If you were to ask anyone what the biggest problem with the 2012 Brewers was, the majority of people would answer with the bullpen. Even people who didn't follow the Brewers knew about all of the blown saves because no one in town would shut up about it. They had every reason to voice their complaints because it was that bad. The weird part about it was that it was basically the same bullpen from 2011 that was lights out. Sometimes things just can't be explained, like how I've managed to stay single all these years. Oh wait there is a perfectly good reason for that - I'm a rotund unattractive asshole who doesn't have any redeeming qualities. Except for my coy sense of humor that is, which is as enticing to women as the amount of money in my bank account. But at least we can identify the problem with both things (myself and the Brewers bullpen). And while I continue to pack on the pounds, alienate myself from legal available women and continue my consecutive streak of loneliness (going on 32 years strong!) the Brewers bullpen did the opposite and actually tried to improve their situation. The only players who were guaranteed a job were Jim Henderson (who emerged as the setup man) and John Axford, who despite some ups and downs, has established himself as the best closer on this team. But 2 players cannot fill out a bullpen, so who else is waiting on the other side of the dugout phone? I'll play the role of bullpen coach Lee Tunnell and introduce you to the revamped bullpen that will hopefully not suck as much as the 2012 version did.
But before I do that it is necessary to note that the following players are merely going to start the season on April 1st with the Brewers. If there is one thing that I've learned about Major League bullpens it is this - there's a revolving door out there and the 7 to 8 guys out there will probably change a lot during the course of the season and it is almost guaranteed that the bullpen on September 29th (the final day of the regular season) will look nothing like this due to injury or poor performance. It is almost certain that several of these players will either be sent down to the Minor Leagues, traded or released by the team at some point during the season. There's a reason why a bullpen turns over so much from year to year and that's because there are very few reliable arms out there. Those that are good (which are typically your closer) are locked into multi-year contracts and the rest of the players are guys that you hope catch some lightning in a bottle and have a career year for you. When it works out (like KRod and Axford in 2011) you can have an amazing year (96 wins) and when it doesn't (KRod and Axford in 2012) you can have an ok year (83 wins) and you bang your head against the wall every time Manny Parra or Kameron Loe come in to pitch. So it goes with the bullpen. Hey - it's all one big crapshoot anyhoo. BING!
Failing to put together an effective bullpen and using them correctly is what gets Managers and GMs fired. Starting pitchers that go 6 innings every 5 days have time to work things out and can rebound after giving up a few runs in the first inning. An offensive player can go 1 for 4 with 3 strikeouts if that 1 hit is a big 3-run homerun that wins the game. Relief pitchers basically have to be perfect because everything they do matters so much more in the later part of the game. If you give up the lead in the 2nd no big deal, there's still plenty of game left. But when you give up the lead in the 7th or 8th inning then there's a lot of pressure on the offense and from the fans to get it back. And fans also tend to crucify they relief pitchers. Ask fans over the last few years who their least favorite Brewers players were and I guarantee you the list would include some of these players: Kameron Loe, Manny Parra, Francisco Rodriguez, LaTroy Hawkins, Carlos Villanueva, Seth McClung, Claudio Vargas, Derrick Turnbow, Jose Veras and the biggest lightning rod on the team John Axford. The closer, above all players, gets the most heat because blowing the game in the 9th is the worst possible thing you can do. It sucks all of the wind out of the game and causes people to get up and leave. That's no way to treat your fanbase who pays good money to see you play but it happens. Hopefully this rebuilt bullpen will limit that from happening and be better than the 2012 bullpen. That's really all I ask.
Burke Badenhop #31, RP
2013 Prediction: 3-2 record, 3.86 ERA, 60.1 innings pitched, 41 strikeouts and saddled with the first name of Burke. Seriously, whose parents name their child Burke?
Trading for Burke Badenhop went way under the radar this offseason. It happened in early December and no one really seemed to make a big deal about it. I think it's a huge deal because Badenhop comes from the Tampa Bay Rays who have shown time and time again that they can put together an incredible pitching staff. Sure, he wasn't drafted by them but he had his best year pitching with them. There's just something about Tampa that screams pitching. It might be The Trop (Tropicana Field where they play) but I wouldn't know because I haven't been there. I've been to Tampa Bay before and someday plan on returning but I'd rather go back in time and hang out at Blanche Devereaux's house in Miami with all of the other Golden Girls Dorothy Zbornak, Rose Nylund and Sophia Petrillo. God rest all of their souls (except for Betty White who is still kicking ass at age 91). Those old bitties keep me laughing well into the night on the Hallmark Channel marathons. Thank you for being a friend. Remember when they used to be alive? Why am I talking about some fictional grannies who lived in Miami instead of a pitcher who lives in Milwaukee? Because I don't really have anything else to say about Burke Badenhop. He's going to be a solid reliever much in the style of Kameron Loe. I know that might cause people to grab torches and pitchforks and try to run him out of town as well but hold on a second here - I'm just making the comparison that he too is a tall (6'5") pitcher who's specialty is getting a ground ball when you need to turn a double play. Like Loe before him, it will be up to Manager Ron Roenicke to use him correctly and not overwork him to ensure success. I'm sure that when all is said and done Badenhop will have a good season but there's probably going to be some bumps along the way. So buckle up Brewers fans.
