The Write Month: June 23 - The Drunken Squirrel

I have to explain something for you to understand this post. I "wrote" it when I was drunk. I call myself the Drunken Squirrel because that's the name that I give my Ghostwriter who takes over when I've had a few. I say "wrote" this because I actually used this speech-to-text function on my phone. That's why some of this doesn't make sense because Google has a tough time translating certain things. Personally I think that makes it funnier because it makes me sound like an idiot. But I am an idiot. It's part of my charm, or at least I'd like to think that it is. When I get drunk I get random. Hell when I'm sober I'm random. This is a brief glimpse inside the mind of the man they call Scott "Iceman" Reck or Pookon around these parts. This is the stuff that is going through my head. Most times I just talk to myself out loud like a crazy person but the last few nights I decided to "write" those thoughts down. You're welcome. Are you not entertained? You will be. You... Will... Be...

What is it called Taco Bell for sale? Why do they call it 4th meal? It should be every meal. That s*** is so good I could probably eat it everyday until I die. Of course invited every day I probably would die. I don't think that food is good for anybody especially not Jesus in the Dalai Lama. I had a dream does Locos Tacos - it's basically a taco inside of Doritos. I'm pretty sure my mom invented that at the Rec Christmas party. We have these things called walking tacos. You open up a tiny bag of Doritos and put all of the toppings in there. My mom was doing this long before Taco Bell started doing the tree does thing. I wish I could sue Taco Bell, be like hey you stole my mom's idea you bastards. But I'm probably sure that I'd lose that case even if I the best lawyers that $10 can buy. Because its face it, that's all the money I have to my name. But that's enough money to buy Doritos Locos Tacos. 

Los Locos kick your face. Who is a visit no from Short Circuit? Los Locos take your balls, Los Locos take your face, Los Locos kick your balls into outer space or something like that. Johnny 5 said it was he was all like games turned up any had like a mohawk in like spray paint stuff. Hey Johnny if I was b***** do specially when he had the guy from Spinal Tap trying to sell them for money. Did Steve Guttenberg totally bailed on the sequel? Hey man, like the Breakfast Club chick. Was Allie Sheedy in those movies? I don't like Molly Ringwald. Was maybe that's why I'm thinking of Molly Ringwald not in Short Circuit. But that's Indian dude was. I saw him in another movie. Fisher Stevens. He was Iggy, one of Koopa's nephews or something in the live action Super Mario Brothers movie. I was like hey, I know that f*****. He's the guy from the Short Circuit. The knot Steve Guttenberg guy. 

I wonder what happened to Fisher Stevens. Sometimes I lie awake at night worrying about if you have enough money to pay his bills and I think to myself is there a help Fisher Stevens pay his bills fund? If so, can I contribute? Only make it take to buff minimum wage but I have enough money to help him out. You brought me so much joy with his portrayal of Bend Jenna have free, wait, that's not his name in Short Circuit 1 he was Ben jajaja b**** to a (Ben Jabituya) then Short Circuit 2 his name was Ben job very (Ben Jahveri). Did he get married in between Short Circuit 1 & 2? Or did he just changed his name because people thought he was a terrorist? I mean after all Short Circuit 2 did put take place in New York City. And we all know what happened with terrorists in New York City even though its Short Circuit 2 was in 1988. Maybe he was scared that he be connected with the bombings. I don't know maybe that's why he is in hiding. All Fisher Stevens you can come out now. Olly Olly oxen free.

A lot of people disappeared and I'm not just talking about Jimmy Hoffa or a Millionaire hurt (Amelia Earhart). What happened to Chunk? The truffle shuffle was dynamite. Where did he go and what about Pugsley from The Addams Family? Where the hell is that kid? I want to party with him. I want to go fishing with Hoggle from Labyrinth. I wonder what the catch of the day was. What who also loves David Bowie's package? Its like staring into the Sun - you know that you should not be doing it but you can't look away. It's mesmerizing. The package is on display like a day after Thanksgiving special at the mall. They run advertisements for the day before; doorbuster specials. You have no power over me. I'm not gay, not to do anything wrong with that. What were they thinking, allowing David Bowie to walk around showing off is moose knuckle? Kids R kids are watching. You're not supposed to learn about that stuff until sex ed when a king giggle at packages. I mean there it is! Wrong, Sir! Wrong! Under section 37 B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers Shelby come no invoice if - you can read it for yourself in this photo staff a copy: I, understand, shall forfeit all rights, privileges and license is here in and herein contained, etc, etc... sex mentis incendium Gloria call Tim, etc, etc... memo bis put or the custom! It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized. You get nothing! You lose! Good day Sir! I said good day!

How about that Jennifer Connelly? In that slick she was my first crush. You probably think its weird cuz in this movie she was under 18. Hey I thought you was 18! I coulda swore you was 18! But in a weird way its okay because she was like 16 when she made this movie and I was like 9 when I first side it. As for me looking at her now in this flick its kinda wrong but I still like it. I loves me some Sarah. Ludo is dumb; doesn't smell bad. Sarah smells good. Does fire dudes want to pop off her head? I wanna pop something else if you know what I mean. I'm sorry that's just wrong, but how could it be wrong if it feels so right. I wanna marry a girl like that. Sara is always like, its not fair. You damn right it's not fair. Not fair that I can't get a crack at that p****. The trick is always like playing with toys and stuff and like didn't want to grow up. I'm like b****, I got a toy you can play with. That's so awful. It's like a kids movie man. I shouldn't be saying things like that. Come inside have a cuppa tea. Don't go that way. Give you a gun that way, it goes straight to my pants. You want to know what's at the center of the Labyrinth Sarah? My dick. 

Lose that little fox a****** riding around on a dog? I guess that makes sense. What the hell a fox ride? Fox can't ride a horse. Fox cant ride a go kart. Is a fox going to ride the city bus? There's no city bus in a Labyrinth. So Fox has to ride the dog. What's his name, Sir Didymus? What's the dogs name, Ambrocious? Damn this thing knows Didymus and Ambrocious? This thing is smarter than probably me. Chris, doesn't take a lot to be smarter than me. I'm just some drunken a******.

This is my mind on booze. Its like the She's All That chick Rachael Leigh Cook commercial where she's like this is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Then she smashed the s*** out of the f****** kitchen. Even though she was angry there, I'd still do her. I've loved her since The Babysitters Club movie. Yeah I watch that s***. Don't judge me. Then she was in that Tom and Huck with Jonathan Taylor Thomas. You know, the little Simba f*****. And Tool Times' middle child. And Josie and the Pussycats is like one of my, what do they condos - guilty pleasures? Alright I gotta go, Tony Plus style. I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time, I'll give it right back to you one of these days. Because I'm a Vudu child, Voodoo child, Boo boo child. Lord knows I'm a boo do child.

 - pookon -

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