Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - John Axford (25 of 25)

You are now looking at the final article of 2011's "25 Brewers in 25 Days" and it features none other than Brewers closer John Axford. After a week of teasing, I bet you never thought you'd see this shit. Well peep this article bitches! This is the grand daddy of them all. I've been hyping it up for a week and like me in bed, I know that it won't perform up to expectations. I can't believe that people have expectations of me. I'm a terrible lover, are you kidding me? Why just the other day I caught a peeping Tom booing me. But you didn't come here to read about me, you've done way too much of that in these past 25 days. Oh no, and since you've been patiently waiting, here he is, the Mustache himself, the Ax-man - I present to you Mr. John Axford!

John Axford is eerily similar to former Brewers closer Derrick Turnbow. And it's a little too eerie for comfort. I mean it. This shit will make you shiver more than when you read a Goosebumps book in the dark under your covers with a flashlight when you were 9 years old. Let's make a list of their similarities. Both are hard throwing righties with a fastball that hits the high 90's who have control problems. Both of them were toiling around in the minor leagues before the Brewers brought them on board. Both have a signature look - Axford with the mustache and Turnbow with the shaggy hair. Both broke into the big leagues in their late 20's. Both were huge fan favorites in their rookie years. And speaking of rookie years check this shit out -

Axford: 8-2 record, 2.48 ERA, 24 for 27 saves, 76 strikeouts and 27 walks.

Turnbow: 7-1 record, 1.74 ERA, 39 for 43 saves, 64 strikeouts and 24 walks.

Haunting, isn't it? And I haven't even gotten to the spooky part yet - THEY EVEN WEAR THE SAME FUCKING NUMBER - 59!! What the hell Axford?!? Do you really want to turn out just like Turnbow? Make sure you consider that after his brilliant rookie season he slipped to a 4-9 record, 6.87 ERA and 24 of 32 saves in his 2nd season. After that he became a set up man then totally fell off the map. Last I heard Turnbow was trying to catch on with the Marlins in Spring of 2010 and was cut during Spring Training. Shortly thereafter he announced his retirement from baseball. Do you see the treacherous path that you are walking John? Of course all of this could change and right now he could take a different path than Turnbow did in his second season. I suppose when 2011 is all said and done I will evaluate this season and the Axford to Turnbow comparison will be revisited. Until then let's pray for the best and that the closer won't kill our team like it did in 2010.

I hate to talk shit about Trevor Hoffman because he has had such a storied Hall of Fame worthy career and from what I read and hear about him, he is perhaps one of the nicest, hardworking and professional guys in baseball. But let's face facts - he just didn't have it in 2010. After he blew 5 out of his first 10 saves and his ERA skyrocketed to around a 15.00, something had to be done. It pained me to watch Hoffman crumble before my eyes as I watched every one of those blown saves with tears streaming down my face. The Brewers had just come off of a 9 game losing streak then lost 2 of the first 3 to the Minnesota Twins. I was there at Target Field in Minneapolis when Axford recorded his 1st save of 2010 and it was the beginning of one of the only bright spots of the 2010 season, the emergence of The Ax Man.

Not to dwell on Hoffman too long, but it's amazing that he was a closer for 18 seasons and racked up 601 career saves. That's mighty impressive considering how closers come and go in baseball these days. I've been working at Miller Park for 10 years now, and here is this list of closers that the Brewers have had since 2001 - Curtis Leskanic (old #00), Mike DeJean, the 2004 All-Star Dan Kolb, Derrick Turnbow, Francisco Cordero, Eric Gagne (the $10 million dollar man), Salomon Torres, Trevor Hoffman and now John Axford. That's 9 closers in 10 years. That's more turnaround than when I worked at The Mayfair Mall movie theater back when it was General Cinema. Just goes to show you that I'm old because that shit has been AMC for years now and that a closer isn't hard to come by. But I do hope that John Axford isn't like Derrick Turnbow or the multitude of other closers we've had in the last decade because I really like this guy. And I know that you like him too. How could you not love a mustache like that? If I could grow a mustache I would totally model it after his for the duration of the baseball season.





One of the initial reasons why I pushed this article back a couple of times was because I wanted Brodey to be a part of it. Yes, the Brodey of Brodey's Brewers Funday Extravaganza and the Godfather of Milwaukee's CHBPL. He's also my mentor and a hell of a human being. And there's also the fact that he resembles John Axford. Or is it that John Axford resembles Brodey? They both are tall, skinny and are professional athletes. And they both can grow some wicked awesome facial hair. Hmmm... You know I always wondered why you never saw Brett Favre and Geoff Jenkins in the same place at the same time. It was always a mystery to me and I struggled to solve it. I even hired Scooby Doo and the Mystery Inc. Gang but even their combined brains couldn't come to a conclusion worth publishing. Then I realized when the Brewers signed Randy Wolf - they are all the same person and they just can't stay away from Wisconsin sports.

How fast can Brodey throw a fastball? In the high 90's. What is John Axford's career shooting percentage in CHBPL official beer pong games? 47.93%. I think that there's a pretty good reason why you never heard about Axford before he became the Brewers closer last year. That's because he never pitched anywhere else. They cobbled together some minor league stats to form a paper trail, and coincidentally Brodey quit working as a bartender and now has a day job at a bank. Clever move Brodey, but I see right through you. Like Batman posing as Bruce Wayne in the daylight, you too have chosen to keep your identity a secret as not to be mobbed by the fans. That actually makes him more like Hannah Montana posing as Miley Stewart. And like Miley, Brodey gets the best of both worlds. He's a lucky man.

I'm not so lucky, because the person I resemble is not attractive, nor is he phphysically fit. That would impossible to look like. But Jonah Hill is hilarious, rich and well liked by the movie going public. He's a rising star in the comedy genre and has a signature style of comedy and delivery of lines. When the trailer for the Last Cup beer pong documentary came out, people commenting on YouTube wondered if this was a "mockumentary" staring Jonah Hill. I had never made the connection before that, but apparently everyone else did. I used to Google search the movie and see what people were saying about it and about me, and there were numerous Jonah Hill comments. When the documentary first came out we did a little "who would play who if this were turned into a real movie." Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would play the villain Tone and John Heder (of Napoleon Dynamite fame) would play Hummel. John Heder does looks more like Brodey than Hummel, but he would probably want a bigger role in the movie than Brodey plays. Despite being the Godfather, Brodey takes a background role in the film. But then I started to wonder, who would play me?

