I didn't have anything to say about Brewers back-up outfielder Mark Kotsay last night, so I went to sleep. I had night terrors like my brother Timmy does and I woke up in a cold sweat this morning. Even though I dreamnt up some really scary ass shit that I don't wish upon anymore, it still did not provide me with any material to put here today. Even though I woke up this morning and "got inspired" and my mind is now racing with ideas, I still cannot come up with something relevant to say about the Brewers new back-up player. I even put my shirt and pants on backwards Kris-Kross style then walked backwards so that I would be the one backing-up. But since my clothes were on backwards, it looked like I was walking forwards, so I have no way to connect with a backwards person. With the starting players I can go on for hours. That goes with the whole forward thinking aspect. I don't think in the past. That's improbable. I don't live in the past. That's intentional. And I also don't travel back to the past. That's impossible. I don't own or lease one of Doc Brown's DeLorean Time Travel machines. So unless my name is Dr. Sam Beckett and I take a quantum leap back into the past, I cannot backup in time. Sorry for wasting time that neither you nor I can go back and recover, but I felt like I needed to make you understand that I do not know much about the backups, but I know I love them. And that may be, all I need to to know.
So what do people do when they don't know something? I used to ask my Dad because he's pretty book smart. If he doesn't know then I ask my Mom because she's both booksmart and street smart. But since I'm no longer 12 years old and I know other people and have access to the internet, I use the Google on the internet machine that everyone except Chazz Michael Michaels knows how to do. And every time I Google an athlete that I need info / a picture on, I find a picture of their hot wife / girlfriend. And then I get upset and wonder what the hell am I doing wrong where I don't have a hot wife / girlfriend. Then I remember that I am not smart, not good looking, not physically fit, not rich, not professional and not an athlete. So basically I have no chance at all of landing a smoking hot wife / girlfriend. Or any wife / girlfriend for that matter. So I'm just going to get old and die alone because women don't like me. Makes a guy want to turn gay right? But I can't, not because there's anything wrong with being gay, but what's the point of being gay if even guys don't find me attractive. And then there's the small fact that I love women. So whereas Mark Kotsay gets to hit for the cycle with this fine piece of ass, I cozy up to the liquor bottle and cry myself to passing out.
If there was a fight between Zack Greinke's wife Emily and Mark Kotsay's wife Jamie not only would I watch it, but I would also root for Jamie. You saw a picture I put up of Mrs. Social Anxiety and just try to compare her to this fine specimine. To me it's no contest, but then again this may be one of those beauty is in the eye of the beerholder kind of things. Just like Oscar the Grouch lives in treasure that is another man's trash, what I like may not be the same as what other people like. But I do know that Mark Kotsay and I have 2 of the same likes in common - baseball and his wife. I don't know yet if I want to watch Mark Kotsay back-up Braun, Gomez and Hart in the outfield, but I already know that I would watch Jamie Kotsay back that thang up on anything or anyone, though I would say that I want it to be me rather than Mark. But some guys have all the luck and get all of the rewards that come with hitting the jackpot. Although I'm not a winner, at least I still have my health, right? Well not really. But at least I still have my sense of humor!They say that girls love a guy with a sense of humor, but it's obvious from this video that I have a lot of other issues going on in my life right now that I should probably deal with before worrying about all the issues of being in a relationship. But Mark Kotsay doesn't have to worry about much. He'll be lucky to start 1 game a week in one of the 3 outfield spots (though he might be in the lineup on Opening Day if Corey Hart opens the season on the DL) so he doesn't need to worry about defense and 4 at bats per game. He does need to be ready to pinch hit, but because he is also a lefty like Craig Counsell, he will be called on in pinch hitting situations to drive in runs instead of getting on base. He has more more power than Counsell, but that's not saying much because babies have more power than Counsell.
But he is comparable to Counsell in the fact that he too brings veteran leadership and postseason experience to what is still a relatively young team. Yeah I know that the majority of the homegrown Brewers talent is now in their prime in their late 20's, but from an experience point they are still young. 1 postseason appearance in 5 years? And only 1 win during that series? That ain't shit. And that's coming from a guy who has no experience at all. The 2011 season will be the most difficult season thus far thanks to the preseason injuries and expectations. They will need some quality clubhouse "glue" players to keep them focused and level headed during all of the ups and downs of the season. They've suffered through too many injuries already this spring and you haven't seen anyone panic. A lot of that has to do with it only being March, but I'd like to think that veteran players like Counsell and Kotsay are already helping to calm the team down. And I'll be calm if he puts together a season like this:
.263 AVG, .330 OBP, 5 HRs, 33 RBIs and his wife will get creepy oogled by me on the club level when she sits up there with the other player's wives. I can't help it. I'm lonely.
And speaking of creepy, the next player is only creepy because he's big and scary looking like Lurch on the Addams Family. Lurch answers the door when someone comes calling at the house. Relief pitcher Kameron Loe answers the call to come into the game when manager Ron Roenicke makes the U.S. Cellular call to the bullpen. The Addams Family does not have a lot of guests at their house because they are a bunch of weirdos, but Kameron Loe will see a lot of playing time because he is the new Todd Coffey and will be the go-to guy when the Brewers need to get a ground ball out or a double play. In 2010 he was second in appearances only to the previously mentioned Coffey and will be counted upon to lead the team in 2011 now that the hot Coffey is served sprinting out of the Washington Nationals bullpen. Loe had a fantastic 2010, but will his ERA get low, get low, get low again in 2011? I see no reason why it can't, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!
- pookon -
www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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