Pickle the Day: October 15th - A River Runs Through It

This experiment has become increasingly more difficult with every passing day and I only have myself to blame. Reason #1 is the rule that I put in place - the picture has to be from that day or the day before to qualify. Reason #2 (which doesn't help #1) is that I just don't get out and do anything. I don't lead a very social life or at least do anything worth sharing. I wake up, go to work, go home, stay up until 4am then go to bed for like 3 hours. Then I repeat. Every now and then something cool happens to me but it's all by accident. I rarely go out and live life on my own. I have such a dull routine that I hardly notice the World around me. I make the same drive to and from work and I never really noticed that I cross over a river every day. The Milwaukee River to be exact. I know that it's there. It separates the Eastside from the rest of town and cuts right through downtown Milwaukee. There's plenty of bridges over it (which become more noticeable when they are closed for repairs) but I have gone back and forth over them so many times that I forget about them. I still see them though. 

The one in the picture never really occurred to me because it is barely above the river and  it takes mere seconds to cross it. Every now and then I see someone fishing off of it but it wasn't until yesterday that I made my way down by the river for a closer look. It is what it is. There's no deeper meaning here. I could try and make some connections like there is a divide between who I am and who I want to be and that I need to figure out how to bridge the gap before I fall in and drown. I could once again comment on reflections but this time speak of how things are not always they seem on the other side and that you never know exactly what lies beneath the surface. I could go on and on about water being the bringer of life and how we must reconnect with it to feel whole again. There are so many things I could do here but I'm not going to. I took a picture of a river passing underneath a bridge. Or did I take a picture of a bridge passing over water? You be the judge.

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't even know if you care or if you ever did. I wanted this to be fun. This has seemed like work. But there are like 16 days left. As long as I've come this far I might as well keep going. Why cross a bridge halfway? Where does that get you? Halfway over the water, that's where. You can either keep on going, turn back or jump off. I don't like where I came from. I'm not ready to jump off and end it all. What does that leave me with? I guess I need to keep going. The World often presents you with choices. There may not even be a right choice. But you still have a choice. That's what makes life worth living. Today may not be the best day in my life. But there will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow could be the day when it all turns around. And I'll be there to take the picture and share another pickle with you. It may not always seem like it, but there's a full jar of them waiting to be shared. I just need to cross the bridge to find it.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 14th - Keep Driving On

I look in my rear-view mirror and I know it's safe. There are no lights flashing and I'm caught in a race. Stepped out on the pedal and my spirit soars. Like a restful nighttime I just want more and more. And I keep driving on towards the rising sun where I know good feelings last a long, long time. I turn off the radio now. Turn my mind up high. I roll my windows down now. I take a breath and sigh. I start a new beginning in a troubled time. I will be alright here at least the rest of the night. And I keep driving on towards the rising sun where I know good feelings last a long, long time. - Driving On by Tim Reck -

Every now and then I need to take a "Nowhere Drive" so that I can reset and clear my mind. I start off driving with no destination in mind, no real sense of direction and no time limits. I go until I'm done. I put away my map and I put away my troubles and worries. I just drive. When I come to another road I take it or I keep going. I let my mood dictate which direction I take and I often get lost. But only in getting lost do I find myself. And it is when I have no direction that I know exactly where to go. Sometimes I listen to music. Today I listened to nothing. Sometimes I spoke out loud, working out whatever thoughts crossed my mind to an audience of one. Other times I kept the thought for my mind only. I had the windows down and it was a beautiful fall day. The wind swirled around my car and brought a fresh air into my lungs. I savored every breath. I felt so free and clear. Nothing mattered except right now. And right now didn't even matter. Every one has their way of relaxing; their own way to restart. I don't expect anyone to understand my method, nor do I understand what works for you. For me it is a drive. I go nowhere and everywhere all at once. I don't do this enough. Life gets in the way. But this is life. For roughly an hour give or take I wasn't keeping track of time, I lived more than I did in a week's worth. It makes everything else not matter. Being alive is the only thing that matters. Everything else is secondary. I am thankful that I took the time to remember that. I needed to do this. I had forgotten what it means to be alive.

The Pickle the Day that I posted on October 6th was called Driving On. In it I described my plan to film a video that would eventually be set to Tim Reck's song Driving On, an unreleased track until it recently appeared on the "new" CD I released titled Color In This World. I filmed that video today during my drive. Be sure to look for it soon on TimReck.com and The Reck Room Studios Facebook page. There isn't really anything left to say about today. It pretty much speaks for itself. I never expect you to understand me or anything that I write. But if you do get it, then cheers to you mate! But one thing that you will get is a new pickle every day. And by now you know exactly where to get them too! Right here on Pookon's Ill Blog! Look at you. You've evolved into a very bright and knowledgeable person right in front of my very eyes. That fills me with joy. And you know what else is full? This pickle jar. And I'm going to share one with you for the rest of the month. Make sure to drive on by here tomorrow.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 13th - Yeah, I Can Dig It

I'm not very good at doing physical labor. Walking, standing up for a long time, carrying objects, going up on a ladder, yard work, painting, fixing things, using my hands except for writing, being active or anything else normal people do. I'm not saying that I can't do those things. I'm not so useless that I sit on the couch all day unable to move without the assistance of those cranes they use to lift beached whales. I can get around in the World without having to use a Rascal scooter to support my critically obese body. I just said that I'm not very good at doing those things. I'm an artist. I create with my mind. Do you want me to write a paper on how to transform your backyard into a luscious oasis that will be an urban exotic locale for you host exquisite soirées that will undoubtedly make you the envy of your social ensemble? I can do that. If you would ask me to actually do it then you're in trouble. My first instinct would be to ask, "Are you sure?" then question that person's judgement. And also wonder why they don't know more people that could do something like that. You know that there is something called the Yellow Pages or the Internet where you can look up people who can do these things, right? Just checking.

