And I'm not talking about taco sauce here folks. Oh we'll get to the sauce, but a completely different kind of sauce if you know what I mean. But let me start out by saying that I don’t completely understand addiction, so let me apologize to anyone who is actually facing a real inner struggle. I don’t want to come off as condescending or insensitive to your problems when I make light of addiction as it applies to me. Let it be known for the record that I speak for myself and can’t even figure out what the hell is happening in my life most of the time. There will never be a time when I speak on behalf of the human race, animal kingdom, league of midgets, circus act The Flying Scoleri Brothers, Genie Childcare on 51st and Teutonia, the original Black Ranger Zack Taylor (played by Walter Emmanuel Jones, Wayne Brady’s half-brother) from Season 1 of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Future Farmers of America (The FFA) or any of the other members of this Universe that I don't have time to mention right now. Basically what I'm about to say only applies to myself so don't get all worked up about me trivializing addiction.
I can't say that I'm truly addicted to anything. Everyone knows the usual addictions out there like booze, gambling, sex, drugs and rock and roll but I'm sure there are many other things that people can not do without and become dependent on. If we are talking addiction here then I guess I'm hooked on food, water, oxygen and rage. Can't go a day without those things although my Doctor would probably say that I could stand to go a few days (weeks even) without food. And that leads to my first semi-addiction. We're not talking about trucks here people but I do have a strange affinity for Optimus Prime. I'm talking about some of the cargo those trucks haul - delicious food. I love food. You've seen me. I'm bigger than most people in the state of Wisconsin and that's saying a lot. I can't stop eating even when I am not hungry. Its so damn good man. It's the highlight of my day when I get to sit down and munch and crunch on some goodies. And don't even offer me free eats. If I know something is about to go bad or be thrown away but it is still edible I'll eat it. I cry in movies where people do something like order a pizza then don't eat all of it. Hey pal! Don't waste! Give me some of that shit. I'm like a human garbage disposal when it comes to free food. I have bum mentality where I eat as much as I can when it is available because I never know when I get to eat again. Only there is always another meal coming. I never starve. I have 2 jobs and a family that always feeds me. I never have to worry about going hungry. But still I suck down free eats just in case. I love food more than a lot of things in this world but I still wouldn't call it an addiction.
I guess I could also can say that I have a gambling problem. But I still wouldn't classify it as an addiction because it's not traditional in the way that you think. I usually only gamble with my life, never with my money. But when I do step inside a casino I just lose my fucking mind and get caught up in the possibility of hitting the big time and solving all of my financial woes in one quick push of the button. I can't walk away. I get caught up in all of the loud noises and flashing lights. I become a spectacle as I cheer on the bonus game. When I win I jump out of my chair, dancing around in a circle slapping my ass like Happy Gilmore after he sinks a big putt. Hours later I realize that time has passed and I have lost more money than I can afford to part with. I have no limits. But it is not just casinos that get me. Oh no. Hang out with me often enough and you'll find yourself on the winning end of several stupid bets that I make. I have paid for portions of Cousin Kevin's tattoos because of a bet. I have purchased juice boxes or beers for my pal Mike Wilhelm because of bets I made against Zack Greinke or Yovani Gallardo. I also bet Mike $100 that I would die before I am 40 and he gets to collect on my 40th birthday or tuck the $100 in my pocket at my funeral. That's fucking insane. What do I stand to gain on that bet? I know there are other examples but I don't want to embarrass myself further.
And then there's the sauce. Once again we're not talking about the one you put on tacos. I do tend to drink more often than most people do but it's not like I do it every day and I don't let it control my life. I can go without it and it's not like I'm drunk 24/7. I know that these sound like excuses or me dodging the issue (don't they say that denial is one of the first signs of being an addict?) but I think I would know if it were true. I bet other people have their own opinion (especially if you ask my Mother) but that doesn't concern me. The big thing for me to prove that I'm in control is that I don't let any of these things run my life. I pay all of my bills, work 2 jobs and take care of my cat. I maintain healthy relationships with my friends and family. To my knowledge I have not destroyed any part of my life through eating, gambling and drinking. The only argument that I can see against my case is that I have ruined my own life for the most part because of my weight, lack of a savings account and unwillingness to socialize with other people. I'd rather stay home by myself. Deal with it.
This is just the surface here of what I think are just mild addictions. Everyone has something that they love to do that they know are bad for them. Some are more serious than others but who is to say what is better or worse? Like all things moderation is the key and I know I've done a good job of balancing them. I only go to the casino for special occasions (Las Vegas, Afterglow, bachelor parties) and can't afford to spend a lot so I don't. It's not like I'm pulling down $60,000 a year and I have a lavish lifestyle. A paycheck to paycheck guy can't pay all of his bills then squander the rest at Potawatomi because there is no rest. I don't have expendable income so I am able to steer clear of temptation. Same goes with the food and booze. Does that mean I'm not an addict because I can't afford to be? Maybe. But don't don't real addicts get their fix by any means even if they have to lie, cheat, steal or screw over their friends and family? You won't see me doing that. Do I have a problem? Yes. Can I fix the problem? Yes. Do I know how? Not exactly. Does the problem run my life? I don't think so. So why is this an issue? Because right now I just have a mild addiction which could get worse if left untreated. I'm just going to leave it at that for now. And therein lies the problem...
- pookon -
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