I spoke that sentence at work yesterday. I don't know what context it was in or what it was in reference to. I don't even know how I came up with this line. It's so random but it is also a very good way to live your life. It is the truth. I don't hang out out with evil doers who are hell bent on causing damage and destruction to mankind and the World as we know it. I only associate with reputable members of society that have passed my moral ethics test and general code of conduct. That's probably why I've managed to stay out of trouble and out of jail for my entire life. I've never been arrested or even got so much as a speeding ticket. The worst I've even been is when I used to get on the Red Light in 2nd grade and those times that I bit the babysitter. I've been pretty straight-edged for most of my life and I don't plan on changing it. I tried to be dangerous once and I fell off a motorcycle. It was a pretty impressive feat considering that it was parked in the driveway. I try to be badass by swearing in public and in front of my mother but when I am scolded I just run and hide. I'm afraid I'm just not very good at... confrontations.
I wish I could stand up for myself. I wish that I could be a bad guy. I wish I could fight for the woman that I love. I wish I could fight for a woman that I don't love. I'm never going to be a knight in shining armor. They don't make armor in husky size. I'm always going to be a nice guy that finishes last. But I'm not even sure if I am a nice guy. For the majority of my life I've either been an asshole or a complete jerk but I haven't necessarily been one of those guys from the wrong side of the tracks that the girl runs away with. So I'm doomed to walk the Earth alone like The Incredible Hulk without being able to turn into a giant green angry bastard who can smash shit and save lives. I don't know what I am. As long as I've been able to comprehend life and how I fit into it I have realized that I don't fit in. I'm a loner. I'm unique. The only one of my kind. And I shall forever be alone.
I don't consort with nefarious characters. Hell for the most part I don't consort with anyone. For some reason I don't have a problem being alone. That's made single life easier to bear. But maybe I should take a chance; live on the edge for once. Be a little dangerous. I do have tattoos. But none of that really matters if I don't start to believe in myself, to have some confidence for once. I may never be a nefarious character. I just don't have it in me. But in a World where there is so much evil and hate, do we really need another one?
- pookon -
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