Most people who know me understand that I should be the last person you call for help with physical stuff. I'm ok with that. I wouldn't call me either, not even if I was desperate  But the people who do keep asking me are my parents. It's like I owe them or something and they think that I can somehow repay that debt. Have you learned nothing from my 32 years of existence? I guess not. But every now and then I come through and actually do a good job. Like that time I cleaned out my Dad's garage. Or that time when I helped James paint the fence. Or when I set up the Christmas light display on the outside of Mom's house. But the one that I am most proud of is back in late May of 2011 when I dug out a garden in my Mom's backyard. The picture up on the top is what it looks like today with all of the flowers, a fountain and numerous trinkets that she has added to give her garden a little flair. 

My cousin Brian helped me dig up part of the back yard and it was a lot more difficult than I had expected. We had to dig pretty deep so that we removed all of the grass, weeds and roots from whatever was previously growing there so that it was just soil. After that we lined the garden area with these giant stones and filled it in with planting soil. I also put in these stone blocks that the fountain sits on and had to make sure that the entire area was level so that the fountain worked correctly. My Mom planted all of the flowers and made it look beautiful but she couldn't have done that without Brian and I. We moved a lot of earth too on a very hot day. I'm not used to actual work so I was hurting pretty bad afterwards. But now I'm thankful I did it and also quite proud of my work. I like to sit in the backyard, listen to the slow babble of the fountain and reflect on my life. It's like a little oasis where people can gather to share stories and enhance their relationships through mutual care and respect. So I guess I can write about it AND do it as well. Who would've thought.

I should've thought. I don't give myself nearly enough credit. I'm a whole lot better at just about everything than I think I am. I have a real problem with confidence and self-esteem and all of that psychological mumbo jumbo and it trickles down into every aspect of my life. I also don't think 4th dimensionally. I have a real problem with that too. I need to stop being so down on myself and just go out there and kick ass every day. I rule. And there's no one on this planet that can tell me otherwise. Sure, I am my biggest fan and no one listens to my kickass podcasts or reads all of this stuff that I spend countless hours putting together, but so what? Why should it matter if I don't have an audience? I know the truth. I'm freakin' amazing at everything I put my heart and efforts into. I need to be happy with myself and remember that if I put my mind to it, I can accomplish anything. Just like Doc always said. He might have been seen as a crackpot scientist but Doc Brown is a genius. I only hope that you see me in the same light. Come back tomorrow for another pickle that might either enlighten you or make you shake your head in confusion. Who knows what will happen because I've got a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 12th - Break on Through to the Other Side

The Earth fascinates me. It is a living creature that will stop at nothing to survive no matter what we try to do to stop it. The Earth doesn't give a shit about humans. It doesn't need us to survive. It was here before we were and it will be here long after we die. Even if we try our damnedest to destroy it (which mankind seems hellbent in succeeding) the Earth will rise from the ashes. It may take millions of years but it will rise again. It has happened in the past and it can happen again. Knowing this I can't believe that anyone would go out of their way to harm the environment  plants, animals or any occupant of this planet. I'm in no way an activist against government, global warming, pollution, war or any ill will that we do to harm this planet. I'm not going to campaign, protest, preach or try and change the World. I know that the World as we know it is doomed. But every now and then you are given a reminder that the World will survive.

On the way out to my car after work I saw this plant growing out of the asphalt of the parking lot. We may try to knock down all of the trees, dig up the grass and cover up the ground with pavement, but life finds a way. No matter what we try to do to prevent it from living, the Earth breaks on through to the other side. We can't stop it. We can't kill it. We can't even try and contain it. How many people in the history of the World have died from earthquakes? Floods, tsunamis, lakes and rivers? Fire? Storms, tornadoes and hurricanes? All of the other natural disasters? The Earth is fighting back. It's best just to try and live in harmony with it. That's easier said than done. I right now am using electricity which is generated by burning fossil fuels. This causes harm to the environment as does the excavating of these resources,  the building of places to use them, transfer them and dispose of them. I consume products that will ultimately we placed in a dump and buried which causes harm to the planet. I do my best to reduce, reuse and recycle but I'm not really helping in the grand scheme of things. We are fighting a losing battle against the planet because we are slowly killing it. One day it will fight back by self destructing and it kill us all.

Yeah I understand I yet again have a very morbid look on what should be a beautiful thing. For a plant to grow through a crack in the pavement takes a lot of strength, dedication and will. Instead of looking at this negatively I should be like the plant. I've got a lot of things preventing me from growing and sprouting out into the World. I will be perfectly honest and say that the majority of them are self imposed. I bring so much pain and sorrow upon myself and fail to see all of the wonderful qualities I possess. I am holding myself back and I have no one else to blame. I can't blame it on the Earth. I can't blame it on the fire. I can't blame it on the wind. I can't blame it on the rain. Only Milli Vanilli can. I can't really even blame it on my heart. And I sure as hell can't blame it on Captain Planet. "'BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!' Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. He's our powers magnified and he's fighting on the planet's side. Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. Gonna help him put asunder bad guys who like to loot and plunder. 'You'll pay for this Captain Planet!' 'We're the Planeteers, you can be one too! Cuz saving our planet is the thing to do! Looting and polluting is not the way! Hear what Captain Planet has to say!' 'THE POWER IS YOURS!!'" Apparently the power is mine. I guess it is time to grab hold of that power and put it to good use. I will be that plant. I will grow. I will push myself to succeed no matter what obstacles lay in my path. I will survive. And I will be back tomorrow with another pickle for you. I have a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 11th - My Dogs Are Barking

