I've had to start wearing belts lately and I don't like it. My pants just don't fit right. Talk about your first world problems. I know that I shouldn't even be wearing pants to begin with. Pants should be optional, and by optional I mean not necessary. But we live in a World that's not ready to deal with the pantsless man. But that's another story for another day. My pants don't fit right because I've lost a bit of weight. Not enough that you won't recognize me and be like, "Oh! Who's that sexy skinny man?" But it's enough that my pants don't sit comfortably around my waist like they used to and they are in danger of falling to the ground. So I have to deal with it. And that's where the belt comes in. But what if I don't want to wear a belt? What if there was another choice? Oh but there is. I could bring suspenders back.
But let's not kid ourselves. Suspenders never really went anywhere. You're probably thinking the opposite right now. Who was the last popular guy to rock the suspenders? For that we have to go back to the 90's. Remember that kid that used to hang out with the big guy Carl Winslow who loved cheese and used to say "Did I do that?" Of course you do. That kid was none other then pop icon Steven Q. Urkel. Some might call him a nerd, or a dork, or a loser. Whoever said that couldn't be more wrong. That kid had such a big heart and all he ever wanted was to be loved. By Laura, by Carl, by Eddie and by the millions of people that watched him on TGIF and in the afternoon in syndication. We already know that Harriette, Grandma Estelle and especially Myra, loved the shit out of him for the boy that he was and for the man that he was going to be. Steve was many things - a friend, a neighbor, an inventor, a lover and a suave gentleman (as Stefan Urquelle). But he was also a wearer of suspenders.

So what's the harm in bringing them back? What could possibly go wrong? They would hold up my pants and at the same time hold up my confidence. I'm at a crossroads in my life. I need this more than ever. This isn't just a fashion choice; this would be a lifestyle change. So the next time you see a robust and jovial man strutting around town wearing suspenders like he owns the world, pay attention to what he does. Because that man is me. And that man is somebody of great importance. That man is going to change the world. No one saw this coming. Everyone just figured one day that man's pants will fall off and he will be nothing but a one-note joke. "Look at the guy with no pants!" they all said. But what they didn't see was a man with ideas in his head. And if you try hard enough and if you believe in yourself, you too can be just like that man. He's bringing back suspenders. What's in your head that you are bringing back?
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