My initial wish was that John Candy would play me. Sadly John Candy died in 1994 and would not be able to portray Iceman with the comic timing and down home Midwestern goodness that the role calls for. So my next pick was Chris Farley. Even though the role didn't have a lot of physical comedy, he (born and raised in Wisconsin) had the comedy and general likability to be the heart of the film. But sadly he died in 1997 and didn't live to play this dream role. My next pick was Louie Anderson, and I even took a picture next to one of his advertisements in Las Vegas to prove my point, but then I realized that TJ wasn't in this movie and he didn't quite fit the part. Plus he also sadly died a few years ago. Wait... what? You mean that Louie Anderson is still alive? Then where the hell has he been the last few years? Comedian and impressionist Frank Caliendo was my next choice because he's also a fat short funny guy, and if he can nail John Madden's voice and mannerisms, then I'm sure that he can do mine. Plus he grew up in Waukesha and I bet he would like to play a person who is passionate about their state, city and local sports team. I'm no youngin', but all of them (considering that Candy, Farley and Anderson were still alive today) would be too old to play me, which is why Jonah Hill is perfecting casting if I've ever seen it. This is never going to happen, as most people have pretty much forgotten that I starred in a movie (which you can buy at Amazon.com or rent from Netflix) and I haven't received a dime for my participation. So don't buy that shit. I don't get any of the profits from it. I'll burn you a copy of it if you really want to see it.

Aside from getting a couple hundred extra Facebook friends (I doubt I know 779 people in real life, and I know I'm not friends with all of them) and getting recognized in public as "that guy from the Beer Pong Movie" I haven't benefited from the movie. So I'm no Jonah Hill. But Brodey is John Axford, and when I asked him if he could put up stats similar to his phenomenal rookie season. But then I figured it was good ol' drunk Brodey talking again. And even though I'd like to believe him, I just have that horrible feeling in my gut that he can't repeat last year. Though that might just be the guacamole I ate last night around midnight after stumbling home from the bar. Axford won't quite fall from grace like Turnbow did, but he will come back to Earth this year and put up numbers like this:

4-3 record, 3.74 ERA, 34 saves in 40 chances, 62 innings pitched, 79 strikeouts and owner of the sweetest Mustache in all of Milwaukee. Wait screw that, he will have the sweetest mustache in all of the WORLD!!

So that's it. 25 Brewers articles in 25 Days. I went a little above and beyond last year's "25 in 25" and you can find those in the archives on the right side of the page. So did you enjoy that shit? Even though it was a whole lot of work, I really enjoyed doing this shit. A huge thank you goes out to all the people who helped me with these videos - Kevin, Timmy, Colleen, Aaron, Lee, Brodey, Brian, Mike Bates and Mike Wilhelm. And thanks also to the countless people who check this shit out. I enjoy writing and talking Brewers, but there is no reason to post it on here if people aren't going to read it. I haven't heard a lot of feedback from people, but Google Analytics tells me that enough of you checked out this blog on a daily basis. This won't be the end of the Brewers talk on this blog, but I'm going to take a couple of days off to enjoy the first couple games of the season. That's right people! The season begins tomorrow March 31st in Cincinati! Now it's for real and the 2011 Championship season can begin. I've literally got a lot of money riding on the Brewers winning it all this season, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered some day. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

Follow John Axford on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnAxford and Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/JohnAxford

Follow Brodey on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/Brodwieser and Facebook http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=636449012

Follow Jonah Hill on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/JonahHill

And of course, follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/pookondotcom and Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

I've ended these articles with a tease, so why should this be any different? I have a great idea for another series of articles called "10 in 10" that should be very enjoyable to both me and you. I plan on starting this in about a week, so stay tuned. I won't reveal exactly what I'm doing yet because I still need to work some things out in planning, but it should be an adventure for my personally and for you following along on this blog. Thanks again everyone, and have a nice day.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - Final Bullpen Pitchers - Green, Kintzler + Mitre (24 of 25)

Yeah I was just fucking with you when I said that I'd have the John Axford article today. C'mon, man! Did you really think that after a week of teasing you with it that I would actually post it? You're smarter than that. But it will be here tomorrow because that is the final day before the season begins, and John Axford is the 25th man on the 25 man roster. I wanted to go out with a bang because these last few posts have been a little underwhelming. But at least I'm talking about the bullpen, right? I mean at least Green, Kintzler and Mitre will hang out with Axford in the bullpen, right? So by osmosis I'm really talking about Axford today. And yes, that is a picture of the Bullpen at good ol' Milwaukee County Stadium. I could have put a picture of the one at Miller Park but I was reminiscing a little bit. Plus I'm watching Major League as I type this, so it seems fitting to go old school. This year's bullpen will be anything but, as it looks like it will be filled with mostly younger guys. If it weren't for injuries to Zack Greinke, LaTroy Hawkins and Manny Parra that will have them start the season on the DL, these 3 pitchers probably wouldn't even have been on the Opening Day roster. But they are, so I have to talk about them.

Sean Green is a decent reliever that brings 5 years of major league experience and is mostly a groundball pitcher. He missed almost all of last year with a dreaded intercostal strain (like the one that keeps nagging Braun like a rude guest at his restaurant) but from 2007-2009 with the Seattle Mariners and New York Mets he averaged a 4.34 ERA with 72 innings pitched, which isn't too bad for a middle of the road bullpen pitcher. You need someone out there to eat some innings when a starter leaves early or a game goes into extras, so it helps to have a guy that's durable to pitch back to back days. Every bullpen in the Majors has a guy like Sean Green. Not everybody out there is going to be a hard throwing shut 'em down reliever because that's impossible. All you need some times is a guy to cover innings. There's 9 in a game, and you can't end it until you've played all 9. All this seems like a waste of space, but it takes one to write about it. I haven't done shit in my life, and if I made it to the big leagues like Sean Green has done, then I wouldn't consider my life the disappointment that it is today. As you saw last year, the bullpen rarely has the same players at the end of the season as it did on Opening Day, so it will be interesting to see who goes when Parra and Hawkins return. I hope that Doug Melvin has to make a tough decision when that happens, because that means everyone in the bullpen is doing their job.

Every year you're going to see a couple of guys like Brandon Kintzler in the bullpen. Signed as a minor league free agent 2 years ago, he's young enough (26) where he's still cheap (major league minimum salary), has minor league options remaining and also doesn't have a lot of experience which he could use to his advantage. When there isn't a lot of scouting on a pitcher, the batter doesn't know what to expect. That's one of the reasons why you see rookie pitchers have great success then get knocked around real bad their second year. And if they do, you can send them down to the minors to work on their command without affecting the Brewers record. That's why you'll see someone like Kintzler or Mike McClendon bounce up and down throughout the season. That's one of the reasons the bullpen door has to be a revolving one because it's always in use and the pitchers out there are constantly changing. If every bullpen was filled with high priced veterans, you'd have no more money left for the rest of the team. So look for Kintzler to be the first one optioned to Nashville when LaTroy Hawkins comes off of the DL. But if you're a fan of his (and who isn't?) don't worry - you're sure to see him back in the bullpen by the end of the season. At the very least he'll be back as a September call-up.

