The Write Month: June 15 - Just Call Me Random

Sorry for the crudity of the picture but it is a picture of a picture (and like Doug #4 in Multiplicity, when you make a copy of a copy it's just not as sharp as the original) but this picture was the inspiration for this post in a way. My sister Jenny and I are pretty damn random but not as random as this bum. And here's why. Back when Jenny was in High School and dating Dan Wilhelm we used to goof off around town. One night in the summer of 2002 we went down to the lakefront and saw this bum sleeping on a park bench. Dan and I wanted to get our picture taken with him but didn't want to be rude about it so we came up with this genius idea. We approached him and said we were doing a scavenger hunt and said we needed to get our picture taken with a random person. He promptly responded with, "Well, just call me random" and Random the Bum was born. Well just call me random has been a part of our vocabulary every since and that was a day to be remembered if only for its' randomness.

In the spirit of Random the Bum I decided to answer some random questions. Some of them I found on the Internet by doing a simple Google search of random questions and I picked a few that jumped right out at me. Then I sent a simple text message to several of my friends and family with this message, "Ask me a random question. I'll answer it on my blog tomorrow." These are the questions that I received from them along with my response. Of everything that I've done so far during the Write Month this one has been the most entertaining because I couldn't have planned for these questions and my responses are my honest and immediate thoughts. Thanks to everyone who submitted a question and I'm thinking about making this a permanent addition to the blog if it proves to be a success. Lord knows that I love being random.

The Internet: Are you optimistic about the future?

Me: I was looking up at the stars when I went camping with my Dad recently and I asked him what are we more likely to see in our lifetime - Aliens or Nuclear War? We both said Nuclear War. For the record I believe that we aren't alone in the Universe because probability states out of all the planets out there in the infinite beyond there has to be another one besides Earth that is capable of sustaining life. There's billions of possibilities out there yet I don't believe in the possible good of mankind which prevents them from pushing the button that ends the human race. That's sad.

My cousin Brian Kurutz "BK3": What's up with Global Warming?

Me: (I kind of want to answer this question like Harry Caray): Hey! I heard there's this Global Warming thing happening. Just the other day my friend said to me, Hey! Harry! What's with this Global Warming? And I said the World isn't warming up, you're just wearing a sweater. (Back to me): Global Warming is bullshit. Global Warming my ass. If the World was getting warmer then why the fuck is it 60 degrees in mid-June here in Wisconsin?

My brother James Reck: What do you dislike about Wrigley Field?

Me: I'm going to use Russell Hammond's answer when he was asked what he liked about music, "To begin with, everything." Is this a serious question? I had to ask him to clarify if he meant what do I like about Wrigley instead of what I dislike. The list of things that I like about the place would be pretty small. The list about what I dislike could go on seemingly forever. I'll try to limit it to some of the things I dislike the most. First off we have Wrigley Field itself. There's a reason it's called The Neighborhood Dump. People may fall in love with the history or the nostalgia but the fact remains that the place is just old. The concourses are small. Access to the upper level is by ramp. I've never seen any stairs, escalators or elevators. The seats themselves are small and the aisles are cramped. Not very comfortable for a man of size. The support beams that hold the structure together offer a lot of obstructed view seats. 

And although I hate all of the nonsense they do on the Miller Park scoreboard (Got Milk? Muscle Cam, Kohl's Show Us Your Sign, Topp's Baseball Cards memory match game, find the Stubhub Ticket Oak, Potawatomi Crazy Cap Shuffle game, US Cellular Ringtone Karaoke sing along, Briggs & Stratton Power Roulette Wheel and many other distractions that take away from the game) I do like a giant scoreboard with all of the stats that baseball dorks like me love to talk about. What is Starlin Castro's OPS? How about Jeff Samardzija's WHIP? You mean I have to look it up on the internet? And last but not least we have the people who fill up that joint on a daily basis - Cubs fans. I can't stand them and I'm ok if I never go to Wrigley Field again in my lifetime. It's like a personal hell. Why would I want to spend 3 hours there then go back for seconds or thirds? No thank you. I'm just fine and dandy in the left field bleachers of Miller Park. Fuck Chicago. Fuck Wrigley Field. And of course, fuck the Cubbies. 

My friend and co-worker Mike Wilhelm: What is the first thing you think of when you wake up on St. Patrick's Day?

Me (5 years ago): Which bar is open at 6am and can I go to work drunk or should I call in sick today?

Me: (now): Damn I'm tired. Why did I stay up until 3am drinking and writing. Oh, today is St. Patrick's Day? Forgot about that. Ah shit, that means Mike Wilhelm is going to wear a green shirt at work today and I'll have another reason for why he annoys the shit out of me. 

The Internet: What celebrity do you want to kill?

Me: I don't know if you can really call her a celebrity but it would be Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials. I can't stand her and every time I see her stupid face or hear her annoying voice I want to slit her throat. They play those commercial seemingly every break on Sportsradio 1250 WSSP here in Milwaukee and I've stopped listening to the station some days because I just can't take it anymore. This recent movie called The Purge just came out in theaters and it has a very interesting premise - in the near future the Government has sanctioned 1 day a year where all crime is legal so that evil kind of takes care of itself. Survival of the fittest I guess. Get rid of the weeds to let the garden grow. I've heard the movie isn't great because it focuses more on 1 home invasion instead of showing how seemingly good natured people react to the chance for a "get out of jail card" and what happens to people when the rules no longer apply. Do we carry on like normal or do we succumb to the urge to get away scott-free? If I could get away with murder, I can't say I could actually look Flo in her eyes as I twisted a knife inside her stomach, but I at least would consider it. Now that's fucked up.