My Dad travels mostly just for business. I never know where he is or how long he will be gone. But when he is home I know I can always stop on over at his house for a few minutes or a few hours just to hang out. Since he lives mere minutes away from where I work, it's easy to just drop by any time. He loves his dogs Percy, Buffy and Trixie, and if he isn't at home he's probably at the dog park. That's where I met him on Thursday October 10th. The dog park is one of the last places that I want to be. I'm sure there are worse places to go to like Prison, Bargain World or a Day Care Center, but the dog park is near the bottom of my list. I just don't like dogs. And for the most part, dogs don't like me. Joey Kanz's dog Bauer thinks I'm a terrorist and he tries to bite my face... OFF! No more drugs for this man. My brother James' dogs are too needy and too rambunctious. Mike Wilhelm's dog tried to eat my hand like the damn Alligator that bit Chubbs' hand off. Aaron's dog's favorite bone is in my leg. My Mom's dog Gracie is a weirdo but she's not too bad. I could go on and on and on about how dogs just don't like me. Like babies, they have the ability to stare into my soul. And just like babies, they don't like what they see. I'm a cat person. Cat's can look inside your souls too but they don't give a shit about what they see because cats are jerks. But even though he bites me when I try to cuddle him like a stuffed animal, I still love my cat Major Korben Dallas. And my first cat Coach Gordon Bombay was my best friend. So cats rule and dogs drool.

But fortunately, my Dad's dogs like me. And I guess I like them too. I've even given them nicknames once they were initiated into my gang. Percy is P Baby, Buffy is Sweet Lou and Trixie is Scraps. They are pretty well behaved at the dog park and we took a lap around the park with this guy David and his dog Blizzard. Apparently my Dad knows everyone there and it's this social community of people with like interests. It's like an after school club where people meet, review old business, conduct new business and say goodbye with the promise to meet again soon. Except with dogs. One lap around the park is roughly a mile and it is on a gravel path through the woods. This time of the year the trees take on a lovely palette of colors so the walk is both good for your body and for your mind. It was nice. I had a lovely time despite it smelling like dogs and their feces everywhere. There were dogs as far as the eye could see. For the most part they left me alone. Thankfully I never met them at eye level because they didn't get a glimpse inside of my soul. Once dogs look into your soul they decide your fate and act accordingly. Today I survived Judgement Day at the dog park. Tomorrow I may not be so lucky. I do intend to go back and once again tempt fate. It's in my very nature to survive against all odds. Those dogs may be at the forefront of the uprising against humanity, but let's not forget that they are man's best friend. Man shall always reign supreme or die trying.

I suppose that I do have some sort of personal vendetta against canines. Dogs, for the lay person. I can't point back to any particular point in my childhood where dogs may have treated me unfairly but I have always been this way. I just have a problem with them man. It must have been that time that I caught them trying to cheat me in a poker game. Or that time when I pretended to be blind and not one, not one of them helped guide me. Or the time that they got out and pinned me as the who did it. Those things may or may not have happened but it doesn't give the right for dogs to look into my soul and judge me. Only God can judge. Wait... isn't dog an anagram of God? Damn. Then I'm screwed. Because if dogs can be judge, jury and executioner like Judge Dredd, then I'm in big trouble. I will have another pickle for you tomorrow, but I guess I'll have to go and find something else to put in this pickle jar. Maybe some snausages, pup-peroni or beggin' strips. That'll keep them off my scent long enough for me to slip away and find one. I'll just toss them a busy bone so they can go to town on that instead of questioning my morals, ethics and choices in life. There's a lot of pickles in this World and I have a whole jar of them to share with you. That is unless it has gone to the dogs.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 10th - Go West Young Man

I'm blazing a trail that leads to vice, so easily enticed by darker means. When out of the wilderness of choice, I hear that one still voice call to me - Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden. Why must I wander like a cloud following the crowd? Well I don't know. But I'm asking for the will to fight to wear the crown of life. And you say go. Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden. The mind is weak, the heart is frail when it goes beyond the pale. So unwise. Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden. 

 - Michael W. Smith - "Go West Young Man"

Yeah I just quoted Michael W. Smith. Deal with it. And go to East if you can't. I've been struggling with this "Pickle the Day" adventure more so than any other thing I've challenged myself to do in the last few years. There are a lot of things in the World that are worthy of being in pictures but I just don't see them right now. I think it's because I'm just not in a very good mood right now. If you've read any of my other posts this month then you for sure have noticed a trend of depression and negativity. I can't hide my emotions. I also don't really have the time to stop and take a picture of something right now. I'm stressed out big time over a lot of things and I just want to quit. Quit my job, quit writing, quit going outside, quit seeing my friends and basically quit life without having to die. I just want to get away from everything for a few days with no contact with the outside World to reboot my head. Everything is pissing me off right now and I can't figure out a way to find any joy in life. I used to love sunsets. But now I've even found a reason to bitch about them.