Of these 3 guys, Sergio Mitre is the most likely to hang around for the entire season. Taking the role of spot starter / long reliever vacated by Manny Parra's injury, he plays a very important part in the bullpen. Every team needs one of these guys too because there will be a time when a starter just gets lit up in the 1st inning and the manager has no choice but to take him out. And suddenly you have 6 innings to cover that you thought were previously alright, which is where this guy steps in. His career stats aren't very impressive but that's not what we're asking him to be. His main goal is to chew up innings and keep us in the game. He's going to give up a few runs but at the end of the day he will play an important role. The best thing about him is that he's giving himself a Wet Willy in this picture. Anyone who would do something that looney in ok in my book. Plus we basically got him for nothing. Sure Chris Dickerson's Mom might get upset I called her son nothing, but he basically was nothing to this team. But you have to admit trading him a few days ago for Mitre which opened up a spot to trade for Nyjer Morgan. The additions of Mitre and Nyjer made us a better team, so I'm all for it. Manny Parra is out of minor league options, so it will be interesting to see what happens when he's healthy and ready to join the team. Since the Brewers will start the season with 4 starters and 8 relievers, it will also be interesting to see what happens on April 6th when they need a 5th starter. Do they go with Mitre? Or do they call up Marco Estrada? And if they do who gets sent down? Since I'm sick and tired of speculating about shit like this, I'll just sit back and let it all play out.

When Spring Training started there was really only 1 bullpen spot available, but as you can see 3 players now occupy this "last spot." Injuries are one of the hardest things to predict in any sport, and when they happen it completely changes the roster. Since I didn't know which pitchers would round out the bullpen, my buddy Lee and I didn't talk about them. Instead we chose to talk about a different pitcher entirely. Lee has been following along with this "25 in 25" series and took me up on the offer to appear in the video, and I let him choose the topic. And like almost all the videos in this series, it contains randomness and swearing, so proceed with caution.

These 3 players are on the Opening Day roster by default. Do they deserve it? Kind of, but would they have made it had there not been those injuries? Who knows. But I don't expect any of them to have a full season of stats. But I feel like Manny Parra's injury is going to last longer then they are letting on seeing as he has only throw 1/3 of an inning so far this Spring. Which means Mitre has the best chance of sticking around long enough to put up stats that can accurately describe his performance, so I'm only going to throw out a prediction for him. I could be wrong about Green and Kintzler, because there always has to be those guys coming out of nowhere having an amazing season which elevates the team from good to great. But I just don't see them being those guys. I've watched the team long enough to be able to see that kind of shit. But who the hell knows anymore. I've been wrong before and I will be wrong again. Hell, I might even be wrong about Mitre's stats in 2011:

2-4 record, 4.85 ERA, 54 innings and by the end of the year, like Carlos Villanueva in 2010, you won't remember him nor will you remember that he pitched that much.

There is only 1 more day until Opening Day, and there is only 1 more player left to be talked about in "25 Brewers in 25 Days." That would be closer John Axford. And this time I really really mean it. At this point, who the hell else could I talk about? And who the hell else would I want to talk about? Sorry for making you wait a week for this shit, but I really wanted to end it right. And although this article is massive both in length and in speculation, it's worth a read. But I'm going to let you make that decision because tomorrow I present to you the long awaited John Axford article. I'd tease more about him, but I feel like I've done enough teasing around here. But there is information on how you too can grow a sweet mustache just like Axford. I know that you've always wanted one, and I have the secret. I'd tell you now, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - Backup Outfielder - Jeremy Reed + Nyjer Morgan (23 of 25)

You don't want to read a John Axford article. That's not the one you were looking for. You can go about your business. Move along. Now that I laid that Jedi Mind Trick on you you can get over the fact that I was crying wolf. Deal with it. But I'm running out of days before the season begins so it for sure will be here Tuesday or Wednesday. I know that you asked for it and hold tight, because eventually you will get it. But if you would have asked me 1 week ago who the backup outfielders would be on this team I would have answered Chris Dickerson and Brandon Boggs. Despite Dickerson signing Kevin's sombrero and Boggs being a young athletic switch hitter, both missed out on Opening Day by last minute trades or replacements. That's the beauty of Spring Training because you really can't predict these roster changes. Since every team invites close to 50 players to Spring Training (some on the 40 man roster, some from their minor league system and some players battling to make the club) the team needs to cut it down to 25 by the season opener. Sometimes a player is cut that another team thinks they could use, and a trade is worked out. That's what happened with the Brewers in the last few days.

Dickerson seemed to have the edge on the backup spot because he was on the team last year, he bats left handed (the Brewers still have a right heavy lineup) and he can play all 3 outfield spots. Then he was unexpectedly traded to the New York Yankees for reliever Sergio Mitre, who I will talk about tomorrow when I cover the final bullpen spots. They might have planned on opening the season with Dickerson, but you have to give up a strength (in this case offensive outfielders) to get a need which for the Brewers is always pitching. No offense but I won't miss Dickerson. But I am glad that we are finally realizing that pitching wins games, no matter how much Bill Hall likes to say that he does.

Boggs was signed as a free agent over the winter to provide some depth, which he still will be doing at AAA Nashville. He didn't have a very good Spring, but I viewed him as a player with a lot of upside. But it makes sense that he is going to AAA instead of hanging out with the big league club because he doesn't have a lot of experience, so sitting him on the bench is not going to benefit him. He needs to go and play every day and be ready in case a starter goes down (and I pray to God we leave the injuries down in Phoenix when we head back North) and he can fill in any of the 3 outfield spots. His versatility in the field and as a switch hitter may bring him back later in the season, but for now he's looking for an apartment in Nashville. I hear Mat Gamel needs a roommate.

Jeremy Reed will be one of the the backup outfielders for the Brewers when the season begins. I didn't start writing this article until I woke up this morning, so I don't have time to finish it before I head off to work in like 15 minutes. But when I get home I will finish it. But I wanted to throw something up here for the time being so you don't think that I quit on you guys. I think the Brewers decided to go with Reed because he has played in the majors for the last 7 years (mostly as a backup) and is well suited for the role of pinch hitter / spot starter. How long he will last is the real question. Someone has to go once Corey Hart is activated from the disabled list, and I doubt it will be Mark Kotsay or the newly acquired Nyjer Morgan. So enjoy the first few weeks of the season Mr. Reed, and I wish you well on your way out the door. With all due respect, the only reason that you made the team was because Hart is on the DL and you had a decent Spring Training. But it should have been because you were born in San Dimas, California. That's where Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan are from and where my family lived. That kind of street cred should have easily earned you a roster spot, but apparently Doug Melvin and the Brewers brass don't appreciate things like that. Even though he's not a Nyjer like the other backup outfielder on the roster, I'll still cheer for him. But in 2 weeks when he's gone it'll be a different story.