Michael Gonzalez #51, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-3 record, 4.25 ERA, 39 innings pitched, 40 strikeouts and unwilling to be called by any other name than the one written on his birth certificate.
Michael Gonzalez has put together a pretty good career thus far and seemed like a no brainer addition to a bullpen that didn't have a left handed pitcher and that struggled big time last year. He'll be 35 years old in May so he definitely qualifies as a veteran player who has been around the league (having pitched for Pittsburgh, Atlanta, Baltimore, Texas and Washington) which should be a great fit for this team. But something doesn't seem right. I hate to judge someone on Spring Training but he didn't look very good. His numbers were decent (4.82 ERA in 10 games) but there was something about him that thew up a red flag. He allowed a lot of base hits (12) hit a guy and walked 3. All of his runs were earned. Spring Training stats really don't mean shit, especially for a veteran pitcher. This guy has been around the block and he knows how to get ready for the regular season so take all of these stats with a grain of salt. But for some reason I can't shake off the feeling that he is going to be awful. I just can't trust a guy who insists on going by Michael instead of Mike. Seriously, he got on the local media because they were calling him Mike and even threw it out to Brewers PR guy Mike Vassallo to correct people when they were saying it wrong. How much sand does he have in his vagina to be uncomfortable with Mike, Mikey, Big Mike or Dirty Mike and the Boys? Who gives a shit? Michael sounds too formal and is my father's name. I would never call him Michael. I call him Dad or Pops. Nobody should be called Michael and not be accepting of a nickname. That's bullshit. So I'm going to state on record that I'm not on his side and that he's going to have a bad year because he's not willing to be flexible with his name. That says a lot about who he is as a person and I don't have to like it. So I'm not going to play by the rules like everyone else and call you Michael. Screw that. I'll spend the entire season calling you every other variation of that name until you crack and accept it. You'll break before I do. I promise you that. You're not even half as obnoxious as I am and that is a fact. Deal with it pal.
Tom Gorzelanny #32, RP
2013 Prediction: 4-2 record, 79 innings pitched, 2 starts, 67 strikeouts and the best half human/half alien hybrid since Lt. Ellen Ripley in Alien Resurrection.
What a weird looking dude. I don't know why that is the first thing I can say about Tom Gorzelanny but I can't get past that. He kind of looks like a human/alien hybrid which must have been the result of an alien probing his mom with his dick instead of the standard medical instruments. I think I just explained why he never knew his father and why he insisted as a child that his Dad was light years away. Look I don't know shit about him except that he was born in Evergreen Park, Illinois and he has played for 3 other teams and I remember him from his days with the Pittsburgh Pirates. He was part of a promising starting rotation that included Zach Duke, Ian Snell and Paul Maholm. While that didn't pan out for Pittsburgh despite the fact that he had a career year, he has found a new life as a relief pitcher over the past 2 seasons with the Washington Nationals. The Brewers signed him to a 2 year contract to be a left handed reliever but I wouldn't be surprised to see him get some starts at some point this year if Peralta or Fiers struggles. While I would much rather see Narveson start (which he would because he is option #1) Gorzelanny will get the second chance to stabilize a rotation that will no doubt be in peril. But with all due respect, if our season has got to the point where Gorz is starting then we might as well let young guys like Tyler Thornburg or Hiram Burgos come up and start and get some experience for the future. But if all works according to plan then he'll be a solid member of this bullpen and we'll be just fine. We just have to hope that he doesn't develop a disdain for the human race and rig up a crude telephone using a speak and spell, circular saw blade, umbrella lined with aluminum foil and other household objects to call home to his family so they can come and take over our Planet. Don't forget that you are half human Tom. Think about your Mother before you allow all of humanity to be decimated from above. Think about the children and all the woodland creatures Tom. Don't be a jerk.
Alfredo Figaro #45, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-2 record, 3.51 ERA, 68 innings pitched, 50 strikeouts and so much more than a cheesy sauce that you put over pasta for a delicious meal.