My sister-in-law Melissa Reck: Why is South Carolina better than Wisconsin?

Me: 2 reasons - the weather and the history. Let's start with the weather. Saturday June 15, 2013. Columbia, SC - high of 90 degrees with a 0% chance of rain. Milwaukee, WI - high of 74 degrees with scattered Thunderstorms and a 50% chance of rain. I'm supposed to be hosting an outdoor party in the backyard. Need I say more? As far as the history I just need to point out the city of Charleston vs. Milwaukee. Sure we have some pretty cool things up here but the 1800's just can't compete with the 1600's when it comes to old world charm. I only spent a few hours walking around the city but the houses, buildings and streets have a certain style that you just can't duplicate.

My "Cousin" Kevin McKissick: What would you do if you had 2 hours left to live? Sub questions - Who would you hang out with? Where would you go?

Me: Wow. Congrats on coming up with the most serious question. I wouldn't try to go anywhere because the only place I would want to go in that situation would be Afterglow, but I probably couldn't get there in the allotted time. I suppose I would just go over to my Mom's house if I was nearby and ask my family to come over to share those last 2 hours with me. I would ask for them not to be sad and instead laugh with me as we recounted happy or humorous stories of my life. My one request would be for a bottle of whiskey to help me loosen up and accept my fate. Plus I'm no stranger to the sauce so it would only seem right. I would take about 10 minutes to post something on Facebook thanking everyone for everything they have done for me to help shape my life. I would also apologize for anything that I said or did that made you think less of me as a person. Try and right the wrongs if you will. I would not read any responses. I would choose Facebook because it would take way too much time to tell every one individually. I would listen to music, preferably some of Timmy's songs to get me in the right mindset to see him again. I would instruct Jenny to take care of Korben Dallas and for Kevin to carry on the Pookon empire (or at least foot the yearly bill to keep the website running) so people could read the story of my life. I want that and this blog to be my legacy much like Timmy with his Albums. As you know, I operate The Reck Room Studios on Facebook and at TimReck.com to share his music. I would ask Kevin to do the same for me once I'm gone but with my pictures and writings. And as my final minutes approached I would probably say a prayer to God. I've lost my way in faith in the recent years and although I don't go to church often I still believe in God and the existence of Heaven. I would ask my Guardian Angel (Timmy) to welcome me there and with my last words I would hope to say something inspirational or hilarious. Something my family would remember for all time. But knowing me, I would probably quote a movie. I'd pour a shot of whiskey, raise it up in the air and say, "Here's to ya Blacksmith!", drink my last sip, smile one last smile and prepare for the June's Blanket Reunion Tour in the sky.

My Dad Mike Reck: Where is the best place to go for a hamburger?

Me: If you ask people in Milwaukee this question the majority of people seem to have one of these places at or near the top of their list - Sobleman's, Solly's or AJ Bombers. Despite living in Milwaukee for my entire life I haven't tried any of these so I can't comment on them. My best place to go for a hamburger used to be Robert's Custard on 60th and Appleton. It's now called Junior's and I went there back in April and it was awful. I guess that's what happens when new ownership takes over and destroys everything that you used to love. So I guess I would have to say that it would have to be Kopp's. 

But the question wasn't "Where is the best place in Milwaukee to go for a hamburger?" it was "Where is the best place to go for a hamburger?" Then my answer is simple - In-N-Out Burger. Ever since the first time I had it in California I have made it a point to stop there any time I am near the West Coast. For many years I was in Las Vegas for the World Series of Beer Pong and I going to In-N-Out Burger was usually the highlight of my trip. When I went down to Phoenix, Arizona for Milwaukee Brewers Spring Training in 2009 I went there. And more recently in late March of this year I was in Las Vegas once again but this time for my friend TJ's wedding. On my last day out there I went to In-N-Out and I got a Double Double with Animal Fries and it was hands down the best meal I've had all year long. I don't know if the burger is really that good or that I just think that it is because I can only get it once a year. I can't answer that question but if I could go get a burger right now with no limitations of time or distance, I would go to In-N-Out Burger.

My friend and colleague Matt Werner "M. Thomas Jaynes" of The Daily Burner: What is the first conscious memory that you have?

Me: That's probably the worst question that you could have asked. What was that question again? I have a terrible memory. Historically bad if that makes any sense. I can barely remember my childhood and there's not a lot I could tell you about my life prior to 2000 (when I started keeping journals, got my first digital camera and created my website). But after a bit of reflection I guess I have to pick one. It's probably not my first memory but this is earliest one that is coming to mind at 2:00am. I was in the living room of my childhood home laying on the floor with my head on our first collie or Lassie 1 as I refer to her now. I think she died around the time (if not a little bit before) Jenny was born so I would have been about 4 years old. I remember her being a real sweet and nice dog and she would let me lay next to her on the floor and pet her. There's something about being on the floor that always reminds me of being a little kid and I wish I had more memories of being that young. It's just a big blank sheet of white up there and I hope no one else ever asks me to recollect my youth. I've worn lots of shoes. I bet if I think about it real hard I can remember my first pair of shoes. Momma said they'd take me everywhere. They were my magic shoes. It's funny how you remember some things but some things you can't. I remember my bus ride on the first day of school. You know it's funny what a young man recollects? I don't remember being born, I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. She was like an angel. We were like peas and carrots.

The Internet: When I say "pie", what is the first word that pops into your head?

Me: Punch. That was an easy one. Thanks to South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut I will forever associate punch with pie. Want to know the secret to getting more people to attend your event? Tell them you'll have punch and pie. More people will come if they think you have punch and pie.

 - pookon -

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