Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - Yovani Gallardo (10 of 25)

I love Yovani Gallardo. I'm pretty sure he is one of the reasons why I decided to become a born again Mexican. That and the fact that I could wear a sombrero on my head at all times and never be questioned for it. Do you question a Christian for wearing a cross around their neck? Do you scowl at a Jewish man because he didn't take off his Yarmulke when he entered a building? No you don't because that would be considered a hate crime. And for the same reasons I am allowed to wear a sombrero whenever I see fit. I can wear it to sporting events. I can wear it at family parties. And I can also wear it when I am selling bags of oranges on the street corner or when I am begging for change. See everybody loves sombreros, and if someone says that they don't love them then they are lying to you. Then that person is not your friend because friends don't lie to you except when it is on purpose. Well sometimes you might lie because you are embarrassed of what the truth will reveal about you, and sometimes you lie to screw over your buddy. But I will never lie about my love for sombreros and Yovani Gallardo.

I spent the majority of my life as an American until I one day woke up and discovered I was living a lie. See I love things from Mexico. I love burritos, mariachi bands, maracas, Aztec ruins, smuggled drugs and guns, migrant workers, salsa, silly putty, flame retardant material, a 5.4-liter DOHC (dual overhead cam) V8 engine from a 2005 Shelby Mustang GT500, ceramic plates, lithium batteries, brass knuckles, ponchos, jet skis, San Dimas paper thin walls, cotton candy makers, knee high socks, methamphetamine, Lynyrd Skynyrd '93, jump ropes, Speedy Gonzalez and of course - Jello. Where would we be without Jello? Even if you just ate 3 Meximelts and a Chalupa Supreme there's always room for Jello. But what does this have to do with Yovani Gallardo and baseball? I'm about to make a loose connection if you stop yanking my chain holmes.

The Golden Sombrero is a slang term in baseball to describe a batter who has accomplished the inglorious feat of striking out 4 times in one 9 inning game. In a regulation game a batter will usually get 4 plate appearances and if they strike out 4 times then they had a ridiculously awfull night. The strikeout is the least productive at bat because nothing positive can come from it. When you hit that ball into play you at least give the defender a chance to misplay the ball and you wind up on 1st on an error. Or you could ground or fly out and the runner advances up a base on the play, resulting in a productive out. Yes, for those of you that are knowledgeable on baseball, there is a scenario where you can strike out and still reach base. But enough of that. Again, what's the connection between this shit and Gallardo? He is the only pitcher on the staff capable of giving one of the opposing batters the Golden Sombrero. And not just because he is Mexican. In the last two seasons (the only 2 of his 4 where he pitched for a complete season) he had 200 or more strikeouts. In 30 some odd starts a year, that means he averages about 7 strikeouts per game. I don't know offhand if he has done it to a batter, because the Golden Sombrero stat has yet to be added to MLB's official statistical database. But when the Revolution begins it will be, even if in this connotation the sombrero is being used to describe something negative. But we, the members of Wearing a Sombrero Facebook Community page, welcome all uses of the sombrero because that means it is relevant in our daily lives and it is slowly taking over the world.

Gallardo has the tools, talent, presence of an ace and he also the ability to be cool under pressure when placed in a sticky situation. An elite pitcher may allow a couple of runners to reach base in an inning, but then they also know how to get out of it without the runners scoring. That is the difference between good and great. Pure skill does have a lot to do with it because you either have it or you don't, but to be a top pitcher you also need to have the other intangibles as well. Gallardo is still only 25 years old, and most baseball analysts will tell you that his best years are still in front of him. And this is a guy who in 2009 had a 3.73 ERA, 204 strikeouts and held opposing batters to a .219 AVG. As you can obviously see this isn't the stat line of an ace as a lot of people are quick to point out. So I guess that Gallardo could better be described as a future ace, or an ace in the making. But for reasons including that fact that we are both Mexican (he having been born there and me having been born there again), he was drafted and developed by the Brewers, he has been the #1 pitcher the last few years and he doesn't have mental problems like Zack Greinke are reasons why I want Gallardo to remain in the #1 spot in the rotation.

One of the other aspects of Gallardo's game is what he can do with the bat. In 63 at bats last year, he had a .254 AVG, 16 hits, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs and an OBP of .329. Granted it is in fewer at bats, but that's better than some of the regular everyday position players. Basically that means on days when he pitches there is no black hole in the lineup (unless you count Carlos Gomez... zing!) and you can't assume that the pitcher is going to make an out. You all know that in the National League the pitchers bat, and for the entire 2010 season there were 12 homeruns hit by pitchers and Gallardo hit 4 of them. He personally accounted for 1/3 of homeruns hit by pitchers! That's something special to have on a team. I remember a game (I think it was against the Pittsburgh Pirates) where the Brewers won 1-0 and Gallardo pitched like 8 innings and hit the homerun that was the only scoring in the game. I know defense is a factor, but that day he pretty much did it all himself. And those are just a couple of reasons why I'm glad that Gallardo, and not Greinke, is starting on Opening Day.



Now that you've accepted the fact that I am a born again Mexican, I am now authorized to predict what Gallardo's 2011 season will look like. Had I not taken the test and passed, I would have had my sombrero taken away from me from the Mexican Sombrero Association. The MSA is a newly formed group that regulates who and who cannot wear a sombrero. And unless you join me in adopting Mexico as your new homeland, you will probably have the MSA knocking on your door. And they don't take no for an answer. If you are wearing a sombrero and they ask if you are Mexican, make sure you say Si and you mean it. Don't lie. The MSA doesn't care for impostures who lie and masquerade as a Mexican without actually being one. That is uncalled for. But this is what I am calling for Gallardo to do in 2011:

18 -8 record, 2.92 ERA, 211 strikeouts, 208 innings pitched, .242 batting AVG, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs and able to wear a sombrero whenever he wants because he is a pure Mexican, not born again like some of us. Oh what I wouldn't give to be Yovani Gallardo...

Yovani Gallardo is Mexican, I am a born again Mexican and new Brewers pitcher Shaun Marcum is an American, though he did have the chance to be a born again Canadian. I personally do not know if he took the test in the last 5 years where he played in Canada as a member of the Toronto Blue Jays. If I do have the chance to have a sit down with him I will ask him that question. Because if there is ever anything that is on the same level as being a born again Mexican it's being a born again Canadian. In fact, the next time that I make my way to our neighbor to the North I will see if I can take the test. Think about it. I will have been born American, born again Mexican and born again Canadian. I will become the representative of North America when the Trifecta is complete! And then peace will sweep the continent as we become one, and MexiCanAmerica will be such an opposing force that countries will lay down their arms and nuclear weapons and the entire world will live in harmony. You may laugh now, but unless you become born again Mexican and Canadian you will not be able to share in the glory. I'm talking to you Shaun Marcum. Repent now! Change your life! I will personally tutor you in the ways of a MexiCanAmerican in the 2 years you are here in Milwaukee, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

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email: pookondotcom@gmail.com