When I drive home from work it is either 530 or 600pm. I drive almost due West and the sun is always setting during my drive home. I almost always complain that the sun is in my eyes. In a few short weeks it will be dark when I leave the office (when I leave the office. Who the hell am I? Some corporate bigwig?) and I will be begging for even just a sliver of sunlight. I can't appreciate anything right now. I just want to be home. Well not really. Home sucks. I just always want to be somewhere else than I am right now. I'm not happy wherever I am. So I won't be happy once I get to that place that is not here. I need to figure out how to do that. I need to figure my life out. Something's not working. It's not Fletch. Fletch is working overtime. Bit by bit, one way or another.

Should I go West young man? (When I type young man I hear the voice of some old biddy scolding an adolescent teen boy). What the hell should I do? I know nothing I am doing right now is working so I should probably change things. But how do you change things when you don't know how? Maybe I do need to just disappear for a while. I wish it were that easy. You can't run away from life and you can't quit. When the sun is in your eyes you just have to keep going West. That's where the answers are man. They're in the place that is the most difficult to see. I guess I just need to start opening my eyes even if it hurts. I need to stop thinking about shit and just let it all play out. I need to get out of my head. I need to go out find the answers. But most of all I need to change the way that I think. I'm my own problem. Until I fix me I don't stand a chance in this World. And I need to go to sleep. No one should be up at 300 in the morning drinking box wine and listening to The Lord of the Rings soundtrack. I need to be semi-coherent tomorrow so that I can find another pickle for you. Because as you know, I supposedly have a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 9th - Some of the Best Nights I Cannot Remember

Everyone gets nostalgic. That's why old fashions come back, oldies radio stations exist, childhood movies play on cable TV and people won't stop talking about the good old days. I'll admit to being a victim of nostalgic thoughts, particularly about some of the best years of my life from 2003 - 2006. There were so many amazing things going on back then that I would love to revisit - June's Blanket, Godsplash, my last couple years of college, working at UWM surrounded by all of my friends, the 1st World Series of Beer Pong, all of the Brewers road trips I used to take and just my overall view on life at the time. I would go back and live those days again in a heartbeat. One such thing that I look back fondly on as well is the Cramer House Beer Pong League (CHBPL) played at 2831 Cramer. I passed by there yesterday on my way to my sister's house and remembered some of the good times, but I also didn't remember some of the other times. Even though it felt great to be good at something (beer pong) and to be a popular figure both on campus and in the beer pong world (the Iceman), I wouldn't want to do that over again if given the chance. There's just too many nights that I spent there that I cannot remember. I used to play beer pong until I was so drunk that I could barely stand. My competitive nature made me challenge anyone that said yes. And a loss always turned into a best of 3 or a best of 5. There was no quit. I never accepted failure. And most nights I'm surprised I got home. Thankfully I always lived within stumbling distance. I've also thrown up in many lawns and bushes from Cramer to Frederick and Newberry to Bradford. I'm surprised I lived through it.

I could tell you about all of the times that I do remember at the Cramer House. But I'm not going to. That's a part of my life I really only talk about with the people who were there. You can probably fill in the blanks though if you already know the outline. Sometimes I hate being old (as if 32 was old) but there are times when I'm glad that I act my age and I'm not trying to be me 10 years ago. Every so often I go down to the Eastside to hang out with my Sister and even though it brings back those memories (I lived in numerous apartments in all of the neighborhoods for 10 years), I don't miss it. There are a lot of things that I would go back and relive if given the chance so that I could appreciate them more. This is not one of them. I think I did it pretty damn good on the first try. In life I need to keep moving forward and having new adventures even if they aren't going to be as good as my old ones. But the whole point of it is that they are new. And tomorrow I will have a new pickle for you. I've got a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 8th - And Soon the Darkness...

For whatever reason, I have started to get into the habit of writing at 1am while I'm listening to Classical music. I don't exactly know why, but it has really set the tone for me to just let go and write whatever is on my mind. While not everything I say on here is positive (in fact it's starting to skew rather negative) it is 100% me at this moment in time. This is how I feel today. This is real. No bullshit. I wouldn't trade that in for 100 puppy dogs, smiling happy faces or romantic comedy movie endings. Not everyone gets the girl. But everyone dies in the end. And soon the darkness comes. I'm more or less forced to do mandatory overtime at work this week so I was there from 845am - 630pm. That doesn't leave a whole lot of time to get out in the World and find something to take a picture of. I had something in mind but I knew I wouldn't get there in time today in this race against the darkness, so I stopped at this cemetery that I pass every day on the way to and from work. As you can see from the picture the sun was slowing fading away, allowing the darkness of night to come and bring the mystery of the unknown. 

I don't really like the night because it reminds me that I'm alone. But I also don't like to sleep. So I often lie awake in my bed at night and let my mind wander. And when my mind is allowed to wander without proper supervision, that's when the darkness takes over. I think a lot about death. I wonder what it is like to die. Does it just happen and you are gone? Does your life really flash before your eyes? Do you wander the Earth as a ghost with unfinished business before you can go to Heaven or Hell? Is there even a Heaven or Hell? What is God like? What if God was one of us? Just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home? Do we have a soul? Do we own it? If you get buried, do you one day have the option of coming back as a Zombie or skeleton when the dead rise from their graves? I think about a lot of stuff in the darkness, but mostly I think about Timmy. 

I dream about him a whole lot. That's probably one of the only reasons why I sleep. Aside from the my body forcing me to do it thing. When I dream the fantasy of being able to create new adventures and stories with my brother takes over the darkness that crept in there before I succumbed to slumber. In my dreams it feels so real. There is no death, only life. Everything is as it once was before the sadness and the emptiness took it all away. There is still something for me in life and I can appreciate the joy and beauty of this World, but I know that no matter how hard I try, things will never be the way they were before or how they exist in my dreams. But everyone can say that. And soon the darkness comes...