Alfredo isn't a name, it's a sauce. It's kind of like Ranch Wilder in Angels in the Outfield. You can't fire me! I have a contract!! I'M RANCH WILDER!!!! Easy Ranch, less is more. Even though Mr. Wilder is an asshole who ended George Knox's career I have to disagree with Wally because more ranch is better than less ranch. Ranch goes good with everything which is why I always have a bottle in my fridge and a backup in the pantry just in case. Running out of ranch is like running out of money in your bank account. In both scenarios you're screwed. Granted if you run out of ranch you won't be thrown out on the streets and forced to Bum it for the rest of your life, but you will be sad. Either way you are screwed. But I like Alfredo sauce and I like this Dave Chapelle looking mother fucker. I say all the time that you can't rely on Spring Training stats, but that's what earned him a spot on the this Opening Day Roster. He only has 31.2 innings of experience in the Major Leagues (with the Detroit Tigers in 2009 and 2010) with an ERA of 6.54 and was pitching in Japan when GM Doug Melvin decided to take a chance on him. There was a bit of a snag because he technically was still under contract with the Orix Buffaloes, but he came into Spring Training and turned enough heads with his performance (2.40 ERA, 15 innings in 11 games and 11 strikeouts) to warrant this spot in their eyes. And even so he only made it because the Brewers decided to carry 13 pitchers because Kyle Lohse only had 1 Spring start and none of the Brewers starters made it past the 5th inning in Spring. Melvin and Roenicke must know that the bullpen is going to be asked to cover a lot of innings early on and opted for a short bench. All that I know is that if he pitches anywhere close to how he did down in Arizona then Melvin is going to have a real find here. Oh yeah, and I also know that Alfredo is damn good on some noodles and gets even better when you mix in some chicken. Shit. Now I'm getting hungry. Time to go eat and keep getting fatter. Just another day in the life...
Brandon Kintzler #53, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-1 record, 3.75 ERA, 45.2 innings pitched, 42 strikeouts and back on track after he went balls to the walls and the wheels fell off.
Kintzler has had a rough go at it. Kind of reminds me of my inability to charm the panties off of the ladies. Some things are just difficult and you just hope that you keep on getting chances. Kintzler has the advantage on me because he is still just a young man at 28 years of age. He's got plenty of time to figure it out. I'm so shit out of luck that I might as well turn gay and try my way with guys. After spending most of 2011 on the DL and undergoing season ending surgery, in 2012 he was sent all the way down to Class-A with the Brevard County Manatees and worked his way through the AA Hunstville Stars and the AAA Nashville Sounds before becoming a September call-up with the Brewers at the end of the year. He pitched so well in the Minors (2.87 ERA in 45 games) and Majors (3.78 ERA in 14 games) in 2012 that he was one of the few relievers (along with Jim Henderson and John Axford) that were invited back for the 2013 bullpen. That having been said he still had to earn a spot and a decent Spring (4.91 ERA in 14.2 innings) allowed him to make the Opening Day Roster for the 2nd time in his career (he also made the 2011 one). I'm hoping that he can do better than I do with the ladies but let's not kid ourselves here - of course he will. At least he can pitch. I can't even talk to them. Call it lack of self esteem or unwillingness to leave my house but I'm constantly walking backwards. At least he's taking baby steps to get his Major League career on track. Good for you Brandon. You're doing things that I never had the courage to do. If you succeed then I succeed. That's what I keep on telling myself. It's just one of the many lies that I say to myself on a daily basis.
Jim Henderson #29, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-4 record, 4.62 ERA, 65 innings pitched, 70 strikeouts, 4 for 8 in save opportunities and the nicest man from our neighbor to the North despite being just a guy.