I really want to talk about Nyjer Morgan because he of all players has the ability to get me kicked out of a game because of his first name. Let's just say when you shout it out loud and you are drunk, you have the chance of saying another word that isn't acceptable to use. Plus even when I am sober and yell out, "that guy has to be the fastest Nyjer on the field!" I will get warned by stadium security and the Milwaukee County Sheriff's Department. Even though I am cautious about saying his name in public, I really like the trade for Morgan. Sure he has some character issues and has started more than his share of fights, but from everything I've read in the last day or so suggests that he's a good guy with raw emotions who could do with a change of scenery. If you remember Prince Fielder has some anger issues and gets fired up sometimes, but you love him anyway. But somebody on that team keeps Prince Fielder in line. Now that Mike Cameron isn't here anymore, I don't know who that team leader and glue guy in the clubhouse is. Hopefully someone can keep that Nyjer in line because he has too much talent to go to waste.

I have faith that Carlos Gomez is going to stay in the starting lineup all year, but if you can get a plan B for a minor leaguer (Cutter Dykstra, son of Lenny) who probably wasn't going to make it to the majors, then why the hell not do it? Morgan probably won't get a hell of a lot of playing time, but he's a plus defender that could give Gomez and Weeks a run for their money as the fastest player on the team. He fits well into Manager Ron Roenicke's plan to be more aggressive on the bases and is a fantastic replacement in the outfield if a starter needs to miss a few days. In fact, I would go so far to say that with Braun, Gomez, Hart, Kotsay and Morgan we have the best outfield I've seen in recent years. If this Nyjer learns to control his temper than I think he'll fit right in. I've heard he is very passionate about winning (something that frustrated him while playing with Washington and Pittsburgh) and likes to let loose and have fun, which should put him right in line with the crazy antics this ballclub will get into if Roenicke let's them be themselves. Either way it's going to be a hell of year and it just got a whole lot more interesting now that this crazy Nyjer was added to the mix.

And speaking of crazy, Brian, Kevin and I filmed this video last Thursday after a night of raging. Since we didn't know who the backup outfielders would be, we just talked about anything for 10 minutes. It's pretty random and not safe for work / children's ears, so take caution when playing it. I bet you can't make it through the entire video.



Since I don't expect Reed to be around for long, I'm not going to bother doing a stat prediction on him. And even though Braun, Gomez and Hart should each play around 150 games (or at least we hope they do) Nyjer Morgan will find a way to get himself into the lineup because he's just too good of a talent to let him rot on the bench. I hate to see him get in the game at the expense of one of our regular outfielders, but something tells me that Nyjer will find a way into the game. And it wouldn't surprise me if he put up a stat line like this:

.285 AVG, .345 OBP, 2 HRs, 29 RBIs, 24 stolen bases and be the fastest Nyjer on the team.

There are only 2 more days to go until Opening Day, and 2 more roster spots to identify. So that means there is a 50/50 chance that tomorrow's article will be about John Axford. I know that I've been teasing it for about a week, but I tomorrow could be the day it's finally here because I'm running out of players to talk about. Plus that article is already written, and I don't feel like writing any more, so I might as well just post that one. But I may just be teasing you again, much like I got teased for being the little fat kid in 2nd grade. Am I telling the truth finally? Or am I bullshitting you once again. You'll have to wait and see, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - Backup Infielder - Erick Almonte (22 of 25)

Now that utility man Erick Almonte has been officially named the 2nd backup infielder, I can now write an article about him. That's fantastic. I'm beside myself with joy. Hooray for Hollywood. Except for the fact that I don't feel like writing about him. I did feel like writing about John Axford, but I can't figure out the best way to present that information, so I'm going to put that one off for yet another day. If you're very upset about that then you can punch me in the stomach the next time that you see me. If any of you take this shit that seriously then we are no longer Facebook friends. I'm defriending your ass the second after I regain breathing after doubling over on the sidewalk and wheezing for air. Oh I'd be laying on the ground while I do it on my Android powered phone, but I wouldn't look nearly as sexy as Almonte does in this picture. Wait? Did I say sexy? I meant salatorious. I don't know too much about Almonte except what I can gather from his Spring Training and Minor League stats. Except for a cup of tea with the New York Yankees in 2001 and 2003 for a total of 39 games, I got nothing to go on. He certainly impressed someone in the Brewers organization enough for them to give him a shot, but it's anyone's guess how long he will last on the team.

I do use Google to find out everything I need to know about some of these new players, but if I only used Google Images to formulate my opinion, I would speculate that Erick Almonte spends a lot of time on the ground. Better than spending a lot of time on his knees though, right? But these were some of the only pictures I could find of him with the Brewers, and one of them is in a AAA Nashville Sounds' (Brewers minor league team) jersey. The minor leagues are a whole lot different than the majors because players are down there for a reason. Either they're young and inexperienced and working their way to the majors or they simply aren't good enough to play at the top level. Sorry to say but Almonte is the latter of those two. Nothing against him, but there's a good reason why this guy is 33 years old and was playing at AAA. The best he'll ever do is be a backup / pinch hitter, and I'm hoping that he makes the most of it. Given a resonable amount of games and at bats, Almonte has a career minor league batting average .274 with a .349 on base percentage. But this year he won't get a reasonable amount of games or at bats. The thing to watch will be to see how he adjusts to limited playing time. He's not much of a power guy but all he'll be asked to do (like Counsell) will be to get on base in the late innings, except he'll be doing it from the right side. Will he find success in this role or will he find his way out of town by mid-May? At this point it's anyone's guess, and we'll see how this will play out in the coming months.

All that I could think about when I was looking up information on Almonte was Del Monte, one of the country's largest producer, distributor and marketer or branded food products. When I first thought about Del Monte I was like where do I recognize that from? Then I remembered that it is the sticker on bananas that is not Chiquita. Del Monte makes all sorts of products from canned corn and green beans, fruit cups and fruit cocktail, raisins and fruit snacks and such pet food products like Kibbles 'n Bits, Meow Mix and my personal favorite - Snausages. If you can bag it or can it, then Del Monte probably already does. And if you can't then Del Monte will figure out a way to do it damn it! Their newest slogan and branding on their website is "Let's Start a Revolution." Seriously folks, I'm not making this up. You know how I feel about the Revolution and Starting one, and even though Uncle Greg is in charge of making decisions in our Revolution, I'm going to go ahead and proclaim Del Monte as the official canned food of the Revolution. In their canned foods they want to lock in the vitamins and nutrients of fresh foods, which is why the canned foods have "no preservatives, no artificial colors and no unnatural flavors. Just the great taste and simple nourishing goodness of nature." If that is not worthy of putting your fist in the air with pride and promise, I don't know what is.