It may be light outside, but the World is still dark because I wake up and I'm still me. My dreams have ended. I have to face the life that I have constructed for myself. A life that I cannot change. I hate what I have done and don't know what to do to fix it. Nothing has worked. There is no point in trying anymore. Every now and then I make an attempt to better myself or to put myself in a position to succeed. It lasts for about 3 days before the darkness returns. It's always there. Lurking over my shoulder just waiting to bring me down. And for some strange reason it sounds just like James Woods. That's never how I imagined it to be. I would have expected someone a little more high profile but I guess you just take what you are given. But this isn't the end. I hope I'm not the next body in that cemetery. There might still be some light left in my World. It's going to take some searching but I have to want to find it. And therein lies the problem. But there will be another day for that and tomorrow there will be another pickle. And soon the darkness comes to take them all away, but I still have a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 7th - Let's Go Fly a Kite

Every year my Mom sings for this Walk to Remember thing at the Milwaukee Lakefront. I don't know how many years she's been doing it but I remember goofing around down there with Timmy because we were asked to fly the kite. After taking more than a couple of years off, I was asked to fly the kite for this memorial event. This time there would be no goofing around. The Walk to Remember is an event held on the first Sunday of October (which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month) by The Metro Milwaukee Affiliates of the RTS (Resolve Through Sharing) Bereavement Services. It is meeting with prayers, songs, words of hope, a walk and a kite flying for the families who have had babies die during pregnancy or shortly after birth. This was my first time going there after experiencing a loss in my life. When we used to tag along with Mom we screwed off in the parking lot or down by the lake while they were doing their prayer service. It's not that I don't care about other people, but the reason behind this event was so foreign to us. I felt weird being there around these people that I had nothing in common with. I know this sounds insensitive, but I used to think big deal, you lost a baby that you knew for like a few days (or 9 months in the womb). I was an idiot. I didn't understand. Even though I have lost the closet person to me in my life, I still don't understand. I don't know what it is like to create a life. I don't know what it is like to spend 3/4th of a year planning and preparing every day for a lifetime commitment of being a parent. I don't know about any of that and I doubt that I ever will. But unfortunately now I know all too well about loss. But I still don't really know how to deal with it.

The kite flying is a very important part of this memorial service. People write the names of their children on the kite or a brief message of love and the kite goes up in the air as a symbol of a connection between Heaven and Earth. Apparently this means a lot to people because they cut off pieces of the tail to keep as a memento of the day. This is how I came to fly a kite on Sunday, October 6th. This time I listened to the speeches. I closed my eyes and held back tears as my Mother sang the songs. I joined in on the readings and prayers. I saw the faces of everyone who was there. I grieved with them. They didn't know me. They didn't know I hadn't lost a child. I felt like an imposter but they treated me with such dignity and respect. I just flew a kite. That's how I saw it. But to them I was taking their prayers and messages and sending them up to Heaven. Anyone could have done it. It doesn't take a lot of skill or effort to fly a kite. But it wasn't just anyone who did it. It was me. I was given the task of delivering these messages into the sky. And I wasn't going to fail. But I couldn't do it on my own. We never can. I had to ask for a little help from the Man Upstairs and some kid I know.

It was in the low 60's and cloudy down by the lake and the wind was barely there. It couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 miles per hour. I don't know how much wind you need to get a kite up in the air and sustain its' flight. I'm no kite expert. But I do know that I was having difficulty getting the kite in the air today. With the clock ticking down to the arrival of the people walking in this memorial, I knew that I needed some help. I asked God (through my Guardian Angel Timmy as I often do) for a little wind. And I got it. Just in time too. As you can see in the picture above, I got the kite flying at a pretty respectable height. It was soaring in the sky as the people gathered after completing their one mile walk. It was carrying their messages of love (and a RFT that I snuck in there) during the prayers, songs and closing remarks. When it was time for the kite to come down so that people could take a piece of the tail home, the wind suddenly disappeared and the kite almost fell right into my arms. It was up in the sky for the exact amount of time that I needed it to be. No more, no less. I had done my job and every one there thanked me for flying the kite. Like I said, this is a big deal to a lot of people. Every day people ask for miracles or for God to show himself. God can't answer all of your prayers. He's always listening but every now and then you do get a response. I get it now. It's not just a kite. It is a connection to Heaven. I was on the ground, the kite was in the air and God and Timmy were up there. And for a brief moment in time I felt like a little kid and an adult all at once. Flying a kite is such a simple thing. But as I learned today it could also be so complex. Make sure to fly back over here tomorrow for another pickle. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 6th - Driving On

I'm always working on something. Some project on this blog (like this current Pickle the Day), photos from a vacation on Pookon.com, some fake news stories or a podcast on The Daily Burner or sharing Tim Reck's music on TimReck.com or The Reck Room Studios Facebook page. And that's just online. I lead an entire life on the internet filled with creative content. For the most part I don't tell you about what I'm working on until I post it. I don't like to share my ideas before completing them in fear of being shot down. I'm not saying that you are one of them (because as a reader of my blog, you're one of the Yes People) but there are a ton of No People in this World. I know I have good ideas and I stand behind everything I do. I'm basically in it to entertain myself and then I make it available for public consumption. But as an artist I still care about what other people think and I want people to check out my stuff. Why did I feel the need to explain all of that to you? Because that setup was necessary to explain why I took this picture and why I am featuring it on Pickle the Day.

