Brewers pitcher Manuel Elizabeth Parra (born Manuel Alex Parra) is next up in this series even though he for sure will not be on the Opening Day roster. You are probably saying "What the hell?" right now, and you have 2 valid reasons for doing so. First off I've teased for the last 2 days that today would be all about John Axford. I'm going to have to push that back another day. Brodey did come over to film the video but I didn't get time to format that and upload it to my hosting site. So John Axford is going to be featured tomorrow. I'm really sorry about that. I know that you were looking forward to that one because that John Axford is so hot right. John Axford. He's a fan favorite and certainly has more people cheering him on and wishing him well than Manny Parra does. Most people in this town are fed up with Parra and most the most part I can understand why. But as you probably know because if you looked up "individual" in the dictionary you would see a picture of me, I'm not like most people. I still believe that Parra can benefit this team and excel as long as he is put in the best possible position to succeed. And that position has him coming out of the bullpen instead of starting in 2011.
Manny Parra came into Spring Training for the first time in a defined role versus him having to fight for a job and put too much pressure on himself. With the starting rotation set with Greinke, Gallardo, Marcum, Wolf and Narveson, Parra would be the long reliever in the bullpen and be the emergency starter if need be. In 2010 Parra found success coming out of the bullpen as a reliever and mostly likely will never start another game for the Brewers. Unless one of the other starters goes down and there is no replacement for that starter in the minor leagues. With "Air" Greinke's dreams of becoming the Bo Jackson of baseball/basketball we certainly could use Parra in the starting rotation until Greinke's ribs heal. But unfortunately Parra came into Spring Training with an injury of his own (back stiffness / problems) and has only pitched to one batter this Spring (although on the positive side he did strikeout that batter). With 1/3 of an inning of work to his credit, even if he was healthy there is no way he could start the season. He's going to have to go on the DL and build up arm strength and stamina in the minors before making this team and helping them win in 2011.
So if Manny Parra has no chance of making the Opening Day roster, why is he taking one of the 25 spots in my countdown that someone else could be in? Because I rule, I am Lord and maker of this site, Kevin and I already filmed a hilarious video and we like to make fun of him. We started calling him Panny Marra (which was first said by my cousin Tommy if I'm not mistaken) and made the connection to the man-boy Peter Pan. This was not a drunken trip over the words like tacker pattoo was, but more of an insult to a pitcher that acts like a kid on an island full of lost boys and an adult murderer with a hook who wants to slaughter kids. And they call this is a children's story. When Panny Marra comes into a game one of us starts chanting "Panny! Panny! Panny!" and then immediately after the other one shouts "Rufi-ooooooooooooooooooo!" I don't know about you, but I'd rather have a "lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!" on the mound rather than the "boil-dripping, beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!" that we currently run out there. Yeah that's right, I picked Rufio over Panny. Even though Panny totally bangarangs Rufio in this scene I would still rather have him lead the Lost Boys into battle even though he tries to shit talk Captain Hook instead of stabbing him when he had the chance. So Rufio went out like a punk bitch when he could have saved the day. But the main reason I choose Rufio over Panny is because I can't stand Robin Williams except in the movie Mrs. Doubtfire. But I still am a fan of Panny Marra and I was looking forward to what he could do as a relief pitcher for the entire year.But even though I like Panny Marra and I want him to do well, no one is exempt and cousin Kevin and I took to the park in the wee hours of the night to make fun of him. I know that I said the Chris Narveson video is the best one, but this takes a close 2nd. The utter ridiculousness and randomness of it separates it from the other 24 that will be here when all is said and done. You know that when you break into an English accent and start talking King Midas things have gone awry and the booze is talking. And that is when I am at my finest. Take a look.
So it got a little crazy there and a little weird. But do you expect anything else when Kevin and I get together and burn words and lyrics. If you've ever listened to the Back Alley Burners (and why the hell haven't you yet?) you know that once we get drunk we randomly come up with lyrics and record in one take, which set us up perfectly for this video. But Panny Marra can't get drunk before he pitches and strikeout the side in one take, so assuming that he recovers from his injury and pitches for the Brewers this year, he will not be nearly as amazing as we are. Instead his stat line will look a little more like this:
3-6 record, 4.41 ERA, 86 innings pitched (mostly as a reliever but he may get 1 or 2 spot starts),
94 strikeouts and maybe one day will learn to fly, defeat Captain Hook and be the pitcher that we all hoped he would be except in a more suitable role.
So instead of profiling a person that for sure is on the 25 man roster and will be a huge factor in the Brewers success in 2011, I chose to waste some time talking about Panny Marra. But tomorrow's article will be no waste of time. I have had a couple of days to refine and for the first time proofread one of my entries and my John Axford article will be the finest one that I've ever written. And now that I have the video to go with it (which was the icing on the cake the entire time) all of the ingredients are in place to bake one seriously delicious cake. Right now we stand 7 days (or a week for the lay person) away from the start of the season, and the final few roster spots are as difficult to predict as it is to say when I am going to settle down and start a family. Ok, nothing is that difficult because I will name those final 7 players but I will never find a woman willing to let me impregnate her. So check back tomorrow for my article on John Axford. It will be as sweet as the last Friday before Opening Day is. You'll see. It will be epic, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!
-pookon-
www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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