Pickle the Day: October 23rd - Shall We Have A Sitdown?

When Jenny, Timmy and I all worked at the UWM Union, Shaun of the Dead was a big movie for us. We used to go sledding in the Winter and then watch it with a couple cups of hot cocoa. Shaun and Ed are British, so naturally they talk a little different that we do. We copied them because we loved the movie so much. Instead of asking me to go on break, Timmy would say, "Shall we have a sitdown?" and I always would, even if I already had a sitdown. That's where the title and inspiration of today's pickle comes from. I asked my buddy and co-worker Mike Wilhelm to have a sitdown on Tuesday night. Actually I asked him more than 2 months ago but we had to keep canceling and rescheduling for various reasons. We try to have a sitdown every month so we can talk candidly about life, work, sports and everything else that doesn't matter as much. We sit in adjoining cubicles and can talk over the wall but have to maintain a certain professionalism with our topics and word choices. Plus we have to be sober. That's why we meet after work at a bar where none of that matters and we can be free to say whatever the hell we want without being sent to HR. 

Everyone needs an opportunity to vent/bitch and someone to listen. Whether you care to admit it or not, we all do it. Some people talk to therapists while some air out all their complaints to Facebook. We all just want to be heard because we want to feel like we matter. I say shit all the time that people don't read this but they do. People actually care. And I love it. I don't say shit on here intentionally to get people concerned about my well being. That's bullshit. I wouldn't manipulate people like that. I simply just say what is on my mind, be it good or bad. Sometimes I have a friend on the other side of the bar table and we're trading stories in between sips of tall boy PBRs and Old Styles. Sometimes it's a never ending text message conversation where 3 conversations are happening at the same time. Sometimes I might randomly stop by your house on the way home from work. But most of the time I just put my thoughts on the blog as my way of getting it out my head. If I don't get my thoughts and feelings out they just kind of sit there and drive me crazy. I used to bottle up my feelings and shit and it made me a ticking time bomb. This blog has been in operation since 2005 and has given me the chance to speak when there isn't anyone around to listen. It's doesn't always solve the problem, but at least it helps. Today's pickle was someone who helped, and there is a full jar of new pickles that do various things just waiting to be shared tomorrow and every day in the month of October.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 22nd - Hot Tub'n It

I've been at my current apartment for about 13 months now, which makes this one of the longest times I've spent at one place. Ever since I moved out of my parent's house in my Freshman year of college, I've bounced around from place to place, picking up and dropping different (and sometimes the same) roommates, moved back home and now live by myself. Why does this matter? Because it ties into today's Pickle the Day. If I ever stay in one place long enough to call it a home (and if I own instead of rent) my one big expenditure is going to be a hot tub. I love hot tubs. But mostly I love being in the water. We'll get to that more in a minute. My Aunt Linda is moving to Phoenix, so my Dad (her brother) got her hot tub. He got it working this weekend and on Monday night I found myself drawn to its' powers. There's nothing like a relaxing soak after a long and wild weekend. I needed a place to chill out for a few minutes and ease my weary body. I'm not used to doing things so I may have pushed myself a little too far. Yeah, right. Like I ever overexert myself. But even so, the hot tub felt good. Damn good. Especially because the cold hand of Winter just slapped me right in the face.

But I will never let anything stop me from swimming or going in the water. In there I feel free and light as a falling leaf. I feel like a normal person. I'm naturally buoyant in the water so I can float and move around with ease. If I was ever lost at sea I could probably survive long enough to be rescued. Well that is unless a couple of sharks decided to call me lunch. That's why I will never swim in the Ocean. Screw that. Let someone else be the main course at the shark buffet. I can imagine the weightlessness of space to be the same thing but after seeing the movie Gravity, I've decided never to go to Space. Yeah, because I've had so many opportunities to go to Space and I had to turn them all down. Too much can wrong up there and when it does, you're shit out of luck. At least in a pool or hot tub I can try to swim to the edge or have someone toss me one of those life savers. Or what if they pulled me in with that giant hook like the stage manager yanking in a performer during an awful routine. Either way I'd rather be in the water than in Space. Just so you know. There wasn't much going on today but that was just alright with me. Like Jesus. I'm ok with a few of these pickles being short and sweet. I've gotten a bit dark and depressing at times so it's nice to keep it light. But that's the beauty of this exercise. When I reach into the jar, I never know what kind of pickle I am going to pull out. But all I know is that there is a full jar of them just waiting to be shared. Well that's not all I know. What a wasted life that would be if that was all that I combed out of it.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 21st - Do Cannonballs Yell Human Being?

I once saw a cell from the Far Side comics by Gary Larsen that sticks with me to this day. Well, a lot of them still make me laugh because in one cell block there is a fully contained joke. It's pure genius. But the one that relates to today's pickle is a cannonball jumping into a body of water yelling "HUMAN BEING!!!" That's fantastic. I love doing cannonballs into the pool. Because of  my size I'm able to displace a lot of water and make a spectacle of myself, which is what I do on a daily basis. My brother James was in town for a few hours because he travels for business. This week he is going to be working in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin at the Leinenkugal's Brewery. At the last minute his flight was changed from Minneapolis to Milwaukee and we were able to get together and watch the Green Bay Packers game. Since I picked him up from the airport I had to take him to his hotel. While some people might be like oh that was nice and thinking that I did him a favor, in reality I knew what was in it for me as well - hotels have pools. And despite me never wanting to take my shirt off in public, I love to go swimming. It's one of my favorite things to do. And I just need to state for the record once again that I also love to do cannonballs. It's silly shit like this that makes me feel like being a kid again. What 32-year-old man does cannonballs in a hotel pool? This guy. 

