/guitar player - performing in front of people that I don't know (like an open mic night). I know that sounds like a very achievable goal to most people, but I have a real issue with confidence and being the center of attention. If I play anything like I did last night, I'm on my way.

I'll leave you with a clip from Josie and the Pussycats that inspired this article. This is a movie that is surprisingly making it's way into my top 10. I'm not ashamed to admit when I love a movie (because Lord knows that I love Keanu Reeves in The Replacements more than anyone should. In fact, I almost named my cat Shane Falco before deciding that he looked more like a Korben Dallas), but this goes beyond loving the movie - I love Josie. And I love Rachael Leigh Cook too. I can't decide which one I love more, but I can decide on one thing - I AM a Rockstar. Just like my girl Josie.

 - pookon -

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Life is a Real Precious Thing

I recently got another opportunity to take a look at not only my life, but also the life of someone else. I don't really have too much to say about it, so I will try and keep it brief. Life is beautiful. Life is an amazing thing. You get a reminder of that when you view someone else's life through a series of pictures set to music. Of course that's not their entire life. There's so many little moments that fill in the gaps in between the life moments that were captured on film or digital device. But these are highlights of the good times. That's what pictures truly are. Besides war photographers and people who are sick bastards, who takes pictures of the sad times? Pictures offer a brief look at a moment in someone's life and it allows you to get an idea of what their time was like on this Earth. But of course it doesn't tell the whole story. 

What it does do is spark conversation. You may see a picture and then ask the person who took it for more details. You may ask a person who is in for the story that lead to this snapshot. You may find out that there were some people that were there who somehow didn't make it into the picture. They have their story. Something in the picture may catch your eye. It could be something in the background or something somebody was wearing or even the way that the photograph was framed. Either way, it's a starting point for figuring out what that person's life was all about. I got the opportunity to get to know somebody through pictures. Somebody that I never met. I liked his life. I liked his family and I liked his friends. I liked the good times that he had and I feel bad that he's gone. How can you feel an emotion for somebody that you don't know? It's rather simple actually. You put yourself in the shoes of somebody who did. If you can't do that, you just sit back and look at the pictures.

My cousin Kelly asked me to put together a slideshow for her friend Nick Schaal, who unfortunately left us too soon about a month ago. Like I said, I never met the guy, but it was a privilege to be one of the people granted the opportunity to tell his story. I didn't take this assignment lightly. I know how important these pictures slideshows are. I had a hand in selecting the pictures that appeared in my brother Timmy's memorial at his funeral and I put together one for our Grandma back in January. But this was the first time I did something for someone who I didn't know. But that doesn't matter. I don't have to know someone to know how precious their life was and how important it is to properly convey that. Every life is precious, so don't don't waste too many moments of it. Unfortunately we have been given too many reminders of how quickly it can end, so live every day by having picture worthy moments. Some day it will all end, but hopefully you get the chance to live a long and full life. Not everyone is given that chance, so be thankful for every day you get towards that goal. 

 - pookon -

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