Jim Henderson is just a guy, so everyone who got all excited about him last season needs to calm the fuck down. Sure he's a handsome Canadian guy with a beard, but he's still just a guy. There's a reason why he spent 10 years in the Minor Leagues before making finally getting a call-up to a Brewers team desperate for relief pitchers and exploring every available options. Seriously I thought at some time last year they would have a scout over at the speed pitch in the right field of the Loge Level and he would start pulling fans from there to work an inning or two. The bullpen was a mess and Henderson was decent with a 3.52 ERA even though he went 3 for 7 in save opportunities. He's no closer and the fact that he is the backup plan to John Axford is scary. At least KRod had 294 career saves as proof that he has been there before. Henderson doesn't have shit except for the classic Canadian charm and accent. While those things may help you in life they don't mean anything on the baseball field so he better step up his game a lot in 2013 because the Brewers are counting on him to be the primary set-up man to closer John Axford. In order to bridge the gap he has to be damn near perfect and that's probably expecting too much for this journeyman pitcher. I have no idea what he is capable of because his stats last year are too small of a sample size. And then he was barely around in Spring Training because he was training with Team Canada for the World Baseball Classic where he got shelled by opposing hitters. So who really knows what his 2013 season is going to be like. But even though I'm admittedly negative about Jim Henderson I still would jump at the opportunity to spend a weekend up in Canada ice fishing, hunting moose, drinking maple syrup and LeBatt Blue, calling people hosers, saying aboot and eh, playing hockey or whatever Canadians do up there. I don't know. I've only been to Canada once and I spent the weekend gambling, hitting on 19 years olds at the bar (you only have to be 19 to legally drink there but that still didn't make it right to hit on girls nearly 10 years younger than me), smoking Cuban Cigars, drinking Canadian Club whiskey, ordering pizzas with "your bacon", seeing what strippers will do for $1 American and all sorts of nonsense that should have got me deported back to my country. That was one of the greatest weekends of my life so even though I'm not a big fan of Jim Henderson the pitcher, I love Jim Henderson the guy. How can you not love a Canadian? After all, Canada has given us Rick Moranis, John Candy, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey and Michael J. Fox among many others. What's not to love aboot Canada?
John Axford #49, RP
2013 Prediction: 2-5 record, 4.15 ERA, 70.1 innings pitched, 86 strikeouts, 33 for 40 in save opportunities and wishing he would have signed that multi-year deal for big time millions when the Brewers offered it to him.
Is there a more hated player in Milwaukee than John Axford? I don't like to use the word hate because it's a rather strong word, but I had to get the point across. A lot of players are going to struggle through parts of the season but I doubt that any of them will take as much heat as Axford does. That's the life of being a closer in baseball. If he blows the save in the 9th or extra innings then that's the last sour taste a Brewers fan has as they are leaving the ballpark or turning off the TV/Radio. And then they get all over Twitter, sports talk radio and blogs and talk about how he needs to be cut or traded or some other nonsense. But let's face it guys - John Axford is the closer and will remain the closer all season long due to a lack of other options. But I promise you that no one feels worse about a blown save than he does. I have had the great opportunity to meet Axford at the Brewers On Deck event at the Delta Airlines Center in January of this year. He was on my team for a Family Feud style game show and I chatted with him before and after the show. He seemed like one of the nicest and most genuine athletes that I have ever met and I would go so far to say that he was of of the best people I have ever met. He just has a sort of energy and charisma that makes him seem so down to Earth and if you ever follow him on Twitter than you will no doubt know about his sense of humor and willingness to interact with the fans even after a tough night on the mound. I wish I was friends with John and I will figure out a way for us to hang out again even if I need to go above and beyond to do it. But even though I think we should get an apartment together and have our lives filmed for a reality television show, I can't help but be worried about him as the closer. Which John Axford will we get this year? The one who saved like 43 in a row in 2011 or the one that blew a league leading 9 saves in 2012? I'm guessing it's going to be right in the middle of that but he will still make people nervous when he takes the hill. That's the real reality here. I wish I had more confidence because I don't want to be like everyone else in Milwaukee complaining about him but he really hasn't given us much of a reason not to. But here's hoping that he figures out a way to turn it around so that he's not just another flash in the pan (what does that even mean?) like Derrick Turnbow.
Being a relief pitcher in the Major Leagues is probably the most difficult and thankless job in baseball with pinch hitting coming in at a close second. The bullpen is rebuilt from last year but who knows how many of these players will finish out the season with the team? I'm sure these guys will come and go and if they aren't effective, GM Doug Melvin will try to find someone who is. I wish I could say that these are the guys who are going to get it done this year and erase the bad memories of 2012 but I've watched too much baseball in my life to lie to myself. I don't have a whole lot of faith in these players but I hope that they all prove me wrong. If they don't then we're in for a really long season that will feel even longer come September. I don't ever want to see my team in last place or not even close to competing for a Wild Card in the final month but there's a possibility that it could happen. Or we could be right in the thick of it. That's the thing with this bullpen in 2013. As individuals they have all had great success for various teams in their recent careers, but can they all get on the same page and do it all at once for this team? They better. There's a whole lot riding on them for me personally (for my $$ bets that I put on them in Las Vegas) and also for the franchise (who needs to draw near 3 million fans to keep the payroll at this level) and the bullpen always has the final say in the results. Let's hope it's a good word. Because my Mom always told me if you don't have anything good to say then don't say anything at all. I never listened to my Mother.
- pookon -
www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
