There's not a whole lot that I can say about Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Randy Wolf, so once again get ready for a novel chronicling his up and down 2010 season and his future as a member of the starting rotation. One had every right to worry that Wolf was the second coming of Jeff Suppan, or maybe even Suppan put on a wolf mask and "played Wolf" if you will. His 3 year contract at a little over $9 million a season was looking really bad in the first half of the season. How bad? Just about as bad as Wolf's t-shirt in this picture. Seriously, where the hell did he pick that shit up? I hope he didn't get it at Spencer's Gifts at the mall because that would make me put him in the same category as a preteen that thinks beer is a laughing matter. He probably bought it then hung out at the food court with his buddies, eating an Auntie Annie's pretzel and drinking an Orange Julius while waiting for his Mom to come pick him up. You might be assuming that I was talking about Wolf when he was 13 years old and this shirt still fits him as an adult because he is in excellent physical shape. Nope. This happened last fall when the 34 year was back home during the offseason. He's still getting rides from his mother and he's not allowed to stay out past 9pm on a school night. I remember watching him awkwardly interacting with girls when I chaperoned his 8th grade dance last year. I wanted to be the wise mentor and give him some pointers, but it was too much fun watching him trying to figure out where to put his hands on the girls during the slow dances. Eventually he figured it out, but every time she winced when he stepped on her toes Pat Finley and I had a good belly chuckle.
Randy Wolf was signed to be the veteran presence that would eat innings and provide stability in the rotation. Where have we heard that before? Oh yeah, we heard it about every single veteran pitcher that we have ever signed. And for the most part, none of them have worked out. And although Wolf struggled mightily during the middle parts of the season he rebounded quite nicely and finished with a 4.13 ERA and 215 innings pitched. Sure it's not nearly as nice as the 3.23 ERA that he had in 2009 with the Los Angeles Dodgers, but then again Miller Park is hardly the pitcher's park that Dodger Stadium is. It's not even close, but you can expect that ERA to climb a little bit when he pitches the majority of his games in a hitter friendly ballpark which Miller Park is known to be. Your expectations of Randy Wolf in 2010 shouldn't have been very high. If they were then you were kidding yourself and you probably did the same thing with Jeff Suppan.And that's why you hate yourself and you cry in your bed alone at night. It's not Wolf and Suppan's fault that your wife/girlfriend left you, it's yours. If you are pointing figures, point it at the man in the mirror and I'm not talking about Michael Jackson. Michael's not into you even though you think that you are hot. Are you a 9 year old boy? If you are you definitely shouldn't be reading this shit. Go to school or go to bed you little bastard. And why are we even worried about Michael Jackson? That dude is dead. I don't care if he came back as a Zombie in the Thriller music video. That was a work of fiction and it is not real, despite how real director John Landis made it look. But why the hell are we talking about that? Because it's 7:49 AM on St. Patrick's Day and I've already started drinking despite the fact that I have to go to work today? Nope, despite that it is the truth. No I did it because John Landis has a connection with Wolves, which is somehow a way to connect that last derailment with Wolves of the Randy persuasion.
Landis directed the fantastic 1981 horror / comedy flick "An American Werewolf in London" which is one of the quintessential 80's classics. But once again, what the hell does that have to do with Randy Wolf? His followers have been known as the Wolfpack and I suppose that I would call myself a member of that pack. Kevin and I wanted to don wolf masks and howl whenever he struck out an opposing batter, but the sombrero thing ultimately won out. We could have done both, but sometimes it's just not right to look like a hot mess of randomness. If I happen to find a cheap wolf mask at Bartz's or some other costume store I will think about picking one up and wearing it in the leftfield bleachers on the days when Wolf is starting. I know that Kevin will join me but I doubt that it will catch on despite the fact that he had wolfpack members when he pitched for Philadelphia. Now the sombrero on the other hand, is an item that will sweep through the Miller Park leftfield bleachers before rapidly consuming every man, woman and child in this world. They can try to fight it but in the end it will be futile to resist.My wolfpack changes from time to time as members of it grow up and start wolfpacks of their own. I used to consider Aaron and Mike as members of said wolfpack but their have branched out and married women and created babies to strengthen their numbers in the fight against all other rivals that threaten our existence. So where my wolfpack used to be greater it stands now at 4. I know that cousin Kevin is by my side and Timmy and Colleen will run with me if they are not out running errands. But for this video I asked my friend Aaron to join me in discussing Randy Wolf because his opinion on the Brewers #3/4 starter is a hell of a lot different than mine is. Let's just say that he likes Randy Wolf just about as much as I like sobriety.
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