It's in My Head - #3: Why Don't They Have Light-Up Shoes in My Size?

Why don't they make light-up shoes in my size? When Im walking through Famous Footwear and I'm by myself browsing through the little boys shoes, I get stares. No no no no no no Miss - you don't understand. I'm not here to molest your child. I'm just grabbing these light-up shoes. I figure if I have the store model display I can ask the clerk if they have them in my size. Because I didn't see any of these in the men's section. That's when the mothers clutch their children's hands and briskly walk out of the store looking for a mall security guard. And to think I could've easily avoided this awkward situation if the store would just stock light-up shoes in my size. 

But it turns out it's not the store's fault. The shoe companies don't make light-up shoes in adult sizes. This is an travesty folks. When you were a kid, they never warned you that you'd have to deal with depressing things like this when you became an adult. I don't even know how to properly handle this right now. What kind of God forsaken 3rd World Country are we living in? What is this? I thought this was America - the land of the free. Where I have independence to choose whatever shoes I want. Well, except if I want to choose light-up shoes in my size I guess. 

You all remember these right? With the little LED lights in the soles that all of the other kids had but you didn't because you're a middle class family with 4 kids and a stay at home mom? Those looked like the coolest shoes of all time when I was a kid (well, except for MC Hammer's magical talking shoes on Hammerman). Hell, they still do when I'm an adult. I'm super jealous of every kid who has them. And if that kid wearing the light-up shoes just happened to have size 12 feet, I might just have to beat him up and steal his shoes. I'm anti-violence and I cannot even fathom an acceptable situation when it's OK to hit a child, but I would punch some kid right in his privileged little face if he was wearing my size light-up shoes and wouldn't share the wealth. That punk ass little kid is going down. And I'll speed off fast in his/my light-up shoes.

But is there a big enough demand for this product? I guess not. Because if there were enough level-headed people like me in this World, I could go to Payless and BOGO the shit out of light-up shoes in size Men's 12. Here's a little Business 101 for you (although in my 7 years of college I doubt I ever took that class. And I took every class available to keep me from graduating and becoming an adult) - if there is no demand, then there is no supply. Nobody's asking for light-up shoes pal. Believe me, I Googled it. I'm upset that I didn't find much. And I'm also upset that the second suggestion that displays when I type "kids light" is "kids lighting themselves on fire". Who is looking for that sort of thing so often that it's a popular search suggestion? Good God something is wrong with this World. I just don't understand it any more. 

But anyway, the only things I found online were "How to Make Your Own Light-Up Shoes" and some random overseas sneaker companies that would custom make them for you at a hefty price. Look, I'm not paying $125 for light-up shoes. I don't care that this purchase would make me the happiest adult in the world. There's just not enough room in the family budget to buy $125 shoes. But if the return on my investments is twofold and the Dow Jones has a really good quarter, I could see myself going as high as $75. But seriously, I'm really only looking to pay around $50. That's the kind of World I want to live in. And that's the kind of World that exists in my head. So if the blinking light-up shoes didn't break your concentration and if you didn't have a photosensitive epileptic seizure, I'd like to know - what's in your head?

 - pookon -

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