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I had to run some errands this morning. While I was out driving I decided to do a little test run for a project that I'm working on. If you never knew my little brother Timmy I wish you would have. He died in April of 2011 at the age of 24. He was an amazing person and one hell of a musician. He wrote, performed and recorded 6 albums and left behind tons of unreleased material. I took over the Reck Room Studios and have made it my goal in life to continue sharing his music and do whatever I can to carry on his legacy. This past August I released a 7th Album of Tim Reck songs titled Color In This World. The track that I have provided here is my favorite song off of that CD. It really speaks to me at this time in my life and I explained why during the Write Month on June 13th. I now want to film a music video of sorts for this song, and today I was out doing a test run, which led to the picture that you see for today's pickle.

I intended to film the video today by driving around town with the camera rolling. When I got home I made sure that my idea would work. Basically I mounted the camera on my dashboard inside my car and I just drove to where I was supposed to be going. I then took that video and sped it up to 2.5 times the actual speed. When I synced up the video to the song it is a really cool effect and for me fits perfectly with what this song is saying. While I did get the desired result it still wasn't exactly what I was going for. Today it was overcast and the colors of the leaves weren't especially bright. Had there been sunshine it would have been perfect. But it wasn't. So I will try again tomorrow or next weekend. I didn't want to let this cat out of the bag even though I think this idea is unanimously positive across the board. I wanted to surprise you with this one day and you would log on to Facebook, watch the video and appreciate the work that I have done to share Tim's music with you. But now you know that it is coming in the near future. Even though that takes some of the surprise away, it probably still builds anticipation, right? I had no choice but to jump the gun on this one because I didn't do anything else today and I promised a new picture every day in the month of October. That's how we got here. Now you have a glimpse inside of my mind and you can see how I'm always working on something and not wasting away what precious moments I have left on this Earth. If you are reading this then I am truly honored that you have dedicated some of your time to me. I always appreciate it. And now I need to go out and find another pickle for you. I intend to have a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 5th - The Other Me

On the drive to work I was looking all around for something to write about for today's entry. When I was walking into work I was scanning the sky for a topic. All I saw was fog, which I wrote about in yesterday's entry. I couldn't do the same thing twice in a row. I stared at my computer screen for 8 hours today and casually looked at the walls of my cubicle. Still nothing. As I walked out to my car I couldn't help but notice that it rained today, so naturally there were some puddles on the ground. Then I looked down. And there it was - my idea. Or I guess I should say there he was - the Other Me. The Other Me exists in a different world; an Alternate Dimension. Well that is if you believe in that kind of thing. Belief is a very interesting thing. There are some beliefs that you can have that nothing can get in the way of. God. Aliens. Alternate dimensions. The decency of the human race. Love. If you truly believe in something no one can tell you that you are wrong. It doesn't matter how many facts or proof they throw at you to knock you off your pedestal - as long as there is a sliver of hope left you will always hang on to what you believe in. I believe in an alternate dimension. I believe there is another version of me out there. I see him sometimes in the corner of my eye as I pass by a mirror. I see him when I skip rocks in the river and the ripples open up the gateway to his world. I hear him whispering when I lie awake at night shrouded in darkness. I sense his presence when I close my eyes in deep meditation. Sometimes I swear that I hear his voice when I'm in my darkest hour. He is the one that I have always wanted to be. He is the one that I have the potential to be. He is the one that I'm meant to be. Something bigger. Something greater. Someone who can change the World. Someone who is not afraid. The Other Me is out there. I just need to figure out a way to find him.

The Other Me takes challenges head-on. He never quits. He keeps on going even when everything tells him to stop. The Other Me lives up to his potential. The Other Me would never be content to waste his talents at a remedial job. The Other Me would rather struggle with paying bills doing a job that he loves than being able to survive financially doing a job he hates. The Other Me chases his dreams. The Other Me is a professional writer. The Other Me cares what people think about him. He dresses nice, he works out to stay physically fit and he doesn't look like a hobo. The Other Me dated all sorts of nice girls and is happily married with his first child on the way. The Other Me goes out on a Friday night and is an upstanding member of the community. He volunteers his time and donates what little extra money he has to charity. The Other Me is not an asshole. He is confident, well spoken and the life of the party. In a good way too, not the everybody point and laugh at the drunken idiot way. He would never drink an entire bottle of wine by himself and then pass out on the floor. The Other Me doesn't swear like curse words are the only fucking words in his god damn vocabulary. He goes to church, has strong morals and has a good soul. The Other Me isn't a loser. He doesn't lead a sad and pathetic life. He has hopes. He has dreams. He has a purpose. He has never asked for the Rapture or the End of the World to happen so that death could come swiftly and take his life so that he never had to consider taking it himself. The Other Me doesn't cry because he has nothing to be sad about. The Other Me is perfect.