That's all the time I've got for today. I had a full weekend filled with plenty of activities and I simply don't have any more time to expound on this topic. But what else is there to say that the picture doesn't already do? I hope I never grow out of this. Seeing as how I'm in my early 30's and still goofing around like I'm 6, I don't see that ever happening. Where's the fun in growing up and being all serious and sour-faced? Lighten up guy. Goof off for a bit and not worry about what other people think. People are too rigid and conform to societal norms when they should be out having fun. If having fun for you is wearing a 3-piece suit and discussing the ebbs and flows of the Dow Jones chart and sharing your portfolio over a fancy lunch with some clients, then have at it. Not me. I will be coloring with crayons (outside of the lines), making faces in the mirror, sniffing smelly markers, playing with my food, embarrassing my mother in public, rolling down grassy hills, getting ice cream headaches on purpose, spinning around on bar stools until I'm so dizzy that I fall over, doing cannonballs into a hotel pool and whatever else the kid inside me tells me to do. Life is tough and we need to find a way to escape from all of troubles that bring us down. You know what I do. Who knows what pickle the World is going to throw at me tomorrow, but I always promise to share it with you here on the blog. There's a full jar of them out there just waiting to be shared. So I'm going to dress up like an explorer, grab my trusty map and compass and see if X really does mark the spot.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 20th - Get Your Head Back Into the Clouds

We need more imagination in this World. We need more fantasy. We need dreams. We need childlike wonder. We need to get our heads back into the clouds. I'm a dreamer. I always have been. But I have a real problem with making those dreams a reality. There is this creativity brewing in my mind that needs to be realized and unleashed or else it festers inside of me and slowly drives me crazy. I'm an artist. And a writer. That is who I am. I have an insatiable need to create something out of nothing. I will never stop. Sometimes I can't sleep because the ideas are racing through my head and preventing me from shutting down and being at rest. It's a gift and a curse. When it is realized and it becomes something so beautiful that I often sit back and wonder how I was able to create something out of nothing. I often move myself to tears or insane bouts of laughter. I will not apologize for being my biggest fan. If I don't love my work, then no one will. Keeping my head in the clouds is what keeps me believing in the truth that there is a purpose to life. I can bring something unique and incredible to this World; something that has never been seen before. We all want to be different. We all want to stand out in the crowd. We all want to leave a mark on this World; to be remembered. All of this starts with an idea.

But we are always told at some point in our lives to get our heads out of the clouds. To be realistic. To stop chasing whimsies. To grow up and stop dreaming. Well I'll tell you something. I'm grown up. I have a real job. I pay rent, bills, take care of another life (albeit a cat), successfully balance relationships with friends and family, am somewhat responsible and I take care of business. You want to know what else I do? I dream. I create. I live in another World that is entirely within my own imagination. I revel in the glory of another life separate from the one that exists in the reality that you are familiar with. I can cross multiple planes of existence and operate in the 13th Dimension. Sometimes I don't know what is real and what is make believe. I forgo sleep so that I can live within a trans-world that blurs the lines of reality. My head is so far up into the clouds that I sometimes forget that my body is safely back on Earth. And I love it. 

The inside of my head is the most incredible place of all. It is a World without boundaries and there is no one to tell me that I can't do something. Nobody tells me that I'm not good enough. Nobody laughs at my ideas or shoots me down. I am standing on the top of the mountain and looking down at the incredible surroundings that only exist because I allowed myself to create them. I did it. I made this World. A melodic sound fills the air and the World is layered in harmonies that compliment each other. The transitions meld together in a fluidity that mimics a babbling brook. I close my eyes and time stands still. There are no troubles. There are no worries. In here I am at peace. No one can take this away from me. As long as I have this place in my head, nothing else really matters. But sometimes I lose my way and fall from the clouds. It is in these moments that I have to remember how much I love to be in a place where nothing matters. Up there, there is no sadness, no hate, no loss, no sense of loneliness and no fear. It is in the clouds where imagination soars and the possibilities are endless. You choose your own adventure. You limit yourself or you break through those walls. You can be the creator. You can make the World. You can be whoever and whatever you want to be. In here life is perfect.

I could stare at the clouds for hours. Life moves by so fast. How often do you just stop and do nothing? Lie on your back in a grassy meadow and watch the clouds roll through the sky? I'm guessing that it doesn't happen that often. If you aren't allowing yourself to live inside of the World created by your imagination then you truly aren't living. Life isn't reality. It's not a physical thing that you can touch or feel. It is an all encompassing World of make believe and real life twisted together in one giant creation. It is a special thing and it is what you make it to be. Every day I come on here and say such amazing things that could help me out in my own life. But I don't listen to them. I want to keep my head in the clouds. But there is something that is preventing me from living my dreams instead of just imagining them. And therein lies the million dollar question - how can I take my own advice? It seems so simple but impossible at the same time. As soon as I figure it out I will be on my way to achieving the life that I always dreamed of. Only this time it would be real. I don't know if that is ever go to happen, but it doesn't hurt to dream right? My head is still in the clouds. Maybe I'll find another pickle up there to share with you. Who knows. But I do know that I have a full jar of them just waiting to be shared with you. Let your imagination soar to the endless possibility of what could be. You just might find that you like what you find there.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 19th - And They Lived Happily Ever After

It's not every day that you get to bear witness to something that restores your faith in the human race and the continuation of life overall. Just one day after going on and on about how everyone is going to die, I am reminded that everyone is also going to live. We are given a finite time to be alive and the clock has been ticking since we were first created in the womb. Some people sadly never make it past that stage. On Sunday October 7th, I flew a kite at a remembrance for people who had babies die during pregnancy or shortly after birth. So many people die seemingly young and don't get a chance to witness all of the beautiful moments that you and I have been privileged to be a part of, like the marriage of two amazing people who truly love each other. The point is, we really don't know how much time we have in this life because the number on the clock is never revealed to us until the very end. With that in mind we should always make the most of what little time we have left and chose to spend those moments in the best way possible. Obviously I'm one of those glass is half empty kind of people and don't believe in things like happiness, falling in love and all of that mumbo jumbo. But good for people who do. I wish it was that easy for me. I have all of the information gathered to solve all of my problems but I can't apply them properly. I don't know what I am going to do about that, but I'm sick of talking about me today. This isn't my day. This day belongs to Joe and Jessica Kanzleiter, or Kanzy Pants and Jessie Pants as I have come to call these two wonderful people. Their story is just beginning (officially) and I can already see the ending - And They Lived Happily Ever After.

