It seems to me that I'm always the wrong guy in the wrong place at the write time. Story of my life. Let me explain. I'm always the wrong guy. I know I haven't lived up to my potential both inside and out because I can do so much better with what I have been given. No one is excited when I appear on the scene. People are like oh it's that guy. I thought it was gonna be He-Man. I'm not good looking. I'm not an athlete. I'm not model. Although those can be debatable because I was a semi-professional beer pong player and I once signed a model release form to authorize Playboy to use my picture on their website for a feature article on the World Series of Beer Pong II. Basically I'm the wrong guy. I'm what you get when all other options are taken and you've decided that your parents wouldn't approve of you being a lesbian. And even after that I'm still single. Of course I could change this by putting in the time and effort to make myself the right time but that leads to the next part - I'm always in the wrong place.
I'm not comfortable in my own skin or with myself as a person so I'm either awkward around people. so over the top as to make everyone else awkward or sitting at home by myself to avoid the awkwardness. While you may argue that this is not true because I'm guessing if you are reading this we've hung out before I'll let you in on a little secret - it's all a ruse. A cunning attempt to trick you from knowing who I really am. At least in person. Which brings up the next part of the line - the write time. If you follow me on here or anywhere else online you'll see a different side of me than I display elsewhere. On here I can hide behind my words under the false assumptions that no one will ever read this and figure out who I really am on the inside.
Or maybe I'm just bullshitting and I have no fucking clue what I am talking about. Ha ha ha, I say. I was only kidding. I am a chronic liar after all. That way you will never know the real truth. So am I write or am I wrong? Who can tell? I've been living a lie my entire life and I've forgotten which path I have chosen and how deep the rabbit hole goes. I know what you're thinking right now - why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill? Because the world is fake. I would rather see it for what is than not be able to see it at all. That's why I write what I see. That's why I record my life through various mediums. I want to get it all down and try to understand it. There has to be a reason I'm the wrong guy in the wrong place at the write time. God gave me the ability to write coherently and a boundless imagination for a reason and I'm left alone to figure out that reason. But until then here is a recap of what happened this last week here on the blog in case you missed it.
Monday June 10th - I didn't say much on Monday because everything that I had on my mind was recorded in my personal journal that you (the general public) does not have access to. Unless you broke into my house and stole it of course. I don't know why you would do that but it wouldn't be worth it. There isn't anything in there that will be any use to you. I'm hoping in 10, 25 or 50 years (if I live that long) it will serve as a reminder that life was good once and that it wasn't a total waste. Even though the information in there might not even serve useful to me in the future the important thing is that I am writing in there. Kickin' it old school if you will. My thoughts, a pen and some paper. What else do I need?
Tuesday June 11th - On Monday night I went to see the new Apocalypse comedy This Is The End and shared some of my thoughts on the End of the World. It's no secret that I didn't care about life or death for most of 2011 and 2012 and I provided links to some of the articles I wrote at a very dark and depressing time in my life. My attitude has improved slightly in 2013 but I still hope to see The Rapture or Armageddon in my lifetime. How fucking sweet would that be?
Wednesday June 12th - I play it real safe in my life which is probably why women don't find me attractive. Well that and the ugliness and a body that could only be described as roly poly. But women also love the dangerous bad boys and I'm afraid that I'm not one of them because I chose not to consort with nefarious characters. In fact I don't really consort with anyone which is why I'm such a loner. If it wasn't for my cat Korben Dallas I don't think I would hang out with anyone most days of the week.
Thursday June 13th - One of the reasons I don't really hang out with people is because I lost my brother Timmy who was my right hand man and my best friend. He was always free to get together, catch a movie, play a show to get me out of the house or go for a drive in the countryside and jam out to some music. In so many ways I haven't dealt with his death even though it has been over 2 years and I'm worried about life without him. But he wrote a song called Driving On that speaks to me at this point in my life and kind of sums up everything that I want to say about where I am right now. It's not a good place but I'll keep driving on until I get there.
Friday June 14th - Speaking of driving, I started my own podcast called The Drive to Stay Alive so I could talk out my problems and figure out my reason to keep on living; my place in this world. I haven't figured it out yet and I doubt I ever will. But I am letting it out instead of keeping it all pent up inside of a bottle. It keeps me from exploding and even if no one ever listens to it, I know that I made an effort to release my frustrations and inner most feelings.
Saturday June 15th - For the last 2 weeks I've been doing a lot of writing. A lot of writing. For the most part it has been entertaining to me so I suppose I could keep it up for the remainder of the month. But no topic that I have covered this month was as much fun as coming up with responses to some of the random questions that you asked me. I sent out a text message to a select group of people and told them to ask me a random question. Since I had no idea what was coming I decided to respond with my first thought which is often the most truthful because you don't have time to formulate a lie. It was a fascinating experiment and one that I will definitely do again on this blog.
Sunday June 16th - I've been holding on to this CareerBuilder.com commercial of a koala getting punched in the face for over 3 years and I finally had a reason to share it and make my comments. I don't know your sense of humor but this pretty much does it for me. A koala getting punched in the face is classic but before you think less of me I only approve of it if he is wearing glasses and speaks with an accent. So chill out everyone. I love animals. Even my cat Korben Dallas who bites me nightly after I give him the attention he craves. But every now and then I put a pair of glasses on him and dare him to speak with an accent.
That's what has happened in my life over the last week, or at least in my online life. I'm sure there were a lot of moments that happened outside of this digital space but these were the moments that I chose to share with the world. I know that I shoot myself down a lot and have no self respect but it all comes from having no confidence or self-esteem. I blame myself entirely but you grow up being a fat kid and see how you turn out. But it taught me to find humor and learn how to develop a skill and for me that was writing. Say what you want about my style or word choice but I'm going to ignore you if you are negative. I know I'm a damn good writer and I take a lot of pride in what I do. It's the only good thing in my life and the only thing that could possibly get me out of whatever self created hell I've been living in. So stayed tuned to the blog for more nonsense during June and I promise you that even though I may be the wrong guy in the wrong place, here on my blog it will always be the write time. Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker!
- pookon -
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