But the Other Me only exists in that alternate dimension. He is a glimpse of what I could be. He is what I should be. But something is holding me back. I don't see him all the time. I only see him when I am looking for him. And I don't look too often. In a way I am a newly blind man fumbling around searching for a way to adjust to the new world. I am often lost with no direction. No one is helping me. I never asked for help. My life is over because I know that the Other Me will always better than me. Faster. Stronger. Smarter. But I don't realize that I have more in common with the Other Me than any other person on this planet. We are so similar that is scary. And all I do is talk about how different we are. I fail to realize that looking at the Other Me is like looking in a mirror. We are so alike. I want to be him and he wants to be me. That doesn't make sense. He has everything but he wants the freedom that I have. I want the stability of his life and the perceived happiness. I will keep looking at the Other Me and wanting his life. I will never be happy until I stop looking at the Other Me. But I will also never be happy until I become the Other Me. I don't know what to do. I tried asking the Other Me for some advice but he just quietly stared back at me. It's up to me to change. It's always been up to me. I'm all on my own. But I still believe that there is someone out there for me. Someone who can help me reach my full potential. Someone that loves me and pushes me to be great. Someone who sees both Me and the Other Me and knows that they are one in the same. As long as there is a sliver of hope left you will always hang on to what you believe in. I do believe that tomorrow I will have another pickle or you. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

Pickle the Day: October 4th - Gorillas in the Midst

When I woke up on the morning of October 3rd, it was unusually dark out for this time of day. Then I looked out the window and saw that the neighborhood was shrouded in a thick fog. Whenever I see fog I think of two things. The first one is a sense of fear of what is hiding there just out of sight thanks to the 2007 movie The Mist. If you haven't seen that movie do it now. It's so fucked up that it scares me. The second thing is nostalgia for the good old days thanks to a 1988 movie Gorillas in the Mist staring Sigourney Weaver, which is a movie that I have never seen. So why do I think about that movie when I see fog? That takes a little explaining. Thankfully we have some time here at the blog for things like this. 

Back in college I used to draw comics when I got bored in class. This is probably why it took me 7 years to graduate because I was too busy in the fantasy world inside my head to pay attention to the material in class that would have helped me get good grades on the exams. I was a pretty bad student but I don't regret it now because my creativity has gotten me further than my college degree has or ever will. But I digress. I drew comics but I'm no artist. I am a writer. A storyteller. I used stick figures and crude objects to enhance my dialogue to get my point across. One comic that I wrote was called Gorillas in the Midst, which was a reference to the movie that I've never seen but somehow know about. In this comic, the characters Pookon (me) and Zimbabwe (my best friend) have an argument where they discuss the differences between gorillas being in the mist or gorillas being in the midst.

According to Dictionary.com, mist is defined as "1. A cloudlike aggregation of minute globules of water suspended in the atmosphere at or near the earth's surface, reducing visibility to a lesser degree than fog. 2. A cloud of particles resembling this: She sprayed a mist of perfume onto her handkerchief. 3. Something that dims, obscures, or blurs: the mist of ignorance. 4. A haze before the eyes that dims the vision: a mist of tears. 5. A suspension of a liquid in a gas.

Midst is defined as "1. The position of anything surrounded by other things or parts, or occurring in the middle of a period of time, course of action, etc.(usually preceded by the): a familiar face in the midst of the crowd; in the midst of the performance. 2. The middle point, part, or stage (usually preceded by the): We arrived in the midst of a storm.

I know it sounds dumb but to me it was humorous because it was a play on words. You see, both characters were correct because gorillas could either be in the mist or in the midst, or they could even be both! They could be in the midst of the mist! They consulted the Webster Dictionary and he was able to put an end to their meaningless squabble and restore their friendship. So what did Pookon and Zimbabwe do? They proceeded to burn the Dictionary and roast marshmallows over his smoldering ashes. So it was a happy ending! I always make references to movies, music, places, inside jokes, etc. in my writing but rarely to I make a reference to something that I've never done or seen. How can I discuss a based on a true story movie if I've never seen it or don't know anything about the primatologist Dian Fossey that Weaver plays? I have no idea, but somehow it all made sense to me back in 2004 when I drew this comic. I'm probably never going to see Gorillas in the Mist. There are some movies that I just have no interest in seeing. But it still managed to have an impact on my life because I'm talking about it. Isn't that weird? But so is my life. I've given up trying to understand myself. I hope you have too. But I hope that doesn't stop you from coming back tomorrow for another pickle. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

Pickle the Day: October 3rd - Nothing But Flowers

I don't appreciate the outdoors enough. I would blame my office job for keeping me couped up in a cubicle for 40+ hours a week but there are 24 hours in the day. There should be no excuse for not being able to get outside and check out all of the wonderful things that God has given us, like flowers. We have taken these naturally existing things and improved upon them by making them live longer, appear more colorful and even crossbreed them to create new species. The result is a pleasing display of beauty that I sometimes casually notice but for the most part ignore. I never stop to smell the flowers.

I take the same route to work every morning. I see pavement, cars and stoplights. I hardly even notice all of the other things that the city/Mother Nature has done to prevent this place from becoming a concrete jungle. Yesterday morning while waiting at the stoplight I looked to the left instead of staring anxiously at the red light to turn. And I saw flowers. I only looked at them for about 15 seconds before I had to move on, but in that 15 seconds I wished that I saw nothing but flowers. I'm tired of the garbage. I'm tired of the advertisements. I'm tired of the distractions that prevent me from really seeing the world. But mostly I'm tired of myself for not opening my eyes to the beauty all around me. It was just a small bed of flowers, but it stood as a reminder that there is always something worth looking at in the middle of this barren oasis.