I've known Joe for close to 10 years now or something. I've lost track because I feel like I've known him for my entire life. He went to Wauwatosa East with my brother Timmy and they worked together at Little Caesar's in the Village, although we wouldn't become friends until he started college at UWM. I'm not going to get into great detail about all of the things we've done since then but here at the highlights: we both worked at the Union and when he was at Burger King he made the most delicious item not on the menu - the Kanz Sandwich. I repaid the favor with a Sunrise Melt in the Terrace. We lived together (along with Paul) above Vitucci's and also on Farwell just off of Brady. During those years we had some of the best times I can and can't remember. He is the greatest beer pong player I've ever known and I still can't beat him 1 on 1. That's why I usually team up with him. We played together for 3 or 4 seasons in the CHBPL and Years 3, 4 and 5 of the World Series of Beer Pong in Las Vegas. With him I won my only CHBPL Championship which cemented my place in CHBPL Hall of Fame. We share a love of movies and especially the Kevin Smith films. We love beer and brewery tours and he has been a big part of the Trifecta of Brewery Tours that we do every fall. He's the reason I have a Green Bay Packers tattoo because I lost a bet during the 2010 season when the Packers won the Super Bowl. There are so many more things that we've done together, but I don't need to list them all. I lived them. But I would be remorse if I spent all of this time talking about what we did instead of talking about who he is. Joey Kanz is an exceptionally great person with the biggest heart. He's so damn lovable.

I can totally understand why Jess is in love with Joe and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. I would too. I love me some Joey Kanz. I just want to give him a big ol' hug every time I see him. He is the nicest, most genuine person I know. And he cares so much. I remember when he first started dating Jess. You could tell there was something different about him. He was all nervous, like he knew he didn't want to screw this one up, that this one was special. When Joe loves someone or something he goes all in. He's completely dedicated to it almost to a fault. While this may hurt him in other areas of life, here it will help through all the trials and tribulations of a marriage. He will never quit. He will always love her. He will do whatever it takes to protect her and make her happy. He will love her every single day and never forget how amazing life is and how lucky he is to have found her. I don't know Jess as well as I should but I promise to change that. I do blame myself for that though. I've kind of been in a fog for the last few years and I haven't really taken the time to get to know anyone new. And I've ignored a lot of friendships in the meantime. But I do know that I get a really good feeling about her. She's been nothing but kind to me and feels very welcoming. All I ever ask of people is to accept me for who I am, and I am able to be myself around her. I know that she makes Joe a better person because she perfectly compliments his personality. She's challenged him to improve himself on the inside and outside. She has given him a reason to live. We should all be so lucky.

I've been there for many moments in their lives, and I was honored to be a part of their biggest so far. Marriage is a very special thing. It's something you look forward to your entire life. Trust me when I say that no one wants to be alone, no matter how much they stress that they don't need any one else. Humans seek companionship. It's not always romantic. We have friends. We have roommates. I have my cat. Maybe someday I will have my Happily Ever After. I don't really have any control over that. For the time being I suppose that I just have to share in the joy of others. Everyone else seems to be having so much joy in their lives right now. And why shouldn't they? There are so many wonderful things in this World to be happy for and be happy about. They can see them but I can't for some reason. I'm blind to positive thinking and happiness in this World. But if there is hope for other people, then there is hope for me as well. Hope might be the next pickle that I share with you. Who knows man. I've got a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared and not even I know what's in store for us. Not all of us can see how our story ends.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 18th - Even Straw People Die

They try to do things at work to make us interact and get along and shit and they call them Team Building Activities. This isn't unique to my workplace. I'm sure that a lot of places do this. I bet that studies have proven that you will create a friendly and more productive work environment if the employees are in a positive mood and get to know each other better. So what. I don't care about shit like that. If I'm going to goof around at work I'm doing it my own way and on my own time. I don't like being at work. And not just this job. It's work in general. I've learned to put up with it because I have to pay bills and I understand that I'm never going to be rich enough to quit my job. So I just deal with it. I want to clock in, do my job then clock out. I hate working overtime even if they pay me time and a half because I can't fathom spending more than the bare minimum (40 hours a week) doing something that I hate to do. This is my true passion. Writing, working on the websites, creating entertainment like podcasts, movies and music. So why don't I do that full time instead of the shit I do now? Well the truth is I'm really not that good at it compared to the real talented people in the World. Would you pay me money to do this? Hell no you wouldn't. I can't even get people to read my shit for free, let alone toss me a couple of bucks to keep me endeavors going. This blog is free but everything else costs me money and I lose about $200 some dollars a year keeping my various projects going. I don't mind spending the money because it is spent doing something that I love, but it angers me that I have to suffer through something I hate to afford to do something I love. I wish there was a better way... OK. Enough of this shit, time to explain my picture.