It's really hard to predict what Almonte will do this year. It would probably be easier to predict what Del Monte will do in new sales because they are constantly generating over $3 Billion dollars per fiscal year. If all goes according to plan (knock on wood) Almonte will not get a lot of at bats and will not see a heck of a lot of playing time. I hope he had fun playing in like every Spring Training game because he'll be riding a lot of pine in the big leagues. But I still think he will do all right as a pinch hitter and spot starter, but I can't see him doing too much better than this:

.262 AVG, 3 HRs, 17 RBIs, 91 games payed (mostly as a pinch hitter, look for him to start less than 20 games) and not nearly as vital to the US citizens as Del Monte is in providing them with quality food products.

The last couple of spots are always the hardest to predict because guys like Erick Almonte just come out of nowhere and earn a spot on the Opening Day roster, much like Joe Inglett did last year. That is the reason why I save these entries for the final days before the season begins. But John Axford had his spot locked up from his performance so much to the point that no competition was brought in to challenge him for the role. He was basically handed it, which must have felt good for a guy who has fought and clawed for a roster spot on every team he's ever been on. And I for sure will have Axford up tomorrow because I spent all weekend touching it up. I wanted to make this one a good one and not half-ass it like I did all of the other ones. And I certainly am not crying wolf, which I'm sure that I am being accused of at this time. It will be up tomorrow or else villagers will be storming down the door of my castle with pitchforks and torches, but that my friends is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - Backup Catcher - Kottaras / Nieves (21 of 25)

I bet you came here looking for John Axford, but like Waldo and Carmen Sandiego before him, you just can't seem to find that guy on this blog no matter how many times and how hard you look. I'm still tweaking that article so I can't post it today, but I for sure will have it tomorrow. I have time to work on it today because it is Saturday, and I don't have shit else to do. But today I will give you the backup catching duo of Wil Nieves and George Kottaras. That's right, 2 backups. And the only reason that there are 2 is because #1 catcher Jonathon Lucroy will start the season on the DL after breaking his pinky early in Spring Training. As soon as he comes off the DL (sometime in the 1st week of April) one of these 2 catchers will be cut or sent to the minor leagues, but that is a decision that will be made when the time comes. For now both of them will be on the 25 man roster on Opening Day. Sorry for getting this article up a little late, and if you are reading this it might not even be finished. I'm going to post this little blurb and the video and constantly add to it throughout the day. I totally forgot how challenging and stressful it is to meet deadlines and to constantly comes up with new ideas and content every day, and to be honest the lack of sleep I've suffered this week has really taken it's toll on me. I slept in until 11 am (I normally wake up around 730am) then I had to run some errands Timmy style and now I'm finally back home at 3pm to post this. So having said that, he's that little intro and the video for the backup catching spot. More content and the stat lines will follow.

Lucroy is expected to play 4 out of every 5 days, meaning that he will start 128 games. That leaves 34 games for the backup. Last year Kottaras was the personal catcher for Randy Wolf and started every game that Wolf did. Because he bridged the gap between the every day catchers Zaun and Lucroy, he played in a total of 67 games last year. For the most part he was unimpressive both offensively and defensively. At the plate he tried so desperately to bat his weight (190 pounds) and finished with a .203 batting average, although he did hit 9 homeruns and had 26 RBIs. And because he also walked 33 times, his on base percentage was .303, which is normally not very good except for the fact that it is 100 points above his average. Hopefully that means if he can bat in the .240 range he would post an OBP of .340 which would be a very good percentage. But that's only speculation, but we don't have to speculate on how bad he is defensively.

He's known more for his bat than his glove, which says a lot about his defense because his bat sucked last year. He's not very good at blocking balls in the dirt and he's absolutely terrible at throwing out baserunners. He only threw out 8 of 44 people stealing a base, resulting in a horrendous 18% success rate. I'd go so far as to say that I could steal 2nd base off of Kottaras, but we all know that it isn't true because I can't even steal someone's identity on the internet without being out of breath. I'm so out of shape that when I walk out to get my mail it measures on the Richter Scale. The pavement cracks when I fall down and I've got more chins than Chinatown. When I go to the beach I'm a lucky man because I'm the only one who gets a tan. So I guess that means I'm the only person who's not running on Kottaras. But what he does have is experience with the pitching staff because he worked with them last year. Based upon that alone he might have the edge over Wil Nieves.

But you still can't count out Wil Nieves from being the backup catcher when Lucroy does return. That's because Nieves is a career backup catcher in the Major Leagues and knows exactly who he is and what his role will be. At the age of 33 (Kottaras is 28) Nieves has been around a while and has seen a lot of action at the Minor and Major League level. Sure the argument can be made that the most games he's ever played in a year is 72 and that he has only 5 years in the big leagues under his belt. But when you consider that in the minors he has played in 929 games (at roughly that 72 games per year) in 13 minor league seasons he has experience catching both young and older players. You can't teach experience, and although Kottaras knows this staff, Nieves has probably seen every kind of pitcher there is just by the sheer volume of games played in all of the levels of baseball. Even though he's an outsider to the organization, he did spend the last 3 seasons with the Washington Nationals so he should have a good idea of how to call a game against the batters of the National League. Plus he should be a good mentor to Lucroy, something that Kottaras cannot do because he and Lucroy are on the same level.

But how about the other aspects of Nieves' game? Offensively he's probably worse than Kottaras. How can you get much worse than a .203 batting average you ask? I'll tell you. Even though he might have a better batting average (.241 average in his 3 years in Washington) he only takes about half as many walks for a .288 OBP which is only 40 points higher. Then you also have to consider that Nieves has no power (5 career homeruns) and averages right around 20 RBIs per year. So basically he's a black hole when he's in front of the plate. That isn't necessarily a bad thing because the other 8 guys in the lineup (yes, I'm even including the pitcher) should be able to produce all of the runs. Nieves is more of a defensive catcher, and he threw out 32% of would be base stealers last year. He also is better at blocking balls in the dirt and staying in front of the ball.

The Brewers are taking a gamble on the backup catching position because it's really a 50/50 shot. Do you bet on black (offense) or red (defense)? You can't bet on both because then you break even every time. Unless you're getting free drinks like in Las Vegas, there's no point to doing that. So who will the Brewers keep when Lucroy comes off the DL - Kottaras or Nieves? For more on that, we go to our correspondent in the field, Scott Reck.



