
I know that you came here expecting a John Axford article. First off let me apologize and also tell you to settle the fuck down. I had written the entire article but I had yet to film the video. You can blame Brodey bailing on me yet again for that one. I will try again tomorrow. So for today we are going to focus on the next player in the bullpen, lefthanded pitcher Zach Braddock. The problem is that the last few bullpen spots are still up for grabs even though we are 8 days from Opening Day. Manny Parra and LaTroy Hawkins might start the season on the DL, and Braddock is having a pretty poor spring with a 9.39 ERA, although he has been pitching better as of late. As the situational lefty in the bullpen (a role that was played to perfection in 2009 by Mitch Stetter, who I will be talking about in a few minutes) in 2010, Braddock was fantastic with a 2.94 ERA over 33.2 innings and 41 strikeouts. Spring Training statistics shouldn't really count for much, but when that's all that you have to go on, you have to make a choice. The way that I see it, 3 scenarios could play out - Zach Braddock makes the team as the lefty in the bullpen, Mitch Stetter makes the team as the lefty in the bullpen and Zach Braddock and Mitch Stetter both make the bullpen because their lefty competition (Manny Parra) starts the season on the DL. It's anyone's guess at this point, but I'm running out of guaranteed 25 man roster players to talk about. So the remaining articles (apart from Axford and Takashi Saito) are all TBA, so I'm left with no choice but to speculate that Braddock will open the season with the team.
If Braddock is on the roster on March 31st then he will be the youngest player on the team at the age of 23. And that made me think. I'm 29 now (30 in less than 2 months) so I started to think about what the hell I was doing when I was 23. In the summer of 2004 I was actually pretty busy working 3 jobs. In fact, it was probably the best summer of my entire life. How can working all the time at 3 different jobs be the best? I'll tell you. It's when those 3 jobs are working at UWM, Miller Park and Alpine Valley. All of my jobs were amazing, and I had some wicked awesome hair at the time. At UWM I got to hang out with my friends and get free food. And Miller Park I got to hang out with my friends and watching baseball games. And at Alpine Valley I got to hang out backstage with my friends and listen to concerts. Plus there were hot chicks all over the place at all 3 jobs that I flirted with all day. This was back before I ballooned out of shape and I was reasonably attractive versus the monster I've become today. Back when I was 23 I was still in college and I was really living the dream. True this was before the World Series of Beer Pong, but it was back when the CHBPL was in it's infancy and it was just a close knit group of friends goofing around. Life was good back then and it seemed like the whole world was in front of me. And I was more than willing to try to take it on.And then that bastard (remember how I'm supposed to be talking about Zach Braddock?) goes and changes his jersey number in the offseason. How frustrating is that? It means that everyone who bought a #13 Braddock jersey last year now has to go out and purchase a #21 Braddock this year! Jesus man! What the hell? Do you think we are made of money? I can't keep up with you and your meaningless number changes. Pick one and stick with it so I don't walk around town looking like an idiot because my jersey is wrong. Wait a second.... I don't own a Zach Braddock jersey. And neither does anyone else in town. Braddock is the only one rocking that one. And if there happens to be another person in town who owns one, they can afford to buy a new one. Look, if you have a jersey of the situational lefty in the bullpen that means you already have the other 24 players on the roster. And at $149 a pop, your rich ass can buy another one.
So why the hell did I bitch about that anyway? Because I happen to own a Manny Parra #43 jersey. Parra now wears #26. And despite owning more jerseys than there are players on the Opening Day roster, I am nowhere near being rich. Nor will I ever be. I don't know why I'll never be a wealthy man, but I think buying a Manny Parra jersey has something to do with it. Who does that? So as you can see once again I have nothing to say about a player so I said a lot of things about myself instead. But I still had to do a video because I promised a new one every day. My best friend Mike Bates was in town from Northern Minnesota for his son's (my Godson's) baptism, so we went out for St. Patrick's Day. After staying out until bar close we decided to sit down at 3am and try to recount the events of that night instead of talking about Zach Braddock. Because (no offense) who really wants to talk about Braddock?
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