At one of these Team Building events, we were paired up with a co-worker, given 10 minutes, a handful of straws, some string, scissors and tape and had to come up with something travel related (I work for a travel company). My teammate and I both didn't feel like doing anything so we complained about it for a few minutes. Then she just started putting straws together and I grouped some together so they looked like a palm tree. Then we decided to do a hotel in Hawaii and leave it at that. I started putting some straws together and it looked like a mountain, so I decided to make a volcano that was erupting which then led to the hotel being flattened by the sonic boom of the explosion and the ash cloud that followed. I have a real morbid imagination. If you've been following me at all over the last 2 1/2 years then you've most certainly noticed that I often speak of death rather candidly. In my explanation to the group I described what we had created and said that everyone died. If we had more straws and more than 10 minutes I would have made some dead bodies to lay on the ground by the hotel. I'm sure that someone has a problem with this but I don't care. We're all going to die someday. That is something every living thing on this planet has in common. So I don't understand why we are so scared to talk about it. It's going to happen whether you like it or not. I have chosen to embrace it and accept it. I am going to die someday.

It sucks when people die. I know that all too well. So I'm not trying to make light of it when I create an art project involving death. Yeah I guess I joke about it, and I know that those fictional straw people that I would have laid dead on the slops of the erupting volcano would have had families and friends who would miss them immensely. Imagine straw people in a big straw church and they are all bent over (cause they are bendy straws!) in sorrow as the casket of their straw families/friends are carried down the aisle and placed in a straw hearse while the straw musician plays a sad song on the straw baby grand piano. It's a real sad scene. But that straw volcano would have erupted, flattened the straw hotel and killed those straw people even if I didn't imagine it in my head and partially create it during a work exercise. We can't control death. It's going to happen. But I guess I don't have to be so morbid all the time, asking for the Rapture or the End of the World to kill me and do it now because I'm he-ere, but I can't help it. 

If you are a faithful visitor to this blog then you will have no doubt seen that I record a podcast called The Drive to Stay Alive. I don't expect you to listen to it because the basic point is this - I'm in search of a reason to keep living. That's exactly why I don't do anything to better my life. When you have to question the point of living, you don't care about dying. Plain and simple. I don't care about being in shape, maintaining friendships, meeting a girl, starting a family, excelling in my career, changing the World, etc. etc. You know, all of the shit that you normies do. I'm different man. I used to think that was going to be my path in life as well. But then someone died. And when he died I died a little bit as well. And I die a little bit more every single day as the constant reminder sinks in that life is always going to suck. Chances are I'm going to live to be 100 just so I have to suffer through a long battle with these problems and it's going to take me an eternity to get my wish - that I can die too. Everyone dies. Even straw people. I'm hoping my next pickle won't be something so morbid. In fact, if I have it my way it will actually be a celebration of life. But that is another pickle in the full jar that will be shared with you tomorrow. That is unless everyone dies before then.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 17th - I HATE the Smell of Commerce in the Evening!

I hate the smell of commerce in the evening. I hate it in the morning. I hate it during the Christmas season. I hate it on a boat, I hate it on a plane. I really do hate it Sam I Am. Now I sound like the Green Eggs and Ham dude. What was his name? Dr Suess? What exactly was he a doctor of? Look I don't really care. It's 7am and I barely slept. I had to be at work at 6am for this health assessment bullshit. What are they going to tell me, that I'm obese? Well, there's something that I didn't know. Like I'm not reminded of it every single day. But that's not the point right now. I hate the mall. I hate shopping in general though. I have everything I need to survive for the immediate future but I guess sometimes that's not enough. My buddy Joey Kanz is getting married tomorrow and I had to pick up my tuxedo. That meant going to the mall yet again. In the last few weeks I've been there to get fitted for that tux, eat dinner with the family, 5-6 separate times for eye exams/new contacts, to see a movie and some other random bullshit. I worked at the mall for like 5 years when I was in my late teens to early 20s. I was sick of it then and I'm sick of it now. I don't understand people who go there. That's one thing I just can't get behind. Must be a fat guy thing. We don't like trying on clothes or walking a lot. That's pretty much what the mall is. There's the food court and snack stations, which we do like, but we don't like eating in public because people judge us. I'd rather eat in the privacy of my home so that no one can disapprove of my food choices. Look pal, I already know that I'm going to die. Newsflash - we are all going to die. I'm just trying to beat you there. It's about time that I won something. But fuck it. Why care about something if it isn't worth caring about? Who gives a shit about the mall anyway? I don't. So I don't know why I even bother wasting my time talking about it. Why do I do anything?

I'm sick and tired of everything. What else is new? I've got nothing. I can't wait for October to be over so I can stop bitching about stuff every day. I'm starting to sound like people on Facebook that drive me crazy like Hoke drives Miss Daisy. Remember that flick? Morgan Freeman was the shit in that. He's the shit in everything. I wish he was my best friend. I could sit and listen to him talk forever. I could imagine us sitting in rocking chairs on the porch, watching the sun set while splitting a pitcher of lemonade. He would tell me stories from his life, his friend's lives, movie characters' lives, a bug's life, the life of Pi, the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Life Magazine, the Life Foundation, the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life and hopefully narrate my life when we start going off on adventures together. Morgan and Me. That would be a dream come true. If only my life were that amazing. But maybe it will be. Maybe tomorrow will be a pickle of me and Morgan Freeman giving each other high fives. Who knows? I've got a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared. There may be one in there that I never saw coming. Please be this one!

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com

Pickle the Day: October 16th - Do Something!