That asshole seems to think that the Brewers are going to keep defense over offense, and for the first time in my life I agree with that portly bastard. The Brewers have plenty of offense, but they aren't a team that is necessarily known for their glovework. I just can't see them adding to a strength at the expense of improving a weakness. So I'm going to go ahead and say that Nieves will be the backup catcher for the 2011 season. But honestly it could go either way. And even though I've made up my mind, the Brewers don't give a shit about what I think and they will do whatever they want with or without my input. So I have no choice but to present a stat line for both players. These are based upon that player being the backup to Lucroy for the entire 2011 season:

Kottaras - .234 avg, 8 HRs, 24 RBIs, 59 games played

Nieves - .225 avg, 2 HRs, 18 RBIs, 54 games played

The backup catcher isn't a very important role on the team. Other than giving the starter the a day off you never see him contribute on the field because a backup catcher will rarely pinch hit. But he spends as much time studying film, reading scouting reports, working with the pitchers and speaking with the coaches as the starting catcher. But you will probably not see that. But you definitely will see closer John Axford jogging to the mound and on this blog tomorrow. You may sometimes notice when a game is lost due to a poor game by the starter, but you for sure notice (it ain't hard to miss!) when a game is lost when the closer blows a save. Hopefully not too much of that happens this year, but it's going to be difficult for John Axford to match his rookie season. I'm one of those who think that he can, but that my friends (for reals this time), is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - Takashi Saito (20 of 25)

I bet you came here looking for Brewers closer John Axford. I'm sorry, but I believe that you have been misinformed. Cheated, swindled, lied to, tricked, defrauded, outwitted, taken for a ride and bamboozled. This is not John Axford. Unless John Axford is a 40 year old Japanese man. Last time I checked he isn't, so today's entry of "25 of 25" is about Japanese reliever Takashi Saito. He was signed in the offseason to provide the veteran leadership void that was left with Trevor Hoffman's departure and eventual retirement. Even if he can't speak English and uses a translator to communicate with his teammates, he can teach by example and show some of these young bucks how to play the game the right way. Truth be told this 41 year old has only been the major leagues for 5 years, but before he came to America Eddie Murphy style he played for the Yokohama Taiyo Whales/BayStars for 13 seasons before heading West to play for the Los Angeles Dodgers. He may seem old in American years, but in Asian years he's only like 25 or some shit. That's because those people are immortal. He's been around since the Ming Dynasty in China from 1368-1644. And for every one of those years he has been entering games and shutting down rallies in the late innings. Since Saito built the Great Wall and invented gunpowder that led to the creation of fireworks, I am forever in his debt. But wait... he's Japanese and I'm talking about Chinese history, Now I'm getting my far East cultures confused. What the hell should I do now? Moving on...

This guy knows how to pitch and he has proven himself over the years to be a guy who gets it done. And with the Brewers having a bullpen mostly full of guys who haven't been there before to have a chance at getting it done, someone needs to give them the light. But Takashi Saito will do them one better. He's gonna SHOW them the light! Look for Saito to be one of the 3 (count 'em 3!) set up men in the bullpen in 2011. Who are the other members of that trifecta you ask? Why they are none other the Mitch Stetter/Zach Braddock combo against the lefties, Kameron Loe when you need the groundball and Saito when you need the veteran who won't waiver in the face of adversity. I am more than confident in his ability to be a shut down reliever

This veteran pitcher has been around the block, and he won't be terrified and run for his life when Godzilla comes storming into town. Saito looks up at that big ass lizard and tells him where he can stick that giant tail of his. Now that's what she said. But what about his translator Kosuke Inaji? What did he say? If I was a translator I know that I couldn't be trusted to relay the correct information to the person I was assigned to. If I was Saito's translator and a reporter asked him how did he feel on the mound today, I would ask him that question. I would fullfil my job as translator in that regard. But after Saito would speak in Japanese, I would address the media with his response, "Today I pitched like a fairy in a short skirt. I frolicked through the meadows with the nancy boys and ran up and down the hill and danced for joy. It was extraordinary." Then the reporters would look at Saito with giant question marks in their eyes and wonder why he would say something like that. And little would he know that I was making that shit up. That's because interpreters hold all the power. And if I was Kosuke Inaji I would always talk shit to Takashi Saito. That's because I am an asshole and that is what I do.



Let's be honest here. John Axford is not going to be perfect this year. He might even hit a couple of bumps along the way and need a few days off to mentally regain himself. And sometimes he just physically can't pitch because he just pitched in 3 consecutive games. So who will close games in his absence? I'm thinking that Saito is the guy. I don't feel like looking up his Japanese stats (mostly because I can't read Japanese) but in his 5 year Major League career he has racked up 97 saves. At an average of close to 20 a year, I feel pretty confident having him as the backup closer. I certainly feel better with him pitching in the 9th versus the other backup LaTroy Hawkins. Now there's a guy I can't trust. And even though I can't understand what Takashi Saito is saying because Kosuke Inaji is in the bathroom taking a leak, I trust that Saito said he was going to put up these numbers in 2011:

3-2 record, 2.76 ERA, 4 saves, 51 innings pitched and have a better understanding of the English language. By the end of the summer he will know the words Fish Fry, bubbler, Summerfest and raging it.

I mentioned that Saito will close a couple of games and knock down a few saves, but there will still be plenty of opportunities for closer John Axford. In fact there will be at least 40 opportunities for him to run out of the bullpen and finish the games, but how many saves will he record? Is he going to pick up where he left off last year and continue to be amazing? Or will he find out a way to get even better? Heaven forbid he doesn't take a step backwards, but that too is a possibility. The only thing that we do know is until proven otherwise, Axford is the closer. And he better not fail because we have a lot riding on this season. And then there's the small problem that we really don't have a great Plan B. But I believe in Axford and I don't think it will come to that, but am I overly confident and perhaps a little cocky? We'll see when my Axford article is posted tomorrow, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookon@hotmail.com

Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - Manny Parra (19 of 25)

Brewers pitcher Manuel Elizabeth Parra (born Manuel Alex Parra) is next up in this series even though he for sure will not be on the Opening Day roster. You are probably saying "What the hell?" right now, and you have 2 valid reasons for doing so. First off I've teased for the last 2 days that today would be all about John Axford. I'm going to have to push that back another day. Brodey did come over to film the video but I didn't get time to format that and upload it to my hosting site. So John Axford is going to be featured tomorrow. I'm really sorry about that. I know that you were looking forward to that one because that John Axford is so hot right. John Axford. He's a fan favorite and certainly has more people cheering him on and wishing him well than Manny Parra does. Most people in this town are fed up with Parra and most the most part I can understand why. But as you probably know because if you looked up "individual" in the dictionary you would see a picture of me, I'm not like most people. I still believe that Parra can benefit this team and excel as long as he is put in the best possible position to succeed. And that position has him coming out of the bullpen instead of starting in 2011.

