I always liked E.T. The Extra Terrestrial growing up. But I didn't necessarily love it. I've seen it many times over the course of my life but now that I watched it drunk and with Twitter, I fucking love ET! This movie is the shit. I never realized that until I saw so much of the 80s in this flick and how much it made me feel like being a kid again. This movie is so simple - lost alien wants to go home - that it connects with you on a personal level. If I was lost I'd hang with some kids until my parents came back but knowing my luck my parents would abandon me and the cops would arrest me for endangering children's lives with my mere presence. Things are rough when you look and act like I do. I should probably do something about it but it looks like I'm too busy getting drunk and live tweeting movies. But you (the audience) like that sort of thing because someone has to be a drunken ridiculous idiot to balance out your responsible lifestyle that involves picking up your children from Day Care and paying the mortgage. But make sure you take a few minutes out of your day to live vicariously through me. Or at least me on the night of November 17, 2011.
Now it's time to watch #ET and relive my childhood, only now I have money and booze. Being an adult is so much better.
Now I know why the aliens took off so fast. They were growing mushrooms and drugs in the ship. Didn't want the cops to bust them. #ET
ET got left behind because he was off jacking it in the woods. Or at least that's what I saw. Must be watching the unrated version. #ET
Elliott got spooked and dropped a perfectly good pizza on the ground. Makes me sad. I hate to see food go to waste. #fat #ET
When I was in grade school we had to have our parents sign a permission form cause Elliott calls his brother penis breath. #ET
Aliens are here to kill us. I wouldn't have gone to the shed with a handful of Reese's Pieces, I'd have a handful of grenades. #ET
If I was ET I would have called "dibs" on top bunk once I got to Elliott's room. No one likes to sleep bottom. #ET
ET copies all the hand signals Elliott does. If I were him I would make ET give the middle finger and do the "removable thumb" trick. #ET
Reese's Pieces are like crack to aliens. Well keep on feeding them to him Elliott. Make 'em overdose. Kill those fuckers. #ET
@appletonave: "did you pull the thermometer on the lamp trick to stay home from school?" No. I could've shown her #ET. I'd still have to go.
ET got back. I wonder if Sir Mix-A-Lot found him the song would be like "scientists say your fat, well I ain't down with that." #ET
And ET is in the closet. Here come the jokes. He flew 10,000 light years to come out of the closet. Didn't want to upset his parents. #ET
ET can make dead plants come to life. Men with erectile disfunction are lining up outside the house. Boing! #ET
The kid with the giant earphones called Elliott a cintus suprimus. Elliott's comeback is zero charisma. I miss the 80's. #ET
And ET is back in the closet again. Hey man, if you're gay that's cool. I support you. Just be real man. Don't live a lie. #ET
My favorite part - ET drinks beer and Elliott gets drunk. I wish that would happen to me, but getting drunk on my own is ok. #ET
I thought so! The chick in class that Elliott drunkenly bats his eyes at is Erika Elaniak from Baywatch. Good choice son! #ET
I then spent the next 5 minutes Googling Erika Eleniak's nude photos from Playboy and Under Siege. Very nice. #HotTotties #ET
And Elliott gets to make out with Erika Eleniak. That lucky fuck. Of course that was before she grew up and got hot. #ET
Speaking of getting hot, how about Drew Barrymore? Say what you want, but she does it for me. As an adult. Not as a kid. Pervert. #ET
And now ET is back in the closet wearing a dress and a wig. You cross dressing fuck. Just come out of the closet already! #ET
ET phone home? How about calling for a pizza motherfucker? I'm starving man. And I know you could put down a few slices... #ET
The kids think ET is building a device to call home. Little do they know this alien fuck is a terrorist and he's building a bomb. #ET
Need a last minute costume? Cut some eye holes out of a bed sheet and go as a ghost. Genius. #ET
When ET and Elliott flew across the moon I knew that I would love movies forever. Such an iconic scene. It's so beautiful. #ET
Scientists have no right to be snooping around in someone's house without a warrant. Don't they know the law? #ET
I wish I had a subdivision where I could ride my bike. I wish I had a bike. I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. #ET
I'm surprised there aren't any raccoons or possums chewing on ET's lifeless body in the forest. He must taste like shit. #ET
Ok scientist - you are entering Elliott's house not walking on the moon. There is no need for the whole space suit get-up. #ET
1 hour and 23 minutes into the movie and Peter Coyote finally shows his face. Not bad for 2nd billing. Better late than never. #ET
Elliott has a right to be freaked out. If I was hooked up to machines next to a dying alien I'd tweak the fuck out too. #ET
Holy mother of God ET is flatlining! Where are those heart panels that George Clooney uses! Damn it man, I'm trying to save a life! #ET
Plants are dying. Elliott is crying. It's 1 in the mornin'. People are snoring. And the booze is still pourin'. R.I.P. #ET
A lot of government agents found their way to Elliott's house in a hurry. Good thing they remembered to wear their mustaches. #The80s #ET
I haven't heard a cry that fake since I learned I had to take an extra semester of college and delay my entrance into the "real world." #ET
I love when Michael hits his head when finding out ET is alive. That Storm Trooper in #StarWars must have heard the same thing. #ET
1900's newsies hat, aviators with giant headphones and a ski mask. Michael's friends are the coolest kids of #The80s. #ET
Watching these kids doing jumps on their bikes is like playing Excitebike on Nintendo. Ah the good old days. #The80s #ET
Glad I'm watching the special edition. Because nothing says "stop kids" like walkie talkies. #UsedToBeShotguns #ET
When I was a kid I used to whistle the theme song and hope that I could bike into the sky. I didn't have an alien, I just had bruises. #ET
ET"s family came back for him. They must have forgiven him for the whole "jerking off in the bushes" at the beginning of the movie. #ET
Be good. How about be scarred for life? An alien lived with you for a few days as a kid. That shit fucks you up. Hello therapy. #ET
When he said I'll be right here I'm glad he didn't point at Elliott's anus. Because that would have been a whole different ending. #ET
If I was a timpani player I could have played on every movie soundtrack of #The80s. I probably would've gotten a lot of pussy too. #ET
I wish I had a pal like ET when I was growing up. Would've changed my life. But now I have CGB and my life is pretty damn good. #ET
I should have called home before Live Tweeting E.T. Of course I was already home so that kind of defeats the point. That's why when it comes to go big or go home I always go big, because most times I'm already home. I don't the house much which results in my living my entire life on the internet via the Pookon Empire, Facebook and Twitter. I feel like this way I don't have to put on pants and you all can still follow along with my every movie with the option of tapping out if I start to annoy the shit out of you. I know that it happens but I also hope that I am amusing in some kind of way. Either way I'm going to keep on being myself because I don't know how to be anyone else. If you have a problem with that then I bid you adieu. If not keep checking back to this blog, the website and the Twitter for more of this outrageous content. Keepin' it random here on the Pookon Empire. That's how we like to do it around here. You just never know what's going to happen next. Deal with it.
- pookon -
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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