I need to do something. I'm really reaching for a picture and topic today, but the the goal of Pickle the Day was to take a picture of something every day and talk about it. I'm definitely something. I didn't want to resort to using myself as the picture but it has come down to that. Basically, I picked the wrong month to do this adventure. From April - September I worked 2 jobs and filled my nights and weekends with activities mostly surrounding the Milwaukee Brewers. But I still got out into the World. I did something with what little free time I had. As soon as the Brewers season ended and the calendar turned to October, I wanted nothing more than to be at home, relax and catch up on some personal projects either around the house or on my Internet Empire. I wanted to do nothing. I know that I have mentioned it before, but my day job has been stressing me out and I've also had to put in some overtime. That doesn't make me want to do anything when I get off of work. It also doesn't help that the MLB Playoffs are happening right now. I love the baseball playoffs. I watch every pitch of every game even though my team isn't usually in it. So far this month I haven't really done anything, and I love it. But that doesn't lead to an entertaining life or blog. I'm sorry. Do something about it.

I tried to do something. For what seems like months now I've been trying to hang out after work with a co-worker who I won't name (rhymes with Spike Dillhelm). Something keeps getting in the way. I've spent a lot of time with my family doing things and some of those adventures have wound up here on the blog. But other than that I've pretty much kept to myself. Just me and Major Korben Dallas hanging out in my "No Girls Allowed Clubhouse" (which is what I call my apartment). I should go out and do something. I just don't really want to. I've been wearing my Brewers winter hat lately and today I paired it with sunglasses and a hoody. Maybe I can go rob a bank or a convenience store. I have been hurting for money ever since I started spending it willy nilly. I'm sure I could spook the dickens out of some old biddies watching their grandchildren at the park. And speaking of children, I could hang outside of a school and take pictures. With my current get-up they would never be able to figure out my true identity. This is Wisconsin after all. There are plenty of fat guys wearing Brewers gear. They could never pick me out of a lineup. It's about time that I go out and do something, even if that something gets me arrested. It's worth it just for the story, right?

No, I don't think so. Some stories are worth telling and some are better left told by someone else. I'm not going to go out and demand a bank teller put all the bills into a beige burlap sac with a cartoon dollar bill on the outside. I'd rather watch the extended edition of The Lord of the Rings again. Since Friday I have watched each movie twice and last night I didn't go to bed until 530am because I was finishing up watching The Return of the King for the 2nd time in the last 2 days. The Fellowship of the Ring clocks in at 208 minutes, The Two Towers is 223 minutes and The Return of the King is an epic 251 minutes. And like I said, I've seen each movie twice in the last 5 days. That means I've spent 1,364 minutes (or 22.73 hours, which is almost a day) of my recent life watching The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. So maybe that's why I couldn't do something. I knew there had to be a real reason behind this. Screw it. Tomorrow I will do something. Tomorrow I will find a better pickle for you. Tomorrow there will be another one removed from what seems to be a Hobbit-sized jar that I will share for you. There just doesn't seem to be enough in there. I guess we will all wait for the one pickle to rule them all, one pickle to find them; one pickle to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
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Pickle the Day: October 15th - A River Runs Through It

This experiment has become increasingly more difficult with every passing day and I only have myself to blame. Reason #1 is the rule that I put in place - the picture has to be from that day or the day before to qualify. Reason #2 (which doesn't help #1) is that I just don't get out and do anything. I don't lead a very social life or at least do anything worth sharing. I wake up, go to work, go home, stay up until 4am then go to bed for like 3 hours. Then I repeat. Every now and then something cool happens to me but it's all by accident. I rarely go out and live life on my own. I have such a dull routine that I hardly notice the World around me. I make the same drive to and from work and I never really noticed that I cross over a river every day. The Milwaukee River to be exact. I know that it's there. It separates the Eastside from the rest of town and cuts right through downtown Milwaukee. There's plenty of bridges over it (which become more noticeable when they are closed for repairs) but I have gone back and forth over them so many times that I forget about them. I still see them though. 

The one in the picture never really occurred to me because it is barely above the river and  it takes mere seconds to cross it. Every now and then I see someone fishing off of it but it wasn't until yesterday that I made my way down by the river for a closer look. It is what it is. There's no deeper meaning here. I could try and make some connections like there is a divide between who I am and who I want to be and that I need to figure out how to bridge the gap before I fall in and drown. I could once again comment on reflections but this time speak of how things are not always they seem on the other side and that you never know exactly what lies beneath the surface. I could go on and on about water being the bringer of life and how we must reconnect with it to feel whole again. There are so many things I could do here but I'm not going to. I took a picture of a river passing underneath a bridge. Or did I take a picture of a bridge passing over water? You be the judge.

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't even know if you care or if you ever did. I wanted this to be fun. This has seemed like work. But there are like 16 days left. As long as I've come this far I might as well keep going. Why cross a bridge halfway? Where does that get you? Halfway over the water, that's where. You can either keep on going, turn back or jump off. I don't like where I came from. I'm not ready to jump off and end it all. What does that leave me with? I guess I need to keep going. The World often presents you with choices. There may not even be a right choice. But you still have a choice. That's what makes life worth living. Today may not be the best day in my life. But there will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow could be the day when it all turns around. And I'll be there to take the picture and share another pickle with you. It may not always seem like it, but there's a full jar of them waiting to be shared. I just need to cross the bridge to find it.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
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Pickle the Day: October 14th - Keep Driving On

I look in my rear-view mirror and I know it's safe. There are no lights flashing and I'm caught in a race. Stepped out on the pedal and my spirit soars. Like a restful nighttime I just want more and more. And I keep driving on towards the rising sun where I know good feelings last a long, long time. I turn off the radio now. Turn my mind up high. I roll my windows down now. I take a breath and sigh. I start a new beginning in a troubled time. I will be alright here at least the rest of the night. And I keep driving on towards the rising sun where I know good feelings last a long, long time. - Driving On by Tim Reck -