Manny Parra came into Spring Training for the first time in a defined role versus him having to fight for a job and put too much pressure on himself. With the starting rotation set with Greinke, Gallardo, Marcum, Wolf and Narveson, Parra would be the long reliever in the bullpen and be the emergency starter if need be. In 2010 Parra found success coming out of the bullpen as a reliever and mostly likely will never start another game for the Brewers. Unless one of the other starters goes down and there is no replacement for that starter in the minor leagues. With "Air" Greinke's dreams of becoming the Bo Jackson of baseball/basketball we certainly could use Parra in the starting rotation until Greinke's ribs heal. But unfortunately Parra came into Spring Training with an injury of his own (back stiffness / problems) and has only pitched to one batter this Spring (although on the positive side he did strikeout that batter). With 1/3 of an inning of work to his credit, even if he was healthy there is no way he could start the season. He's going to have to go on the DL and build up arm strength and stamina in the minors before making this team and helping them win in 2011.

So if Manny Parra has no chance of making the Opening Day roster, why is he taking one of the 25 spots in my countdown that someone else could be in? Because I rule, I am Lord and maker of this site, Kevin and I already filmed a hilarious video and we like to make fun of him. We started calling him Panny Marra (which was first said by my cousin Tommy if I'm not mistaken) and made the connection to the man-boy Peter Pan. This was not a drunken trip over the words like tacker pattoo was, but more of an insult to a pitcher that acts like a kid on an island full of lost boys and an adult murderer with a hook who wants to slaughter kids. And they call this is a children's story. When Panny Marra comes into a game one of us starts chanting "Panny! Panny! Panny!" and then immediately after the other one shouts "Rufi-ooooooooooooooooooo!" I don't know about you, but I'd rather have a "lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!" on the mound rather than the "boil-dripping, beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!" that we currently run out there. Yeah that's right, I picked Rufio over Panny. Even though Panny totally bangarangs Rufio in this scene I would still rather have him lead the Lost Boys into battle even though he tries to shit talk Captain Hook instead of stabbing him when he had the chance. So Rufio went out like a punk bitch when he could have saved the day. But the main reason I choose Rufio over Panny is because I can't stand Robin Williams except in the movie Mrs. Doubtfire. But I still am a fan of Panny Marra and I was looking forward to what he could do as a relief pitcher for the entire year.

But even though I like Panny Marra and I want him to do well, no one is exempt and cousin Kevin and I took to the park in the wee hours of the night to make fun of him. I know that I said the Chris Narveson video is the best one, but this takes a close 2nd. The utter ridiculousness and randomness of it separates it from the other 24 that will be here when all is said and done. You know that when you break into an English accent and start talking King Midas things have gone awry and the booze is talking. And that is when I am at my finest. Take a look.

So it got a little crazy there and a little weird. But do you expect anything else when Kevin and I get together and burn words and lyrics. If you've ever listened to the Back Alley Burners (and why the hell haven't you yet?) you know that once we get drunk we randomly come up with lyrics and record in one take, which set us up perfectly for this video. But Panny Marra can't get drunk before he pitches and strikeout the side in one take, so assuming that he recovers from his injury and pitches for the Brewers this year, he will not be nearly as amazing as we are. Instead his stat line will look a little more like this:

3-6 record, 4.41 ERA, 86 innings pitched (mostly as a reliever but he may get 1 or 2 spot starts),
94 strikeouts and maybe one day will learn to fly, defeat Captain Hook and be the pitcher that we all hoped he would be except in a more suitable role.

So instead of profiling a person that for sure is on the 25 man roster and will be a huge factor in the Brewers success in 2011, I chose to waste some time talking about Panny Marra. But tomorrow's article will be no waste of time. I have had a couple of days to refine and for the first time proofread one of my entries and my John Axford article will be the finest one that I've ever written. And now that I have the video to go with it (which was the icing on the cake the entire time) all of the ingredients are in place to bake one seriously delicious cake. Right now we stand 7 days (or a week for the lay person) away from the start of the season, and the final few roster spots are as difficult to predict as it is to say when I am going to settle down and start a family. Ok, nothing is that difficult because I will name those final 7 players but I will never find a woman willing to let me impregnate her. So check back tomorrow for my article on John Axford. It will be as sweet as the last Friday before Opening Day is. You'll see. It will be epic, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

-pookon-

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - Zach Braddock (18 of 25)

I know that you came here expecting a John Axford article. First off let me apologize and also tell you to settle the fuck down. I had written the entire article but I had yet to film the video. You can blame Brodey bailing on me yet again for that one. I will try again tomorrow. So for today we are going to focus on the next player in the bullpen, lefthanded pitcher Zach Braddock. The problem is that the last few bullpen spots are still up for grabs even though we are 8 days from Opening Day. Manny Parra and LaTroy Hawkins might start the season on the DL, and Braddock is having a pretty poor spring with a 9.39 ERA, although he has been pitching better as of late. As the situational lefty in the bullpen (a role that was played to perfection in 2009 by Mitch Stetter, who I will be talking about in a few minutes) in 2010, Braddock was fantastic with a 2.94 ERA over 33.2 innings and 41 strikeouts. Spring Training statistics shouldn't really count for much, but when that's all that you have to go on, you have to make a choice. The way that I see it, 3 scenarios could play out - Zach Braddock makes the team as the lefty in the bullpen, Mitch Stetter makes the team as the lefty in the bullpen and Zach Braddock and Mitch Stetter both make the bullpen because their lefty competition (Manny Parra) starts the season on the DL. It's anyone's guess at this point, but I'm running out of guaranteed 25 man roster players to talk about. So the remaining articles (apart from Axford and Takashi Saito) are all TBA, so I'm left with no choice but to speculate that Braddock will open the season with the team.

If Braddock is on the roster on March 31st then he will be the youngest player on the team at the age of 23. And that made me think. I'm 29 now (30 in less than 2 months) so I started to think about what the hell I was doing when I was 23. In the summer of 2004 I was actually pretty busy working 3 jobs. In fact, it was probably the best summer of my entire life. How can working all the time at 3 different jobs be the best? I'll tell you. It's when those 3 jobs are working at UWM, Miller Park and Alpine Valley. All of my jobs were amazing, and I had some wicked awesome hair at the time. At UWM I got to hang out with my friends and get free food. And Miller Park I got to hang out with my friends and watching baseball games. And at Alpine Valley I got to hang out backstage with my friends and listen to concerts. Plus there were hot chicks all over the place at all 3 jobs that I flirted with all day. This was back before I ballooned out of shape and I was reasonably attractive versus the monster I've become today. Back when I was 23 I was still in college and I was really living the dream. True this was before the World Series of Beer Pong, but it was back when the CHBPL was in it's infancy and it was just a close knit group of friends goofing around. Life was good back then and it seemed like the whole world was in front of me. And I was more than willing to try to take it on.