I don't get out enough. I don't take advantage of what little amount of time we have good weather here in Wisconsin. I live my life on the internet instead of in the real world. And even though I'm writing this on an online blog, as I type, I am sitting outside on a rock as the sun beats down on me. Such a beautiful October day. It makes me wish that Winter will have the decency to stay away this year and we can all enjoy the wonders of the outdoors without freezing our asses off. That's never going to happen, so instead I'm going to make the most of the precious few days that we have left before outdoors turns into a harsher climate than the planet of Hoth. I hope that some freezing asshole doesn't try to cut me open so they can sleep inside of me for the night to survive. And I thought he smelt bad......................... on the outside. Come back tomorrow for another pickle. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

Pickle the Day: October 2nd - Tapping the Keg

It's no secret that I love the Milwaukee Brewers and their home stadium Miller Park. Oh wait, you didn't know that? ***SPOILER ALERT*** I'm a diehard Milwaukee Brewers fan. My entire life revolves around this team. Well it is mostly in the Summer, but not even the Green Bay Packers or Milwaukee Bucks can take me away from Hot Stove chatter involving trades and free agent signings. I decided 12 years ago that I wanted to be around Miller Park and the Brewers as much as possible so I got a job there. During my time there I have built some great friendships with my co-workers, my employers and the fans. The first 2 are what brought me to take this picture on October 1st. At the end of the baseball season the management team throws a year end party with food, entertainment and a raffle for prizes at Helfaer Field, the little league field built in the footprints of old Milwaukee County Stadium. I stood on what used to be home plate at County Stadium and got a sweet picture of Miller Park as the sun was starting to go down. Miller Park is a cathedral to me. It doesn't replace a church and I'm not trying to say that baseball is my God or anything (because the 1st Commandment is thou shalt not have any other gods besides me) but I suppose I do kind of treat it like a religion.

That's about all that I'm going to get into that. I could sit here and list reasons why I treat my favorite sports team like I would my faith, but that's not the point of this article. On Tuesday night I was treated to a free dinner with all the nachos I could eat, a great backdrop to gaze upon and the company of some really good friends who seem to get better as the years go by. We have formed a family unit by now which might seem weird to some people but think about the people that you work with. Hopefully you work in a fun and exciting environment like Miller Park but if you don't then imagine being in a situation where people are there not because they have to be, but because they want to be. I'm sure that most people need the money but we set our own schedules and I'm tempted to work as many games a possible to be around my family there. That's such a hard thing to balance considering how much I love to tailgate, wear my sombrero and get all rowdy with my people in the leftfield bleachers. But I manage (yeah like it's really hard to do) to do both and my Summer just seems to fly by every year because I'm having so much fun. This picture of Miller Park makes me think of all the good times and memories that I have made there (and there have been a whole lot) but there is also something very sad about it at the same time. It's a very long and cold Winter until Opening Day on Monday March 31, 2014. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm already counting down the days until Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training, which is the "official" start of the baseball season for diehard fans like me. So that's Miller Park. Chances are you've been there before and you already knew how much I love it. But I just had to show you and say it one more time. Come back tomorrow for another pickle. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

Pickle the Day: October 1st - Caution Hole

I had a lot of fun back in June of this year when I did an experiment called "The Write Month". If you are new to this blog or haven't been here in a while, it's ed zachary like it sounds - I devoted a month to writing. I wrote a new post every day here on the blog. Some of them were serious, some were outlandish and some were just flat out wrong. If you missed any of them go to June in "From the Archives" on the main page. I tried to brainstorm 30 days worth of topics ahead of time, but for the most part I just kind of let them come to me. I kept my eyes and ears open for ideas and allowed myself to be inspired by the World around me. I had such a good time with it that I decided to do something for October. But as the days got closer I realized that I couldn't do another Write Month. That was pretty intense and time consuming. Plus why do something that you've already done if you can try something new? That's when the idea for Pic of the Day came to mind. 

This was something that would be really easy and also very entertaining for me to do. I'm surrounded by things in this World. Things that make me laugh, things that make me cry, things that conjure up a memory from my youth, beautiful things in nature, people that help to shape my life and countless other things that catch my eye. This is a visual exercise. I'm challenging myself to take a picture of something every day, share it on the blog and explain why I chose it, how it inspired me, made me laugh or whatever else I could use to describe its' inclusion for that day. My one rule is that the picture needs to be taken on that day or the day before as a way to prevent me from planning out or writing multiple posts in advance. The reason behind that is that I'm trying to keep myself in a position to be open every day to new ideas and if they don't hit me by cosmic chance then I will have to go and seek them out. It will keep life fresh and new every day because in some little way I'm being a part of something bigger than myself and creating something new. Plus I also get to share my experiences with you. So we all win! #victory!

When I was leaving work yesterday I saw this sign that said "Caution Hole" and I immediately started giggling like an immature little boy. Heh heh. Hole. I'm still laughing about it today. I don't know why the word hole makes me laugh (well, I kind of do. It has to do with butthole) but I pray that it always will and that I never lose my juvenile sense of humor. I was having a pretty bad day up until that point and when I saw that sign everything changed. I laughed all the way to my car, rolled down the windows and cackled wildly as I was leaving the work parking lot. On the way home I sang along with the radio in a real obnoxious voice and I made up some songs about Chewbacca complete with a Wookie roar. People next to me at the stop light must have been quickly rolling up their windows and counting the seconds until the light turned green, but I didn't mind. I was locked in my own little world and I had thrown away the key. Welcome to Insane Town, population 3-5 depending on which voices in my head are talking that day. 

Ok, so I'm not really crazy (although some people might say that is debatable) but most of the time I really don't give a shit about what people think about me or how I act. If it is funny, I'm going to laugh. I'm too old to be hiding my emotions from the World and pretending to be someone I'm not. Hole is funny god damn it. So that's today's pickle of the day. I suppose I should probably explain that one. I meant this to be called Pic (as in picture) of the Day but when I said it out loud I said pickle by mistake. And then I laughed when I said pickle. I love pickles. So that is where the title for this month's feature was born. Come back tomorrow for another pickle. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared. 

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com

https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

https://twitter.com/pookondotcom