Every now and then I need to take a "Nowhere Drive" so that I can reset and clear my mind. I start off driving with no destination in mind, no real sense of direction and no time limits. I go until I'm done. I put away my map and I put away my troubles and worries. I just drive. When I come to another road I take it or I keep going. I let my mood dictate which direction I take and I often get lost. But only in getting lost do I find myself. And it is when I have no direction that I know exactly where to go. Sometimes I listen to music. Today I listened to nothing. Sometimes I spoke out loud, working out whatever thoughts crossed my mind to an audience of one. Other times I kept the thought for my mind only. I had the windows down and it was a beautiful fall day. The wind swirled around my car and brought a fresh air into my lungs. I savored every breath. I felt so free and clear. Nothing mattered except right now. And right now didn't even matter. Every one has their way of relaxing; their own way to restart. I don't expect anyone to understand my method, nor do I understand what works for you. For me it is a drive. I go nowhere and everywhere all at once. I don't do this enough. Life gets in the way. But this is life. For roughly an hour give or take I wasn't keeping track of time, I lived more than I did in a week's worth. It makes everything else not matter. Being alive is the only thing that matters. Everything else is secondary. I am thankful that I took the time to remember that. I needed to do this. I had forgotten what it means to be alive.

The Pickle the Day that I posted on October 6th was called Driving On. In it I described my plan to film a video that would eventually be set to Tim Reck's song Driving On, an unreleased track until it recently appeared on the "new" CD I released titled Color In This World. I filmed that video today during my drive. Be sure to look for it soon on TimReck.com and The Reck Room Studios Facebook page. There isn't really anything left to say about today. It pretty much speaks for itself. I never expect you to understand me or anything that I write. But if you do get it, then cheers to you mate! But one thing that you will get is a new pickle every day. And by now you know exactly where to get them too! Right here on Pookon's Ill Blog! Look at you. You've evolved into a very bright and knowledgeable person right in front of my very eyes. That fills me with joy. And you know what else is full? This pickle jar. And I'm going to share one with you for the rest of the month. Make sure to drive on by here tomorrow.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
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Pickle the Day: October 13th - Yeah, I Can Dig It

I'm not very good at doing physical labor. Walking, standing up for a long time, carrying objects, going up on a ladder, yard work, painting, fixing things, using my hands except for writing, being active or anything else normal people do. I'm not saying that I can't do those things. I'm not so useless that I sit on the couch all day unable to move without the assistance of those cranes they use to lift beached whales. I can get around in the World without having to use a Rascal scooter to support my critically obese body. I just said that I'm not very good at doing those things. I'm an artist. I create with my mind. Do you want me to write a paper on how to transform your backyard into a luscious oasis that will be an urban exotic locale for you host exquisite soirées that will undoubtedly make you the envy of your social ensemble? I can do that. If you would ask me to actually do it then you're in trouble. My first instinct would be to ask, "Are you sure?" then question that person's judgement. And also wonder why they don't know more people that could do something like that. You know that there is something called the Yellow Pages or the Internet where you can look up people who can do these things, right? Just checking.

Most people who know me understand that I should be the last person you call for help with physical stuff. I'm ok with that. I wouldn't call me either, not even if I was desperate  But the people who do keep asking me are my parents. It's like I owe them or something and they think that I can somehow repay that debt. Have you learned nothing from my 32 years of existence? I guess not. But every now and then I come through and actually do a good job. Like that time I cleaned out my Dad's garage. Or that time when I helped James paint the fence. Or when I set up the Christmas light display on the outside of Mom's house. But the one that I am most proud of is back in late May of 2011 when I dug out a garden in my Mom's backyard. The picture up on the top is what it looks like today with all of the flowers, a fountain and numerous trinkets that she has added to give her garden a little flair. 

My cousin Brian helped me dig up part of the back yard and it was a lot more difficult than I had expected. We had to dig pretty deep so that we removed all of the grass, weeds and roots from whatever was previously growing there so that it was just soil. After that we lined the garden area with these giant stones and filled it in with planting soil. I also put in these stone blocks that the fountain sits on and had to make sure that the entire area was level so that the fountain worked correctly. My Mom planted all of the flowers and made it look beautiful but she couldn't have done that without Brian and I. We moved a lot of earth too on a very hot day. I'm not used to actual work so I was hurting pretty bad afterwards. But now I'm thankful I did it and also quite proud of my work. I like to sit in the backyard, listen to the slow babble of the fountain and reflect on my life. It's like a little oasis where people can gather to share stories and enhance their relationships through mutual care and respect. So I guess I can write about it AND do it as well. Who would've thought.

I should've thought. I don't give myself nearly enough credit. I'm a whole lot better at just about everything than I think I am. I have a real problem with confidence and self-esteem and all of that psychological mumbo jumbo and it trickles down into every aspect of my life. I also don't think 4th dimensionally. I have a real problem with that too. I need to stop being so down on myself and just go out there and kick ass every day. I rule. And there's no one on this planet that can tell me otherwise. Sure, I am my biggest fan and no one listens to my kickass podcasts or reads all of this stuff that I spend countless hours putting together, but so what? Why should it matter if I don't have an audience? I know the truth. I'm freakin' amazing at everything I put my heart and efforts into. I need to be happy with myself and remember that if I put my mind to it, I can accomplish anything. Just like Doc always said. He might have been seen as a crackpot scientist but Doc Brown is a genius. I only hope that you see me in the same light. Come back tomorrow for another pickle that might either enlighten you or make you shake your head in confusion. Who knows what will happen because I've got a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
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Pickle the Day: October 12th - Break on Through to the Other Side

The Earth fascinates me. It is a living creature that will stop at nothing to survive no matter what we try to do to stop it. The Earth doesn't give a shit about humans. It doesn't need us to survive. It was here before we were and it will be here long after we die. Even if we try our damnedest to destroy it (which mankind seems hellbent in succeeding) the Earth will rise from the ashes. It may take millions of years but it will rise again. It has happened in the past and it can happen again. Knowing this I can't believe that anyone would go out of their way to harm the environment  plants, animals or any occupant of this planet. I'm in no way an activist against government, global warming, pollution, war or any ill will that we do to harm this planet. I'm not going to campaign, protest, preach or try and change the World. I know that the World as we know it is doomed. But every now and then you are given a reminder that the World will survive.