And then that bastard (remember how I'm supposed to be talking about Zach Braddock?) goes and changes his jersey number in the offseason. How frustrating is that? It means that everyone who bought a #13 Braddock jersey last year now has to go out and purchase a #21 Braddock this year! Jesus man! What the hell? Do you think we are made of money? I can't keep up with you and your meaningless number changes. Pick one and stick with it so I don't walk around town looking like an idiot because my jersey is wrong. Wait a second.... I don't own a Zach Braddock jersey. And neither does anyone else in town. Braddock is the only one rocking that one. And if there happens to be another person in town who owns one, they can afford to buy a new one. Look, if you have a jersey of the situational lefty in the bullpen that means you already have the other 24 players on the roster. And at $149 a pop, your rich ass can buy another one.

So why the hell did I bitch about that anyway? Because I happen to own a Manny Parra #43 jersey. Parra now wears #26. And despite owning more jerseys than there are players on the Opening Day roster, I am nowhere near being rich. Nor will I ever be. I don't know why I'll never be a wealthy man, but I think buying a Manny Parra jersey has something to do with it. Who does that? So as you can see once again I have nothing to say about a player so I said a lot of things about myself instead. But I still had to do a video because I promised a new one every day. My best friend Mike Bates was in town from Northern Minnesota for his son's (my Godson's) baptism, so we went out for St. Patrick's Day. After staying out until bar close we decided to sit down at 3am and try to recount the events of that night instead of talking about Zach Braddock. Because (no offense) who really wants to talk about Braddock?

So that's what we did on St. Patrick's Day, but what will Mitch Stetter or Zach Braddock do in 2011? I feel like both of these pitchers are interchangeable, so it all depends on which one is more effective. Both of them have minor league options remaining, so it wouldn't surprise me to see one get sent down and the other get called up at various times during the season. Mitch Stetter was the man in 2009 and Zach Braddock was the man in 2010, but which one will reign supreme in 2011? It's hard to tell right now because they both have had the same amount of Major League experience and Spring Training numbers are hard to judge. But I could see both of them putting up a stat line like this:

1-1 record, 2.97 ERA, 54 games but only 41 innings, 49 strikeouts and hopefully make a bigger impression on me so I will talk more about them and less about myself next year.

One player that shouldn't have to worry about being sent down to the minors is closer John Axford. I will be talking about him tomorrow, and this time I mean it. I've already made the comparisons to Derrick Turnbow, but did you know he resembles my friend Brodey as well? It's not a great resemblance, but it's in the same way to people say that I look like Jonah Hill. Read all about that and more in tomorrow's "25 Brewers in 25 Days" entry. That is providing that the "Godfather" isn't too much of a local celebrity to hang out with the people who knew him when he was Brodey and what his real name is. He doesn't go by Brodey because his parents were big fans of Chief Martin Brody in the movie Jaws. And it also isn't because they loved Indiana Jones' archeologist friend Marcus Brody. And it also isn't because he loved Brodie from Mallrats when he was in his early teens. None of those guys even spell the name the same. It's an interesting story, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - LaTroy Hawkins (17 of 25)

LaTroy Hawkins is old and I wish I could say that his body just broke down last year. That wasn't the case though because he hurt his shoulder and the rest of the body was fine. He tried to rehab it through rest and mall-walking, but he eventually had rotator cuff surgery in August to repair his busted up shoulder. 2010 was a lost year thanks to his shoulder and his numbers weren't pretty. He only pitched 16 innings and was just about as bad as he could be: 0-3 record with a 8.44 ERA. You could tell that something was wrong with him because over the past 8 years (despite being in his mid to upper 30's) he averaged a 3.05 ERA which is pretty damn good for any relief pitcher, let alone someone of his age.

Look at me talking about him like he's 90 and he fell in the driveway and broke his hip while walking to the mailbox one morning. 39 is not that old. It used to be when I was younger but in 6 weeks I'll be 30 and less than a decade away from being Hawkins' age. Of course though when I'm 39 he'll be 49 and that's old as shit. If Hawkins is still playing baseball when he's 49 then I will serious ask myself what the hell I did with my life because at 49 I'll be feeling so old I wont even be able to watch baseball without my body hurting. That's if things continue to go the way they currently are. I feel so much older than I actually am, but like everything else that has gone wrong in my life, I also blame the booze for this one as well.

And that's all that I really have to say about LaTroy Hawkins. I could throw some more old jokes out there but I used them all up talking about Gregg Zaun last year. Remember that guy? Hell of a signing that was. I'm all about signing veteran players because they have the experience that these young kids lack and they hopefully won't buckle under the pressure of a pennant chase and the big moments where they have to be clutch because the game or even the season is on the line. But I'm not all about giving them a two year contract worth $7 million dollars. That's a lot of doll hairs for what Hawkins gave us last year, so he has a lot of catching up to do if he will at least be able to come close to being worth that deal. Cousin Kevin and I came up with some very interesting things to say about and to LaTroy Hawkins if he happens to watch this video. For the safety and well being of myself and my family I hope that he does not watch it.

If you've been following along with this years "25 Brewers in 25 Days" then you might question why I love this team because all I do is make fun of every player on the team. But it's all out of love and I suppose that is just something that I do. Ask any of my friends or family and they will tell you that I make fun of them constantly. Maybe I'm just a dick and that's why no women find me attractive. I would change my life Ebenzer Scrooge-style but what's the fucking point anymore. No one cares about me like no one cares about LaTroy Hawkins. I bet there are some people out there rooting for me to fail so that they can get vengeance from me screwing them over and talking shit about them, just like I'm hoping the failure of Hawkins will prevent the Brewers from giving 2 year contracts to aging relievers in the future. If Hawkins weren't making so much money and if the Brewers weren't trying to recuperate something from the 2 year contract, he'd be cut long before he could put up this 2011 stat line:

1-4 record, 4.78 ERA, 53.2 innings, 39 strikeouts and be just as terrifying to watch as the Izey Bird in Cass Street Park.

I'm not looking forward to watching LaTroy Hawkins in 2011. He could defy my expectations and have a great year. But we do know that the as long as he is healthy the Brewers will keep running him out there until he is Jeff Suppan bad and they have no choice but to cut him and eat the remainder of his contract. But one player that I am excited to watch is Brewers closer John Axford. I feel like I've seen this guy before. Hard throwing righty. Battled control problems in the minors. Bounced around from team to team. Signed by the Brewers. Signature hair. Closer. Yeah I'm talking about Derrick Turnbow. The Brewers are putting a lot of faith in Axford that he doesn't turn out like Turnbow, but like all things only time will tell on this one. But like Turnbow before him I'm going to sit back and enjoy the ride because Axford is a guy that has a great personality and makes the games exciting. But does that make him a great pitcher on a playoff contending team? I'm not sure, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

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