On the way out to my car after work I saw this plant growing out of the asphalt of the parking lot. We may try to knock down all of the trees, dig up the grass and cover up the ground with pavement, but life finds a way. No matter what we try to do to prevent it from living, the Earth breaks on through to the other side. We can't stop it. We can't kill it. We can't even try and contain it. How many people in the history of the World have died from earthquakes? Floods, tsunamis, lakes and rivers? Fire? Storms, tornadoes and hurricanes? All of the other natural disasters? The Earth is fighting back. It's best just to try and live in harmony with it. That's easier said than done. I right now am using electricity which is generated by burning fossil fuels. This causes harm to the environment as does the excavating of these resources,  the building of places to use them, transfer them and dispose of them. I consume products that will ultimately we placed in a dump and buried which causes harm to the planet. I do my best to reduce, reuse and recycle but I'm not really helping in the grand scheme of things. We are fighting a losing battle against the planet because we are slowly killing it. One day it will fight back by self destructing and it kill us all.

Yeah I understand I yet again have a very morbid look on what should be a beautiful thing. For a plant to grow through a crack in the pavement takes a lot of strength, dedication and will. Instead of looking at this negatively I should be like the plant. I've got a lot of things preventing me from growing and sprouting out into the World. I will be perfectly honest and say that the majority of them are self imposed. I bring so much pain and sorrow upon myself and fail to see all of the wonderful qualities I possess. I am holding myself back and I have no one else to blame. I can't blame it on the Earth. I can't blame it on the fire. I can't blame it on the wind. I can't blame it on the rain. Only Milli Vanilli can. I can't really even blame it on my heart. And I sure as hell can't blame it on Captain Planet. "'BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!' Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. He's our powers magnified and he's fighting on the planet's side. Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. Gonna help him put asunder bad guys who like to loot and plunder. 'You'll pay for this Captain Planet!' 'We're the Planeteers, you can be one too! Cuz saving our planet is the thing to do! Looting and polluting is not the way! Hear what Captain Planet has to say!' 'THE POWER IS YOURS!!'" Apparently the power is mine. I guess it is time to grab hold of that power and put it to good use. I will be that plant. I will grow. I will push myself to succeed no matter what obstacles lay in my path. I will survive. And I will be back tomorrow with another pickle for you. I have a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
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Pickle the Day: October 11th - My Dogs Are Barking

My Dad travels mostly just for business. I never know where he is or how long he will be gone. But when he is home I know I can always stop on over at his house for a few minutes or a few hours just to hang out. Since he lives mere minutes away from where I work, it's easy to just drop by any time. He loves his dogs Percy, Buffy and Trixie, and if he isn't at home he's probably at the dog park. That's where I met him on Thursday October 10th. The dog park is one of the last places that I want to be. I'm sure there are worse places to go to like Prison, Bargain World or a Day Care Center, but the dog park is near the bottom of my list. I just don't like dogs. And for the most part, dogs don't like me. Joey Kanz's dog Bauer thinks I'm a terrorist and he tries to bite my face... OFF! No more drugs for this man. My brother James' dogs are too needy and too rambunctious. Mike Wilhelm's dog tried to eat my hand like the damn Alligator that bit Chubbs' hand off. Aaron's dog's favorite bone is in my leg. My Mom's dog Gracie is a weirdo but she's not too bad. I could go on and on and on about how dogs just don't like me. Like babies, they have the ability to stare into my soul. And just like babies, they don't like what they see. I'm a cat person. Cat's can look inside your souls too but they don't give a shit about what they see because cats are jerks. But even though he bites me when I try to cuddle him like a stuffed animal, I still love my cat Major Korben Dallas. And my first cat Coach Gordon Bombay was my best friend. So cats rule and dogs drool.

But fortunately, my Dad's dogs like me. And I guess I like them too. I've even given them nicknames once they were initiated into my gang. Percy is P Baby, Buffy is Sweet Lou and Trixie is Scraps. They are pretty well behaved at the dog park and we took a lap around the park with this guy David and his dog Blizzard. Apparently my Dad knows everyone there and it's this social community of people with like interests. It's like an after school club where people meet, review old business, conduct new business and say goodbye with the promise to meet again soon. Except with dogs. One lap around the park is roughly a mile and it is on a gravel path through the woods. This time of the year the trees take on a lovely palette of colors so the walk is both good for your body and for your mind. It was nice. I had a lovely time despite it smelling like dogs and their feces everywhere. There were dogs as far as the eye could see. For the most part they left me alone. Thankfully I never met them at eye level because they didn't get a glimpse inside of my soul. Once dogs look into your soul they decide your fate and act accordingly. Today I survived Judgement Day at the dog park. Tomorrow I may not be so lucky. I do intend to go back and once again tempt fate. It's in my very nature to survive against all odds. Those dogs may be at the forefront of the uprising against humanity, but let's not forget that they are man's best friend. Man shall always reign supreme or die trying.

I suppose that I do have some sort of personal vendetta against canines. Dogs, for the lay person. I can't point back to any particular point in my childhood where dogs may have treated me unfairly but I have always been this way. I just have a problem with them man. It must have been that time that I caught them trying to cheat me in a poker game. Or that time when I pretended to be blind and not one, not one of them helped guide me. Or the time that they got out and pinned me as the who did it. Those things may or may not have happened but it doesn't give the right for dogs to look into my soul and judge me. Only God can judge. Wait... isn't dog an anagram of God? Damn. Then I'm screwed. Because if dogs can be judge, jury and executioner like Judge Dredd, then I'm in big trouble. I will have another pickle for you tomorrow, but I guess I'll have to go and find something else to put in this pickle jar. Maybe some snausages, pup-peroni or beggin' strips. That'll keep them off my scent long enough for me to slip away and find one. I'll just toss them a busy bone so they can go to town on that instead of questioning my morals, ethics and choices in life. There's a lot of pickles in this World and I have a whole jar of them to share with you. That is unless it has gone to the dogs.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
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Pickle the Day: October 10th - Go West Young Man

I'm blazing a trail that leads to vice, so easily enticed by darker means. When out of the wilderness of choice, I hear that one still voice call to me - Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden. Why must I wander like a cloud following the crowd? Well I don't know. But I'm asking for the will to fight to wear the crown of life. And you say go. Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden. The mind is weak, the heart is frail when it goes beyond the pale. So unwise. Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden. 

 - Michael W. Smith - "Go West Young Man"

Yeah I just quoted Michael W. Smith. Deal with it. And go to East if you can't. I've been struggling with this "Pickle the Day" adventure more so than any other thing I've challenged myself to do in the last few years. There are a lot of things in the World that are worthy of being in pictures but I just don't see them right now. I think it's because I'm just not in a very good mood right now. If you've read any of my other posts this month then you for sure have noticed a trend of depression and negativity. I can't hide my emotions. I also don't really have the time to stop and take a picture of something right now. I'm stressed out big time over a lot of things and I just want to quit. Quit my job, quit writing, quit going outside, quit seeing my friends and basically quit life without having to die. I just want to get away from everything for a few days with no contact with the outside World to reboot my head. Everything is pissing me off right now and I can't figure out a way to find any joy in life. I used to love sunsets. But now I've even found a reason to bitch about them.

When I drive home from work it is either 530 or 600pm. I drive almost due West and the sun is always setting during my drive home. I almost always complain that the sun is in my eyes. In a few short weeks it will be dark when I leave the office (when I leave the office. Who the hell am I? Some corporate bigwig?) and I will be begging for even just a sliver of sunlight. I can't appreciate anything right now. I just want to be home. Well not really. Home sucks. I just always want to be somewhere else than I am right now. I'm not happy wherever I am. So I won't be happy once I get to that place that is not here. I need to figure out how to do that. I need to figure my life out. Something's not working. It's not Fletch. Fletch is working overtime. Bit by bit, one way or another.

Should I go West young man? (When I type young man I hear the voice of some old biddy scolding an adolescent teen boy). What the hell should I do? I know nothing I am doing right now is working so I should probably change things. But how do you change things when you don't know how? Maybe I do need to just disappear for a while. I wish it were that easy. You can't run away from life and you can't quit. When the sun is in your eyes you just have to keep going West. That's where the answers are man. They're in the place that is the most difficult to see. I guess I just need to start opening my eyes even if it hurts. I need to stop thinking about shit and just let it all play out. I need to get out of my head. I need to go out find the answers. But most of all I need to change the way that I think. I'm my own problem. Until I fix me I don't stand a chance in this World. And I need to go to sleep. No one should be up at 300 in the morning drinking box wine and listening to The Lord of the Rings soundtrack. I need to be semi-coherent tomorrow so that I can find another pickle for you. Because as you know, I supposedly have a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
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Pickle the Day: October 9th - Some of the Best Nights I Cannot Remember

Everyone gets nostalgic. That's why old fashions come back, oldies radio stations exist, childhood movies play on cable TV and people won't stop talking about the good old days. I'll admit to being a victim of nostalgic thoughts, particularly about some of the best years of my life from 2003 - 2006. There were so many amazing things going on back then that I would love to revisit - June's Blanket, Godsplash, my last couple years of college, working at UWM surrounded by all of my friends, the 1st World Series of Beer Pong, all of the Brewers road trips I used to take and just my overall view on life at the time. I would go back and live those days again in a heartbeat. One such thing that I look back fondly on as well is the Cramer House Beer Pong League (CHBPL) played at 2831 Cramer. I passed by there yesterday on my way to my sister's house and remembered some of the good times, but I also didn't remember some of the other times. Even though it felt great to be good at something (beer pong) and to be a popular figure both on campus and in the beer pong world (the Iceman), I wouldn't want to do that over again if given the chance. There's just too many nights that I spent there that I cannot remember. I used to play beer pong until I was so drunk that I could barely stand. My competitive nature made me challenge anyone that said yes. And a loss always turned into a best of 3 or a best of 5. There was no quit. I never accepted failure. And most nights I'm surprised I got home. Thankfully I always lived within stumbling distance. I've also thrown up in many lawns and bushes from Cramer to Frederick and Newberry to Bradford. I'm surprised I lived through it.

I could tell you about all of the times that I do remember at the Cramer House. But I'm not going to. That's a part of my life I really only talk about with the people who were there. You can probably fill in the blanks though if you already know the outline. Sometimes I hate being old (as if 32 was old) but there are times when I'm glad that I act my age and I'm not trying to be me 10 years ago. Every so often I go down to the Eastside to hang out with my Sister and even though it brings back those memories (I lived in numerous apartments in all of the neighborhoods for 10 years), I don't miss it. There are a lot of things that I would go back and relive if given the chance so that I could appreciate them more. This is not one of them. I think I did it pretty damn good on the first try. In life I need to keep moving forward and having new adventures even if they aren't going to be as good as my old ones. But the whole point of it is that they are new. And tomorrow I will have a new pickle for you. I've got a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
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